A.N.: Determined to get this chapter posted before whatever happens tonight. #StandWithWard always. I hope it satisfies.
Chapter 10 - Oblivion
Skye blinked as she looked up from her computer and noticed Black Widow stalking past her window. This can't be happening. She stood and ducked into the hall, jogging lightly. Forget scanning security footage to catch something, here's my answer. "Agent Romanoff?"
Natasha turned, her face going carefully blank as she regarded the young woman before her. "Agent Johnson, I take it?"
Skye flinched. "Not necessarily a fan of that name, but technically yes." She cleared her throat. "Um, it's nice to meet you."
Romanoff eyed her. "Can I help you?"
"I'm just - I'm just wondering if -" Skye took a deep breath. "Are you here because Ward's here?"
Romanoff scoffed at her. "Do you even have the clearance to ask that question?"
Skye drew herself up, her expression darkening. "There is no clearance anymore, and it's about Ward, so I'd be asking anyway."
Widow folded her arms. "What's your stake in it? Doesn't seem like he mattered to any of you for the past year."
Skye raised an eyebrow. "What do you know about it?"
"I'm just trying to have an honest conversation," Widow offered in return.
Skye flinched as the barb hit. "You're here for Ward." Best scores since Romanoff. Why the hell wouldn't SHIELD have them work together? "You're...friends?"
Romanoff laughed. "You still think I'm going to answer you. You're cute." She lifted her chin and walked past Skye.
"Fine, I'll just assume that you are." That would explain the Arctic freeze coming off you right now. Skye followed quickly. "Does that mean you're here to read the chair?"
Widow's stride didn't falter. "Nice to meet you, Quake." She continued down the hall.
Skye frowned as she stopped following behind. "Is he okay?"
Natasha paused and glanced back over her shoulder. "I'm not the one to ask, if you really want to know the answer." She held Skye's gaze for a beat before turning and walking away.
Natasha splashed water on her face, staring at her reflection in the mirror. "Damn it, Grant..." She shook her head and schooled her features before leaving the bathroom and heading for Coulson's office. Her fist tightened around the report in her hand as she knocked on the door.
"Come in." Coulson exhaled heavily as Natasha walked in. "Do I want to know?"
Natasha dropped into the chair across from him. "Probably not." She flipped him the pad. "Garner's report will take longer, but the biometrics off your script are clean. We made it through every question, every bad decision, every consequence." She shook her head. "I don't like any of this, Phil. Not even a little bit."
The director sighed and nodded. "I know. I don't either. This - finding out what he's gone through, all the things we missed...We really don't know who he is at all."
"Yes, you do. The same way Clint knew me," Nat scoffed. "Because the lies Grant was telling were really to himself when it came to you and yours." She narrowed her eyes at Coulson. "I know who Grant Ward is. He doesn't anymore. But that man -" She shook her head. "From the intel May forwarded me, he is Grant Ward, Agent of SHIELD. He can't say it, because no one wants to hear it or believe it, and it's literally killing him inside." She gave the director a hard look before she continued. "I want to take him with me."
Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know. And just like before, request noted and denied." He held up a hand. "This time, though, there's a caveat. If you ask him, and he wants to go, so long as we're done indexing him? Free and clear." The director heaved a sigh. "In fact, let me know if we can help him in any way. But it has to be his choice." He frowned as he looked down at the pad. "He deserves one, after all of this."
Natasha folded her arms. "Why didn't you tell me Grant tried to kill himself?"
"Because I wanted him for intel and I was afraid you would have taken out the entire Playground to get him away from us," Coulson admitted. "You're kind of scary when you're mad."
"Come on, Phil." Nat rolled her eyes. "You remember how I was in the beginning - how could you leave him like that?"
Phil shook his head. "I didn't mean to. But I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't talk to us, he only wanted Skye, and she was too torn up. I couldn't do that to her. And I..." He sighed. "I was too busy being angry and trying to sew the bleeding corpse of SHIELD back together to be any good to him."
Andrew exhaled shakily, sinking into his office chair. "Well, that was painful."
Melinda frowned from the other side of his desk. "That bad? With him?"
Andrew shook his head. "Both of them."
"Nat?" Melinda asked with a frown. "She's a troublemaker, sure, but -"
Andrew waved a hand. "Skye. After breakfast I came here to do some notes and prep. She knocks on the door and asks if she can talk to me about Ward."
Melinda's frown deepened. "She did?"
Andrew nodded. "And without giving away anything you don't already know, Grant - did I mention he doesn't want to be called Ward or Mr. Ward? - spoke to Skye about some of that history you were worried about." Andrew scrubbed his hands down his face. "You were right to be worried."
Melinda stood and leaned on the desk next to him. "Do I want to know?"
Andrew shrugged. "It's...well, Phil went to Nat for a reason. Parallels with her, and with Skye, in Grant's history."
Melinda sighed. "Unsurprising."
Andrew nodded. "What was surprising was Skye offered to be my proxy to provide Grant with therapy." He sighed and closed his eyes. "This is why I stopped working for SHIELD, all the professional boundaries were blurred and I couldn't stop them from blurring."
Melinda frowned again. "She what?"
Andrew only nodded. "I considered it, Melinda. Knowing how unethical it would be for me to let her provide therapy, to take information from her without his authorization or knowledge..." He rubbed his temples. "This team, all of you..." He shook his head. "You all need so much help and understanding to do the job we need you to do, but there's nothing formally in place to support you while you do it."
Melinda rolled her eyes. "We don't need a support group, Andrew."
Her ex-husband shrugged. "Maybe not a group, but you need support for sure." Andrew sighed. "Grant is alone in his fight. At least all of you have each other. But he's alienated, nearly despondent. Part of that is what Skye told me, but the rest..." He exhaled roughly. "Melinda, if I asked you if you were supposed to be here today, what would you say?"
"I'd say there are probably a million reasons why I shouldn't be here, but I'm glad I am." She reached out for Andrew's hand.
He kissed the back of her hand lightly. "Me too," he murmured. "And that's the piece that Grant is missing, the feeling that has Skye so unsettled." His thumb rubbed circles on Melinda's skin. "He has a million reasons why he shouldn't be here, shouldn't even be alive...and he agrees with every single one."
Natasha sighed as she considered the director. "At least you see it now." She massaged her temples. "He doesn't want anything from you, from SHIELD, not anymore. He used up all his usefulness." Her gaze went vague for a moment before she continued, something flashing quickly through her eyes. "HAMMER takes down HYDRA and he disappears. That was his plan, anyway. I don't think the possibility of powers has changed that."
Coulson rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Can we bring him back?"
Nat shrugged. "You? I don't know. I don't know about anybody here anymore." She pursed her lips. "Maybe Skye, if she'd care to, but I don't know that I'd trust her not to do more damage at this point."
"I wouldn't have trusted him, but I've been proven wrong," Phil reminded her. "Skye has a good heart, even if they'll never be what he wants."
Skye bit her lip and paced the hall, a pad in her hand. I could just check where he is...Her fingers hovered over the surface when he rounded the corner. "Ward."
Grant blanched. "Skye..."
She frowned. "Are you - are you okay?"
Grant took a deliberate breath and released it in a rush. "Fine."
"That answer is the opposite of fine," she countered, stepping towards him. "Seriously, are you all right?"
He flinched at the touch of her hand on his arm. "No, I'm not. I just - I need to be alone, I think."
"And again, I think that's the opposite of what you need." Skye made no pretence of having the security code to his bunk, opening the door and pushing him in. "Water?"
Grant dropped onto the couch and nodded. "Yeah."
Melinda swallowed hard. "Do you - do you think he's going to - to -"
"To attempt suicide again?" Andrew pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. "I certainly hope not. He denied having a death wish, but admitted death wasn't something he feared."
May took a deep breath. "That - that's basic training for a specialist," she offered.
Andrew nodded. "Well aware. But it still doesn't sit well with me. Never has. To see how expendable you all think you are."
May looked down. "If we didn't, we couldn't do the job."
"Couldn't you?" Andrew asked. He squeezed her hand until she looked up at him. "You can be worth something and defend us, be the line. The fact that you and Grant and Nat are willing to be that line, to put yourself between the world and the dangers of the universe - that in and of itself makes all of you invaluable."
May shrugged. "Maybe that's how you see it, but we were taught not to think for a second before putting ourselves between a civilian and harm."
"Taught," Andrew repeated quietly. "Taught, or conditioned?"
She frowned. "Does it matter?"
"If you're taught, you can ask questions, make choices, evaluate." He raised an eyebrow. "Conditioned means no choice, just a dictate from on high and you are happy enough to comply."
"So conditioning is like brainwashing," May said carefully.
Andrew nodded. "Not all in a bad way. But a conditioned response is one that you're trained into by repetition and reinforcement, not reason. It's under your skin."
Melinda exhaled and nodded. "I see your distinction."
Andrew shrugged. "I hoped you would."
"All he wanted was for Skye to be safe. Now that he knows that he's done as much as he can?" Natasha shook her head. "Unless these powers give him flight or invincibility, being able to light things on fire makes him an - " She frowned for a moment. "An overgrown flamethrower, I believe he said," she repeated. "And not any sort of asset."
Coulson frowned in return. "He's - does he even see himself as a person?"
Nat gave a brittle smile. "Finally asking the right question here. The answer to that is no."
Phil blew out a breath. "We're probably done with indexing in a day. Ask him before you go. In fact, take him with you, have him fly the jet back."
Nat gave a short nod. "Thanks, Phil." She stood and left the office.
Skye crossed the room and frowned at the bottle on Ward's counter. "Drained the Scotch, huh?"
Grant snorted. "Yeah, well, we agreed vodka does nothing." But you...you do way too much to me...He looked away.
"So, Romanoff. The Black Widow." She handed him a tumbler of water. "You never mentioned she was one of your besties."
He shrugged. "Not something either of us publicized." He guzzled the water and smacked his lips. "Specialists. We make it a point not to, actually." And yet I basically just flayed myself raw in front of her. He shook himself. "Doesn't matter anymore."
"Do you - do you want to talk about it?" Skye asked softly.
"Already did." Somehow it was easier with you...Grant chuckled bitterly. "Ironic, that."
Skye frowned at him. "What do you mean?"
Grant shrugged. "Didn't talk about anything that I didn't tell you last night -" Not much more, anyway..."- but it feels...worse today."
She took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry for that."
He shook his head. "No, don't be. Maybe that's why I was so willing to talk about it last night." He gave a weak smile. "At least I got to choose who I told first."
She froze for a beat. "Grant..." She sat next to him, reaching for his hand.
He closed his eyes at her touch. "Don't, Skye. Please."
She searched his face. "Don't what?"
Call me Grant. Touch me like that. Make me feel like you still care. He shook his head, looking at her pleadingly. "I'm too raw right now, I can't - I can't -" I can't shut you out the way I need to...
"You're okay, Grant," she whispered. "You are. You're safe here. You're okay."
He shuddered. "But I can't be. I can't let myself be okay here. You know that better than anyone."
She sighed. "I'm not going to shoot you, and as mad as she is, Jemma won't either."
No, she'll just lob a splinter bomb at me. Grant snorted a laugh. "Yeah. Sure."
Melinda took an unsteady breath. "So now what?"
Andrew sighed in return. "That's up to Phil. I don't know if he'll have any follow up questions. I hope not. I think Grant is being as honest as he can be, but I think he needs a lot of help to get real insight. He's - he has perspective on a lot, but some of his baselines are..." He shook his head. "They're obviously the baseline of an abused child, one who's never been protected or...or loved."
Melinda winced, thinking about her brief fling with the man in question. "I think you're right."
Andrew gave a small smile. "Why thank you. Considering it's my job, I'd sure hope so."
Melinda rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."
Andrew nodded, standing to drop a kiss on her lips. "I do, and it makes me want to check on him again before I start this report. Care to join me?"
Melinda frowned. "I - I'm not so sure he would do anything but put on a good show if I was there. He kept telling me I was never supposed to see him as vulnerable."
Andrew sighed again. "Weakness. So much of that man revolves around his definitions of weakness and strength." He wrapped his arms around Melinda, holding her tightly for a moment before releasing her. "Let me go check on him. I'll see you for dinner."
Melinda nodded. "You will. And Andrew?"
"Hmm?" He turned from the door.
"Thank you for coming back to SHIELD. I know it's challenging, but..." May took a deep breath. "We need you. We need someone to keep us in check."
Andrew chuckled. "Well. Never thought you would admit that."
May shrugged. "Too much wasted time pretending we didn't. Pretending I didn't."
Andrew smiled. "I'll be back soon."
Skye frowned at Ward again. "What? You say that like I'm missing the joke."
Grant snorted in return. "I'm sorry. Just..." No point in telling anyone. Not like they'd exactly disapprove. He shook his head. "Chalk it up to fatigue with a side of hangover."
Skye sighed and picked up the tumbler, refilling it with water and sitting back down. "Do you need juice or something instead?"
Or something. Grant eyed her and swallowed hard. "No, I'm - it's fine." He downed the water and stared blankly at the tumbler.
She took a deep breath as she studied him. "You should almost be done, right?"
He nodded without looking at her. "I think so. Hope so, anyway. Answered a lot of questions." Including one I hope you never see the answer to. He frowned at the tabletop.
She clenched and unclenched her hands. "Yeah. Seems like."
You're okay, baby. Kara's voice whispered soothing reassurances in his head. He exhaled shakily, shaking free of his thoughts. "Look, Skye, I appreciate you checking in but...I think...maybe I should be alone right now."
"Alone or not with me?" she said softly. "Afraid you're gonna start talking again?"
He laughed hoarsely. "Something like that." Afraid you'll look at me and all I'll want is for you to know me and forgive me and...He shook himself. Not even going to think it.
She stood and blew out a breath. "I know how it feels when Doc does his head shrink thing, so if being around me is like that for you, I get it." She held out her hands. "Just...let me know if you want to talk about anything."
What I want is to pretend - He interrupted the train of thought and nodded, eyes focused on the tumbler like he could fill it with Scotch by sheer force of will. "I'll be fine," he repeated. "Thanks."
She stared at him for a beat before nodding and stepping outside.
Lincoln stalked down the hall, hoping against hope he was wrong about where he'd find his girlfriend. He held back a growl as Ward's door opened and Skye walked out.
"Linc." Skye took measured steps towards him. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," Lincoln replied. "Quickly becoming my new hobby."
Skye rolled her eyes. "Come on, it's not that serious. I can't go far without it being logged." She shrugged. "I bumped into Black Widow, wanted to ask him what she was doing here."
Lincoln looked at her skeptically. "Like, Black Widow of the Avengers."
Skye took his hand and tugged him away from Ward's door. "That's the one. I just wanted to satisfy my curiosity."
Lincoln raised a brow. "So you went to him instead of Coulson?"
Skye shrugged. "She didn't really want to talk to me, and she was heading for AC's office, so..."
Lincoln sighed. "Ever think it might still be worth waiting for Coulson to be free?"
"Nope." Skye gave her boyfriend a grin. "Black Widow, Linc. She might disappear and I'll never get to know if she's as badass as they say so I can try to like, bump into her." Where she'll very politely and precisely tell me off on Ward's behalf.
Lincoln rolled his eyes. "You are such a fangirl."
She forced a laugh and swatted his arm. "Like you never hero worshipped anyone?" She missed Lincoln's answer, her thoughts drifting to deep brown eyes and an expression filled with pain and longing while speaking of his past.
"Hi guys," Dr. Garner smiled. "How are you?"
Skye straightened and plastered on a grin. "Awesome! Just saw Agent Romanoff and had to ask Ward about her. Not that he told me much." She widened her eyes. "Is she as amazing as they say? Is she like, tech girl for the Avengers? 'Cause then, she'd be me, right?"
Andrew eyed Skye, giving her a knowing smile. "Yes, she would be. Now go take a breath and try not to tackle her if you happen to meet her."
Lincoln snorted and tugged her away. "There. See? You didn't even have to go there to find someone to talk to about her."
Skye gave Garner a look over her shoulder. "Guess not."
Grant jumped at the knock on his door. I told her not to - He froze as he saw his guest. "Dr. Garner."
The psychologist considered him. "Just wanted to check in." He raised a brow. "Expecting someone else?"
Grant waved him in and sank heavily onto the couch, a fine tremor running through him. No one I'll tell you about. Not off the clock.
"You all right there, Grant?" Garner sat next to him. "I ran into Skye and Lincoln in the hall."
Damn it. Lincoln? Grant swallowed hard. "Skye was...she was checking in, I guess." And he must've been checking on her...or me...
Andrew raised a brow. "Still think she's just curious about your powers?"
Don't encourage me...Grant opened his mouth and closed it again, shaking his head. "I don't - I can't think it could be anything else," he whispered. "I can't."
Andrew nodded. "I understand. And with Skye coming by right after you just finished telling Natasha and me your deepest secrets..." He blew out a breath. "I'm going to guess today was intense for you."
Grant scrubbed a hand over his mouth. "I - I don't talk about those things. Not to - not to anyone." Except Skye...still the exception to every damn one of my rules...He took a deep breath. "Nat was - it was good it was her, but it also made it a little worse." He frowned, looking up at Garner. "Before this team, she was the closest I ever was to my real self on an op. She saw right through me and I let her."
"She was the only one to top you in espionage, right? Makes sense." Andrew pursed his lips for a moment before continuing. "I am glad that Natasha was available. You should try to talk to her before she leaves. She's worried about you."
Grant nodded. "I'm sure she'll find me before she goes."
Garner raised a brow. "Should I even bother asking if you want to talk more about any of it?"
Grant chuckled weakly. "If it's between you and Nat?" Only one of you will report back on everything...
Andrew stood. "That's what I thought." He held out a hand. "I'm going to write up my report. You take some deep breaths and let Natasha in."
Grant shook his hand and nodded. "Thank you."
Garner nodded back and left the room.
Grant waited until the door closed and exhaled, shuddering with memories and regrets.
May knocked on the director's door. "Phil?"
Coulson waved her in and paced his office, Romanoff's report in his clenched fist. "How could we be so blind, Melinda?"
May sighed. "You know how. He was trained specifically for this. Garrett made sure everything looked impeccable, and Ward is the best since Romanoff. He looked like the perfect specialist, exactly what we needed in a world with gods and monsters."
Coulson tossed the report on the desk and poured her a Scotch, taking a long drink of his own. "I know that's true, but...it's so hard to believe there were no signs we missed."
"I said the same thing to him," May offered, tipping her glass to Coulson before taking a sip. She rolled her eyes at his expression. "What? We were sleeping together. And even then I never guessed." She pursed her lips. "It even explains a few things."
Coulson shook his head. "Stop there. Please. I don't want to think about...This is bad enough."
Natasha knocked on Grant's door. "Room service," she called.
Thank God. Grant pushed himself off the couch and opened the door with a shaky smile. "Guess they upgraded since the good old Vault days."
Natasha pushed past him and rummaged around in the bottom drawer of his dresser. She grinned. "Dropped this off earlier."
Grant blinked. Earlier? "You - what?" Where was I last - oh.
Natasha rolled her eyes and poured two bourbons. "Figured you could use something, and we both know Russian vodka, while delicious, is nothing to either of us."
He chuckled. Deja vu. "Yeah. Thanks."
She toasted him. "Just a couple, though, because you're going to fly me home." She drained her glass.
He took his shot in return and blinked at her as her statement registered. Up and leave? Especially now? "Nat, no, I'm -"
She nodded. "Cleared with Coulson. You'll fly his precious jet back."
Alone? Grant frowned at her. "How did you get him to agree to that?" He cleared his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful."
Nat grinned. "May came to get me, but I don't think she wants to fly me back. Especially not with Garner."
Grant eyed her. Still doesn't explain Coulson letting me off base alone..."Do I want to know what you did to her?"
Natasha shook her head. "I definitely didn't tell her we should compare notes on you in bed on the flight home."
Grant swore softly. You set this up. "You are such a damn troublemaker."
Natasha looked him over. "And you are definitely in trouble here."
That obvious? He winced. "What makes you say that?"
"Your penance hasn't ended, but you're here," she answered softly in Russian. "You're not ready to be with them," she continued in English. "And you don't have a choice."
He sighed and poured them both another round. "No, I'm not and I don't. I'd love to fly you back. Where to?"
She grinned. "Upstate New York. Temporary base."
You're kidding. He passed her the glass. "Yeah, for the Avengers. You want me, the guy they know as the head of HAMMER and a traitor to SHIELD, to fly you home to the Avengers."
She nodded. "Если бы это было легко..." [If it were easy...]
"...это не было бы весело," he supplied. "But this is more than just not easy, Nat. It's near impossible." [...it wouldn't be fun.]
She quirked a brow. "To come with me to the place where a crazy German scientist's genetic experiment and a former Red Room assassin hang out with the guy who was brainwashed by Loki, and now includes a flying therapist and a powerful but lost little girl in a woman's body with the power to change the world as we know it? Oh, and don't forget the combat counselor with the jet pack."
Grant frowned at her. There's more to this trip..."Nat, what are you saying?"
Nat tipped her glass. "Come stay with us. You can learn control. Figure out your limits. This team isn't the only team that deals in people with powers." She drained it and grinned. "Coulson cleared it, like I said. But he also said it had to be your choice."
Coulson agreed to let me train with the Avengers? He blew out a breath. "That's - you're crazy."
"We're all mad here," she replied with a laugh.
"Fair point," he murmured. "Well, I'm glad to be in good company, then," he offered. The Avengers...and me? He took a drink. "I'll think about the offer. And I'll definitely fly you home."
Coulson took a deep breath. "I told Nat that, if he wanted to go, Ward could temporarily join the Avengers training camp."
May caught her breath for a moment before nodding slowly. "I suppose that would make sense."
Coulson considered her over the rim of his glass. "Have we confirmed what he said? Is there anything left of HAMMER at this point?"
May shook her head, frowning. "That night was literally it for him. He'd managed to fool his core team into thinking the other bases were radio silent because of the op, but the truth is he'd totally dismantled every arm of HYDRA and HAMMER that he could."
"Closure," Coulson murmured. "That's what he kept talking about. And now we're asking him to start over as -"
"Hellfire," May supplied. "Fitz coined it in anger Day 1, and Ward took it on."
Nat drained her glass and smacked her lips. "Ready then?"
Grant snorted. I've been ready to leave since I arrived..."Yeah. Definitely." He grabbed his jacket from the closet and opened the door. "Fitz?"
Fitz froze with his hand in the air. "Um, hi, Ward, I - oh. Oh."
Nat chuckled and approached the door. "One of the science twins?" she asked.
Grant nodded with a smile. "Yes. Leopold Fitz, Natasha Romanoff."
Fitz blinked rapidly, manners putting his hand out automatically.
Nat shook his hand with a smirk at Grant. "I like him already."
The director sighed. "See, even that makes me wonder what we don't know about Ward." He stood, pacing with his Scotch. "Fitz obviously blamed him for everything, throws that name at him in anger, and Ward embraces it like he deserves it. Now Fitz is Ward's biggest fan and protector." He shook his head. "Melinda, we painted Ward a villain the same way that Garrett painted him a weapon, didn't we? Warped and skewed him until he fit the way we needed him to."
May took a long swallow of liquor. "Maybe."
Fitz blushed. "I - thank you. I was just - I wanted to -"
Grant stood aside and waved Fitz in. "What's going on?"
Fitz looked at Romanoff and shook his head. "I, uh, I was just checking to see how you were doing today."
Grant took a shaky breath. "I'm - I'm okay. I'm actually going to fly Nat back home and then I'll be back."
"Hopefully not for long," Natasha added. She turned her smirk to Fitz. "Wanna come?"
Grant frowned at her. Coulson may trust me alone, but..."Nat -"
Fitz gave a small chuckle. "I - I think I'll just stay here and...and something."
It's Fitz. He cares. Be nice, baby. Grant exhaled. "If you want to ask Coulson -"
Fitz held up a hand. "No, no. I see you're in good hands, I don't - you don't -"
Nat dropped the smirk for a real smile. "I appreciate you looking out for Grant, Fitz. I heard you're his biggest support and protector."
Both Grant and Fitz turned looks of embarrassment to Natasha.
"He's been-"
"I don't -"
"Men." Nat rolled her eyes. "It's a compliment. To you both, actually. Fitz for being a good person and seeing past the non-existent poker face and Grant for accepting someone's care and concern. So good job, boys, I'm heading for the hangar." She quirked a brow at Grant, waving at Fitz as she left them alone in Grant's bunk.
Fitz watched her leave before turning to Grant with a grin. "You and Black Widow are friends."
Grant shrugged. "We've worked together before, she's -"
"Awesome," Fitz supplied. He shook himself. "You said you're flying her out? Not May?"
Grant shrugged. Thanks to Nat..."I still have the cuff on, it's not like you can't track me down."
Fitz sighed. "No, I just mean you get to meet all the Avengers."
Grant chuckled. Assuming they have any interest in me other than to kick my ass..."It's not like that, Fitz. They all have quarters at the base but they don't necessarily stay there all the time."
Fitz shrugged. "Still. Even one Avenger would be amazing."
Grant gave Fitz a grin in return. "Well, you just met one. And she likes you."
Fitz frowned lightly. "Right. You - you talked about me? With her?"
Grant swallowed hard. "Yeah. I - I owe you a thank you for - for trying, Fitz. I appreciate it." He squared his shoulders. "Do you want to ask Coulson to come with us?"
Fitz spluttered. "Oh, no, no. I just - I know I pushed you yesterday and I already had words with Jemma about how she reacted. I just never got to check how you were doing. Did Skye find you?"
Grant sighed. "Yeah. She always gets to me." In more ways than one...
Fitz sighed in return. "I am familiar with the feeling."
"I know," Grant nodded. "I'm sorry, Fitz. I'm - it's not worth fighting with Jemma, not over me. Seriously." I don't want to hurt any of you anymore...
Fitz shook his head. "And that's exactly why I will." He nodded towards the door. "I think you have a date with a redhead, though."
"Something like that," Grant snorted. More like an interview, it seems..."Want anything from the outside world?"
Fitz shook his head. "No, thank you. But if you happen upon Tony Stark..."
Grant laughed. "I'll give him your number."
Phil nodded. "Nat's right. I have to own that."
May sighed. "If it helps at all, you didn't intend to do it. He wasn't giving us anything else to go on."
Coulson shook his head, thinking of bloody wrists and desperation. "He did. We just didn't want to consider what it actually meant." He put the glass down. "I'll be right back. Don't drain the bottle this time."
Fitz squared his shoulders. "Walk you to the hangar?"
Grant shrugged. "You don't need to, Fitz." I'm still not sure I deserve your support...
Fitz rolled his eyes. "I know, Ward. I'm offering some company."
You do deserve it, baby, Kara's voice whispered to him. You deserve so much more...Grant swallowed hard. "Call me Grant, Fitz. Please."
Fitz grinned. "Can I walk you to the hangar, Grant?"
Grant closed his eyes against the feelings welling through him. "Yeah. That would be great."
Skye exhaled, making her way to the gym after leaving Lincoln with Mack. Seem to be ditching your boyfriend a lot lately, a voice whispered to her. She shook the voice off and frowned as she saw Fitz and Grant crossing the hall ahead of her. So much for him wanting to be alone, huh? She frowned deeper. Why does it even matter? "Fitz? Ward?"
Damn it. Grant stopped in his tracks.
Fitz eyed Grant and stepped between Grant and Skye. "Hey Skye. I was just walking around and bumped into Grant. He has to go meet someone though, so..."
Skye blinked. "Grant? First name basis, huh?"
Grant shrugged awkwardly. "I - I find I prefer it." You used it not that long ago...
But you didn't ask me to call you Grant...Skye licked her lips. Stop it. "Meeting someone? Like a redhead?" Why did I just say that?
Grant gave a short nod. "I'm heading to meet Nat, yes."
Skye shoved her hands in her pockets. "Oh."
Grant gave Fitz a perplexed look. Why does that matter? "I'll - I'll see you guys later."
Fitz gave him a nod and a smile. "Come find me if you need me," he offered.
Grant gave a tight smile in return. "I will." You're a hell of a lot safer than Skye...He turned and made his way down the hall.
Skye bit her lip and watched him go.
Fitz frowned at her. "Skye? Are you all right?"
She kept her gaze on Ward - Grant's - retreating form and took an unsteady breath. "No," she whispered. "I don't think I am."
"Skye? Fitz?" Coulson approached with a quick frown. "Everything okay?"
Skye plastered on a smile. "Yeah, AC. Five by five. Just heading to the gym and I ran into Fitz."
Coulson gave a quick frown. "You sure there's nothing else to be concerned about?"
The fact I might still have feelings for Ward? a voice whispered to her. What the - Skye froze. "Nope. Nothing. Nothing at all."
Grant nearly shuddered with relief as the hangar door opened. Get me out of here...
Nat grinned. "You need to get out more."
Grant cleared his throat. "Nat, I - I just - " He took a deep breath. "How did you just...trust me and care enough to do this? You didn't have to come here, not for me." He frowned at her. "How did you believe that I wasn't just the traitor that everyone said?"
Nat started the pre-flight sequence. "Because I've been there. I remember how you were when we first started in Uzbekistan, and I could see when you slipped and tried to recover." She shrugged. "Split second, but there. Guess no one here caught you at the right time. You don't really have a poker face, babe."
Grant sighed and shook his head. Not that they would've cared to see if they had. "I just wanted to say thank you for the chance."
Phil cleared his throat behind them. "Speaking of chances."
Damn it. Too good to be true. Grant started and turned. "Sir? Should I - did you change your mind?"
The director heaved a sigh. "No, Grant, I didn't. I realized I'd missed something in all of this."
Grant? And missed something? Grant frowned. "What? I - I haven't - I wasn't -"
"I'm sorry." Coulson looked at Natasha quickly. "For not paying attention to you when we should have. For just writing you off as a sociopath and Garrett's rabid dog. I should have taken the time to find out what really happened. Back then, it was too easy to just take it at face value, and by the time it occurred to me, it was too late." He pressed his lips together. "That's why I started looking, Grant. Not because I just wanted something else to occupy my brain, but because you started popping up on missions and it nagged at me why you would happen to be there. Because there ended up being one too many enemy bodies for the reports I was getting, but we would never ask questions." Coulson squared his shoulders. "So, I'm sorry for not noticing sooner. I hope giving you a breather from here helps."
Not boredom. Grant swallowed past the unexpected lump in his throat. "Thank you."
Coulson gave a short nod. "Safe flight." He spun on his heel, hitting the button to close the ramp on his way out.
Nat gave him a soft look. "Want to take a detour? I know a great diner on Long Island with red velvet pancakes that are to die for. A little non-traditional for takeout, but..."
Grant gave a strangled laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me."
Nat nodded and took flight.
A.N.: The exchange I actually left in Russian (hopefully Google Translate didn't lead me astray) is: "If it were easy..." "...it wouldn't be fun." The other times I wanted them speaking in Russian, I couldn't figure out how to not completely disrupt your reading of the story, but I figured the context on this one was probably enough to get you through.
Speaking of through, off they go, into the wild blue yonder. To pancakes. I've got the next chapter underway, hope you enjoyed this one.