Chapter Ten

Note: There are very detailed, long author's notes at the end of this chapter. If you're confused by the creatures in this chapter, jump ahead to learn about different vampires from across the world.

"How long are we going to have to stay in this library?" Kurumu complained. "I have things I want to do!"

"Then go ahead and do them," Mizore snapped. "Tsukune and I are going to figure out if Edward really is a vampire or not!" Kurumu harrumphed but sat back down at the table, which was covered in books.

"So, Edward," Tsukune asked. "Do you like to count rice? Actually, a better way of phrasing that would be- if you find a pile of rice, do you have to count it before you're allowed to move on?"

"Uh... no," Edward replied. "Why would I count rice?"

"Well, if you were a Ch'iang-shih vampire you would have to count every grain of rice until you were allowed to pass."

"I am not a Ch'iang-shih!" Edward yelled. "Why can't you all accept that I'm a normal vampire, like Moka!"

"Because you're far from being like Moka," Yukari replied, popping up from under the table, carrying a big stack of books. "Everyone, do you think Edward is a transvestite?"

"Yukari!" Tsukune scolded. "Don't be rude!"

"Well, I just thought that if he was really female he could be a lamia," Yukari defended herself.

"Hmmm... good idea, Yukari," Kurumu said, smirking. "Come on, now, Edward, we're going to go check to see if you really are Edwarda."

"Edwarda?" Tsukune and Mizore asked in unison.

"Well, I don't know what the feminine form of 'Edward' is," Kurumu replied sheepishly. "But it doesn't matter! If Edward is Edwarda, then who better to check than another girl? After all, it would be awkward if Tsukune was the one who found out that she was a girl!"

"Go take a cold shower," Mizore spat. "You're so obnoxious!" Yukari responded by staring at Edward for a while, which to be honest, kind of creeped him out.

"He doesn't have boobs," Yukari pronounced. "That means he can't be a lamia, baobahn sith, or an empusa."

"Oh, naïve little Yukari," Kurumu sighed. "Maybe the fact that he looks like a guy hides the fact that he really is a girl!"

"You just want an excuse to see in his pants," Mizore sighed. She turned to Edward. "I'm sorry. She can get a little overexcited. Actually, though, I have to ask you a question that is rather awkward." Edward raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not sure how much more awkward it can be. I mean, Miss Kurumu basically told me she wanted to... to see..."

"Yes, yes, we know. Now shut up, you're scaring Tsukune," Mizore snapped. And indeed, Tsukune seemed a little disturbed by the talk of what Edward was keeping in his pants. "Anyway, I'm sorry to ask this, but I have a question for you. Edward, are you a sexual vampire?"

"What the hell!?" he yelped, jumping back a couple of feet. He was faithful to Bella! And he already had enough trouble with an obnoxious succubus hitting on him every five seconds! He didn't need an amorous yuki-onna on his case too! Would he be able to get out of here with his chastity intact?

"I think you're misunderstanding my intent," Mizore said calmly.

"Oh really?" Edward asked, eying the girl suspiciously. "What is your intent?" Mizore held up a heavy book entitled Lovers in the Night: Sex Vampire Legends

"Some stories portray incubi as vampires," she explained. "Although incubi do not steal blood from their victims... who knows? If you are an incubus, you'd be perfect for Kurumu."

"Actually, it does make sense," Kurumu mused, suddenly serious. "Sometimes incubi can sparkle in the light, although it's rare. It's a recessive trait, I guess. Plus, they're all very handsome, like you! Although I've never heard of an incubus that's faithful to one woman. Oh well, Whatever. Maybe you're a special case!"

"I am not an incubus!" Edward exclaimed angrily.

"Oh really?" Mizore asked. "It's the theory that makes the most sense. Maybe when you were changed you were told that you were turned into a vampire to avoid awkward questions? Have you ever had sex with a woman while she was asleep? Or with another man while he was asleep?"

"NO!!!!!" Edward's screech shook the rafters in the library, and made the librarian glare over at them and mutter,

"Ssssh!"

"Sorry," Edward mouthed back. Then, turning to the others, he said, "I would never do that! That is a low and disgusting act! I think that if you're going to have sex it needs to be consenual, with both parties awake."

"How boring," Kurumu sniffed. "He's no incubus. No incubus in his right mind would say something like that."

"Thank you for proving my point," Edward sighed. Mizore looked grouchy.

"Well, we're running out of ideas. Do you eat your victims?" she asked. Edward looked repulsed.

"Of course not. That's disgusting," he said.

"Hmmm... then you're not a mulo or rakshasa. If someone puts stones on your grave, will it kill you?" Mizore was just throwing out ideas now.

"No. I don't have a grave."

"That rules out you being a dearg-due. Can you control dogs?"

"Dogs? Do you mean werewolves?"

"Uh... no. Can you turn into a snake?"

"No."

"So, can you turn into any kind of animal?" Kurumu asked, getting impatient.

"No."

"Well, then I give up!" she exclaimed. "I've covered every kind of vampire that there is! You're obviously not a nosferatu-type like Moka. There's only one thing to conclude: you're not a vampire of any kind."

"But I am a vampire!" Edward exclaimed. "I don't know how to prove it to you!"

"Wait a minute!" Yukari exclaimed. "I found something interesting! Look at this legend!" She held up a thin book called North American Vampires. "Could he be this thing called a 'cold one'? It sounds like him. They are cold and stone-like, and they sparkle in the sunlight."

"I didn't even think to look in a book about North American vampires," Mizore muttered. "That was stupid. Edward, you're from America, right?"

"Yes," Edward replied, not sure where this was going.

"This makes sense then! You're one of these 'cold ones!'" Tsukune said excitedly. "We'll be able to show this to Moka and everything will calm down! Maybe then you two will stop trying to kill each other whenever you see each other!"

"Hey now," Edward said irritably, "It's not my fault that your girlfriend can't accept the truth!"

To Be Continued

Really Long Author's Comments:

Since I'm going back to classes on Tuesday I thought I would update again before then.

Anyway, all of the creatures are either vampires or vampire-like creatures from different countries around the world. Simple list of what they are and where they're from-

Ch'iang-shih: Chinese vampire-like creature that is vulnerable to sunlight. It cannot pass a pile of rice without having to count each grain.

Lamia: Greek vampire. It is always female, hence Kurumu's interest in finding out whether or not Edward is really a girl or not.

Baobahn sith: Scottish vampire. Again, a baobahn sith is always female, so Edward couldn't be one.

Empusa: Ancient Greek female vampire. They could be young women or old women.

Incubus: Incubi are sexual demons. Their female counterparts are succubi, like Kurumu. I included this here because one of the websites I used for research explained them as "sex vampires". Which created some very interesting mental images, I'll tell you that.

Mulo: Serbian vampire that doesn't stop with just blood. It eats the whole damn thing.

Rakshasa: Very powerful Indian vampire-like creatures. Like the mulo, it eats all of its victim.

Nosferatu: The vampire people typically think of- they're Eastern European creatures. They can be killed with stakes (not steaks), holy water, or sunlight.

Cold One: The kind of vampire Edward is, according to the Twilight books.

The others: there are many legends of vampires that can turn into weird creatures, so I just borrowed those.

Thanks for bearing with me!

-Kaboom