Author's Note: This installment will be quite a bit different than the others. Instead of being my typical quick write drawn from an idea post it, this was inspired by Usher's song "Numb". The lyrics are below if you've never heard it.
"I Feel You Now"
Inspired by:
Numb By Usher
They say life is a battlefield
I say bring it on
If you wanna know how I feel
Leave it till it's gone
I'm just saying that what don't kill only makes you strong
If you don't recognize what is real
Then forever is a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long
Time, some things never change here we go again
Feel like I'm losing my mind
Shake it off, let it go, I don't care any more
Just go numb
You never know until you let go
Let's go numb
I can feel you now
Keep on doing the same old thing
And you expectin' change
Well is that really insanity
Or just a losers' game
I only trust in the things I feel
Some may say that's strange
You better recognize what is real
'Cause forever is a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long
Time, some things never change, here we go again
Feel like I'm losing my mind
Shake it off, let it go, I don't care anymore
Let's go numb
You never know until you let go
We all go numb
I can feel you now
(Numb)
(Numb)
I can feel you now
I can feel you now
I can feel you now
But you can't feel it, do ya?
(Numb)
Shake it off, let it go, I don't care anymore
(Numb)
I can feel you now
(Numb)
I can feel you now
(Numb)
I can feel you now
Can you feel it?
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Auggie was stuck in a rut, the same routine day after day. That was until that fateful day he was assigned to give a tour to the newest agent on his caseload. Annie Walker.
Their connection was apparent immediately, at least to him. But he couldn't be sure if it was the same for her. Damn blindness. It kept him for knowing things with one-hundred percent accuracy. His confidence was nowhere near as low as it had been right after the accident, but also nowhere as high as it was before it.
The battlefield had changed him. It had blinded him. Blinded him physically, yes. But it had also blinded him emotionally. He was just numb to it all. Numb to happiness. Numb to sadness. Numb to the emotions of daily life. He hadn't been really living. Just existing-just on autopilot constantly.
It wasn't until Annie came along three years after the accident that he started to feel again. It was a slow process, but one he wasn't to take lightly. He wasn't sure he could trust himself. Could he trust the emotions he had repressed for so long? He'd been numb for years; could he be sure this was real now?
At this moment, at God knows what time in the morning, he laid there beside her. He remained still as a mountain as her head was on his chest still sound asleep. He thought, reminisced, and imagined what a future with Annie Walker might be like.
He remembered the events that had brought them here. They had both made mistakes. Both had things to regret. Pain they had caused each other. But here they were, together at last.
Auggie had been thinking about marriage for some time now, but as with most things, he wasn't absolutely positive how Annie felt about it.
He wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives. And she said she wanted the same. But was it fair to her. He doubted it could be. He doubted himself. Of course, he had a ring for her. He had had it for months. They hadn't talked about marriage, even though their coworkers all joked with them about it. They'd laugh and joke back, but for Auggie, it wasn't a joke. He wanted it to be real. But was it really what Annie wanted. Did she feel the same way?
He was lying there for so long, listening to her steady breathing as she slept. They had been through so much together. It shouldn't have worked out. They could have given up so many times. It would have been too much for most couples. It was almost too much for them, but here she lay. They were doing it. They'd been back together for almost a year. She'd moved in with him after three months. They'd had their share of problems, but now their communication was better. They were stronger together than either could be individually. They both knew that.
He sighed and smiled to himself. Right this moment, he felt it. Felt like it really could be forever.
He felt her move. He squeezed her tighter to him. He knew it was time. He was finally feeling complete. This was real. Annie was real and she wanted him. He felt he could feel her now. It was undeniable as she kissed him good morning. The passion was unquestionable. She too was in this for the long haul.
Author's note: Hope you enjoyed this exploration into Auggie's inner most thoughts.
