When Sasuke awoke, he felt disoriented. It took him at least a minute before he even realized he was in his own bedroom and in his own bed. His head felt better, but his mouth was really dry.
While getting ready to push off the blankets, he realized he couldn't move because there was an arm around his waist. His first reaction was one of panic until he glanced over his shoulder and spotted a mop of blond hair. Naruto was asleep, which made him wonder what time it was. The lights were off in the room, and it was dark outside, too.
The more he lay there, though, as Naruto's warm breath kept fanning across the back of his neck, he started to feel reluctant about getting out of bed. It was dangerous, he knew, but this felt so comfortable. Naruto was on top of the covers, yet a part of Sasuke wished he was underneath them.
This was a strange feeling he wasn't used to having around other men. He couldn't categorize it as either sexual or romantic. It was more a feeling of… contentment. Although, all it took was remembering Naruto, nearly naked, and sharing a bath with him to potentially turn it into something more. Even though he couldn't remember how he got into his bed, he did recall the feel of Naruto's body on top of his when they were in the bathtub together.
Not to mention that kiss.
As far as he could tell, Naruto had been willing, at least until bolting out of the room. Not that Sasuke could blame him. He'd acted impulsively, but he didn't regret it. It would be stupid at this point to deny a physical attraction. From the very first night, Sasuke had been interested. If he were to guess, he'd say that Naruto's interest in him went beyond simple curiosity at this point. Still, the line remained blurry.
Behind him, Naruto let out a quiet murmur and nudged against his shoulder, drawing himself even closer to Sasuke. Did this idiot have any clue as to what he was doing?
Even though Sasuke was starting to gain some sense of clarity when it came to Naruto's level of interest, he was also well aware the blond had seen him at his weakest on several occasions already. He must appear so pathetic. Sasuke could only imagine his reaction if he'd told Naruto about going to some sex club and paying someone to inflict consensual torture.
How could someone like Naruto ever understand why a person would voluntarily do that to themselves? Not that he felt a need to explain himself.
He took in a shaky breath. No one judged him harsher than he already did himself. He knew he was weak, but he, for some reason, didn't want Naruto to see him that way. He didn't want anyone to see him that way.
Hoping that he could get out of the bed without being noticed, he grabbed Naruto's arm and tried to move it without waking him.
But, the blond seemed to rouse almost instantly.
"Sasuke." Naruto's voice was rough and sleepy. "You awake? How are you feelin'? How's your head?"
"I'm fine." Nervously, Sasuke's eyes darted across the shadowed wall as he struggled with an urgent need to escape the situation.
Naruto shifted behind him but apparently didn't notice or didn't feel the need to remove his arm from around him. "I made you some tea a while ago, but it's gonna be cold. What time is it anyway? Why don't you have a clock in here?"
Sasuke gave no reply as he started to move, but only made it as far as sitting up straight before the dizziness hit him. Naruto, after rolling onto his back, stared up at him while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Looking away, Sasuke happened to glance down and noticed that he was wearing Deidara's white bathrobe that usually hung on the back of the bathroom door.
"Don't worry, I didn't take advantage of you after you fainted," said Naruto, apparently interpreting Sasuke's disgust at wearing his roommate's clothes for something else.
"I didn't faint," he grumbled.
Impatiently, Sasuke scrubbed his hands through his hair, unable to clearly come up with a plan of action. He didn't know what to say, and so, usually, would say nothing, but somehow he knew he wouldn't be able to get away with that where Naruto was concerned.
"Naruto," he said. "Would you mind getting me some water?"
Naruto studied him for a few seconds but quickly nodded. "Yeah, man. Sure."
As he got out of bed, Sasuke noticed that Naruto was wearing his clothes.
Naruto stopped a few feet short of the doorway before turning around. "Um. I just want you to know. Your brother called earlier. I, uh. Kinda picked up the phone 'cause I was worried. He wants you to call him back."
Sasuke could tell the other man was waiting to be yelled at for invading his privacy, and yet, he felt too resigned and defeated to even say anything.
He simply nodded. "Okay. Thanks."
"Wait. Really? You're not gonna yell at me for answerin' your phone and talkin' to your brother?"
"Do you want me to yell at you?" He asked tiredly.
"Maybe. 'Cause now I'm startin' to worry that maybe when you fell on top of me you hit your head and gave yourself a concussion. I'm not used to you bein' so, y'know. Compliant."
"I'm not being compliant, idiot. I'm," he thought about the right word to use, "Infirm."
"That's a little too much information, don't y'think?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"I was jokin'. I know what infirm means," said Naruto. "Are you sure you don't want anything else when I'm down there? Have you even eaten at all today? Although, now that I think about it, all I had was a burger this afternoon."
It occurred to him that he hadn't had anything at all to eat today.
"No, I," he started to say while touching his fingers to his temple, "I don't think I had anything."
"Jesus. No wonder you passed out on me. You've really gone this whole day without eatin' anything? God, you're worse than a kid, y'know that, Sasuke?"
He gave him a sharp look and was about to get out of bed, but when he attempted to stand, all of the blood seemed to rush from his head. He sat back down on the edge of the mattress. Naruto was already in front of him as if he'd expected him to collapse.
"I'm fine, Naruto," he said, holding up his hand to keep him at a distance.
"Yeah, you look fine," Naruto said sarcastically and lightly slapped his hand away. He pressed the back of his hand to Sasuke's forehead. "You feel kinda warm."
Sasuke raised his eyes to regard him. The little bit of moonlight coming from the drawn blinds made it possible to catch the soft expression present on the blond's face. It was filled with concern but also… affection, maybe?
Sasuke took hold of his hand and removed it, but, rather than throwing the hand away, he chose to hold onto it.
"Thank you," he said.
Naruto looked surprised at first, but then he broke into a crooked grin.
"Yeah, well." He rubbed at the back of his head self-consciously and then seemed to focus on their joined hands.
Sasuke was waiting for him to pull away, but he didn't.
"So, what did Itachi have to say then?" He asked.
"Um." Naruto chewed his bottom lip first before answering, "He just wanted to know that you were okay, and I told him I thought you only needed some rest maybe. He, uh. Left you in my hands."
"Hm."
"Sasuke-"
"I'll go with you," he said before Naruto could finish. "To the kitchen."
"You don't have to. I'm not a great cook, but I could make you a grilled cheese?"
Sasuke was too tired to complain or argue. "I want to change first."
"Do you want me to stay and help?"
"I think I've already suffered enough humiliation for one day." Pun intended, he supposed as he gave an empty smirk.
"Huh?" Naruto squinted at him suspiciously. "What's there to be humiliated about? And why are you smirking?"
Sasuke didn't answer, but he got to his feet, and, this time, without letting the dizziness affect him.
"Unless you're interested in seeing me naked," Sasuke told him. "I'd suggest leaving the room. I need to find something to wear. Or did you leave me any clothes after going through all of my drawers?"
"First of all," Naruto replied defensively and let go of his hand so that he could cross his arms. "I've already seen you naked. And what was I supposed to do? My boxers were all wet and I wasn't just gonna leave you alone. I had to make sure you were breathing at least every five minutes. But then I guess I fell asleep."
"Fine, then I'll put it this way. It would be extremely unusual for another man to see me naked twice."
"Love 'em and leave 'em? So that's your philosophy, eh? Speakin' of. You might wanna invest in another box of condoms. The one in your underwear drawer is nearly empty."
"I'll do that," he replied lightly, an eyebrow raised. He was unexpectedly thrown off by the comment.
Oddly, the idea of Naruto going through his drawers didn't so much as make him mad as… aroused his curiosity.
"I hope that you didn't dig too deep," Sasuke said dryly. "You never know what other things you may come across when searching a gay man's drawers."
"Ah. I didn't think of that!"
Sasuke chuckled under his breath at the ridiculous face Naruto made. "Don't worry. I keep those hidden. They only come out for special occasions."
"Seriously? Wait, no. I don't need to know this - "
"Hn." He untied the sash of the robe. "Go downstairs, Naruto. I'll be right there."
"Fine, fine. But if you're not down there in three minutes, I'm comin' back up, regardless of whether you're dressed yet or not."
"Is that supposed to be a threat," Sasuke asked, "Or a promise?"
"Are you seriously flirtin' with me after practically givin' me a heart attack earlier?" Naruto gripped one side of the doorframe before casually leaning against it.
In the dark, Sasuke couldn't make out his expression but assumed by his tone that he was teasing.
"Get out," he said. Dealing with Naruto made his head hurt.
"Okay. I'm goin'. Hurry up, though. Grilled cheese is good, right?"
"It's fine. I wouldn't want you to strain yourself making any more than that."
"Tch. Asshole." Grabbing the knob, he shut the door behind him, leaving Sasuke to his privacy.
Sasuke went to the light switch and turned it on before heading over to his dresser. As he searched through his underwear drawer, he noticed the box of condoms. Naruto was right about needing more.
It made him curious about what Naruto must've thought when he saw the box. Naruto already knew Sasuke was single and that he liked to go out and hook up with other men. Had he been disgusted? It's not like he was ashamed of his sexual appetite or past conquests. He'd always been comfortable with his body, and after graduating from high school, he'd become interested in satisfying any and all yearnings or curiosities when it came to what two men could do together sexually. Moving to New York had only increased the pool of potential sexual partners, and Sasuke had certainly taken advantage of it.
Maybe this is why he'd felt uneasy after waking up in Naruto's arms - both times today? He was used to being in control. He was used to calling the shots. He picked the man, went home with him, fucked him, and left when he felt like it.
No. Best not to think about it. While Sasuke got dressed, he tried to push all of these thoughts aside. He found a long-sleeved black shirt and a dark grey pair of sweatpants to wear. The less Naruto could see of the bruises the better. Having Naruto here, even if they hadn't had sex, certainly felt like a sleepover.
Of course, they'd already slept in the same bed last night, and they were in the same room the night before. But, it remained out of his comfort zone. More like a two? Three-night stand? And now Naruto was going to make him a grilled cheese sandwich? Naruto hadn't run away after this morning and was still here even after their fight in the bathroom?
How could a person be like this? How could they take that from someone and continue to treat him like -
They were friends.
He was confused, but he was so fucking tired of running away all of the time.
Sasuke ended up picking up his phone from off of the desk, and while checking his missed calls, spotted Itachi's number. That was over two hours ago. He was about to text him, but then Naruto shouted up from the kitchen that he better "get his ass down here".
Smirking, Sasuke set the phone down and touched two fingers to his lips, remembering the feel of Naruto's lips against his, the way he tasted, the feel of his body flush with his own… the way Naruto had reacted so naturally to his touches.
Did that mean the attraction wasn't entirely one-sided?
Would it be right to push Naruto a little further? Or, should they just talk about it. That, though, didn't set well with him, but Naruto was bound to nag him about it at some point.
However, before he gave in to some of Naruto's questions, he at least expected a meal first. Even if it was as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich and a (hopefully) hot mug of green tea.
xxx
Naruto hummed while flipping the grilled cheese over in the pan. Sasuke was sitting on one of the chairs next to the island, sipping on the second mug of tea that Naruto had made for him this evening.
"Do you always hum while you're cooking?" Sasuke asked.
"Hm. Never thought about it? Why, is it botherin' you?" Naruto glanced over his shoulder. "'Cause if it is, I'mma keep doin' it."
"Very charming," Sasuke murmured.
Naruto had taken note of Sasuke's choice of sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt. It didn't cover the bruise on his neck, so if the other man thought that the topic would be completely dropped, then he didn't know Naruto very well. But, until he'd fed Sasuke and made sure he would stop fainting all over the place, he'd leave it alone for now.
"You like music," Naruto said. "You told me you don't play anything, which I totally know is a lie, but do you sing?"
"No. I leave all of that to the professionals."
"Why do you act like it'd be a big deal if you wanted to? I mean, I'm not a great singer, but it doesn't keep me from doin' karaoke."
"Maybe it should," said Sasuke.
"Ass. Okay, yours is done." He grabbed for the nearby plate and flopped the grilled cheese onto it with a metal spatula. "Do you want it cut in half?"
"Sure."
"Mmkay." Naruto pulled open drawers until he found the silverware. He cut the sandwich down the middle and then brought it over to Sasuke, setting it down in front of him. "Nothin' exceptional, I know, but I added a little garlic salt to it so that it's not so bland."
"A trick they taught you at culinary school?" Sasuke asked.
Naruto squinted at him as he picked up one half and took a bite.
"It's good," said Sasuke, and Naruto grinned widely at him. "You're making one for yourself, aren't you?"
"I am. I'd say don't wait for me, but, y'know. Your manners are terrible," Naruto teased as he proceeded to slap his own grilled cheese together and throw it on the pan.
"Did you let everyone know that your flight's cancelled?" Sasuke asked.
"Uh, yeah. I told my dad. I doubt my friends care too much."
"Did you tell Shion?"
Naruto stared at his spatula as he pressed it down onto the bread. "I talked to her earlier, yeah. Before you came to the bar. Phone cut us off, though."
"Was she worried?"
"Why are you askin'?" Naruto turned around.
"Only curious."
"As far as I'm concerned," Naruto said as he turned back to flip his sandwich, "She doesn't need an update on everything I'm doin' when we're not together."
Bringing up Shion had soured his mood somewhat, and Sasuke didn't ask any further questions. When his grilled cheese was done, he plated it and went to sit beside Sasuke on the other chair.
"Your brother seems nice," he said after a few bites. "He was really concerned about you, so don't forget to call him back. He actually threatened to fly out here if you didn't."
"Hn." Sasuke pushed his plate aside. "That would be annoying."
"Why? I think it's cool he'd be willin' to do that. Means he cares about you a lot."
"My brother's always been protective of me." Sasuke swiped a hand through his hair and ended up rubbing at his neck - over the bruise. "Although, now that I think about it, it was him that I needed protection from when we were younger."
"Oh, yeah?" Naruto asked, eyeing him curiously. "Did he beat you up?"
"Sometimes." Sasuke smirked, looking over at him. "He liked to pull pranks, too. He would do things that would get me in trouble with our parents."
"Ah, I love pranks. He and I'd definitely get along then."
Sasuke studied him for a while. "Yes. I think you probably would."
Naruto, with a crooked grin, cocked his head to the side. "Jealous?"
"Hardly." Biting his lip, Sasuke slid his fingers back and forth across the counter. "My brother is exceptional at a lot of things. He's attractive, intelligent, kind, ambitious, and has a good sense of humor. As far back as I can remember, people have always liked or admired Itachi."
"Hm. You have your good points, too, y'know."
Sasuke snorted.
"I wasn't bein' sarcastic," Naruto told him. "How you described him could just as easily describe you."
The dark-haired man looked up from where he'd been watching his fingers.
"What?" Naruto asked, feeling slightly self-conscious.
"Do you really never listen to what you say to people?" Sasuke asked quietly but seriously.
"Why? Did I say somethin' that was wrong?"
Sasuke sighed. "I wonder how much longer I can put off your questions."
Naruto, finishing his grilled cheese (minus the crusts), also pushed his plate to the side. "I thought I'd let you eat and relax first."
"I can't get by with a pass?"
"Nope, as the great Gandalf said, 'You shall not pass.'"
Sasuke raised a brow. "You're an idiot."
"Because I quoted Lord of the Rings?"
"No, because - "
But Sasuke stopped and the brief glimpse of anger that had appeared on his face seemed to fade rapidly.
"I'll put it this way," he continued. "It's hard to be serious with you."
"Why's that?" Naruto asked, genuinely curious. "I can be serious."
"No, I'm not sure that you can. When things get serious, you start joking around."
Naruto dropped his gaze, frowning at the edge of the counter. He brushed his thumb across it, reflecting on Sasuke's words and whether there was some validity to what he said. He supposed there was. He didn't like tension or stress. It seemed easier to make jokes. It was likely a self-defense mechanism from his childhood, but he also just really hated awkward situations. Not that this situation was particularly awkward other than, well, this entire weekend and then that kiss in the bathroom. The rest of it wasn't so bad, and, more importantly, he still wanted to get to the bottom of what had happened to Sasuke today.
"I don't...," he started to say but found himself getting nervous, "I don't wanna push you, I guess. I think I pushed you too hard earlier and then when you fainted - "
"I didn't faint," Sasuke said gruffly. "I just - "
Naruto waited patiently for him to finish as Sasuke's eyes seemed to flick across the room before returning to him.
"I want you to be honest with me," Naruto told him. "But I also know that you don't owe me anything."
Sasuke seemed to be considering his words. "I... don't know where to start."
"You could start with what happened today. Just tell me, where did you go after you left the hotel?"
"To work."
Naruto shot him a disbelieving look.
"Don't look at me that way," Sasuke said. "I left the hotel and needed to clear my head, so I went to work."
"Okay. So you were at work, and, what, the vending machines jumped you?"
"I told you," said Sasuke. "No one jumped me. No one attacked me. Do you think a bunch of gangs were out roaming the street in this weather?"
"No, but I can't think of a better explanation."
"That's exactly why I don't want to tell you, Naruto." Sasuke sighed and rubbed at his forehead.
"How's your headache?" Naruto asked.
"My head's fine. I think being able to sleep helped."
"Good." Naruto smiled at him.
"Thank you." Sasuke set an elbow on the counter. "For... taking care of me. Even making me a grilled cheese sandwich."
"Heh." Naruto rubbed at the back of his head, his cheeks gaining color and heat. "You'd do it for me, I'm sure."
"We both haven't really been at our best this weekend, have we? Me on Friday, you last night."
"Yeah, it's weird, right?" Naruto turned toward him on his chair. "I feel like..." He gestured with his hand and let out a quiet chuckle. "We've seen more sides of each other than I have a lot of people I know, even after only a few days."
Sasuke made a sound of agreement in his throat.
"Sorry," said Naruto. "I interrupted you. You went to work?"
"I did. I was the only one there so I answered a lot of emails."
"Okay. Then what?"
"Then I..." Sasuke's lips remained parted as if he was trying to find the right words. "Made a phone call."
"You made a phone call? What does that mean?" He set his elbow on the counter just as Sasuke leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
"I called a friend. One who I've called on a few times before. I suppose that I only call him when... I feel stressed out, or, I need to clear my head."
"So you called your therapist? That's nothin' to be ashamed of. That doesn't explain - "
Sasuke held up his hand, and Naruto shut his mouth.
"Therapist," Sasuke repeated and snorted. He, absently, rubbed his hand over his chest before gripping the fabric. "I suppose you could call him that."
Naruto didn't know why, but he was starting to get that strange, cold feeling that he had earlier. It pooled in his stomach and even raised goosebumps on his arms. He felt like new possibilities were clicking in his brain, but it just seemed so... He needed to hear it from Sasuke.
"I'm not gonna judge you," Naruto said softly. He didn't like being the source of others' discomfort. "Go ahead and tell me straight. I swear that more than anything, I appreciate honesty. You can tell me."
"I don't really talk about this part of my life with anyone, Naruto." Sasuke chewed his bottom lip, and Naruto found his gaze being drawn to it. It made him remember the feel of Sasuke's lips on his, the thoughts he'd had while they were kissing -
"Tell me. Sasuke," he urged, his voice low and gruff. "I wanna know."
"I went to a club. I'd called this man to meet me there, promising I'd pay him extra."
"Pay him? Pay him for what exactly? And what kind of club?"
Sasuke fisted his hand and rubbed it across the counter; Naruto watched him do it.
"A BDSM club," Sasuke answered.
"A BDSM club? What's - Oh." The feeling in the pit of his stomach only got worse. "Oh."
"Do you get it?"
Naruto did, in some respect, get it, but he also couldn't believe it. He couldn't understand how someone as amazing as Sasuke, someone as strong as him, someone who seemed so put together could possibly -
"Say it clearly," he said. "I wanna hear you say it."
"What do you want to hear me say?" Sasuke asked.
Naruto wasn't looking at him; he kept running his hand down his left arm as if trying to put heat back into his body. "You... went to a club and paid this guy to, what, beat you up?" He shifted his gaze to Sasuke, teeth pressed into the center of his bottom lip.
"Don't look at me that way," Sasuke said quietly.
"How am I looking at you?" He asked, even as a tear slid down one of his cheeks.
"When you cry," said Sasuke. "I want to kiss you. So, I'd suggest you stop and let me explain. If that's what you want to hear."
Naruto smiled a little as he wiped away one of the tears with his fist. "Sorry, I um. Wasn't expectin' that, I guess. But, I suppose I shouldn't be shocked, huh?" Then it really hit him. "Wait. You... Did all of this after leavin' the hotel, right? But you said - " He grabbed Sasuke's shirt sleeve. "You said it wasn't about this morning! But you expect me to believe it's a coincidence? Rather than talk to me about whatever's goin' on, you... you actually did that? You left me, after sayin' all those terrible things to my face, and, what, bein' with me - what? You felt so bad that you needed to have some dude beat the shit out of you to make you feel better? Jesus!"
He got to his feet and walked toward the living room, stopping at the couch, which he had to grab a hold of. The other hand he used to cover his mouth.
Sasuke approached him after a few minutes and stood only a couple of feet behind him.
"It wasn't because of you," Sasuke murmured and seemed to move closer until he touched the center of Naruto's back.
Naruto turned around sharply and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Why? Why would you do that to yourself? Why. I don't get it, Sasuke. I don't."
"I don't expect you to understand," he replied, the emotion on his face draining away, right before Naruto's eyes. Until he seemed more stoic, impassive. He was closing off on him.
Naruto took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself. He didn't get it, but, for Sasuke, there was a reason. And Naruto wanted to know.
"Were you... sad? Angry?"
"Both."
"Did you..." Why did his thoughts turn to the empty condom box? "But the bruises are all over your body."
Sasuke didn't volunteer anything, but Naruto could already guess.
"It was a... sex thing?" He asked.
"If you're asking whether or not we fucked, then yes."
That... hurt. He didn't know why, but that fucking hurt. He let go of Sasuke and walked around to the other side of the couch where, at first, he leaned against its arm, but then he had to sit down. Setting his elbows on his knees, he cradled his head in his hands.
"That's... almost hilarious," he said bitterly. "You share a bed with me and for whatever reason get pissed and take it out on me. I... assumed it was all my fault. That I'd pushed you too hard, and then I worried. 'Cause Deidara kept textin' me that he couldn't get ahold of you. And to think, you were there. Doin' that. Doin' him. And that's what you thought you needed."
Naruto closed his eyes, but a minute later, he felt fingers at his chin, lifting it up and forcing him to meet Sasuke's gaze.
"Naruto. I told you before. It's not always about you. Like I said, it wasn't the first time I'd been there."
"But why today?" Naruto asked, desperate to understand. "Why this weekend? I don't believe that it was a coincidence. If I did anything to upset you - "
His eyes started to sting, and he kept picturing every possible scenario. Sasuke going to a place like that, determined to be hurt. What would make a person do that? What would make a person want to inflict pain like that on themselves?
Then, he remembered that time when he'd punched his fist through the glass. How strangely comforting it had been to see the blood, to feel the pain, to have his brain focus on something else besides his mother being gone. To not think, for even just a second, about every moment thereafter, would be another second, another day, another year without his mom being alive. To see him grow up, to see him graduate, or to get married. It always felt like a hole was burned through his chest when he thought about her, and however guilty it made him feel at times, sometimes he, too, just wanted to forget.
"Well," he said, his voice rough and raw and the act of talking almost painful. "Did you get what you wanted?"
"Not entirely." Sasuke's thumb skimmed across Naruto's bottom lip, his eyes narrowed.
Naruto, out of reflex, rubbed his lips together, causing Sasuke's thumbnail to drag across the bottom lip. He felt a strange electric jolt within him. He still felt so angry, though! He was so mad at Sasuke! In fact, he was mad at whoever that bastard was that did this to him. What kind of person took advantage of another's pain? And would hit him physically, hard enough to leave all of those bruises, even when he must've sensed Sasuke's suffering?
"But you had sex with him," Naruto said accusingly.
"That's how it works there."
"He beat you and... you fucked him? Or did you fuck him first and then he beat you?"
Sasuke let his hand drop to his side, away from Naruto. "You really want to hear about this?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I do." He leaned against the couch, arms crossed. "Don't spare any details either."
"Naruto."
"Don't say my name."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "It had nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally."
"Like fuckin' hell I'm not gonna take this personally!" He shouted. "You spend the weekend with me. We go through all this shit together, and we go to bed last night. I wake up with you in my arms and leave for two seconds to go fuckin' take a piss and when I come back it's like you've got a split personality. You lay all that shit on me and walk out, and it was to go fuckin' do that - " He sucked in a shaky breath. "You are a fucking asshole, you know that?"
"If that's how you feel, I won't argue with you."
"What is there to argue about? God." He bit into his lip as he let his head fall back, eyes searching the ceiling. "Do whatever the fuck you want. I shouldn't have bothered you at the bar that night. I should've - " The tears started to fall again. "I feel so," his voice trembled, "I feel so fuckin' stupid." He shut his eyes.
Two seconds passed and the feel of a sudden weight in his lap caused him to snap his eyes open. Sasuke was on him, straddling his thighs and holding Naruto's face in his hands.
"Shut up," he told Naruto.
Naruto struggled and tried to push him off. "Get off!" He cried. "Get off. I don't want - "
"What are you angry about exactly?" Sasuke asked, taking Naruto's wrists and pinning them to the couch. "That I abandoned you? Huh? That I let him hit me and whip me, or that I let him fuck me?"
"Shut up!" Naruto growled at him, squirming as Sasuke's thighs pressed harder against him, his hands squeezing Naruto's wrists tighter, hurting him even.
"Naruto." Sasuke's tone became suddenly sympathetic as he leaned in and spoke near his ear.
Naruto didn't want to hear it. He wept and shook and tossed his head. It was too cruel. It hurt so much! He hurt for Sasuke, but he felt hurt, too. He let out a cry as his hair was pulled.
Sasuke's expression was intense, dark, dangerous. "Stop it."
"Fuck you," Naruto told him. "You... I hate you!" He freed one of his wrists and used it to push at Sasuke's chest, but Sasuke grabbed hold of it again and slammed it down onto the cushion.
"I'm not letting go of you until you calm down."
"Oh right, like I'm gonna calm down anytime soon, you dick!"
Sasuke, holding both wrists, pinned them to the back of the couch, as high as Naruto's shoulders. He leaned in, close to Naruto's lips, and then abruptly released his hands.
Dropping his head onto Naruto's shoulder, Sasuke buried his face in the crook of Naruto's neck. Finally free, Naruto almost was ready to push him off, but as Sasuke's body started to tremble against his, he wrapped his arms around him, loose at first, but then he embraced him tightly. He pulled Sasuke down on top of him, spreading his body out underneath him, across the cushions. He held Sasuke's face in his hands and before a single word of surprise could leave Sasuke's mouth, Naruto kissed him fiercely. Like he needed it to breathe. He buried his fingers in Sasuke's soft hair, tugging and pulling until he ended up cradling the back of Sasuke's neck, fingers curling around it possessively.
Sasuke let out a groan as they kissed, the dark-haired man's body moving against his already as he slipped between Naruto's legs. During the ferocity of their kiss, Sasuke bit him hard on his bottom lip and Naruto cried out, loving the hurt. Craving it. He pushed his hands up under the back of Sasuke's shirt, barely mindful of the bruises he knew were there.
He dragged his hands up to Sasuke's shoulder blades, turned on by the sound of Sasuke's gasps of pain every time his hands came into contact with any of the bruises or scratches. As Naruto dug his fingers further into Sasuke's skin, Sasuke, with another gasp, lifted up - the pale column of his neck laid bare to him. Naruto felt feral, unhinged as he grabbed Sasuke by the neck and dragged him down. He latched his lips to the side of Sasuke's throat - over those bruises that resembled fingerprints - and sucked until Sasuke had to push him away to get him to stop.
They were both panting when there was finally a slight distance between their bodies. Sasuke, holding the abused spot on his neck, glared down at him, but after looking at Naruto, his eyes seemed to glaze over again.
"What are you doing to me?" He asked Naruto in a voice so heavy with lust that it nearly drove him mad.
"I want to protect you," Naruto answered, still breathing heavily. "I don't want you to do fucked up shit like that anymore."
"Who are you to decide what I can and can't do?"
"Your friend, asshole," he nearly spat.
"Is this what friends do?" Sasuke asked, pulling at the front of Naruto's shirt. "You wonder why I need to clear my head? Well, here we are."
"So it is my fault?" He asked. "Tell me to my face. Is it my fuckin' fault you went there?"
Sasuke's eyes ran over his face for so long that Naruto thought he'd never answer.
"No... It's not your fault."
"Then what. What do you want? You said you wanted what you can't have, but what do you want?"
"Choices," Sasuke answered cryptically.
"Huh? What does that mean?"
Sasuke just shook his head, and apparently losing any remaining strength, crumbled on top of him. With Sasuke's lips pressing to the side of his neck, Naruto wrapped his arms around him again and held him. He let himself take in the feel of Sasuke's body - the weight of it, the heat, the way it fit against his own body. How it differed from the feel of a woman's body against his. And... how could he possibly explain what had just happened? He'd never in his life been interested in a man. Never once been physically attracted to another guy, but, even now, his blood still thrummed. When he thought of what he was pretty sure he could feel against his left thigh - it excited him.
What was wrong with him? He had this perfectly sexy woman that he'd been with for two years now. The sex was fantastic, but he couldn't stop himself, from wanting to run his fingers through Sasuke's hair, to kiss his skin, even to... possess him. At least long enough that he could keep people from doing any bad shit to him. He still had the urge to ask Sasuke for that guy's name, his number, and Naruto would beat the crap out of him if their paths ever crossed.
"Sasuke," he whispered. "You okay?"
"No."
"Me neither."
Sasuke nudged him with his nose before he started to scrape his teeth across the skin of Naruto's throat, and as Sasuke began to rock his hips against his thigh, Naruto let out a low moan.
"This is so fucked up," he said, placing a hand on Sasuke's waist.
"What else is new?" Sasuke asked. "We both should be used to it."
Naruto had to laugh. "Ah, fuck. What the hell is happenin'?"
"Isn't it obvious," Sasuke said and bit him again. "I'm rubbing off on you."
"You better fuckin' not. I'm not ready to be gay!"
Sasuke snickered, pressed one last kiss to his throat, and managed to push himself up, at least enough to look at him.
"I don't know what that was," Sasuke said, "But I do feel better now that it happened."
Naruto smirked. "Oh, yeah?" But then he felt an irrational pang of jealousy again. "The guy from earlier wasn't enough to satisfy you?"
"You're jealous." Sasuke's eyes ran over his face once more.
Naruto, with a sigh, brushed Sasuke's hair out of the way and tucked it behind an ear. Afterward, Sasuke's expression seemed to change drastically.
"Careful," he warned. "Or I'm going to kiss you again, and this time I won't stop until one of us gets off."
"Only one of us?" Naruto asked slyly. "Not both?"
"I think I'm in a more advanced state of arousal than you, so I'll take what I can get."
"Yeah, I've heard that about you."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "You're in no position to talk to me like that."
"What, because I'm under you?"
"Tch." Sasuke glanced away for a second.
"Look at me," Naruto said, and Sasuke did, although he appeared amused even if Naruto didn't know why. "I want to ask you a question."
"Alright," Sasuke agreed. "Ask away."
"You said he fucked you. You said you always top. What does it mean that you let him do that?"
Sasuke seemed surprised by his questions. "...Why does it matter?"
"It just does." He shrugged and moved one of his hands underneath Sasuke's shirt, to touch his lower back. The hand stroked upward, along the dip in his spine. The touch was entirely gentle this time as he traced a finger to midway up Sasuke's back and then down again.
"I did leave a margin of 1 percent, didn't I? Does it... bother you? Shouldn't you be more concerned that you're doing these things with me, and you have a girlfriend waiting to come home to you?"
"We're not together right now," he almost snapped.
"Ah, Naruto," Sasuke gasped when Naruto accidentally let his fingers bite into his skin.
"What's it matter to you anyway? Shouldn't you wanna take advantage of it while you can?" Naruto asked him. "I'll be gone tomorrow. I know you like to move on as soon as you get what you want. Is that what you meant when you said you want what you can't have? Did you want me to fuck you, too, Sasuke? Should I beat you and fuck you and leave you? Will that do somethin' for you? Will it help you forget? Because if I can ease your pain that way, maybe I'll oblige. This one time. And then, we can both forget about it once I'm gone, right?"
It was Sasuke that struggled against him as he attempted to sit up and straddle Naruto's waist.
"So even you can be cruel," Sasuke told him.
"What part of that is so cruel?" Naruto asked.
"The part where you're intentionally trying to hurt me."
"Isn't that what you like?" He asked, the disgust he was feeling apparent in his voice.
"Not from you, no." He started to get off of him, but Naruto quickly grabbed for his wrist.
No words were said, but just looking at each other, it felt as though so much passed between them. Naruto watched as Sasuke slowly slid his way down again. Purposely, Sasuke placed his hands on the couch arm, on either side of Naruto's head, so that his hips leveraged heavily against Naruto's.
"Do you want to hear something interesting?" Sasuke leaned down further; his lips were close, nearly brushing Naruto's as he spoke.
"S-sure," Naruto replied as the heat between them crackled again.
"When I was with this man," Sasuke tilted his head up and to the side, breath blowing hot against Naruto's ear, "When he was fucking me." Naruto shivered beneath him. "When he was inside of me, do you know what pushed me over the edge?"
It took him a second before he could get his voice to cooperate. "What?"
"I didn't know it then, but when he had me up against the wall, I felt his tongue slide up the back of my neck." He took Naruto's earlobe between his teeth and bit it hard.
Naruto sucked at his bottom lip, wetting it as he positioned both hands on Sasuke's lower back, pressing the lower half of the other man's body against his.
"I thought I'd been dreaming when I woke up in the hotel this morning. The feel of your lips right there." He reached behind and touched the back of his neck.
"But that means…," said Naruto.
"It still wasn't you that set me off," Sasuke reassured him. "Not really."
"Not at all?" He slid a hand to Sasuke's hip.
"I was... no. It wasn't your fault I was attracted to you. From the beginning. That by last night, I knew that I wanted you but couldn't have you." Sasuke, lowering his hips, began to move them in a slow circle. "That you belonged to someone else. That wasn't why, but it did make me... frustrated."
"You were, ah," He opened his mouth as a gasp caught in his throat. "...Attracted to me?"
"I know you're not that oblivious."
"...Maybe I am. Honestly. I thought you'd kept your distance. I didn't really have any idea until you kissed me. But, I just thought that was 'cause you were outta your mind. Because of your migraine and the bad day you'd had."
"Hm."
"You," he said, breathless and unable to look away from Sasuke's heavy-lidded gaze. "I mean... I've been drawn to you since that first night, but I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Hn." Sasuke smirked. "Well, here we are."
After letting out a chuckle, Naruto cradled the back of Sasuke's head, bringing it down against his shoulder. He continued to gently run his fingers through the other man's hair.
"I have to fly home tomorrow," Naruto said sadly.
"I know."
"I've had a girlfriend for over two years, and we're only on a break."
"...I know. I've been very aware of this."
"How could someone like me possibly give you what you want in this situation?" He asked.
"I don't know."
Leaning over, Naruto kissed him on the forehead. "I don't think I can give you what you want..."
Sasuke gave no response.
"But." He pulled away, lips no longer touching Sasuke's skin. "For tonight, I'll give you what I can. As far as I'm concerned, it's just you and me."
"I don't need your pity." Sasuke rolled more to his side and, while looking at one another, cupped Naruto's cheek.
"It's not pity. Trust me." Naruto leaned into the hand and licked his lips. "Sasuke."
"Naruto." Sasuke mocked his serious tone.
Naruto grinned broadly, feeling overly fond and affectionate toward him, but Sasuke apparently didn't like the way it showed because he covered Naruto's face with his hand.
"You're embarrassing. Don't make that face."
"What face?" Naruto grinned even wider. "I'm not makin' a face."
"Why did you have to be wearing my clothes?" Sasuke sniffed him. "Tell me. Are you wearing my underwear, too? Or wearing any at all?"
With a sigh, Naruto tucked his head against Sasuke's shoulder. "I'm wearing your underwear. Not that it's a big deal. I noticed you stole a pair of my boxers. Those were one of my favorites, too."
"Then I'm sorry."
"Huh? Why?" He moved his head so that he could see him.
"I threw them away."
"What?" Surprised, he pushed Sasuke off of him. "Why would you do that?"
"I don't think I could explain it if I tried."
"Wow, and I'm supposed to believe that what happened had absolutely nothin' to do with me?"
Without answering, Sasuke sat back on his stomach and then got to his feet. He held out a hand, which Naruto stared at for a while until finally reaching for it.
Naruto felt unexpectedly shy all of a sudden.
"Your face is red," Sasuke commented.
"Shut up." He glared at him playfully.
"What do you want to do now?"
"I dunno." He scratched the back of his head. "Where do we go from here?"
"My bedroom." Sasuke smirked.
"Uh. Oh. I-is that so?"
"Are you nervous? I find it hard to believe that this is your first time, Naruto."
"Tch. Asshole." He let go of Sasuke's hand. "I already said you aren't gettin' any of that. I don't do sloppy seconds anyway."
"Harsh," Sasuke replied and took a step past him but stopped near the stairs. "Maybe I was with someone else, but, if you think about it, you're responsible for the end result."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to think about it?"
Sasuke had his back turned to him, but Naruto reached for his arm.
"Do you want to think about it?" Sasuke asked.
"I know I don't wanna think about you with another guy," he said immediately. "Especially not the one that fucked you up."
Sasuke tugged him closer by the hand. "Would you have preferred to be the one?"
"Me?"
Sasuke turned to face him. "What if I'd asked you. If I'd needed it, would you have given it to me?"
"The beating or the fucking?" He asked, voice unintentionally low.
"Either," Sasuke answered simply. "Both."
"I wouldn't want to hurt you. Even if you wanted it."
Sasuke grabbed Naruto's shirt and drew him against the front of his body. "I'd let you fuck me, too."
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Is that supposed to make me feel special?"
"Yes. There are circumstances for why I let him. But, no one else. Not for a long time have I let someone top me, Naruto."
God. Why did that send a fucking thrill up his spine? Fucking Sasuke? When had he ever thought about fucking a dude? But, he understood the significance of the offer. That Sasuke would allow him. That Sasuke wanted him to. Did he want him to? Even if he did, Naruto couldn't see himself going there. But, then again, he never would have seen himself making out with and dry humping another man on a couch either.
What could he say, though?
"You could have any guy you wanted," Naruto murmured.
"Obviously not." Sasuke tugged at his shirt only to push him away. "I'm going upstairs. You're welcome to do what you want."
It took three seconds for Naruto to be right behind him, chasing him up to the hallway. Sasuke even laughed.
"What are you laughin' at, bastard?" Naruto scowled at him and attempted to step on his heels until Sasuke, with another one of those crazy ninja moves, shoved him hard against the wall next to the bathroom doorway.
Naruto, not intimidated in the slightest, simply feigned a glare. Sasuke's hands slid upward until they were placed on either side of his head.
"Stop chasing me," Sasuke said gruffly. "I might not be able to restrain myself."
"Think it's a little late for that, don't you? I'll chase you if I damn well feel like it."
"Why don't you go sleep in Deidara's room? That way you can preserve your chastity."
"Ha! Yeah. Chastity. I haven't had to deal with that since I was, like, 16."
"Oh?" Sasuke asked, lip curling. "Sixteen was when you had your first time? Me, too."
"Why are you always throwin' it in my face?"
"What?"
"All of the other men you've been with. Don't you know it's rude to talk about in front of the guy you just sexually harassed?"
"Sexually harassed?" Sasuke laughed darkly. "I'm fairly sure that was all consensual. And you loved it." He leaned in, close, like he was going to kiss him. Naruto drew in a breath, anticipating the feel of Sasuke's lips - but nothing came of it.
Naruto let out a quiet whimper of complaint.
"I told you," said Sasuke. "You loved it."
"So."
" 'So'? What do you mean 'so'?"
"You're mockin' me, aren't you?" Naruto asked.
"I like mocking you," Sasuke replied. "It's how I show my affection. I also like to show it in other ways. Touching you," his hand slipped underneath Naruto's shirt, skimming up his left side. "Kissing you," he placed a kiss to his neck, "Tasting you," he let his tongue glide down Naruto's throat until it reached his collarbone.
Naruto shut his eyes as his head thumped against the wall. "God."
"No, say my name."
"You wish."
"Hn." Sasuke smirked as he pulled away. "Well, there it is. Deidara's room." He pointed down the hall.
Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but didn't know what he wanted to ask for exactly.
"No good?" Sasuke asked, pretending to sound innocent. "Maybe the couch downstairs will do. You can sleep with the cat."
"I want to sleep with you," he blurted. "Er, I mean. Yeah. In your bed. With you. If I'm gonna leave tomorrow, I wanna sleep where you are. If that's okay."
"That's very okay." Sasuke, taking his hand, dragged him into the bedroom. The cat was sitting on the chair but gave minimal reaction to their appearance except a quick twitch of the tail. "Don't worry about him. He likes to watch."
"Sick," said Naruto as he threw himself onto the bed.
Sasuke stared at him. "That's my side."
"What does it matter?"
But Sasuke glared until Naruto rolled to the other side, away from the wall. Sasuke crawled over him, jabbing a knee into his thigh on purpose.
"Ass." Naruto wanted to punch him in the leg, but Sasuke probably would've liked that too much.
"Get under the covers," Sasuke told him as he started yanking back the sheets and blankets.
"Why are you bein' so bossy?"
"Because I want you under the covers with me. I want something, and I'm asking you for it. I thought you'd like that."
Naruto blinked at him. "Well, uh. Yeah. I mean. If you want somethin'... you should. Ask for it?"
"Oh? Is that what I should do?" Sasuke inquired as he got comfortable.
Blushing, Naruto decided to appease him this one time and got under the blankets. He scrunched his nose at the ceiling. He wasn't tired, really. In fact, he had all kinds of strange twinges of excitement running through his body; all of his thoughts going everywhere at once until he had to roll over onto his side, grab Sasuke by the shirt, and press up against him.
"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked.
"Inexpressible desire."
"I see. By the way, I don't cuddle."
"Bullshit," Naruto coughed, and Sasuke laughed loud and hard.
"I suppose some exceptions can be made." He searched out Naruto's hand underneath the blanket, and Naruto was happy to give it to him.
They both lay on their backs, staring up at the ceiling, hands joined - at first by only two fingers. Then their fingers all twined perfectly together.
"I don't... really wanna go home tomorrow."
"Maybe your flight will get cancelled again."
"And then what?" He looked over at him. "I leave on Tuesday?"
"Or, you stay here forever."
Naruto stared at him. "Are you bein' serious?"
"Maybe not as much as I'd lead you to believe, but your company isn't something that's entirely abhorrent to me."
"Speaking of whores," Naruto said.
"Ha ha." Rolling over, Sasuke, with his other hand, reached over and, while Naruto was expecting a sweet gesture of some kind, ended up getting flicked in the forehead.
"Ow, what was that for?"
"Things," Sasuke replied.
"Well, when you put it that way. I definitely deserved it." He smiled.
Sasuke was smiling, too. Even if he couldn't see it in the darkness completely, he could definitely sense it. The other man rolled onto his back again and let out a yawn.
"Rough day?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah. You could say that."
Naruto squeezed his hand. "Would you... consider visiting me sometime?"
"Consider, yes. Actually do? Unlikely. I have no interest in getting between you and her, Naruto."
"Sasuke. This, whatever this is, it's got nothin' to do with me and her... it's somethin' entirely separate. I doubt you expect anything to come of this, or am I wrong?"
"No... you're not wrong. Even if I really thought you swung both ways... I wouldn't do that to you. Can't you tell? I'm a mess. I'm better off on my own. I can meet my needs as I feel like it and maybe once every 10 years I can meet someone like you who makes me feel like..."
But Sasuke stopped.
"No, don't stop. Makes you feel like what?"
"Doesn't matter," Sasuke answered. "I'm tired."
"Ah, well. Go to sleep then. M'flight is later on... and, yeah." He yawned, too. "Don't let go."
"Hm?"
"My hand," he said. "Don't let go."
"I'll do my best." Sasuke squeezed it. "I might pull away in the middle of the night."
"Nah. I got this kung fu grip."
"Racist."
Naruto snickered. "I didn't know she had the G.I. Joe, kung-foo grip."
"Chorus," Sasuke demanded.
"And it went uhh. And the girl caress me down - uhh. And that's that lovin' sound."
"No more chorus. I don't like that sound you're making."
"What? When I go uuuhhh? Doesn't that turn you on?"
"God, I hope those aren't the sounds you make during sex."
"Heh. I make awesome sex sounds."
"The ones I've heard so far aren't so bad."
Naruto bit his lip, his thumb brushing up the side of Sasuke's hand. "I get now why guys are so into you. It's not just that you're good lookin'. I'm sorry to say that 'cause I'm not gay, I don't know what it means to wanna jump an attractive dude, but... I get the other reasons guys may be drawn to you. I never imagined me sayin' somethin' like this, but you are... one sexy bastard."
"I know, right?" Sasuke said it with such a straight face and so seriously that Naruto burst out laughing.
"Ah, well. The arrogance. I could take it or leave it."
"Hn."
"I appreciate that you're self-assured, yeah, but whenever you're bein' a dickwad, I'm more likely to punch you in the nads."
"That is... not how I'd like to further explore the physical aspects of our... relationship."
"Relationship?"
"What do you want to call this then?" Sasuke asked.
"Friendship definitely. Friendship... with benefits?" He tugged at Sasuke's hand.
"I know this may surprise you, but if I was going to be in a relationship, it would not be in an open one."
"Same. I mean, if Shion and I weren't on a break... this would've been completely different."
"I won't judge you, but... this Shion. Are you sure that you're happy with her?"
Naruto sighed. "No offense, but I don't wanna talk about it right now."
"Okay," Sasuke replied simply. "I'd rather not either. This is enough for me."
"Yeah, 'cause as soon as I leave you can go shag the entire Brooklyn borough."
"Who says I haven't already?"
Naruto, this time, did roll over and punch him (softly) in the shoulder, but Sasuke caught him by the elbow and held him close for a minute. It was long enough to share a brief, chaste kiss before they rolled apart again, though their hands remained joined.
"Goodnight, Sasuke. You whorish bastard."
"Goodnight, Naruto. You half-fag."
"Half-fag? Really?"
"Should I call you bisexual?"
"No. I feel like you should be, y'know, attracted to at least more than one person of the same gender before you get to officially hang that title on your door."
"Maybe so."
Naruto tried to lay awake for as long as he could because, even when they stopped talking, there was such a feeling of warmth, contentment, and... something else. Belonging? It felt like home somehow. He didn't want to go. He'd gotten used to having Sasuke by his side, and in less than a day, they'd be in two different parts of the country.
"Ne, Sasuke?" Naruto nudged him, apparently waking Sasuke in the process.
"What is it, idiot. I was sleeping..."
"Before I go, tell me you'll stay in touch?"
"We'll see," Sasuke replied sleepily. "Now let me sleep. I promise not to run away in the morning."
"You could try, but this time I'd chase your ass down."
"All the more reason for me to stay. I don't want to bother with that. It'd be... annoying."
"I'd be persistent, that's for sure. I'll let you sleep. Night, Sasuke."
"Night... Naruto."
Naruto smiled, and even though he remained awake a while longer, he didn't mind. He was happy just to keep holding Sasuke's hand like this, that Sasuke had opened up to him. He wasn't trying to analyze what happened between them, either in the bathroom or on the couch. It felt right. He didn't feel guilty either, but he also wasn't sure if it was something he could share with Shion.
Then again, when he did go back, they would have to talk and decide if they wanted to stay together - or move on.
Whether Sasuke remained a part of his life or whether this is the last time he'd ever see him again, this trip felt like it was pivotal in some way in terms of what he could expect for the future.
Did Sasuke feel the same way, he wondered?
Either way, Naruto did know one thing. He was extremely grateful for having met Sasuke. It's not like either of them were perfect or anything. That would be unrealistic. It's kind of what he liked about Sasuke, really. He could see himself in Sasuke. Maybe Sasuke saw something in him, too.
Naruto, without realizing it, squeezed Sasuke's hand a little tighter.
Tomorrow, he would have to let go, wouldn't he?
It was probably for the best. And it hurt. And it made him feel lonely to think about, but after all these years, one of the things he'd learned was to appreciate the meaningful moments, to hold them in his heart, and to learn whatever he could from them.
Sasuke... He would carry the time he spent together with Sasuke. Forever.