Please R&R. Disclaimer: all song lyrics at the bottom of chapters go to their rightful owners. I only own the plot.
Chapter Ten
It felt good to have him beside me, sleeping calmly. I knew I should have been sorry, but I couldn't find the strength to fight how blissfully happy I was at this moment. Jariin was right. As much as I hated to admit that fact, he was right about Carth, about us both being better together than being better apart, even if the future was dark and bleak.
I let my finger drag lazily across Carth's bare back, watching his even breaths come in and out of his mouth. Even in his sleep he looked sexy as hell, and it brought hot sensations to my body. I couldn't let myself go there, instead I let myself drift in and out trying to find a way to tell Carth everything I had kept hidden from him for so long, 4 years long... It finally felt like I could almost fully breathe again with him by my side again, being my partner for the long haul.
"What's on your mind Beautiful?" I heard Carth ask in a drowsy voice, slowly waking up from his peaceful sleep, which brought me out of the little bubble of distracting thoughts.
"I'm just thinking about how amazingly, disgustingly, happy I am to have you here with me, beside me in bed, going on another adventure together." I said honestly before brining my lips to meet his shoulder while my hand still grazed up and down his back as he lay on his perfectly toned stomach.
"Hmmm. Well, I'm glad to have made that affect on you" he replied back with a sneaky smirk on his face as he lifted himself up to meet my lips in a soft, quick kiss before he pulled away to carry on the conversation I was moments before thinking so hard about.
"So how about you tell me about your plans before we get too distracted by "other things" again?" It made me laugh on how accurate that statement was before I shoved his face back into the bed playfully before getting serious about the situation.
"Seriously Carth, it's not pretty, and I know it probably won't end well... I want to make sure you understand that..." I told him all joking aside, not wanting to give hope where there was none.
I knew he understood the tone in my voice right away at the look he gave me. He was a well trained Soldier, and a well regarded Admiral, he knew the severity I spoke of. I watched him sit up and let his back rest against the wall, the sheets draped around the lower half of his body. I had to give a silent prayer to the universe for keeping him under the covers. I had zero restraint if he lied here in front of me, naked.
"Do you remember? I mean, did your memories come back? Is that why you left? Why you pushed us all away?"
It was such an easy question to answer. Yes or No. Yet I felt myself hesitating before I nodded yes in shame. Shame in myself for not telling him 4 years before, not shame at him, or what he would think of me, shame in myself for being such an awful person to everyone I cared about. I felt his hand rest under my chin, bringing my gaze to his. His face held no judgement, just understanding and support. I don't know why I thought it would be anything else. Carth was the perfect partner. Supportive, loyal, caring.
"Why didn't you just tell me before? I would have understood, just as I do now... You have no reason to be ashamed, not with me." Carth said affectionately.
I don't know how the universe decided I deserved this man, but I would always be eternally grateful. After all the shitty hands I got dealt, all the dark and twisted paths I went down, Carth was beyond any doubt, the greatest thing to happen to me. As much as I felt for Alek, it would never compare to how much I felt, and would always feel, and love this man right here, right now.
"I know you would have Carth. I know you would have done anything you could have to support me, to help me. But all I could think was that I needed to protect you, protect Dustil, and everyone else. I needed to protect you from what I knew was out there, and from myself." I explained to him.
We sat there for a few hours while I told him about the Sith Emperor, and how he was the reason Alek and I fell the first time. That we had gone there with the intention to destroy him, but he twisted our minds. Alek and I were already so close to the edge of darkness, it wasn't hard for the Sith to corrupt us, Alek more than I. I figured out that even though that I had fell, the mind control the Emperor used to corrupt us was something I could resist, unlike Alek who was under his complete control. It's why I was so dangerous to the Sith, to the Emperor, and it was why I had to be the one to bring him down. Why I was the only one who could.
I made clear why he and the whole situation was so threatening. That the Emperor had become almost God-like, and would be sure to destroy and consume everything if I didn't stop him, like I had tried to do all those years ago. I told Carth about how I ditched The Hawk, found and customized The Reprieve, met all my crew, who were just as loyal as Mission or Juhani, especially Jariin.
Just as I knew Carth would, he asked about the Force Vision that he overheard me yelling at Jariin about when he was hiding in the walls of the ship. When he was so close and I had absolutely no idea because I was so consumed with grief over leaving him behind again, losing him again. I opened up about Vitalie, and how he, Jariin and I tried to confront his darkness before Vitalie put his lightsaber through his chest in front of me.
"You need to promise me something" Carth finally broke my long speech to say to me with a stern pang in his tone, it was almost desperate.
"Anything." I shot back in a confident tone. Both of us locked into each other's aura. He kept his promises to me, now it was my turn to return the favor. It was my turn to commit to him like he had to me, many times over and over despite my constant need to run away from him.
"I need you to promise that if it's true, if he does end up killing me... That you'll make sure you finish it. Don't hesitate. Don't let him break you by killing me. I need you to promise me Revan. Promise me you'll complete the mission."
I wanted to cry at the thought of promising him that. That I could just easily push aside the fact that the man that I loved got killed by the thing I hated most. That it wouldn't affect my entire world, and will to live without him.
"Anything but that... Please." I pleaded back in a low, begging tone. Carth moved forward to take both of my hands in his, kissing them before responding. It made my heart break at the constant thought of ever losing him, losing this, losing our future.
"Please Gorgeous. You need to promise me. You can't let him destroy everything we've fought to protect. Do it for me. Do it for Dustil, Mission, and everyone we love." Carth urged back with reason, and I found myself unable to refuse him for a second time.
"Alright. I promise. For you, for everyone we love." He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. Why did I ever let myself be so miserable for so many years? God I was an idiot. Correction, was still an idiot.
"Now as much as I'd rather stay in bed with you for all eternity, we should probably check in with the crew. You know, let them know I won't murder them for hiding you" I smirked at him while I jumped out of the bed to dress myself. I headed to the small closet in my room that held the minimal amount of clothes I had left that weren't destroyed, yet.
I picked a black tank, a slinky lose jacket with leather arms that I had amour built into, paired with simple light armour leggings, also black, it was kind of my thing to wear black. I added my tight fitting, tall, dark grey boots that I frequently hid weapons in, it came in handy at times.
"You know, I think watching you get dressed like that, is almost as sexy as you taking it all off, or me taking it all off" Carth teased. I chucked his old, orange jacket at him to shut him up. I loved that after everything, we could still be playful, and carefree with each other.
When we were both dressed, we made our way to the Hull of The Reprieve to see how good of time we were making to our destination, Dromund Kaas. I felt better with Carth on board the ship. He was a strong asset to have as part of the crew, but I still couldn't shake the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, even though I tried my hardest to ignore it.
"Hey you two! We weren't expecting to see you guys so soon!" Jariin said, winking at us both as we entered the Hull. I gave him a dirty look, and Carth just turned beet red at the comment just like I expected.
"Sorry Rev!" Jariin chuckeled. "I just couldn't pass up the opportunity" he finished saying, meeting Carth and I around the mapping screen anchored in the middle of the room.
"Are we still on course Jariin?" I asked plainly, noticing Carth take the place beside me to my right. He wansn't my Carth anymore though. Instead stood the Soldier everyone either knew or had heard about. It made me smile. I felt a great amount of pride being able to call this man mine.
"If we only make minor stops along the way, we should reach Dromund Kass hopefully by the end of the month or so." Jariin informed both Carth and I before asking Carth if he was "filled in" to which Carth simply nodded in reply, studying the map.
"Let's hope we're good and prepared before we get there. It won't be and easy fight by any means, but if we don't stop Vitalie, it will be too late for the Galaxy to stop him should we fail."
"If it didn't make me sick at the thought, I'd laugh at the many times you got left with defending the galaxy Revan." Carth sarcastically laughed out loud, bringing his gaze away from the map and down to me.
"Oh me too Carth. Me too..." I laughed back before the 3 of us set off to make more plans before our arrival, and soon to be confrontation with Vitalie. But first, we needed to make a few stops before going rushing towards the impending doom that awaited us, awaited me specifically.
"Watch me put my war paint on. Love is not the enemy."