The next day I sat on the edge of my bed and felt like taking a long, hot bath. I felt like it, but I couldn't, since my family doesn't have hot water in the house. Apart from freezing my ass off running in South Park weather, almost getting raped, and having my best friend disgusted with me, I really shouldn't have been feeling so bad. I had gotten the $45.50 Clyde promised that same day, Clyde thanking me through sobs for being 'a real bro'.

I sighed and put my head in my hands. I was a shitty bro. Kyle hadn't answered any of my texts. It was starting to get worrisome. Kyle taught me that word; worrisome. He taught me a lot of shit, really. You never think about how much someone means to you until they aren't there any more. Not there to teach you words. Not there to give you money. Most of all, though, not there to just...you know, be with. I fell back on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. What had I done to my beautiful bromance?

Even my goal of earning $1000 was coming up short. After all the stuff I had done the past two weeks, I was still about twenty-five dollars short. Fuck. All for nothing. All the sex and the humiliation and the face rape, which is technically also sex, for this? No. I sat up. Kenny McCormick was not giving up without a fight.

DDDDDDDDDD

I dialled the number slowly. Each click of my rotary phone sounded like a bomb planted in my heart, ready to go off and shatter my chance of love when I pressed the receiver to my lips. Holy shit that was emo.

"Hello?", I ventured.

"Hey, who is this?", the familiar voice on the other end asked. I breathed a sigh of relief that Stan had answered and not Kyle.

"It's Kenny", I told him quickly, "Is Kyle okay?"

I could hear sounds much like those made by my favourite video game, Revenge of the Galiptoids from Sector 10, in the background. Me and Kyle used to play that game. He would kick my ass at it, too. Probably because his game controller was new and didn't have the grips worn off. At least that's what I always told him.

"Why wouldn't he be okay?", Stan asked, "Is there something going on with you guys?"

Wow. Kyle hadn't even told Stan how he felt about me. That kind of hurt. Those guys tell each other everything. Well, except for that time in 4th grade when we all had lice. Am I really as embarrassing as lice?

"Just let me talk to him."

I listened impatiently as Stan handed the phone over to Kyle. I was just glad he didn't say who it was.

"Hey."

Silence. Kyle knew my voice. I held the phone tightly, as if that would keep him from hanging up on me.

"Look..Kenny..."

I interrupted. "I know, I'm a whore and a terrible friend and I shouldn't have used you like that. I'll do anything to make it up to you, really-"

"Kenny I-"

This was not going well. My palms started to sweat. "Honestly Kyle, I'm so sorry! I mean at first, you know at first it really was all about the money and the computer and running Crysis, but then- well then you, and..and..oh God this is so fucked up."

Silence again, during which I'm pretty sure I peed a little. I denied it later.

"Are you done now?"

"Begging? Yes."

Kyle laughed. "I was going to tell you that I forgive you, and that I understand the nature of our relationship." He paused to let my breathing return to normal. "You don't like me like that and that's fine."

My smile faded. This was what I wanted, right? Kyle was just an awesome bro who I fucked for cash who, through nothing but the grace of Raptor Jesus, was still my friend. I swallowed. For a victory, this felt like a really, really shitty one.

"Well I'm glad we cleared that up.", Kyle's voice said from somewhere to my left, "Bye Kenny, see you at school."

*click*

"Wait Kyle..."

Damn I'm slow.

DDDDDDDDDD

There was no way I could just sit on my ass and feel sorry for myself all day. But could I really go and talk to Kyle when he had just forgiven me? I sighed. My options were a) do nothing or b) make things worse. On multiple-choice tests I usually go with c, so that's what I did. I decided to try to do something to get my mind off Kyle. Something productive, at least. I thought about cleaning my room, but the thought made me queasy. I settled on cleaning out my backpack. I don't think that old thing has ever been cleaned, because it weighs about 50 pounds and I only have five classes. Still, if it would keep me from mourning the loss of my friend-with-benefits, it couldn't be that bad.

I began at the top and worked my way down. Some papers seemed to have actually disintegrated or had the ink washed out of them. Fascinating. I found some homework for two years ago that I still haven't finished, eleven pencils less than three inches long, a baggie of what I assumed was once pretzels, and a note from Wendy telling me that if I hit on her again she'd call the police.

Just as I was about to dump the crumbs and assorted past-due essays into the trash, a piece of paper fell out that had been stuffed in the front pocket. I picked it up. It was a schedule of school events for this month, complete with Comic Sans and Microsoft Office 2003 Word-art. They had handed these things out in gym last week. I guess I didn't bother to put it in my folder.

I scanned this week's events and noticed that the student council was going to meet in Mr. Garrison's room at 3:30. This news would have been boring as sod if I hadn't remembered that Kyle was in the student council. I checked the clock. 3:24. I had just six minutes to get my poor ass over there before they looked the doors on me. Worth it? Maybe. The right thing to do? Probably not. A cure for my boredom? Defiantly.

I dropped the paper and was out the door before you could say 'desperate'. I didn't have a plan, exactly. All I knew for sure was that I needed to talk to Kyle, maybe try to convince him that I never meant to use him for money. I wished myself luck with that. Fortuitously, school was only a few blocks from my house, and if I had no distractions or deaths, I could make it in time. The front gate was in clear view when I felt a hand grab around my arm, and found myself making a sound not unlike a terrified ferret.

"Going somewhere?"

I wheeled around to look at my least favourite person grinning at me, as if he knew what he was keeping me from.

"Let me go, Craig!"

He just laughed. I hated the way the poof balls on his hat flung back when he laughed. I hated the way he dragged me behind a tree and pressed my shoulders against it. I hated the way he whispered 'hello, McCormick' in my ear. I just fucking hated Craig Tucker.

"Seriously, can you molest me some other time? I'm on the clock, here!"

Craig smirked against my neck. "You still need money, don't you?"

He could tell from the way my face heated up that anything but a 'yes' was a lie. "Maybe..maybe a little." I pushed back against the tree but Craig held me fast. If I could just lift my arm I could look at my watch...

"Want to earn $100.00?"

My breath caught in my throat. Without thinking, I responded. "What would I have to do?"

Craig smiled at my sudden acquiescence. "I think it's best you agree to it before I tell you what I want."

This was it. In just about an hour, maybe more if Craig had more stamina than me, the bastard, I could have my goal. One thousand fucking dollars. How on earth could I say no? This was what I wanted all along, right? The reason I had fucked my best friend, washed a van in booty shorts, and showed the whole town my junk?

"Okay."

For a split second, Craig's hands were off me. I took my chance. I ran, ran like the devil himself was at my heels, like I had the green apple splatters, like my whole future was behind that door. A quick glance at my watch told me I had exactly two minutes before the gates locked. Fuck $1000. Fuck getting an awesome gaming computer. Fuck running Crysis at 40 fps. But most of all- fuck my life.

DDDDDDDDDDD

When I got to the school I was completely out of breath. I lunged madly at the gate and pulled with all my might, every drop of pent-up adrenaline, but it held fast. My heart sank. I stared am my watch. It was 3:30. I looked up at the latch just in time to notice that the gate swung inwards. I told you I was slow. I threw my weight against the door and stumbled as it gave in. Just in time, too, because I felt the lock catch as I closed it hurriedly behind me.

I looked down the row of classrooms to my left. I was out of breath and my knees buckled as I ran for the doors, but my mission wasn't over yet. I had come this far to see Kyle, and Goddamn if I wasn't going to. The only occupied classroom came into my view quickly and I pulled the handle, remembering to pull this one. Someone made a startled noise as I burst into the room, but I didn't pay attention to Butters.

"Kyle!"

The room went silent. Mr. Garrison looked at me as though I had just pissed in his Cheerios. Kyle turned around at his desk, visibly embarrassed by being called out like that. I stood my ground. I knew how ridiculous I must look right now; sweaty, a bit rumbled from being pushed against a tree, scared out of my mind of something I usually didn't even consider- rejection.

"What?", Kyle finally spoke.

"I need to talk to you."

I had to keep my head in the game, or whatever other euphemism I could use for reminding myself not to think of ogling Kyle in his sweater vest. If anyone can pull off a sweater vest, it's Kyle Broflovski. Of course 'pulling off is exactly what I'd like to do to it right now, but like I said, I had to stay focused. Cautiously, almost fearfully, Kyle got up and followed me to the door. I grabbed his hand without thinking, and quickly pulled him out of the room to justify it. That's normal, right? Grabbing somebody's hand to pull them somewhere? Fuck I'm bad at this right now.

"What the hell is this about, Kenny?", Kyle hissed at me, pulling his hand away from mine and giving me a look that made Mr. Garrison's look downright peachy, "I told you we could still be friends, why did you have to barge into my student council meeting like that?"

"I need to, to tell you some stuff."

I'm so smooth, honestly.

"I know you said we can still be friends, and that's awesome.." I paused. This was the hard part, the part I hadn't even really considered when I was running like Forest Gump to the high school. "but I kind of feel.."

My mind went blank. Those green eyes were staring directly into my soul. Curls of red hair caught the sunlight. I could feel Kyle's body heat radiating off of him. There were a million words behind my tongue, but I seemed to be desperately choking on them. I wondered if the look on my face was giving me away.

"Kyle..."

He looked almost worried as he looked back at me. "Y-yeah?"

I reached out and grabbed his arm. The skin felt burning hot against mine and allowed me to breathe. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to run any more in these dime-store trainers. I couldn't stand to see Kyle angry at my any more. This whole month, ever since I earned my first dollar, has been a bubble waiting to pop. The surface tension had to break, or it would all float away.

"I love you."

I became very aware of how stupid I must look, standing there with a half-smile on my face and my arms placed stupidly at my sides. Kyle blinked. He opened his mouth and looked at me, searching my face for any sign that I was fucking with him. Luckily he didn't any, though I can't imagine how. I was nervous as hell. After what seemed like an eternity, Kyle spoke.

"Please..please don't do this to me, Kenny."

"What do you mean?" Static sounded in my ear. Doctor, we're losing him...

Kyle put his head in his hand and slouched forward. "I said I'd still be your friend, you don't have to lie to me about why you had sex with me!"

My heart sank. Then it released its oxygen tank and went deeper. For such a smart guy, Kyle was acting like a total dumbass right now. Why didn't he believe me? What could I do to prove myself to him? Quickly I remembered the two most powerful things in the world: sex, which I figured wouldn't help me right now, and money. I shoved my hand in my pocket and pulled out my wallet, I grabbed Kyle's hands and opened them, and proceeded to empty the contents into them.

"Take it. $975.53, it's all yours."

"What the he-"

"This is all the money I made whoring myself", I explained, "but Kyle, you mean more to me than that." I took hold of his hands and clenched them around the wrinkled bills. A few coins fell to the ground, their clinking echoing down the hallway.

"Kenny...", Kyle began. His expression was unreadable. His body seemed to shake as he stood there. My heart started to swim to the surface, then felt the effects of the Benz and stayed put.

"Are you sure?"

What kind of question was that? "Of course I'm sure!", I told him, trying my best to sound sincere when I felt more nervous than I had ever been, "Dude, you and Stan are my best friends, you've always been the most awesome guys I know, but things have been different lately..."

I paused to watch him smile. It's a beautiful thing to see, really. Kyle pushed the pile of money back into my hands. I still don't know how, but he looked almost as scared as me.

"Even if, even if how we hooked up was unusual, that doesn't mean we can't be in love, right?" I took a deep breath. "Do you love me, Kyle?"

"I was willing to pay you $100 just so you would fuck me", Kyle half-mumbled, "does that answer your question?"

I grinned like a madman. Half from his words, and half from the way he was looking at me right now. Kyle was right; I should have known, should have been more careful. Now I have another chance. A very sexy, red-headed chance. I threw my arms around him. He was so warm, so alive, so mine.

"Kenny?", Kyle whispered. I responded with a happy sound in the back of my throat. My brain had turned off.

Kyle nuzzled his head into my shoulder and whispered softer. "I want you so bad right now."

Grabbing his ass and pressing his front against me told me Kyle wasn't lying. Holy shit this was not happening.

"Right..right here?" This was not the Kyle Broflovski I knew. That kid was reserved, smart, witty, wild sometimes, sure, but never sex-in-school wild. The knowledge that I had made Kyle feel like this had me hard whether it was right or wrong, and really, since when has something being wrong stopped me from doing it?

Kyle pulled me back toward Mr. Garrison's room. "All the kids should be gone by now.", he said.

I laughed, my breath catching a little in my throat as I realised what we were about to do. Sure enough, the room was empty and the door was unlocked, probably so Kyle could get his backpack. We shared a much-needed kiss just inside the door, uncontrolled, sloppy, and terrible if I didn't need it so bad. It didn't matter, the contact was enough. I grabbed Kyle's ass again and pushed him against me, letting him know that I needed this just as bad.

The windows were open and the curtains were pulled back, but like in that KFC bathroom, logic was taking a back-seat to the more important issue at hand. Kyle's hands were on the back of my head, pressing our lips together in more feverish kisses. All thought had now been transferred to my cock.

"Tell me what you want, Kyle.", I whispered in his ear.

Kyle responded by pulling at my shirt, prompting me to pull it off and throw it half-way across the room. "I want you to fuck me."

The blush on Kyle's cheeks was just icing on the cake. His sweater vest, shirt, and pants were all discarded within a span of about 5 minutes, and I had him pushed up to a desk in the next 3. Kyle made a groaning sound in the back of his throat as I massaged him slowly through his boxers. The look on his face at every move of my hand was hypnotising.

I picked Kyle up enough to set him on top of the desk, where he wasted no time in unbuttoning my pants. I ran a hand through his Jewfro and whispered his name as Kyle started planting tiny kisses on my stomach and chest. Kyle was so sweet. Too sweet, really. I missed dirty, adventurous, moaning-my-name Kyle. Luckily I had an idea about how to bring him back.

I pulled down his underwear in one move, surprising him out of his kissing. "I missed you so much." Kyle smiled, the blush on his cheeks deepening as I stared at his now-naked body hungrily. I captured his lips in a kiss while my hands travelled down his body. I felt Kyle's moan in my mouth when I came into contact with his hard-on. I stroked him slowly at first, loving the way he mouth felt against mine as his breathing quickened. I smiled and leaned over Kyle, my own hard-on now pressed to his knee. "What should I do to you now, babe?" Kyle groaned and pulled at my underwear. They slipped down my thighs before I decided to do something I'd never really done, consensually, before.

"Kenny? What are you-mm K-Kenny.."

This, this right here, had to be the gayest thing I'd ever done. I kept my hands on Kyle's thighs as I sucked him off. The way his body shook, the way he tasted, the sounds he made...I would have been worth it even if it didn't make my cock throb against the leg of the desk. Which it did. Slowly I went deeper, closing my eyes and focusing on Kyle's moans as I felt my gag reflex kick in. I became aware of a hand pushing down on my head and obeyed against my better judgement, my ears starting to tear up when I felt a bush of red hair touch my lips. Still, I kept going. Kyle was loving this, and that was worth it.

"Ff-uck! I'm gonna cum if you don't stop!", he cried out, "Fuck me! Right- nnng- right now!"

Oh yeah, I would tear out my own spleen to hear that.

"Are you ready?"

Kyle nodded and grabbed on to my shoulders, spreading his legs for me. I kissed him, then moved down to his cheek and neck to let him breathe. Kyle swore as I pushed against him, but the feeling was incredible. Kyle squirmed and bit his lip. I was not going to let this stop. Call me sadistic, but I knew Kyle's pain would go away if he let me in just a little further. I held Kyle to me and stroked his hair. "C'mon baby, I know you can take my whole cock in you."

I felt Kyle relax a bit and pushed deeper. I left a Hickey on his neck in thanks. "That's it, Kyle", I moaned, pushing harder now out of excitement, "you love having me inside you, don't you? Tell me how much you love it."

Kyle moaned. "Ah- Kenny, deeper!" He arched his back and grabbed on to me tighter as he thrust forward. I heard the desk squeak on the floor. I smiled. "I love you." One more hard thrust of my hips and I was completely sheathed inside Kyle. The way he cried out my name and grabbed hold of me for dear life was priceless. I started thrusting slowly, feeling the desk shake underneath us. Kyle leaned back and gripped the edge of the desk as I fucked him, bracing himself so I could go harder. I let one hand stroke his hard-on while the other grabbed his thigh.

"Mmnn..fuck..I love you, Kenny!"

My ego felt as good as my dick. I kissed Kyle in that breathless, needful way, and growled in his ear. "You close, baby?" Kyle nodded and broke eye contact with me, a blush spreading across his cheeks again. "Good.", I moaned, angling my thrusts to make him pant, "Cum for me."

Kyle grabbed me and pulled me against him. I was sure the desk would fall over. He grunted and dug his nails into my back. "That's right, baby.", I breathed somewhere under his hair. Kyle tightened up around my cock and let out a breathless scream as he came on our chests. I was so lost It almost didn't register with me that I was cumming, too. "Uuuhh..take it, Kyle...", I groaned, my energy depleting almost immediately.

I was just starting to pull out, grinning like a madman, when a faint sound caught the edge of my attention. Something like a door opening in the blurry space to my right. I didn't give a shit. What could possibly demand my attention more than Kyle right now? I started to rethink that when I heard a voice.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

I didn't stop to question how the hell Craig got through what I assumed was a locked gate, though I wouldn't put it past him to tunnel in convict-style. Or maybe his guinea-powers include teleportation. In either case, I wasn't going to let that jerkwad mess this beautiful moment up. Odd, really; I had never considered that pulling your cock out of another man's ass could be a beautiful thing, but I guess you just had to be there.

"Really awesome stuff.", I replied.

"Fuck!"

Kyle got up, a little shakily, I might add, and grabbed his clothes. I put a reassuring arm around him and kissed his cheek, before pulling on my own underwear and pants. My shirt had, again, left the vicinity. This was the most awkward thing I had done in upwards of an hour. Okay, 15 minutes. Don't judge me.

"Seriously", Craig continued, "The fuck?"

I rolled my eyes and took my arm from around Kyle to fold them both in front of my bare chest. "It's called sex, and I highly recommend it."

Craig surveyed the scene in front of him. Kyle was sloppily dressed and still looked a bit embarrassed, I was feeling like a pimp, and the desk we were on had only just managed to maintain it's structural integrity. I'd say if Craig hadn't done a lot worse shit than this, that we would be screwed. Craig tapped his finger on his chin, the strings on his chullo cap swinging with each one. "Here's the deal, McCormick-"

"No, here's the deal", I told him, buttoning up my pants, "You give me $25.00 and I don't tell Mr. Mackey that you're a sexual predator."

Craig scoffed. "Like hell I am!"

"I assume you're saying you won't pay him the money, because you certainly can't deny that you're a danger to society."

I Love Kyle. I put an arm around him again, nodding once in agreement. He was right, though. Craig was a nut, but a tough one to crack. Truth is, I had had just about enough of Craig's bullshit. I walked right up to him, still shirtless, my after-orgasm high making me feel fucking invincible. "You really think I could get in more trouble than you for this? I'm not exactly the one with a reputation to uphold, here."

He just glared at me. Craig couldn't argue that my having gay sex in a classroom would blow over much quicker than his being a gay rapist. With a heavy sigh, Craig reached into his pocket.

"Here's your damn money."

I smiled and grabbed the 20 and 5 like they were the last currency on earth. My goal of making $1000 was finally complete. I ran the bills through my fingers and gave Craig a broad smile. "Pleasure doing business with you."

He wrinkled his nose and stepped away from me. "It's a business doing pleasure with you."

Craig left wordlessly, looking equally disgusted at his own actions and mine. I stuffed my ill-gotten gains in my pants pocket and took a deep breath. Kyle laughed. The most beautiful sound in the world, that is. "That was crazy."

"Yeah. Lucky he's the only one that'll ever know we did this." I paused. "It's not like the school has security cameras or anything.", I laughed, then after a thought I added, "right?"

Kyle didn't answer.

"Um, right?"

Kyle went pale. With a shaking finger, he pointed to something over my shoulder. My eyes widened. I looked up to see a familiar black dome on the ceiling. Seriously, fuck my life.

DDDDDDDDDD

Later that day, after a very cleansing and quite productive shower, which I didn't take alone, Stan came over to Kyle's house to watch Jackass with us. I had just gotten back from Best Buy when Stan showed up with a box of Dem' Donuts and a bottle of Happy Cola. I was grinning from ear to ear for at least the third time that day, carrying a box containing the most awesome possession I had ever purchased. Legally.

"Hey dudes!"

Kyle greeted me with a quick hug. "Is that the computer you wanted?"

"The very same", I told him, setting the box on the couch.

Stan sat down heavily next to my fair-gotten gains and opened the bottle of Happy Cola. He raised his eyebrows when he saw the receipt I stuck into my jacket pocket. "Kenny, did you seriously go to Best Buy?"

"Yeah, why?", I asked. I took my place on the couch next to what would soon be Kyle's spot, admiring the view as the boy popped the DVD into the player.

Stan sighed. He grabbed Kyle's Macbook from the coffee table and opened it up. "You're such a noob."

He proceeded to open up Firefox and then took me to a site called . I watched, confused yet mesmerised, as he clicked his way around the site, checked the side of my box, and entered something into the search bar. "You could have gotten that same computer for about... $36.00 less."

My eye twitched. "No."

"Yeah."

Kyle came back to the couch and sat next to me, looking concernedly at the expression on my face. "That's the same amount Craig payed me to blow him."

"Damn, that sucks- wait, what?"

Even Kyle looked a little shocked. No. I was not going to let this get me down. Everything was going great for me. I had an amazing boyfriend, an amazing computer, and an amazing friend. There was also Cartman. Stan broke the silence with a laugh.

"So was it worth it?"

I laughed as well and put my hand on Kyle's ass. "Oh yeah."

DDDDDDDDDDD

Damn this took a long tome to update. Sorry 'bout that. I've been in school, working on my website, and RPing with kyleisgod (sometimes simultaneously). I hope you've enjoyed 1000 Dollars as much as I've enjoyed writing it. :)