10. The Worst Type Of News
I hope you guys liked the last chapter. I wanted to show Lyra and Hux's first meeting so you could get a feel of what their dynamic as a couple is like. My canon Hux is actually a massive sweetheart under that stoic façade he puts on. I wanted you guys to see he could be a little awkward goofball softie before years of service in the First Order. For those of you massive Hux fans he WILL return in present tense too, he's not just been banished to flashback land. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and liked the story so far, keep the feedback and follows coming guys, it means so much. Thanks so much to KatKloss, I couldn't send you a private response to your review so just a lil shoutout here, thanks so much, I'm glad my writing makes it hard for you to decide between the two guys, that is always my aim, even as the story progresses so thank you!
It took another week for Lyra to fully regain her strength again. Leia had banned her from completing any more missions and her feelings of uselessness was overwhelming. She had spent the whole week either talking with Rey and Finn or reading in Poe's room, talking to him about his missions and feeling envious when he was sent out without her.
He came back one afternoon to find her sat on his bed reading again.
"That must be a pretty interesting read seeing as you have barely looked up all week, what are you reading up on?" he asked, sitting on the bed with her.
"Binary. I'm trying to learn binary so I can understand BB-8" she replied, her eyes not leaving the data pad.
"Binary? You're learning how to understand my droid?"
She nodded, looking up at him. "Right now it's a one way conversation and I feel bad not being able to have a proper talk with him. He's always trying. I want to be able to speak to him."
Poe stared at her with a dreamy, far-off look in his eyes, causing her to giggle. "What? What is it? That isn't stupid is it?"
"No that's not stupid at all, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Everyone I've ever known who understands binary did it for work not just because they wanted to have a casual conversation with a droid."
She frowned at his lazy grin. "You're making it sound so silly. It's not just any droid, it's B."
Poe laughed, laying back on the bed as Lyra looked over her shoulder at him. "No, no I don't think it's silly at all, it's beautiful, I love it. BB-8 will be ecstatic."
"Well, I think I have the basics covered by now at least. What about you, what exciting mission did Leia allow you to go on this time?"
Poe looked at her as her face fell. He knew she was finding it hard to stand on the side-lines, unable to help more.
"I'm not answering that, you won't like the answer."
She let out a loud sigh and lay back on his legs. "I'm so bored Poe, entertain me. Tell me a joke at least."
"What do they call Han Solo when he smokes a blunt? Han so high" he replied.
"I think that joke might have just opened up my wound again it was so bad."
He laughed and sat up, leaning over her. "You wanna see my X-Wing?"
She raised an eyebrow. "If that was a euphemism then no, I'm married. If it wasn't, you showed me already remember?"
He winked at her. "You saw her docked, you haven't seen what she's capable of in flight."
Lyra sat up suddenly, putting her data pad aside. "Leia doesn't like anyone taking unscheduled flights."
Poe grinned. "Leia is busy. It's dark outside and Jess is on inventory duty tonight so I might just be able to persuade her to allow us to take a little joy ride around the planet."
Lyra jumped up, putting on Poe's jacket and headed for the door. "Come on let's go!"
Poe followed her out to the hangar, taking her hand as they approached it to stay hidden from the other inventory checkers. They kept to the shadows until they saw Jess, sauntering over to her casually.
"Hey Jess, nice evening we're having huh?"
"I know that look. What do you want Dameron?"
"Not much, just a little favour. Would you mind awfully just turning the other cheek while I take Lyra for a little spin in Portera?"
Jess rolled her eyes. "You do know the General forbid any unscheduled flights because of fly boys like you taking risky jaunts whenever you feel like it?"
Poe put his hands up as if in prayer. "Please Jess. It's hardly a risky trip, it's just a little spin around D'Qar's atmosphere. I'm not going anywhere else. We'll be back in an hour, give or take."
Jess crossed her arms. "Fine, but if I get caught, I'm holding you responsible, I'll say you threatened me, or BB held be hostage or something."
Lyra and Poe thanked her before sneaking off to Poe's oldest, most trusty ship.
He sat in the X-Wing first as Lyra looked down at him.
"It's a one-seater, where do I go?"
Poe patted the spot between his legs and Lyra was instantly reminded of their escape from the Finalizer.
"It's a little tight Poe".
"Best seat in the house. Come on, I'll take you on the ride of your life, trust me" he replied.
As she looked around she noticed one of the inventory checkers was looking in her direction and she quickly ducked to sit in-between Poe's legs.
"I think someone saw me" she said as he fastened the seatbelt around them. He leaned forward to start the engine up, breathing against her neck softly. She could feel his heart beating against her back as his chest pressed up against her. For a moment she wondered how he could manage to smell clean and yet still smell faintly of air fuel at the same time. It was a wonderful contradiction and as she inclined her head to the side slightly to face him, she could have sworn she felt his heartbeat quicken.
"You ready for this?"
She nodded, staring into his deep brown eyes.
"Alright, hold on tight."
He pressed forward and the X-Wing took off into the air so quickly nobody would have guessed the ship was years old. As it hinged forward into the sky, she felt drawn backwards against Poe's chest even more.
"Wow, she really picks up speed fast" Lyra said quietly.
"Oh sweetheart, you ain't seen nothing yet" Poe grinned, as he flew the ship upside down into a corkscrew roll. Lyra gripped Poe's thighs as they turned upside down and his breath caught in his throat as he tried to keep calm at her close touch. He bit his lip as the vibrations of Lyra's laugh rang against his chest.
"This is amazing Poe, even TIE fighters aren't half this fast" she managed as the speed of the X-Wing almost took her breath away.
Poe did one fast lap around the planet before flying lower so he could show her the sights of D'Qar. There were a few old temples and ruins scattered across the planet, seemingly from a time long passed. The only signs of life near them were the birds perching on the tops of the ruins. One of the reasons the Resistance had chosen this planet as a base was because of the lack of intelligent life, no scary animals large or dangerous enough to harm the rebels as they worked.
The ruins were proof that D'Qar was home to intelligent life once, perhaps even humanoid species and now with the rebellion making a home there, it was home to intelligent life once more. New beginnings for them all.
"It's so peaceful here, I can see why Leia wanted to stay here" she whispered.
Poe nodded. "Yeah, it took me a while to get used to it. The quiet that is. I'm used to all noise and action all the time, it didn't feel like home at first. Yavin always will be home to me but even that aside, this place took getting used to. It's really the General and the squadron that made me realise it wasn't all that bad."
Lyra relaxed her back against him and nodded. "I have found over the past few years that it's the people that make somewhere a home, not always the place. It's when you have nobody that you feel most out of place, like you don't belong."
"Is that how you managed so long on the finalizer? Because Hux made you feel like you belonged in a place that you wouldn't usually belong in?"
He saw her nod her head. "I know it seems strange to you, our relationship. How I could ever love such a man, such a monster? But he wasn't always that way. He was shy and soft and kind. He had come from a childhood filled with nothing but cruelty and abuse. He sacrificed a lot to be with me, almost everything he had at one point. He sacrificed his relationship with his father entirely, cut ties with those he grew up with, even lost promotions, all for the sake of being with me. He could have chosen any noble girl, any pretty daughter of a military family, but he chose me. And not just that, he loves me, he would have died for me. I think he might have even killed for me."
She looked back at Poe with tears in her eyes. "I know I shouldn't love the man you know, but the one I knew, for all those years, he was different to the one I ran away from."
Poe shrugged. "Lyra, you don't have to explain loving your husband to me. I'll always listen if you want to talk but, you don't need to defend yourself against me. We have all done crazy things for love. I've done crazy things in this war, things I thought would save people but they ended up costing more lives than it was worth. Leia still believes in me."
Lyra held back tears as she smiled to Poe. "You are too nice for your own good Poe Dameron. Infuriatingly so. Why must you be so understanding all the time? Why do you have to be so ridiculously perfect?"
"Far from it. Trust me, I just know it's hard to explain your actions to others sometimes. Hey, you wanna fly the ship for a while?"
"I don't know how to fly Poe."
He grinned. "Now is the time to learn. Here, I'll teach you, put your hands on mine and I'll show you what to do."
She placed her palms on top of his as he mapped out the movements of flying, showing her which buttons to use and what gears to use, after that it was just about teaching her how to steer the ship. She took to it quickly and Poe watched on as she grew more confident with each minute passing.
"You're a natural at this" he said, smiling at her through the glass of the X-Wing as she concentrated hard on steering the ship well.
"I'm no Poe Dameron but I could get used to this" she laughed.
"You wanna help bring her back home?"
She nodded and once again placed her palms on his as he showed her how to bring the X-Wing in low and safely land in the ship hangar.
Poe helped her out of the X-Wing and closed it behind them.
"Hey, you two aren't meant to be here unauthorized!"
"Run" Lyra laughed as she grabbed Poe's hand and ran with him back to the base living quarters. As they stood in the hallway together they laughed, they laughed until they both forgot what they were even laughing about.
"Thank you for tonight Poe, it was a welcome distraction" Lyra told him, leaning against the wall.
He moved to lean against the wall next to her. "That's ok, I could see you were going stir crazy, only so many books you can read before it hits you."
"What hits you?"
Poe tickled her arm gently. "The itch. You know, the need to do something more, that pull. The urge to do something big, or crazy. More often than not both those things. Like, standing on the edge of a cliff and having the urge to jump off, or fly your ship right into something, or kiss someone you don't know likes you or not. Or someone you like but know you shouldn't. That type of thing."
Lyra's eyes widened. "Yes, that feeling, I know what that feels like. It took me six years to get any sort of itch and then, all the itches are happening at once. It's maddening."
Poe's shoulder touched hers as he leant his face closer to hers. "You mean, you feel it too? This pull, you think it's one between us maybe?"
"Poe… I'm married."
"I know but, that isn't what I asked. Lyra, do you think maybe if you weren't married, there is, there could be something, between, ah kriff, can't speak or think straight with this type of stuff, with you anyway. I don't know how to express it."
Lyra bowed her head as she bit back the sinking feeling in her chest. "Then maybe, maybe these types of things are better left unsaid."
Poe sighed, leaning away from her. "Yeah, yeah maybe you're right. Goodnight Lyra, I'll see you tomorrow ok?"
"Goodnight Poe, and thank you again for tonight. I want you to know everything you do for me, it means so much. It really does."
He gave her a faint smile before retreating into his room, leaving her to do the same.
Inside her room, Lyra felt a huge weight on her shoulders. As if everything she couldn't have in her life was suddenly sitting on her, Armitage, Poe, her lack of involvement within the Resistance the past week. Even the guilt of leaving behind the First Order. Her dream of Armitage and their first meeting had played on her mind since she had woken from her injury. She struggled to erase him from her head at the best of times, but the dream had brought the memory of him sweeping back. She missed him, she missed his rare smile. She missed him stroking her cheek when he woke up in the morning and believed her to still be asleep. She missed how he would look at her when she surprised him with another fact she had picked up on while reading.
There had been no closure between her and Armitage. There had been no closure between her and the entire life she had given up with him and it was starting to eat away at her. She tried desperately to push it away, everything away. Even Poe. Poe Dameron, the man who reminded her of what it felt like to be useful and cared for. The man who reminded her how to laugh, who seemed to relish spending time with her. The man who she felt already too close to for it not to be considered wrong given her marital status. But Poe had given her escape from the First Order meaning, and she couldn't let that fact go, not even if she wanted to.
Sleep did not come easy that night, nor did it come easy for Poe, who also lay awake thinking about the current situation between them both.
XXX
The next day the base was bustling around, busy as ever. Lyra felt sure that any day Leia would tell her that she was fit and able to participate in another mission again. Working with Poe once more might ease the tension of last night between them. She hadn't seen Poe all morning and felt certain he was avoiding her on purpose after she had rejected him.
She hadn't meant to, it was a difficult issue to handle and with everything still so new and different to her, dealing with another man's feelings for her was more than she could handle. Especially when she was so unsure of her own feelings. She could not bear the thought of him angry or upset with her. He was one of the very few people in the galaxy she felt close to, and she would try everything not to lose that. Going on another mission together would hopefully ease the tension. It had to.
Finally in the afternoon, she headed to the cantina, thinking it was around the time for Poe to grab his usual mid-afternoon sic cake break. By the time she reached it, many of the rebels, including Poe were stood outside by the holographic information board. She made her way to it but as she approached it, Poe turned and saw her.
"Lyra, you don't want to look at this, I've just asked them to take it down" he told her, a hand on her shoulder as if to stop her getting closer.
"Let me see what? What is it?"
Poe kept her at a distance.
"Poe, what is this? Stop it, let me see."
He reluctantly let her go and she tried to move closer to the hologram messages. When the rebels saw she was there, they stepped aside to let her move closer. But the message she saw, was one she instantly wished she hadn't.
The First Order had signed death warrants for a handful of known rebels, and then there was a familiar name.
"Lyrasanna Nyine, wanted dead. Dangerous war criminal, armed and working closely with the Resistance."
They hadn't even used her married name. And then it got worse, the warrant was signed, ordered by someone she knew all too well.
By order of General Armitage Hux.
Lyra's head felt dizzy, she read it over and over until she was sure it was really Armitage's name. When it sunk in, she backed away, not uttering a word, no tears, no noises of complaint. Just dead silence. Until Poe reached an arm out to her.
"Lyra, I'm so sorry."
She pulled away from him. "Go away, all of you leave me alone" she shouted before turning on her heels and leaving the rebels to watch her with pity as she went.
Poe followed after her, until General Leia held out a hand to stop him. "Give her a minute Poe, she needs time to process this."
He obeyed, leaving Lyra to run up onto one of the hills ahead of the docks as she ran from everyone else she knew. Falling to her knees, she hit her fists on the ground and screamed out so loud she could have sworn the ground beneath her shook. Armitage was finally done with her.
She was nothing to him now, nothing but rebel scum that needed to be wiped from the galaxy. She was after all, everything he had spent the last few years learning to hate. She dug her nails into the grass as the tears fell. They fell and fell and they did not stop.
In the distance, Poe watched on, wishing he could comfort her, but nothing he could do would fix this. Nothing at all. BB-8 stood by his side, emitting sad little beeps, sensing his master's misery. He looked down at his droid and frowned. "Hey little buddy, I don't think she wants to talk right now, maybe you could just go see if she's alright? Just go stay by her, unless she wants you to leave."
BB-8 nodded his head as he rolled over to her slowly. He waited behind her as she sat on the hill staring into the distance as her tears fell. He emitted a single sad beep.
"Hello B" she whispered. He came around to face her and she looked at him. When he saw her tears, he let out a series of worried noises.
"I'm not injured. I'm just sad" she replied, turning to look down at the ground.
The little droid rolled closer to her and allowed her to rest her head on his own. She was grateful for the silent comfort. Still not able to process her feelings, cuddling the droid without having to talk was a welcome move.
Poe couldn't help but smile a little at seeing his droid comfort Lyra. The sight of both of them together was enough to melt his heart, but Lyra was hurting and it killed him to watch. Poe hated Armitage Hux, for everything he stood for, for the obstacle he was between him and Lyra and now, he hated him for turning his back on Lyra in the worst way possible. There were plenty of people in the First Order who could have signed her death warrant, but he had chosen to sign it himself. The man truly was a monster.
Poe stood watch over Lyra for hours, BB-8 didn't leave her side the whole time she sat there. Even when the sun set and most of the rebels turned in for the night.
"Is she alright?"
Poe turned to see Rey stood there, arms crossed as she stared out at Lyra.
"I doubt it. She's been there for hours now, just staring. BB-8 won't leave her. I don't know what the best thing to do is" he replied.
"I think you should try to talk to her. Now the shock might have calmed down a little. The worst she can do is send you away."
Poe nodded solemnly. "Why don't you talk to her?"
"Because I'm not the one she's glued to the hip to. You're the only one she probably wants to hear right now. Go to her" the scavenger told him.
Poe paused, taking a deep breath in before making his way up the hill to Lyra's side.
BB-8 livened up at the sight of him.
"Hey buddy, can you, give us a few minutes? I promise you can cuddle Lyra later if she wants, alright?"
BB-8 hesitated, not wanting to leave Lyra's side but he reluctantly sped away down the hill when Poe shot him a reassuring look.
The pilot sat next to her, not knowing what to say or do to make her feel any better.
"I'm… I'm so sorry Lyra" he whispered.
She nodded, her head still bent, looking at the ground before she looked out at the jungles of D'Qar.
Poe caught a glance of her face. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes red from crying so much.
"You know, it's one thing for the man you love to stop loving you. It is a different thing entirely to have the man you love be the one to sign a warrant that orders your own death. It's as if I am just a stranger to him, nothing more than rebel bug he would squash beneath his boot. A few weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me."
Poe tried to hide his anger at Hux from Lyra. It wasn't what she needed at that moment, even if he did feel like smashing the guy into the ground until he reached the other side of the planet.
"I'm sorry, I'm not going to pretend I know what this must feel like but I'm sorry."
"I don't understand. I think about him every day, I miss him every day. I have been driving myself insane over the idea that fighting for the Resistance has separated me from him and his ideals. I had already gone over and over in my head how I would beg General Organa to spare his life if it came down to it. I could never hurt him, I can't even imagine hurting him. Yet there that warrant is. One quick signature and it's as if everything we had meant absolutely nothing. Not just a divorce, I was dreading a divorce, I wouldn't have blamed him for it, but I was heartbroken at the thought. But this Poe, this is not just heartbreak, this is, I can't even put into words how this feels."
Another tear fell from her eyes and Poe held back from wiping it away.
"The First Order claims people for its own. Armitage might once have been a kind man but now, now he's just a slave to the order. I don't think it's personal, I think that's the nature of such a terrible organization."
Lyra looked up at him and frowned. "I'm not supposed to take it personally that my husband ordered my own death?"
Poe's eyes widened. "No, no that's not what I meant. I just meant, he's been fed lies and has been manipulated by the First Order so much that he's been made to believe the rebellion must die and the First Order must thrive in order for the galaxy to achieve peace. The First Order believe in killing some to save many. I think Snoke, I think he might have persuaded your husband that you were the only thing standing in his own path towards peace."
Lyra sniffed, hugging Poe's jacket closer to her. "Is this all meant to make me feel better?"
Poe nudged her shoulder. "What I mean to say is, I don't think your husband's mind is his own anymore, at least not the mind you knew and loved. Who knows, Snoke might have even blackmailed him to sign that warrant?"
Lyra's bottom lip trembled as she tried to bite back more tears and failed miserably.
"Kriff, I'm not good at this empathy thing am I? Truthfully, your husband's an asshole cos if I had you, I would be turning every planet upside down to find you and persuade you to come back home right now. But hey, Lyra, I need you to look at me right now" Poe told her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She did so, her lip still trembling as she tried to wipe some of her tears away, only to have them replaced with fresh ones.
"One day, not now, not tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now, but some day you will be over this. You are gonna fight, and laugh and live the best life you didn't know you could and you know what, eventually Hux will be a thing of the past. You'll find happiness and someone who loves you and treats you right, I know you will. I'm here for you Lyra, we all are, BB-8, Leia, Rey, Finn, the squadron. We are your family now and this pain you feel right now, it will be a thing of the past I promise you."
Poe leaned over and wiped Lyra's tears away before planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes as she felt his gentle kiss while his other hand rested against the back of her neck softly. It was innocent, there was no ulterior motive and she felt the genuine nature of his comfort. Poe Dameron, a pilot, a man far too good for the galaxy.
Lyra wrapped her arms around Poe and tucked her head against his neck in an attempt to hide her tears from him. He held her tight and stroked her hair, staying there with her until she felt strong enough to carry on.