THE BIG TEN-OH, WOOT! -parties-
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Chapter Ten
Having met annoying girls with weird names, bought a potion for some losers, and remembered that Desians do in fact exist, our heroes were left standing in the middle of Palmacosta, searching aimlessly for this Dorr guy.
"So..." Lloyd said a few minutes later, coming to a stop atop yet another bridge. "Where the hell does this Dorr guy live?"
"Beats me," Genis shrugged. "Maybe if we say Governor-General Dorr really loud, someone will pop up and say 'Did someone say Governor-General Dorr' and show us where he lives?"
"Aw, c'mon Genis," Lloyd groaned. "That only happens in Izoold and really lame fanfictions,"
"Did somebody say Governor-General Dorr?" asked some random villager, jumping up behind Colette, who screamed and fell over. "He's right over there, comforting some poor innocent little kid," the man pointed, and our heroes followed his finger to yet another dock/street, where a blonde guy was comforting some poor innocent little kid. The group thanked the random villager before running towards the pair.
"Governor-General Dooooorr!" whined the little kid. "The Desians kidnaped my daddy!"
"Don't worry, poor innocent little kid," Dorr replied, patting the kid on the head. "Soon, our army will go and attack the human ranch, and we'll get your daddy back,"
"My mommy died when I was little," said a little girl, who popped up from behind Dorr. Judging by their identical blonde hair, the pair were probably related. Or, maybe the designers were just lazy and gave them both blonde hair. Anyway, the girl was angsting over her dead mommy, and the little boy was watching her, looking confused.
"Um, what does that have to do with anything?" he finally asked.
The girl shrugged. "Dorr's my daddy,"
"Err, OK then," the boy turned back to Dorr. "Well, I guess I'll just go home and wait until you go save my daddy, Governor-General! I love you!" And with that, the little kid ran home.
"Ah, it feels good to do good," sighed Dorr, before he grabbed his daughter and the pair skipped into a big and official-looking building.
"Wow!" Colette grinned. "That Dorr guy is amazing!"
"I dunno..." Lloyd said. "He had a really ugly beard, and he was wearing a skirt,"
Raine smacked him. "Come on, let's follow him,"
Genis giggled. "I feel like a stalker!" Raine smacked him as well. And the happy little group hurried into the official-looking building after the Governor-General.
"Helloooo!" Colette called as she stepped through the door. Then, she tripped. "Oops, hee hee!"
Dorr stared down at her, along with his daughter and a hot guy with blue hair. "Uh, who are you?"
"Yo, Dorr!" Lloyd called, stepping over Colette. "We need to talk,"
Raine shoved Lloyd out of the way. "OK, from now on, I'm walking into official-looking buildings first. I look the most official. Hello, Governor-General," Raine turned to Dorr, who blinked.
"Uh, hi."
"I'm Raine, and this is Lloyd and Genis and Colette and Kratos. We're going to save the world."
"Hi!" called the hot guy, waving. "I'm Neil, and this is Governor-General Dorr, and his lovely daughter Kilia."
"Hello!" Colette waved.
"W-wait a minute!" Dorr waved his hands wildly. "You guys are going to save the world? Do you mean-?"
"That's right!" Lloyd grinned and held up a fist. "Colette is the Chosen of Regeneration!"
Neil blinked. "Uh, Governor-General..."
"I know, I know," Dorr turned to glare at Lloyd and company. "The Chosen of Regeneration has already been here! How dare you impersonate the Chosen! You're under arrest!"
"Wha-huh?" Lloyd spun around to find himself surrounded by big fat soldiers. "When the hell did they get there?"
Colette shrieked, and fell to the ground. Genis laughed at her. Then, her sparkly pink wings popped out, making everyone go all stary-eyed.
"Oooooh..." said Lloyd and company.
"Oooooh..." said the soldiers of Palmacosta.
"Oooooh..." said Dorr and company.
"Um, yeah," Colette put her wings away. "Could you please... um, stop staring at me? It makes me nervous. And when I'm nervous... I EAT!" she grabbed a ham and cheese sandwich from the Governor-General's desk and started shoving it down her Chosen throat. Lloyd calmly pulled the sandwich away.
"Oh... thanks Lloyd,"
"No prob."
"Hey! Daddy!" Kilia's high pitched and annoying voice cut through the air like a really sharp and annoying knife. "Did you see her wings Daddy? Didja see? Didja? Didja? DIDJA?"
"Calm down, Kilia. I saw them." Dorr turned to Lloyd's group. "OK, so maybe you guys are the Chosen's group."
"Er..." Neil stammered, looking nervous. "Eh, fuck. We gave that really important Book of Regeneration that the Chosen absolutely needs to complete her journey to that other group..."
"WHAT?" cried Genis and company. Getting red in the face, the elf continued. "What the hell did you do that for? Do you use your eyes, or are they just there for decoration? What were you thinking? Did you just give the book to the first people you saw who claimed to be the Chosen? What are we supposed to do now? What's your problem? You suck! Why didn't you notice that they might not be us? Why are you such an ass? Why do you have a freaking ham and cheese sandwich on your desk? Why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from? You humans are-"
Raine punched her brother for the thousandth time that day. "Genis, shut the hell up." she then turned to Dorr. "Can you tell us what the book said?"
"I'm sorry," Dorr said. "It was written in angelic language, and only the members of the Church of Martel could read it,"
"Great," grumbled Kratos, who hasn't spoken at all this chapter.
"You're telling me," Lloyd agreed, which made Kratos turn crimson. "Anyway, should we go to the church, and see if they remember it?"
"I guess so," Raine shrugged. "OK, let's go,"
"Bye!" Colette waved to Dorr and crew. Kilia waved back.
"Sorry about all this," Dorr said. Genis sent him a glare that would have killed a small child.
And so, the group stepped out the door and across the street to the Church of Martel. The church was big and echoy, like most churches are. A few people sat in the pews lined up and down the church, and to the group's right was...
"Hi, guys!" called Chocolat, waving.
"Oh no," Lloyd stared at the girl in horror. "Not her!"
"What's the matter, Lloyd?" Colette asked.
"I just decided that I hate Chocolat,"
"You hate chocolate?" Chocolat asked. "Oh, I do too! I much prefer vanilla, you know?" She grinned seductively and leaned against Lloyd. "You and I make a great pair, huh?"
Lloyd blinked. "Errr..."
"Um, um, um!" Colette stuttered, glowing bright red. But not nearly as red as Kratos, who jumped between Lloyd and Chocolat without hesitation.
"Get away from my s... er, my... Lloyd...?" suddenly, the mercenary realized what he was doing. His scarlet face was bright enough to lead Santa's sleigh as he looked from Chocolat, who looked frightened, to Lloyd, who looked disgusted.
"Er... um..." the awkward moment stretched on and on. Finally, the silence was broken by none other than Raine.
"Well, that Marche guy says that he doesn't remember what the book said," she said as she walked from the back of the church.
"Huh? You already asked, Professor?" Colette looked surprised.
"Sure, while Lloyd was flirting over here, I went and talked to the priests," Raine shrugged. Lloyd glared. Chocolat blinked.
"Let's go, then," Kratos walked out of the church as quickly as he could. The rest followed.
"OK, I'll see you guys later!" called Chocolat.
"Well, what are we going to do now?" Colette asked as the group stepped out into the Palmacosta sun.
"The book is with that group of fakes..." Raine said thoughtfully.
"OH!" Lloyd snapped his fingers. "I'll bet it's those jerks who made us buy them a new potion! They looked pretty fake to me,"
Genis gasped. "You're right! Remember when we came up behind them, and that one guy was like 'I can't believe that stupid old man gave us his antique heirloom just because we told him to' or something. I'll bet they were talking about the book we need!"
"Hm..." Raine looked thoughtful. "Didn't they say they were going to take it to Hakonesia Peak?"
"Hakonesia Peak is north from here," Kratos said, still refusing to look at Lloyd. "It's pretty far away, so we should get going,"
And they did.
--
Hours and hours and hours later, the group was still trudging north. Nothing of import had happened, except for maybe when Genis was attacked by a giant aardvark. Anyways, hours and hours and hours later, it was starting to get dark, so Lloyd and company decided to set up camp.
"Man," Lloyd said as he tried without success to start a fire. "Those imposters really get on my nerves. I mean, Colette is the one working so hard to save the world!"
"Yeah!" Genis agreed, lighting the fire and Lloyd's left glove with a quick Fireball spell. "Those guys are jerks!"
"Hm, well," Colette looked up from the peanut butter sandwiches she was making. "I think that if there were lots of Chosens, the odds of the world being saved would go up! Do you want anything on your sandwich, Genis?"
"Bananas, please. But, honestly, those guys are just fakes! They're just pretending to be you, Colette!"
"They're not doing anything to help the world," Raine added. "And you're cutting the banana too thick, dear,"
"No! Don't let Raine near the food!" Genis jumped in front of his sister, who smacked him.
Colette grinned and handed the bickering siblings their sandwiches. "Heh heh, people are pretending to be me. I feel like a famous movie star or something!"
"Colette, you are famous!" Lloyd pointed out. "You're going to save the world!"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Colette giggled. "Do you want anything on your sandwich, Lloyd?"
"Yeah, tomatoes,"
Everyone gave Lloyd a good hard look.
"Tomatoes?" Raine finally asked.
"Yeah! Haven't you ever had a peanut butter and tomato sandwich? My dad makes them all the time!"
"Is this what happens... when one is raised by a dwarf?" Kratos asked, mostly to himself.
"Aw, c'mon Kratos, you should try it!" Lloyd grinned and held out his sandwich. "C'mon, just one bite?"
Kratos visibly scooted away. "I... don't like... tomatoes..."
Lloyd grinned an evil grin. "Oh really?" He reached behind him and grabbed a few tomatoes. With an evil laugh, he started throwing them at Kratos' mercenary head.
"Aaaaugh!" Kratos tried in vain to protect himself from the onslaught of fruit. "P-please, stop!"
"Huh?" Lloyd stopped in mid-throw. "Did Kratos just say please?"
"Did Kratos just stutter?" Genis added.
"Is Kratos hiding from the tomatoes?" Raine asked.
"N-no I'm not!" Kratos tried to look tough, but a bit of tomato slid off his hair and onto his nose. "Yeeargh! Get it off me!" He swatted at his nose until the fruit was gone. Then, he stood up and ran for it.
"Eeeeh?" Colette blinked. "What was that all about?"
"Kratos is... afraid of tomatoes?" Genis asked incredulously.
"Everyone has a weakness... I guess..." Raine sighed.
"Yeah, yours is water!" Lloyd added. Raine smacked him.
"Seriously, though, I hope he comes back," Colette looked nervous. "It's dangerous for him to be out on his own at night, isn't it?"
"He'll be fine, Colette," Lloyd said, leaning back and taking a bite out of his sandwich. "Unless, of course, he's attacked by a giant tomato," Apparently he and Genis found this very funny.
"Oh, shut up," Raine moaned through her sandwich. She chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "Jeez, doesn't anyone know how to cook something besides sandwiches?"
"I can make cookies!" Genis said, raising his hand.
"Oh, I've got some cheese puffs in my pocket!" Colette added, pulling out the snacks.
"Ah... never mind,"
--
Hours later, Lloyd was awakened a poorly cloaked conversation. He listened closely, easily catching a familiar voice.
"Stop looking at me like that, Noishe," Kratos was saying. "Seriously, it's freaking me out,"
Lloyd grinned an evil grin and stood up.
"Hey, Kratos," he whispered, coming up behind the mercenary. Kratos determinedly stared in the opposite direction. "Got all the tomato off you, I see," Kratos didn't answer. "Seriously, though, who'd of thought you'd be afraid of something like that, huh?"
"I wasn't... afraid..." Kratos snarled.
"Of course you weren't," Lloyd smiled, seeing Kratos' shaking hands ball up. "But, honestly Kratos, how are you going to protect Colette if the Desians come running up with a - heh - basket of tomatoes?" Lloyd fought the desire to laugh. Kratos glowered at a blade of grass.
With an evil grin, Lloyd leaned close and into Kratos' ear and whispered one word:
"Tomatoes."
"THAT'S IT!" Kratos roared as he tackled Lloyd to the ground, holding his sword to the teen's neck. Lloyd screamed, but Kratos refused to let him go.
"Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me!" Lloyd shouted. Kratos sent him the scariest look he had ever looked, knocking Lloyd unconscious for a moment.
"Kratos?" a sleepy Raine called from across the campsite. "What's all that noise? What are you doing?"
"Killing Lloyd," Kratos snarled. Lloyd squeaked in fear.
"... alright then," Raine laid back down. "Hey Kratos!" she called after a moment.
"Yes?"
"Tomatoes."
"DAMMIT!" Kratos shouted, raising his sword over his head. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" With a quick slash, he cut Lloyd's head off.
"Woah!" said Lloyd's head, before it hit the ground a few feet away.
"Kratos!" Raine shouted, coming up behind him. "What did you do that for?"
Kratos appeared to still be too angry to reply. His face was red and he was shaking uncontrollably.
"Ugh," Raine sighed. "This is the group that's going to save the world."
Then, she used First Aid on Lloyd and his head, and the two were reunited. For the rest of the night, Lloyd stayed as far away from Kratos as he could, as did Raine and Noishe.
And so ended another day in the exciting if not disturbing journey of the Chosen.