Now Seras was just horrified at the turn of events. Even with Jarred staying over, it being at night, and just how relaxed things were getting between them, she didn't see this coming from a mile. Or, more like a kilometer. No, instead she was blissfully caught unaware when a pair of sturdy Irish arms wrapped around her middle from behind, his heavy head resting gently on the crook of her shoulder. Needless to say, she jumped a good inch off the ground. Yet it was what came next that left her with her spirit crawling slowly from her mouth and flee heaven bound.

"Yer goona 'ave ta stay wit meh tanight." Anders whispered lowly in her ear, keeping up the cuddling act so it seemed more natural for him to be whispering. "Dat...eh... man 's soospicious o' meh, 'n de last ting weh need 'im ta discoover is yer coofin."

He had a point, true. Yet the thought of attempting to sleep beside this huge man was terrifying. What if he suddenly had a bloodbath urge and killed her? He was old too, wasn't he? Didn't old people have problems remember what was going on first thing in the morning? If he didn't remember she was an ally, she'd be a dead vampire before she had a chance to scream! Seras felt the color drain from her face and gloom clouds began to float behind her head. Noticing her ' slight' discomforts he sighed and tightened his hold around her middle.

"Nay, 'm not goona do nootin'. De ooder proobl'm is dat damned foul brained twit -"

"Alenderson?" Seras stared at him as he seethed in clear disgust and again, 'slight' irritation. Noting her expression he sighed, shaking his head and forcing the emotions down. Instead he took a deep breath, pushed his nose a bit firmer into her strawberry scented hair and let out a low growl of irritation. Seras just held still as he took a moment to compose his face.

"...dat man 'n I 'r at disagreements." Ander stated roughly. "'m not 'appy wit dat little prank 'eh pulled ta stay 'ere 'n ah like 't less wh'n ma family's used ta play it. Damned twit 's smart, aye but he's buhginin' ta rattle da dog door."

"...Oh, you mean playing Marley and Me to make me cry and ask him to stay? I knew it was a scheme when he held up the movie!" Seras mused with a roll of the eyes. "Though, I admit. It was kind of funny seeing you teary eyed. I never thought such a mean looking priest could actually feel tears! Especially to a movie!"

"...Dun change da soobject. Ya knew it was a plot 'n ya STILL went with it? Wot 'n da damned were ya tinking?!" Anders was fuming now, his teeth baring as his arms subconciously tightened so she couldn't flee. Well, not without breaking his arms first. Noticing his anger, Seras's jokes died off and she immediately leaned down and away from his glowering face. Her eyes dropped to the floor and her shoulders rolled in as she tried to hide within his sleeves.

"If I didn't, he's been known to break into my house." Seras answered softly, keeping her eyes downcast. "I knew if I told him no, he'd break in later and snoop around anyway, so... I thought if maybe we both knew he would be in the house then..."

"Den we'd 'ave a better chance 'o catchin' 'im bifeer da coofin." Anders finished with a dull sigh. He eyed the cowering draculina with an almost scolding expression, his eyes still narrowed as fury waned into irritation and slight betrayel. "Ya shoulda told meh. I dun like dis schemin' ya did."

"When was I suppose to tell you?" Seras pointed out with a slight huff. Still her eyes kept away from his face as she began to puff out her cheeks. "I don't know how to use my telepathy. Master never had a chance to explain half of my powers. Though, I want to try and turn into a bat pretty soon. I think it would be fun to fly."

"...Warn' meh before ya do dat so I dun 'it ya wit' a pan 'r somethin'." Anders grumbled as he pulled her straight and bowed his head to once again rest on her shoulder. Seras blinked at him, curiously eyeing the top of his head with wonder. Slowly but hesitantly she raised her hand, reaching to rub her hands across his scalp yet a squawked cheer made her hand yank back instinctively and his head to shoot up. Both of their eyes flew to the window where the neighbour sat ready with a pair of binoculars plastered to their window. Her eyes looked buggy as she openly cheered on Seras on 'taking a bold move to romance' and to 'skip to page 156 already'. He wasn't about to ask whatever happened on page 156 but it was quite apparently now that she wasn't the only audience.

"AWAY YOU BRUTE!" Whiplash screeched as rolled newspaper began pelting his back. Startled Anders twisted around, instinctively slapping the newspaper from Jarred's and and baring his teeth in threats. That is, until he saw the tight pants and all the splendor that it barely seemed to hide. Startled Anders didn't expect the random furry handcuffs to suddenly be shoved in his face nor the look of horrified (and disturbingly wistful) expression on his face. "I FOUND THIS IN THE BASEMENT! COFFINS, SEX SWING, GAG BALL, WHIPS!? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MY INNOCENT KITTEN?!"

"WOT?!" Anders gaped in open horror at the scrawny cop. "WOT'S D'WN DERE?!"

"When did you go down there!? Don't you know anything about privacy?!" Seras screeched as her face went a purest red. Beside her Anders was no better as his mouth gaped like a fish and they both stared in confusion at the furry monster that swung so innocently in Whiplash's grip."and last I checked, we didn't have any of... that in the basement! Why is it there?!"

"...Wait, you said you were a priest but... are you... a cultist?" Whiplash turned and stared intently at Anders like a man who just solved the world's largest puzzlebox. "You are aren't you? Some sort of sex demon worshiper!? How dare you bring my cute little kitten into such a horrible act! I won't allow it any longer! My poor dearest friend will no longer have to suffer your bondage fetishes or... or candle fetish... mm..."

"...Oi weef..." Seras tore her eyes from the fuzzy sex device to see Anders glaring rather warily at the foggy eyed cop. Glancing down at her Alex gave her a twitchy stare, one that shifted from the cop to the window to the basement. "...Somethin' aint right 'ere. Ya didn't buy noon 'o dat...stuff?"

"N-no! Heavens, I don't even know where to buy half of that let alone actually have the gaul to buy it!"

I could buy it for you. We just gotta make sure to try them out first. Ah, of course her commander would then decide to add his male two sense in the conversation. Oh well, she was wondering where he'd been the entire time anyway. Most likely taking a nap maybe, or just investigating her brain. Mer like watchin' ya shower. Ya got a nice rump on you lass.

Shut up commander. Seras mentally hissed as she gave him a good flick and sent him flying across her mind space. She snorted at him, her face going cherry red as she mentally engraved it to not look in the mirror next time she showered. The last thing she needed was his pervy eyes on her when she least expected it. Behave. I don't want to shove you in a boxsomewhere.

Spoil sport.

"Actually, I didn't even think Ireland had an adults shop. I didn't see any on my walk around the town at least." Seras hummed as she tried to ignore the perverted chuckles in her head. A fairly naughty picture of her in skimpy underwear popped up and she promptly gave the cacklin' man a heavy mental swat. She snorted. "Anyway, I'm going to investigate the basement. I'd rather see for myself just what's going on down there."

"Mm. I'll coom tae." Anders grunted as he moved around the now drooling and airheaded officer with a grimace. He glanced rather dully at the puddle forming on the floor. "Yer friend 's goona flood da place, aye?"

"Sorry."

"Mm. Coomin' den." Anders sighed as he lead the way to the basement and stepped down into the creaking basement. With a subtle flick of his fingers he forced the lights to come on, his gleaming glasses flashing momentarily in the subtle darkness. As the lights came on however and the true nature of the basement had been revealed they were never so shocked. Or in Sera's case curious as to what half of them did or went.

The once normal yet slightly gloomy basement had been completely modified. Cool stone walls were covered by velvety red curtains that hung almost alluringly off the walls and hung low off the ceiling. Her coffin, her own damn sleeping spot, was surrounded by poppies and roses whilst the inside was given a satin pillow, atop it an unopened envelope perched readily. The concrete floor was now covered in decorative carpet that looked like it was stolen from a palace, with the gold and blue swirls that screamed royalty. Candles sat on polished dark wood endtables, a sex swing really did hang in the far corner, and hell Anders was pretty sure he saw a weapons rack filled with enough 'tools' to open his own stag shop. Hand cuffs and whips included.

"Oh..well I guess he wasn't kidding." Seras stated as she probably began to look around, eyeing a drawer with a lock for a moment before turning to face him. "We both didn't do this though, that's certain. I wonder who did? I mean, nobody could have snuck in without us knowing right? Do you have any ideas?"

"...Aye." Anders grunted as he too walked in the room with the look of disgust. "Somethin' wit a terrible sense of taste 'n a nose fer meddlin'. 'n ooder words, one of ya british buggers."

"Hey!" Seras pouted at him from over her shoulder as she continued to fiddle with something or another on the desk. "We're not all that bad. Anyway, why not look at that note? Maybe it left a name."

"Like a twit woo' actually leave 'is name." Anders snorted despite already heading for the coffin. He tore it open with a dull snort, his eyes skimming of the writing not once but twice before they finally settled on one particular section on the letter. He remained silent, his eyes staring holes into the paper as if demanding what he'd seen to be either untrue or to jump out of the page so he could kill it. Then, he slowly handed her the letter with a wide smile. Hesitant she took it and skimmed over the page herself.

For the Judas Priest and Police Girl

Enjoy the gifts. I also took the liberty of 'hiding' your sleeping place so that foolish mortal upstairs won't catch on. Really Judas Priest, you're slowing down. How could you not sense me? Pah, you're getting weak. Police Girl, use the whip on him. It'll do him good and from what I hear, priests like it rough. Don't go easy on him either. I expect the next time we all meet up for you to have results. Preferably better than page 156 as well, that scene was rather dull in my opinion.

Until we meet once more

Alucard

...Oh. So that's where master went. He was spying on them. Seras felt her lip twitch as she turned to talk to Alex, her mouth half open in a word only to realize he wasn't there. Startled she frowned, looking around as she tried to locate him instead by sound. Finally she spotted him, half hidden by a curtain with his back turned to her, sliding through the random whips and ropes that hung so readily in the corner. She watched him for a moment as she tried to catch what he was muttering so instantly about. That is, until she actually caught what he was saying. Bible verse after bible verse as began to grin madly at the row of killer tools. And she was the only vampire currently in the room...

...bollocks.

Hey, another short chapter. Sorry. :P It wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be either but I was also threatened with hospital bills due to death by laughter so I fear for my income. DX Do not worry however. I have toned it down. Also, I'll try to make guest appearances of pip and Alucard but it may take a while. XD I have to work too much and to be quite honest I'm losing inspiration. I'll do what I can to keep writings this however! I WILL PRESS ON WITH THE STRENGTH AND FURY OF A THOUSAND COOKIES!

Forever sleepy, can't ever sleep

Doggy D. Cookiethief