Hey everyone! Sorry it took me so long to update! My dog had surgery, so it's been really touch and go for a while with him. Thankfully, he's healing nicely! Well, I truly hope you enjoy this update. It's more of a Mark- monologue, and I hope it isn't too boring. Please enjoy this update, and as always, I appreciate any reviews!

Chapter 9

"Hi, my name is Mark Cohen-Davis and I'm the survivor."

Jennifer stared at the video of her father, clearly fascinated. Her father rarely ever filmed himself – if anything, he was only caught on camera when Dad took the camera away – and now, she saw a different side to her Daddy. For the first time in her life, she felt as though she was seeing him in a different light. His eyes were piercing and seemed to see her soul. Her took a deep breath, then sighed.

"You see, Collins is the mentor. He's the oldest, so he's like the father figure. He guides us a lot of times when we need it. If we're confused, he uses his blunt manner and comical sense of humor to figure out a solution. And the way he is with Roger … I think he's trying to get him to live more of his life. Collins knows what this disease can, and eventually will, do.

"Maureen's the diva. Everything's about her. We're always struggling to help Maureen and sometimes whatever we do backfires and we end up flat on our asses. But she's … well, I still think she's a wonderful person. There are days I hate her for being the way she is, and then there are days when I wish that we were still as close as we were way back when.

"Joanne's the only sane one here. Isn't that obvious? I mean, she works as a lawyer. She's away from all the art … even though she's amazing at the tango. And she isn't pompous like Benny is. She's sensible for the most part too … we can always go to her when we need some serious legal advice.

"Mimi is … was … the beauty. She had the curly hair, the big brown eyes, the perfect figure … there was a reason she worked at Cat Scratch. She was so pretty and fun and joyful. All of us were so hopeful that she was going to beat this addiction. But she ran off shortly after March 1990. She'd been in rehab … and one day, she just disappeared. No one knows where she is right now. Roger was so distraught … we all were. It felt as though another one of our family had just died … it brought back really painful memories of Angel and how she tried to hold us together.

Angel was the angel. Her name fit her perfectly. She was the one who cared the most about all of us sticking together through all the good and bad times. And she got Roger to go out and experience life. She proved that HIV and AIDS … they're no reason to stop living your life. She did that with Roger, with the people at Life Support, and with me. I stopped hiding behind the camera. I started living life on the other side of the camera lens. She has no idea how much we all miss her … especially Collins.

"Roger is the sex god. I mean, he's the one with the rock star career. He's the one girls throw their panties at. And he's the one everyone loves in a sexual way it seems like. I remember him telling me that he used to be such a flirt, even in elementary school. All the girls would just flock to him. And he's also my best friend. My partner. My everything. And it's not just because he's gorgeous. It's because he's such a sweet caring person. However, you'd think he was the youngest because he always acts like he's the baby of our family. We all baby Roger. We all take care of him.

"I'm just here to record life and pick up the pieces when someone falls. I'm only the living reminder of my friends when they're gone. I will be the one to carry on the Bohemian legacy in their names. Roger. Mimi. Collins. Angel. They say that Joanne and Maureen will be able to help me, but I know that Maureen won't be true to it. She won't remember everything the way I will. And after a while, Joanne might forget this as she gets caught up in her legal cases. So it'll be my job. My purpose in life.

"Do I want this job? Not really. I don't want to be the living one. I don't want to be abandoned. We all realize it's a matter of time though before it happens. Collins is getting sicker and we don't know when AIDS will finally take him. Mimi … well, I honestly think the next time we'll hear from Mimi, it'll be about her funeral. No one says it, but we all think it. We all believe that Mimi couldn't overcome that addiction and fell back into her string of dead ends."

Mark wiped his eyes quickly, took a deep, shaking breath, and continued.

"When Angel died, I was the pacifist. I comforted everyone as they sobbed uncontrollably at the loss of our dearest friend. I was there for Collins, who was mourning for his lost love. I broke up skirmishes that arose and tore people apart. I was there for everyone when they needed it, but it seems they forgot that … I too have feelings. I was so broken up when Angel died … one of the only ones who understood me was gone. It's true; I really believe that Angel understood my work.

"When Collins dies, I will be the silent mourner. I won't be like Maureen and Joanne, crying hysterically for our anarchist. I won't be like Roger, who will probably hole up in his room with his guitar and won't come out for a week. So I'll be there comforting the girls and I'll be the one trying to coax Roger out of his room, because we all know Collins wouldn't want that. He has big dreams for Roger and his music.

"And when we hear about Mimi, I'll be the pillar. I'll be the one Roger can lean on and hold onto. I won't be able to mourn the way I should because Roger would probably get even more upset if he saw me cry. I haven't cried yet. I never cried at Angel's funeral. I never cried at her gravesite. I never cried when I found out about Roger using heroin, just like April, to steel away the pain. I never cried when I found out that he contracted HIV because of his drug use. And I never cried when he lost control during withdrawal.

"Don't you see a pattern? I'll never be able to cry. I'll never be able to be the vulnerable one. That's all I want, and I don't think my friends see that. I'm human. I have emotions. I don't always want to be the strong one. I'm sick of it."

Jennifer paused the tape. What had Daddy said? About Dad? She rewound the film and played it back.

"I never cried when I found out about Roger using heroin …"

She felt her jaw drop. Now she knew why her Dad had HIV. He had done drugs. The very things he had told her never to use, he had done. She felt her stomach twist. She didn't know how she felt about that. Obviously, her dad had paid a price, but he had told her never to use drugs. Hadn't he gotten the same warning from her grandparents? Hadn't they cared? And why would her father do drugs if he knew the negative effects?

Slowly, she turned her attention back to the film, where Mark was still narrating.

"I worry about Roger," he continued. "I worry about him a lot … especially now. See, now that we're committed, both of us discussed having kids. Actually, I take it back. I was the one discussing kids. When we talked about it, we realized that we didn't want to have someone be a surrogate mother. Like, oh God, if Maureen wanted to do it. It would be wonderful, and a hell of a lot easier, but then we'd have a kid that was part Maureen and part one of us. We wanted a child that was … well, the easiest way for me to describe it is this: I know that Roger is going to die eventually. I know I'll outlive him, and with the grace of God, our child would live a long happy life. I wanted a living reminder of Roger. And in the off chance that something would happen to me, Rog would have a reminder of me. See what I'm saying? A child would stand, not only as a symbol of our love, but a symbol of both of us.

"It was a radical idea, really, but somehow it happened. I tried carrying the baby at first because there was less of a risk of the child having AIDS. But four months into it, I started to hemorrhage and I lost the baby. So I tried again, and two months later, the same thing, except I almost died in the process. Roger told me that the doctors were so concerned about me losing so much blood and everything. Being the stubborn bastard Roger is, he demanded that he get a shot to carry our kid. And right now, it's okay. I mean, we have four months before this baby is born. We're ready for this. We think we'll be moderately decent parents … once we cut down the swearing, and the drinking, and the endless nights we spend away from this place.

"But I'm worried because Roger is constantly sick now. I mean, it's like living through withdrawal times five, except not as violent. He's always exhausted and incredibly weak and nauseous and … you can tell it's starting to affect him. It's getting too hard for him to survive with AIDS and carry our child … which, we just found out, is a girl." A small smile played on his lips. "We're having a girl. She's going to be a Daddy's girl."

"I just wonder if … especially because Roger is getting so sick and worn out … if we made a mistake …"

Jennifer angrily stopped the film, cutting off Mark's last sentence, and stalked off to her bedroom. Obviously, her Daddy thought she was a mistake. She didn't deserve to be living. And hadn't he just said that she was the reason Dad was so ill?

She no longer missed her Daddy.

A/N: Please review! Any comments are welcomed!