First of all, I got an anonymous review from someone on July 12. (To whomever you are, thank you!) I didn't know that women weren't allowed to drink. Oops, but it was a lot of fun to write! I hope that that chapter is a lot of fun to read. As far as the Lady Zhuge goes, thanks for the info! I didn't know about that either. From here on out, Yue Ying is going to be referred to as Lady Huang. Sorry for any confusion!
10. Home
They arrived home in a week and a half's time. Their estate was just a few miles outside Zhouzhou City, which was where their escorts' families also where. They were leave too. It only made sense that their escorts who were going on leave were going to the same place they were.
Their house was a small mansion in the thin woods. The wide road led directly to the front of the house. Bushes with small white flowers grew along the sides of the house and the perimeter of the yard. The stable was on the left side of the house, but the three of them didn't make it that far. The other three Zhangs came running out of the front door. Zhang Fei jumped down off his horse as Lady Xiahou leaped into his arms. Bao and Shao meet in a brotherly single arm hug.
Lady Xiahou, her mother, was a beautiful woman. She had fair skin, long black hair and stunning dark brown eyes. In fact, Xing Cai was nearly the younger version of her mother, but she wouldn't go as far to call herself stunningly beautiful. Her modest nature wouldn't allow her to.
Shao and Bao looked a lot alike too. They both had brown hair and black eyes. The biggest difference between them was Bao's tan skin versus Shao's fair skin. Also, Bao had a slightly more muscular build than Shao did. That made sense considering that Bao was a general while Shao was still in training.
Then Xing Cai spotted Xiao, slowly walking out the doorway. She could see that her sister was paying close attention to where she put her feet. She must have been feeling the stone walkway ahead of her with her toes since she couldn't see it.
Zhang Xiao had brown hair that traveled as far as her shoulders. Her fair skin was healthy looking and her cheeks were pink. Her eyes were set at a downward angle and never moved, nor did they focus on anything in particular. They couldn't though.
She slowly followed the stone walkway over to them.
"Sister!" Cai said excitedly.
She always gave her sister a warning before she touched her unexpectedly. Xiao held out her arms. Cai moved into them and wrapped her arms around Xiao, who gave her a gentle hug back.
"I've missed you so much." She told her sister.
They parted, but she still held her sister's hands. Partly so that Xiao would still know that she was still there and so Xiao could feel her presence, not just hear it.
"And I you." Xiao responded. "You must tell me everything that happened."
Her mind went blank for a moment. She didn't want to tell Xiao everything that had happened.
"Did you get my letter?" She eventually asked.
Xiao couldn't read, but Shao and their mother could.
"Yes."
"Good, let me put my horse away and I'll…"
"You have a new horse!" Xiao asked excitedly.
"Yes."
"Can I see him?"
"Of course."
When Xiao asked to see something or someone, it was her way of saying that she wanted to feel them. Cai led her sister over to Beauty and directed Xiao's hands to her muzzle. Xiao's hands began exploring the shapes of the mare's face. Then she moved to the ears and the neck.
"She's about four years old." Cai stated.
She didn't describe the mare's color, Xiao didn't know what colors really were anyway. After all, how could someone describe color to her? The only way to describe a color was to compare it to another color.
"She's got a very long mane." Xiao told her as she ran her finger through the mare's long black mane before she knelled next to the mare's front leg then to her hooves and the nails of her shoes. "Her legs are strong and she has good hard feet. She's been shod recently too."
Xiao could tell by where the nails were positioned on Beauty's hoof wall that the blacksmith had put shoes on recently. She stood up straight and gave the mare a pat on the withers.
"Someone has been taking really good care of her. Where did you get her from?"
"Guan Ping, as a parting gift."
A smile spread across Xiao's face. Cai knew that her eyes couldn't see anything, but in their own way, they saw more than anyone else's did. She knew that there was no one she trusted more than Xiao, but she wasn't willing going to tell her everything that happened between her and Ping. She didn't regret what she did, but she was ashamed by it. She knew it was only a matter of time before Xiao got it out of her, so she was going to make sure that she had made her decision about her future, whether it was or wasn't with Ping, before then.
x
That night she went to sleep in her old bed in her old room. Everything was as she had left it, except the usual messes that marked wherever she had ever been were absent. Her desk and the tables on either side of her bed had been dusted. Her bed was made and her bookshelves were organized.
Her mother must have tidied up her room for her. She felt bad for giving her mother the extra work on top of everything else she had to do.
Xing Cai changed into her night gown and crawled into bed, alone. Oh how she wished she wasn't alone. No one could guess what her mother and father were doing right now and here she was all by herself. Loneliness flooded her. No! She hadn't agreed to come home so that she could wallow in self pity. She came home so she could decide her plans for the future, but she had to do something to stop herself from going crazy. So she laid her options before her. Everything could be simplified into three choices. One, marry Guan Ping. Two, marry another man. Third and final, she could not marry at all.
Choice one was the proper thing to do. It was what her heart wanted more than anything, but she knew that following her heart would lead her mind to disaster. Choice two would be hardest. What man would marry a woman who was no longer pure? She cringed at the thought of what kind of man that could be. He would either be extremely selfless or would only want her in his bed so much that he didn't care. The third choice would be the easiest and loneliest road of all. She couldn't imagine spending her entire life by herself. If the land ever was united, she wanted to enjoy it with someone.
What to do!
She felt a tear run down her cheek. Now she regretted what she did. Why did she do it! Was she that stupid? Her heart stopped when she realized she could be with child. What would she do then? Her parents would kick her out, and rightfully so.
She was one of the only women generals ever recorded in the pages of history. As far as the other women generals went, they had all retired when they bore their first child. That meant that she couldn't return to Liu Bei and the ranks of Shu and continue to serve him. He might take her in, but she would have a status lower than any of the servants there. That wasn't exactly an appealing looking future for herself.
What about Ping? What would happen to him? If everyone found out, then he might also be banished. That was highly unlikely though. No one might even expect him of being the father, if she was with child that is. If they got lucky, they could be forced into marriage. What if he disowned the child and left her?
Ping had been right. He had done something she regretted. Only, it was her fault. She was the one who acted like a bitch in heat. He had the decent sense to speak against it, but she knew how much he wanted it too and she took advantage of him. If she was with child, they both were going to suffer for her behavior. She vowed that if she wasn't, then she would stay away from Ping, to prevent herself from hurting him even more. Then she would marry someone else, or at least try to, and let Ping find the woman he deserved. If she was with child, then she would say she got drunk one night at the pub here in Zhouzhou and disgraced herself with a man she can't remember. Either way, no one was going to suffer for her dishonoring behavior.
What should she do in the mean time? It would be at least another three weeks before she would know if there was a child inside her. She couldn't go pretending that it wasn't a possibility, but she couldn't tell everyone that she was with child when she still didn't know for sure. She wouldn't tell anyone anything, not even Xiao. However, she wouldn't lie to herself and meditate that she hadn't disgraced herself either.
The sound of her door opening almost made her jump. She flipped on to her other shoulder to face the doorway.
"Xiao!" She whispered.
Her sister began slowly making her way over to her. Cai sat up to go and help her, but Xiao heard the blankets shuffle and knew where to walk to.
"No, Cai don't. I've got the entire house memorized. So I know that your bed is about a dozen steps from the door and to the right a little."
To her amazement, Xiao held out her arms just before she reached the bed.
"Ah, there it is."
Xiao pulled the blankets away and crawled into the bed next to her.
"I missed you so much, Cai."
She took Xiao's hands.
"I missed you to, Xiao, but it really hasn't been that long." She replied.
"What do you mean?" Xiao demanded in a hurt tone.
"What I mean is, we're going to have to get used to being apart like this, only longer and more often. Liu Bei is only getting started. He's going to need everyone he can get. You know that Shao's going to go with us when we leave next year. It will only be you and mother here."
Xiao's eyes were unreadable. They were always set at a low angle, staring at things they couldn't see, so the two of them communicated their emotions through their hands. Xiao's were gripping hers firmly. She clearly didn't like what Cai was saying.
"We can think about this later, Cai. You only just got back. Let's focus on the now and spend every moment together that we can. Now tell me, how is Liu Shan?"
"Shan? Why do you want to know about him?"
A smile spread across Xiao's face.
"Ohhhhh, I understand." She giggled, not something she often did. "He's fine, but he's changed a lot since the pub."
"Changed, how?" Xiao interrupted, sounding worried.
"He's more not as trusting as he used to be. A new sgeneral joined our ranks, Ma Chao, and it took a lot of convincing before he would trust him. It was almost embarrassing to me that our young lord was so, so… distasteful."
There was a pause.
"Why do you trust Ma Chao?" Xiao eventually asked her.
"Because Cao Cao killed his father and his former master made a secret alliance with him. Ma Chao fights for justice and Liu Bei fights to make a world of virtues. Not only does Ma Chao have a reason to fight with us so that he can avenge his father, but he can also fight for his beliefs. What more reason could a soldier need to serve a new lord?"
Xiao grip on her hand loosened, slightly.
"Family." Xiao answered.
"No, family's not a reason to fight."
"Then why do you fight? Isn't it because you wanted to join father and Bao?"
She thought for a second.
"Okay, I see your point. Family is a reason to fight, but not a reason to choose your alliance. If it was, then I would have to consider serving Wei because of our great grandfather, Xiahou Yuan, and our great uncle, Xiahou Dun. Both of them are Cao Cao's generals."
"No!"
"Quiet, Xiao!" She whispered.
"Sorry, you would never serve Wei. Everyone knows that. You are loyal to Shu. No one has ever questioned that your, or Bao's, loyalties might be affected by our maternity. Even mother is loyal to Shu. She would never go crawling back to her grandfather."
Xiao could tell by how hard Cai was holding her hand that she wasn't convinced.
"Besides, both Xiahou Yuan and Dun are old men in a time of war. They'll die soon. It's bound to happen."
Cai's grip loosened.
"Maybe so, but it still bothers me at times." She admitted.
"I would be more worried if it didn't. It bothers me too, Cai, but I don't have to worry about what people whisper about what damage would be done if I defected. I don't fight, and thus, I don't really know anything that goes on. Besides, what damage could a blind girl do anyway?"
This was strange. Zhang Xiao didn't normally have anything to do with self pity of any sort. She didn't believe in focusing on your own problems so much that you became upset by them. She believed in solving them. That's what Cai had to do, about Ping.
x
The next morning was bright and warm. For once, Cai allowed herself to sleep in. Zhang Xiao had left to go get herself dressed a while ago. The transformation that Xiao underwent between now, and when she had last seen her sister was amazing. Xiao was completely independent when it came to many things now. She dressed and bathed by herself. She got the water from the well by herself and she did the laundry by the stream, after someone led her to the stream and came back for her when she was done, after double checking that there weren't any stains left over.
Shao had taken up doing most of the stable work. He mucked out the stalls and fed the horses. When they had to go to town, he was the one to harness the horses and bring out the little four person cart they had. Although, up till now, he usually went to town by himself. Now, either she or Bao went with him. Bao eventually decided that he would get a job in town to earn some more money. It really wasn't necessary though. Lui Bei paid his generals handsomely, and with three, going on four, generals from the same family, they really were well off. However, after a few more weeks, Shao also got a job in town. That left her, mother, Xiao and Zhang Fei to take care of the house.
Mother did all the cooking and house cleaning. Zhang Fei, since there was no wine in the house, started doing most of the stable work. Xiao continued bringing the water and doing the laundry. Cai drifted from helping the three. After a while, it just became routine that she led Xiao out to the stream to do the laundry. Then she would help her mother by washing the dishes from breakfast. By the time they were done, she would go back to the stream and get Xiao. When they returned, it would be time to start lunch. So she would help her mother prepare the meal, while Xiao would get them whatever water they needed.
She never was much of a cook. Her mother was amazing though. They were all grateful for it since the meals had always been up to her. So Cai decided that she would try and learn what she could about cooking to keep her mind busy. Who knows if she would ever use this knowledge, but it would be a good skill to have.
The afternoon was their free time. Cai usually spent it training with Zhang Fei. Xiao usually wasn't too far away with one instrument or another varying as far from one she blew into to ones with strings. She may not be able to read the music, but she still played better than anyone she knew. Xiao had explained that she memorized what the song was supposed to sound like and memorized the sound of each note her instrument made, and that's how she played.
By mid afternoon, Bao and Shao would return home. Their mother had a fresh loaf of bread waiting for them accompanied by some sort of topping. The topping depended on what she decided she would bring out. Cai's favorite was the honey. When evening came, she and her mother would go into the house to prepare dinner. Xiao would get the water, as usual. Zhang Fei and the two brothers would be out training still. Then they would eat together. After dinner, Fei and the brothers would go out and finish the stable chores. She and her mother would do the dishes. After all this, they had about an hour or so, depending on how fast they all finished their chores, to talk in the sitting room.
All this made up their daily routine. Of course, her own worries and contemplations filled the night. After a month of it, she had become quite used to everything, and she couldn't describe the relief that flooded her entire being when she was certain that she wasn't with child. She had managed to keep her and Ping a secret from everyone, including Zhang Xiao, who seemed to be more interested in her stories about Liu Shan than anything else.
Six months into their year, Zhang Fei received a letter from Guan Yu that he, Ping and Xing were coming for a visit. Everyone, except for her, was overjoyed. They had three guest rooms, one was usually saved for Liu Bei, another was for Guan Yu and the third was usually for anyone else that came. It became her job to prepare the rooms since she didn't have any set chores. So she prepared Guan Yu's room for him. He had a very tall bed to sleep in here. It was so long that when they first made it, they also had to make the blankets for it since no merchant in town had sheets as long as they needed. Then she prepared the spare guest room for Ping and Xing. She wanted them to share a room so that it would be impossible for Ping to sneak out of it and take her out for more riding lessons.
"It's silly to make them share a room when we have another." Zhang Fei protested.
"Yes, but that room is for Liu Bei and Xing and Ping are quite used to the third room. That's the room they stayed in last time too. Except last time they also shared it with Liu Shan. I'm sure that they'll find it comfortable." She replied.
She didn't tell anyone about her double motive, but she was sure that Guan Ping would figure it out. He had honored her request she sent in her letter asking him to leave her alone to think. She knew that when he got here, he would expect her to have made her decision, but she hadn't been able to decide for sure yet. On her first night back, she decided that she would stay away from Ping and let him marry the woman he deserved, but the very idea of it made her burn in ravenous fury. On top of that, Zhuge Liang still wanted her to marry Liu Shan. Why couldn't the man suggest that Zhang Xiao marry him? Xiao was the one that actually liked him like that. She decided that she would tell Zhuge Liang that the next time this topic came up.
Maybe, just maybe, she could marry Ping. Their families were already untied by Guan Yu's, Zhang Fei's and Liu Bei's brotherhood. If she and Ping kept that night a secret, then there was nothing that could stop them. Her heart leaped for joy at the thought of being his wife.
Of course, there was one thing she didn't take into consideration, did Ping still love her? Her letter had told him to leave her alone. Knowing him, he was hurt by it. Her heart sank again. She decided that she would leave it to fate. Their paths were already merging together, they could have a future together, but if Ping had decided on his own path, then she would leave him to it and marry Liu Shan like Zhuge Liang wanted her to. Maybe he would also marry Xiao. Then she could still be with her sister, but that was only thing she liked about that plan.
Shod is a horse people's term for shoeing a horse(not to be confused with anything else!).
Zhouzhou was Zhang Fei's place of birth. So I thought it would work for their home town.
I decided to use 'Xiao' for Cai's sister because 'Xiao' means younger. That's what KOEI did with the two qiaos since no one knows their actual given names('Da' means 'older'). So I think that calling her 'Xiao' will be just fine. By the way, she wasn't blind. That was my idea. I did that as an explanation as to why she is the only Zhang, other than Lady Xiahou, that doesn't fight.