Hey...fo-chan had finally come back. Sorry for the very late chapter.
I have been through a lot this months lately, so many distractions, etc.
I've decided, since STM will be a long long day, I would submit short chapters but fast to update than long chapter but long to update...
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What can't kill you, will make you stronger…that would be another toning phrase when it comes to rivalry, Sonic noticed this. But to him, he had another strange addable phrase into his language version.
Sometimes it's good to have enemies…they can save your life.
It was a strange phrase and unacceptable. It was sort of the laws of gravity had tell us that apple didn't fell from the tree, it wasn't normal. But who can agree that Sonic's life was normal? His never ending quarrel with Eggman was the first evidence of it.
And now, having Shadow who was walking beside him, he started to believe his current addable phrase was true. To have rivals and enemy, they place sudden challenges which forcing you to push beyond limit. And here's the advantage of it…mutual self-improvement.
Despite their gift of speed, both of the hedgehogs would rather take a silent walk back to their friends. They had advantage for these, a small talk, not necessary and though it was more like a waste of time. However, Sonic felt more content being with him for a strange reason. Most of the time they would walk in silence, other times Sonic would give one phrases or two. In later occasion his phrases grew into few sentences, sentences into stories.
Before the incident happened, the ebony hedgehog was never once listened to him. Back then normal Sonic usually talks too often, and most of the time his words are useless colorized by his cockiness. But this is not 'any' occasion, and those words that Sonic spoke…those aren't his words. His stories that were told to Shadow's ears didn't seem to make sense. He would give a metaphorically tale that started with the words 'what if…?' Most of the time Shadow imagined Sonic's words like endless labyrinth, with him as the experimental rat lab.
Those may be Sonic's voice. But the way he talk, and that behavior…that isn't him. Few stories were told again, still with his voice, but it still isn't him. Shadow would give him some few comments signaling that he listened, if not he would bounce back the question. And then if all of those options are not correct he would just plain listen in silence. For some reason Sonic was content about this conversation.
Shadow was right, he was his rival. He didn't care about Sonic's changing behavior. It is something to be pity, Sonic was usually live alone, until his life was crowded with his friends. He never once lose any of them, even imagining it would traumatize him. Shadow was different…he was loved and lost in a tragic way. But Sonic give him full trust of him, even though every one would think that's insanity.
He didn't instantly favoring his worst rival over his friends. He still would prefer Tail's company, Knuckle's support, and Amy's smile…if he would ever see her again. In spite of that Shadow was loyal…and he had his promise. He never broke his promise even if it cost his soul. Sonic already witnessed that. If he lost everything, Shadow would be there, until his promise is fulfill.
"If I am a good person… I wish, I could have normal life with my friends."
Shadow asked, "Why would you say that?"
"I am not a good person. I've kept something inside…for too long."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
This was some kind of denial from Shadow. He wasn't really clueless. But he was saying that because he refused to know. Sonic then gave a slight smile, but grew to a twisted smile afterwards. Shadow felt the chill once again as if ice slide down to his back. Another faint instinct warned him once again.
"You know what I'm talking about, Shadow… You just saw it."
The ebony hedgehog bit his lip, another unusual expression for him, "Then can you tell me what that was?"
"Honestly I don't know what it is either. I only can tell what he wants or what he feels."
"He…"
"…Other me." He quickly answered.
"Since when did you have it?"
"Not sure..." Sonice breathed, "It's always there. It something I grew with, most people grew with minds and experience, I grew up with this thing. This thing is something that I can't keep or either loosing it. It will always be there. It's just the matter if I'm awaking it or not…"
"Is it awake now?"
Sonic stopped walking. He faced him, hushing and signaling a silent gesture. Another odd gesture from the famous hero, Shadow noticed. The ebony hedgehog once again feel the chill on the air as he observed a morbid smile grew from Sonic.
This wasn't Sonic…he was sure of it. Nevertheless, Shadow stayed calm, he saw his lime eyes were not dull yet. Sonic's sanity still took the lead of his body.
"Shh…He was about to sleep for now… Don't wake him. These days he was easily awake."
"What is this thing…?"
He spoke silently, slowly lowering his finger, "That thing is like a black dog who always stuck with his human 'friend'."
"…You mean owner…?" Shadow corrected, it was his first real reply.
"No... It's a companion. An owner can completely control the dog. I can't control him, I don't have that rank. This black dog can bite his human friend, while the human would defend back by hitting him. But they never kill each other…oh no…they always stuck to each other, taming each other, hurt each other…and they can't live without each other."
"How long have that black dog living with you?"
"Long enough, I don't remember. Maybe it was before I was born."
For a moment Shadow was silent, whoever this 'thing' was currently playing with him. If Sonic imagined this as a dog, he was more imagining this as a cat who was playing Shadow like it's little bird prey.
"When did you realize that black dog inside of you?"
For a moment the azure hedgehog frowned, he coward his view to the ground, "Ever since I saved Amy for the first time. I…sort of making a pact with him."
Another silent reply from Shadow, he just realized how big role that Amy was playing. He then asked again, "Why did he agree to save Amy for you?"
Sonic raised his head to face him, lime eyes was still dull, "He had lots of advantage by keeping Amy. You should see it clearly from the first encounter with Amy I awakening him. And then each time she was closed to me, my emotion was quiet unstable. That's a bad thing…you see he like it that way, it sort of feeding him. He did say he was determined to protect her but I never trust in him. A black dog may can guard, but it still a predator."
Shadow allowed some sympathy showed in his face, "That's why you always runaway from her? That's why you're mad when Volt told you about Amy? And you yelled him back that you can't be with her?"
The azure hedgehog gave a weak smile, "Ironic isn't it?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"What do you want to ask?"
"The black dog," Shadow took a breath on his pause, "Why did he try to kill me?"
Sonic closed his eyes frowning, "Bad things maybe. He was annoyed, really annoyed, but amused as well…"
"Oh really?" Shadow raised an eyebrow.
"You're the second person beside Amy that could easily wake him. The problem is…each time it happened, it's not in a good mood."
Shadow winced, "He really hated me that much?"
"I was really afraid he might kill you someday. But in the end he was impressed by your power. He then spared you, in hoping you'll have a use someday."
Shadow gave a slight frown, it was more like a mild stressful manner. Of course he was definitely hated to be underestimated. But under these circumstances, he also spared Sonic for saying those words honestly. "I'll take that as a good thing". He distracted his view for a while to see their environment, the endless jungle. For a while he didn't have the courage to see Sonic's eyes, perhaps he was afraid if his eyes gone blank again.
"Sonic…" he called his name barely to be heard.
"Yes?"
"Why did he change his mind?"
Sonic once again face him, "He said… You and me, we're the same."
"Same as what?"
"I'm not sure what he meant. But he is right, we both are the same. Dogs always alarmed when they found another dog."
Shadow was about to think deeper again to the word as 'same'. Unfortunately, as he accidentally face Sonic's face, he saw his smile grew into twisted and morbid one. The ebony hedgehog stared back at him, abruptly distracted by the morbid smile. His thoughts had gone by seconds. His brain didn't function right, as if Sonic's morbid smile had the power to confuse anyone who gaze upon him.
"You're afraid…" Sonic stated, "I can smell that."
"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to react." He mumbled, half disbelief, slight confused and slight fear.
"Well, I had a slight request. If you don't mind."
His smile soon was fading, that is something Shadow would've thanked God for. By the time Sonic change his expression into a sad smile, a very saddest smile, the dark hedgehog raised an eyebrow.
Confused, he then asked, "And that would be…?"
And he didn't expect the conversation had turned direction.
"If someday I'm not myself…would you kill me?"
Shadow quickly blinked, "What…?"
"Would you kill me, if I'm not myself?"
Now this was something he really didn't expect. The dark hedgehog was gravely confused, he stepped back.
"Would you end my life, if I start to hurt someone?"
Sonic continued asking while double step forward, ignoring Shadow's puzzlement. He then raised his gloved hands raised to his chest, a slight gesture of devotion.
"Would you promise to punish me, and end my misery?"
This time Shadow had the courage to speak, while his head faintly shook in disagreement.
"Sonic, accidents happens…"
"Cut the crap, Shadow, you know what I meant!!" Sonic lost his patience, suddenly burst out.
Shadow accidentally yelled back in defense, "I had no right! You ask me to be a killer, Sonic. I did that once, and those spirit's life whom I take haunted me to these days. I live a cursing life, Sonic! Don't ask me to do it again. I had no right to take someone's life!"
Sonic's eyes glared to Shadow demanding attention, "You almost do it several times before. This isn't a suicide wish, damn it! I only ask you to judge me. I'm sinful Shadow…a sinful person who waited for his best crimes and be judged!!"
"Who determined what's good and bad to you?" Shadow glared back. He was, for a while proud to keep control on this conversation. Sonic was about to argue back, but he immediately cut him off, "What does it matter if you're good or bad?"
This time Sonic did silent. He stood there observing him, eyes far too caution.
"There was two different being who live in this world, Shadow. There were no good people and bad people. There was only people who can choose good or bad things in their lives and there was someone who was born to do be bad thing."
"…and that's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard…"
Sonic startled, he didn't argue back at Shadow's comment.
"If there was a God would He create something evil on purpose? No, He might give us a chance to choose. We live to choose, whether it's good or bad, but most of the time those choice is not as simple to be labeled like black and white…mostly in grey. The God I know never judge us…He never was, He only wants us to be responsible to whatever choice we took. That was includes you."
Sonic gave another silent, he gazed to the ground long enough until he finally spoke, "You believe that we all the same…? …to have choices in our lives?"
"We all are… No matter how dammed we are."
"Why?" he asked weakly, still lime eyes gazed to the ground, "Why are you keep believing in me? Why do you keep thinking I was never evil?"
Shadow was about to answer when he caught a glimpse of Tail's figure in Sonic's back. The azure hedgehog didn't notice the fox, he was still busy with the guilt over him. Since Tails didn't seem want to interrupt them but to watch Shadow then continued.
"Because…" he sighed, "Honestly I never cared what choice you took but…" he gritted his teeth, "…ugh I hate to admit but…" Shadow finally took a serious posture, facing Sonic with a perfect confidence, "Yes I trusted you, no matter how idiot you are, you always choose the value life of others…especially your friends, even for those you didn't know, even the enemy who multiple times killed you…Eggman and me. You wouldn't hesitate to jump and save the day without thinking whatever happened to you…"
Sonic grew silent again and this time Shadow didn't wait for answer. He left without checking back, because that's when the part where Tails took over.
"I always believe…" the fox speak taking Sonic's had startling him, for just noticing his presence now, "I always believe in you"
"But I'm falling… to deep this time." Sonic was about to argue but Tails didn't let him speak.
He continued, shook his head, "Remember when we first met? When I suddenly can fly? Remember what I said to you?"
Sonic shook his head gently, confused.
"If you fall… I'll catch you… That's what brothers are."
Sonic was about to argue that they're not related. He was about to said harshly to his phrase because it was corny. He was about to deny his little brother's faith.
But when he saw Tail's blue eyes glittered masked by his sad smile…
…He silenced himself…
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Still TBC
I'm very sad when I wrote this. Because, what happen to Sonic is almost the same struggle I've through with. And the last words that Tails spoke it's actually the same words my friend said...
The 'black dog' that Sonic describe was inspired by a book that describe 'black dogs' as a metaphor of 'depression'. But it isn't exactly depression on Sonic's mind....
Thank you for your time reading it!
