Chapter 10: Control

The next day, Anakin was sitting in the den area when Padmé walked in. "What did I do, Padmé?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked as she stood behind her husband, her hands resting on his shoulders.

"I did everything as I had with Luke, Leia, and Helena. I don't understand," he replied.

Padmé wrapped her arms around her husband's torso. "Ani, Rowan is just like you. He's just so eager to be like you," she replied quietly.

"I know that, Padmé, but I don't want him to turn into what I was. Somehow all my words, my lectures, my proof of what not being in control does just doesn't seem to work," he explained.

Anakin swallowed hard as he thought of yesterday, seeing all the anger and…hatred in his son's eyes. The same child he held in his arms just moments after his birth. The child he watched grow to such an angry young man.

Padmé saw the tears in Anakin's eyes as he put his head in his hands. "What did I do wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, you didn't do anything wrong," she said softly.

Anakin closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

Back in his bedroom, Rowan was staring at the lightsaber in his hand, letting out a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore," he said softly. Getting up, Rowan let out a deep breath as he left his room.

Walking out, he saw his father sitting on the couch talking to his mother. "Dad?" he called gently. Anakin looked up at his son.

"Yes, son," he answered.

Rowan walked over, letting out a deep breath. "Father…I'm sorry for what I did yesterday," he murmured. Anakin gripped his son's shoulder.

"I know," he answered.

The boy shook his head slowly as the fifteen-year-old kneeled on the floor before his father. "Father I'm so sorry, I feel I don't deserve the right to learn the ways of the Force," he informed. Anakin stared down at his youngest son with a furrowed brow.

"Rowan, you are a great student, you just need to learn to control yourself," he answered.

The boy looked up, letting out a shaky breath. "I am not worthy of it," he murmured. Reaching to his utility belt, Rowan unclasped the lightsaber from his belt, placing it in Anakin's hands. Reaching the other side, he took out of his blaster, placing that in his other hand. "I'm resigning," he added.

"Rowan, you don't have to do this," Anakin insisted.

Rowan shook his head slowly. "Father, I don't deserve to be your apprentice like Luke is and Helena. They have more self-control than me. Even Leia has more self-control than I do," he answered. Before his parents could say another word, the fifteen-year-old turned on his heel and left the room, leaving his stunned parents there to stare at his weapons he had handed over.

As he walked down the hall, Rowan closed his eyes for a second before he started running. "Rowan!" Helena called for her older brother. She started chasing him as he ran to the main hanger. "ROWAN!" she shouted, making him stop.

"What?" he asked.

"Where are you going?" Helena asked.

He looked over at his sister with a heavy sigh. "I'm leaving Hoth," he told her.

"B-But why?" Helena asked, her blue eyes wide as she grabbed his arm.

"Look what I did Helena! Or I should say look what I tried to do! I attacked our own father. I can't be here, I can't stay around here," he answered.

Rowan ran over to one of the adjacent ships. "Rowan…" she started, "when will you come home?" He looked at his sister with a sigh.

"I don't know, Lena," he answered.

She bit her lower lip before hugging him tightly around the waist with tears in her eyes. "Please don't go Rowan, please. Mom and Papa are already worried about Luke, please don't go," she begged crying. Pulling back, he gripped her arms gently, yet firmly. "Please don't go," she sobbed.

"I have to go," he insisted.

"Y-You're part of this family too," she answered.

"I know I am, but I'm a danger to this family. I have to go find out how to control myself. Helena, I have to do this. I have to gain control of myself or I'm more of a danger to everyone than Luke is being on the Emperor's side," he explained.

Helena sniffled with tears falling down her face. "Please don't cry Leni," he said softly.

"You're leaving us, why shouldn't I cry?" she answered, sniffling.

Rowan knelt down on one knee in front of her while still holding her arms. "I have to do this, please understand that," he told her.

"But what about mom and papa?" she asked.

"I'll come back as soon as I can figure myself out. As soon as I can control myself without having to worry about attacking dad one day…I'll come back," he replied.

The youngest Skywalker wrapped her arms tightly around her second older brother's neck crying. Rowan hugged her back, stroking her blond curls. "Just stay here," he said softly. Standing up, he kissed her forehead before he climbed up the ladder to his Fighter.

"Rowan?" Leia called, surprised to see her youngest brother in a ship.

Rowan put on the helmet and started turning on all the controls. "ROWAN!" Leia shouted as the Fighter started up. The two girls watched as Rowan flew off before anyone could stop him. "Where is he going?" Leia almost demanded.

"I don't know, he said he had to leave," Helena replied sniffling, "because of what happened with papa."

"Does mom and dad know he left?" Leia asked.

"I-I don't know," she replied.

Both girls hurried to go find their parents.

Back in their quarters, Anakin and Padmé looked up when the girls ran in. "Mama!" Helena exclaimed running over to her mother.

"What's wrong?" Anakin asked, alarmed to see Helena in tears.

"Rowan's gone," Leia replied.

"What?" Padmé exclaimed incredulously.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Anakin asked.

Helena gripped her mother around her waist. "He just said he couldn't stay. He took a Fighter and he left," she replied.

"Did he say where?" Anakin asked.

The girl shook her head slowly and Anakin ran out of the room. "ANI!" Padmé shouted as they followed him out of the room.

Anakin jumped into his Fighter, activating it. "Please don't let him be gone already," he murmured before flying off.

Reaching into space, Anakin looked around to find that his son was nowhere in sight. Cursing, he hit the control panel. "Blast it!" he hissed, putting his head in his hands. His son was gone, he had no idea where he was and when he was coming back.

Going back to Hoth, Anakin got out of his Fighter with a sullen expression on his face. "He's gone…" Padmé whispered when she saw the expression on his face. Anakin nodded his head slowly before he pulled his wife close as she let out a sob. "I don't know where one son is already, why do I have to feel this way for them both?" she asked sobbing.

"I don't know," he answered, hugging her tighter.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his back with tears falling down her face. "He'll come back, Padmé. He'll come back," he assured her softly, letting out a sigh as he held his wife and daughters close to him.

Rowan jumped to light speed and started searching maps to find where he would go. First thing's first was to go to Lehon to see Valaria one more time before he disappeared all together.

Arriving on Lehon, he saw Valaria practicing her lightsaber forms that Obi-Wan had taught her. Letting out a sigh, he landed his vessel just as the girl looked up. He climbed out just as she ran over to him. "Rowan!" she exclaimed, surprised to see him there. Turning around once he climbed out of the Fighter, he embraced her tight. "I wasn't expecting to see…" she trailed off, her joy of seeing him faded when she felt his sadness.

Pulling back, she rested her hands on his arms. "Rowan…what's the matter?" she asked softly, stroking his face. He lowered his eyes sadly.

"I'm not staying Valaria," he said softly.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

He rested his hands on her waist, letting out a deep breath. "I've become a monster, Valaria. An uncontrollable monster at that," he replied.

"Rowan don't talk that way! You're the kindest person I know," she told him.

"It's not true, Valaria. It's not, I wish it were," he answered.

She stared at him, unable to understand what he's saying. "What happened that made you think this way?" she asked softly. He lifted his eyes, looking at her with a deep breath.

"I'm so full of anger…and jealousy…I can't be this way. I wasn't…raised to be this way, I don't know why I have become so…angry," he replied.

Valaria kept her hands on the sides of his neck. "I attacked my own father. What kind of person does that make me? I attacked him, I wanted to…kill him," he told her. Her eyes widened as he leaned back against one of the wheels of his fighter, looking so broken. "I wanted to kill my father," he whispered.

"But you didn't," she said softly.

"It doesn't matter," he answered.

Rowan lifted his eyes to look at her. "Dad became Vader because he couldn't control his anger or his fear. He became an easy target for the Emperor, I can't let that happen to me. It would destroy my family if I become that weak," he explained.

"But Rowan…you're already stronger than what your father was by admitting that going to the Dark Side will destroy your family, that makes you the kind, loving person that I know you are," she answered.

He shook his head slowly. "I'm still so angry, Valaria. Extremely angry, I have to go," he whispered. She lowered her head with tears in her eyes. Reaching under her chin, he lifted her head up. "I'll come back, I don't know when, but I'll come back," he told her softly. She gripped his forearms, her blue eyes staring intently into his brown eyes.

"You better come back to me Rowan Skywalker or I will hunt you down," she told him, making him chuckle lightly.

"I'll come back," he reassured her.

He placed his hand in the middle of her back as he leaned in closer. She stood up on her tiptoes a little bit as their lips connected. After a few seconds, Rowan pulled away, kissing her forehead. "I've got to go," he whispered. She nodded her head slowly with a sigh.

"I love you," she told him.

"I love you," he answered as he climbed back up the ladder to his Fighter.

Valaria backed up with tears in her eyes as she watched the love of her life disappear again, this time, she wasn't sure when she would ever see him again. Sabé walked out of the home, having seen and heard everything. "Sweetheart," she said softly, resting her hand on her daughter's shoulder. Valaria turned around and hugged her mother tight with a sniffle. Sabé hugged her daughter tight, comforting her the best she could.

Back inside his vessel, Rowan let out a sigh as he went off into hyperspace. "Here goes nothing," he murmured as he went to find his destination. He was just going to let the Force lead him to wherever he had to go, to help him gain control of himself. He had to figure out a way to be able to be a better person, the person his father was now.

He didn't want to become like Vader used to be, he knew that Vader and Anakin were completely different people. Rowan just didn't want to learn how to gain control the hardest way like his father, almost losing everything before turning back. Rowan closed his eyes and began to meditate until he knew where had to go and what he had to do to make his family proud…to be proud of himself.