Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Love Hina or any of its characters.
Friends
Chapter Ten
Hurt Me So
The supposed-to-be caretaker of the teahouse picked a stray cobweb out of hair before she sat the bucket of soapy water on the floor. Kitsune flicked on the lights, her scowl wrecking havoc on her face as she threw the sponge she held at a table. She missed. The waterlogged sponge hit a chair, flipped, and landed on the floor with a splash.
"Fuck!"
She was pissed.
The Hina Café, the beloved teahouse loved by many, was not the same sanctuary it used to be. Instead of a happy place filled with customers and friends alike, it housed only curses and a frustrated rage. It was rare for her to get so angry that she had to find something to do, but the teahouse was always on her short list. However, procrastinating only led to more procrastinating and, by the time she thought to start cleaning, she didn't feel like doing it anymore until she was forced to do something lest she go crazy.
Kitsune brushed the dust off her shoulder and took a good look around.
The whole place was dirty and her nose wrinkled because of the scent that met her at the entrance. It was a mix of old tea, dust, and decay that hung in the air like noose, the smell itself reminding her the present state of the teahouse was completely her fault. Even though Keitaro insisted, it was clear she wasn't fit for the job. She wasn't as patient or diligent as Haruka so she was doomed to fail before she even made an effort to start. She got tired of being a host and a waitress at the same time, and the men that used to frequent the place never gave her a chance to get settled in. It was a horrible job with shitty customers so she was glad she shut it down before she snapped. Her solitary regret was that she didn't take the time to clean up after she forced the last man out.
"Shit…" Kitsune muttered, faint clouds of dust left in her wake after she picked up the bucket and moved to the closest table. "I told him…" She started, dropping the bucket into the seat of a chair as she fished a rag out of her pocket with her other hand. "I told him not to go on any dates."
The real reason she was angry came to the forefront of her mind as she rolled up her sleeves. "All I asked him to do was sort out how he really felt and he doesn't even think to tell me anything afterwards." She plunged the cloth into the water and snatched it out. "I go out of my damn way trying to make him happy and what do I get…?" She started scrubbing the table as hard as she could. Weeks of dust and grim were lifted with a single swipe, but all she could think about was the man that failed to let her know about his date. "Shit. I don't get shit."
She knew it was unfair to think of it like that, but she didn't care. She didn't feel like trying to be rational because she was angry. It made her mad that he completely ignored everything she said and went off on the date she specifically told him not to take. It hurt that he blew her off like that, but the worst part was that she expected it to happen.
Kitsune dipped the rag in the bucket and moved on. The cloth landed on the table with a soaked slop and she made no mention of the dirty water that splashed on her as she started to scrub again.
She knew it was going to happen.
Shinobu was going to eventually ask him and she knew he was going to accept. She figured it'd be at least a week or two, not the very next day.
"Damn it, Keitaro…"
All she asked him to do was not to go on another date and he didn't listen to her. It was always like that. Whenever she had something important to say, no one wanted to listen to her.
The door shot open and the bell attached to it rung to signal the presence of a new patron, but the glance Kitsune took over her shoulder was enough to confirm what she originally thought. No customer would throw open the door like that and the look on Motoko's face made it apparent that a cup of tea was the last thing on her mind.
The swordswoman calmly entered the establishment. "Mitsune…" She wasn't happy, but she was glad she finally found the woman she spent most of the evening looking for. It was nothing short of luck that she even thought to search in the teahouse. It was the place she least expected to find the woman. "You need to leave." She tightened her grasp on the sword at her side. "Now."
Motoko wasted no time with a greeting and pleasantries were something she refused to waste on someone that constantly undermined her. She slowed her gait, the steps she took just as controlled as the temper that she managed to tame. She was ready to put Mitsune in her place, but she had to at least make some kind of attempt to make her leave first.
"Look…" Kitsune didn't stop cleaning. She spoke with her back facing the taller girl. "I really don't feel like talking to anyone right now." She dipped the rag back into the bucket and looked over her shoulder as she wiped, her trademark grin absent as she glared at the girl behind her. "Go wave your sword around or something."
"Let me rephrase what I said." Motoko stepped on the sponge on her way towards the woman she hated. "I'm saying you better leave before I hurt you."
She was glad she found Mitsune, but she was grateful that the woman thought to come to the teahouse in the first place. While it wasn't quite far from Hina House, she was sure no one would be able to hear anything and it had been months since anyone thought to visit. It wasn't like she was planning on doing anything wrong, though. She was just thankful to have luck on her side for once.
"Okay then…" Kitsune tossed the rag back into the bucket and turned to face the threat. "Let me be straight with you, Motoko. I haven't had a drink in damn near a week and I'm not feeling very nice right now so you better go somewhere else before I get angry enough to say some stuff that I really want to say to you."
Motoko pushed aside a table with ease and didn't stop to watch it fall over. It broke one of the three chairs it took down with it, but she didn't care. She made space for the vixen to fall unobstructed and she would lay her out next if she said the wrong thing. "Mitsune…" She nearly growled as she moved ever closer to her antagonist. "Say what you want…" All she needed was a reason. She wanted one. A threat, an insult… It didn't matter what it was. "No, please tell me what you really want to say."
"You're disgusting."
That was a little surprising coming from her.
"Oh?"
"You remember that, don't you?" Kitsune smirked as she pulled off her latex gloves. "You are disgusting, Motoko. You're mad because you think I'm standing between you and Keitaro. You think I'm in your way so you don't really want me to leave. I know you want to fight." She dropped the gloves on the floor, the contrast between the canary yellow and dusty brown ignored as she looked the swordswoman in the eyes. "That's why you're disgusting. You turn your nose up at me thinking I'm scum and then walk around like you're the best thing that ever came to Hina House. You're not any better than anyone that lives there."
"You're almost right." Motoko stretched out her arm and laid her sword down on a table as she walked by it. "I do believe you are trying as hard as you can to take Keitaro away from me. Aside from that, I don't care about how you feel or what you think about me. The truth of the matter is that I know what happened. He…" She closed her eyes, sucking in a breath and silently counting down to zero before she spoke again. "He told me what you did to him. That's why I want you to leave. I'm praying that you leave before I get over there because I was not lying when I said I would hurt you."
"You think I'm scared of you?"
"No," Motoko never stopped moving closer to her. "Just be scared of what I'm going to do to you."
"Really? I don't think you have it in you." Kitsune grinned though no humor was in her eyes as she pulled a chair to the side and out of the way. "You don't have it in you to hit me. I want you to though. I want you to hit me just as hard as you used to hit him."
"You… bitch…" Hearing that from someone who was just as guilty made it feel like she was on fire. Pure hatred was the sole reason the anger she restrained started to flare again. She thought she could talk like that just because she never raised her hand against him? Did she forget she never lifted a hand to stop him from being hurt? Did she forget about the way she used to laugh at him? She was honestly making an effort to get the woman to leave, but if want to talk like that then she had no problem giving her a black eye.
"No, that's not right!" Kitsune boldly stepped forward, testing the girl before her as she spoke. "You're supposed to call me a pervert. As a matter of fact, you should go back and get your sword so you-"
"Shut up!" Her blood boiled as she stopped right in front of Mitsune and reeled her fist back. Forget a black eye. She was going to make her chock on her own teeth. "Shut up!"
A hand wrapped around her wrist before she could throw the punch and Kitsune laughed in her face. "You think I can't tell!" She was livid. She longed to tell the girl how easy it was to see through her. "You think I don't know you're trying to make up for how you treated him before-"
It felt like a bus crashed into her stomach and all words died on impact. Mistune coughed, gagging in hopes of catching the breath that was knocked out of her. Motoko withdrew her hand and let her fall to the floor with a ghost of a smile on her face. It felt good. She stood over her, relishing in the feeling of watching her struggle to keep from throwing up her lunch.
"I'm not Naru." Motoko stood in place like a tower, looming over Mitsune with uncaring eyes as she watched her vomit. "I know I hurt him. I know I made some—No," She corrected herself. "I made a lot of mistakes, but don't think for a second that I'm using him to make myself feel better. I love Keitaro."
Kitsune hacked up the contents of her stomach and Motoko said nothing as she suffered. She didn't feel any pity or sympathy for someone that lived the way she did.
"Your legs feel like sandbags and your head feels like it's filled with cotton…" Motoko explained the feeling, knowing perfectly well how it felt to get hit like that thanks to countless days spent in a dojo. So, with eyes the regarded Mitsune with heavy contempt, she choked down what emotion ebbed away at her. She didn't want to feel anything for someone she hated. Instead of feeling bad, she wanted to laugh at the woman that spent her time with jokes and alcohol, but there was no amusement to be found as Mitsune fell back into the mess she made.
It simply wasn't funny.
It wasn't supposed to be funny, though. She didn't hit her so she could laugh in her face or ridicule her for vomiting.
It was punishment.
The reason she hit her as hard as she could was because she needed to be punished.
"You're lucky you vomited." Motoko kneeled to get a better look. "Dry heaving would have been—No!" She saw it. She stopped mid sentence and reached down to grasp fistfuls of gray. "You don't get to cry!" She yelled into her face, tears starting to build in her own eyes as the emotions she suppressed started to stir. "You don't get to cry, Mitsune!"
She couldn't begin to understand how it made her feel to hit someone else.
By even entertaining the thought of harming Mitsune, she disgraced herself but actually going through with it tore down every single thing she stood for and trampled over everything she held sacred. She threw away the rules she lived by and hit the woman in spite of them.
Kitsune didn't say anything as she wept, but her eyes bore into the girl that held her by the hair. She leveled her gaze up at Motoko, her eyes void of any of the anger that possessed her earlier. All the dark brown retained were a muted sorrow, a sadness that couldn't be couldn't be conveyed through words, but the glint in her eyes still managed to ask the question that was on both their minds.
How did things go so… wrong?
"No…" Motoko let go of her on sight of the expression and unfiltered horror scrapped away a piece of her heart as she slowly backed away. "I'm… No…" She didn't know what to say. "It's…"
She tried to say something, anything to make it known that she wasn't the one that was wrong. Her sight fell and she locked eyes with Mitsune again. The look on her face sent daggers into the heart that swore to destroy all evil. Motoko quickly found that there was nothing she could say to make Mitsune understand how she really felt.
She had to get away.
Motoko turned around before she stood up, almost tripping until she righted her balance and ran. She left her sword and her tears in her haste, the morals the preached crumbling with every step she took towards and out of the door.
Kitsune watched her go from where she laid and made no attempt to stop her. She rolled on her side, grimacing as she wiped away her tears. Idly, she wondered if she got what she deserved for calling what she thought was a bluff, and thoughts of the girl that ran off quickly occupied her mind.
It wasn't until she looked her in the eyes and noticed that she, too, was crying that she remembered that, before anything else, Motoko was her friend. They always had their differences, but Motoko was one of her only friends. It hurt—more than getting punched in the stomach—that they came to the point of seriously fighting with each other, but the truly sad part was that she only thought to realize everything after the fact.
She would have stayed right where she way, engaged in her thoughts, without even trying to move if the phone in the back didn't start to ring. She ignored it. It kept ringing. She sighed, winching as she took a deep breath. She had to at least try to answer it.
With thoughts of her friends and the pain in midsection plaguing her, she tried her best to stand without doubling over. She did. The pain that assaulted her forced her to grab hold of a table to keep upright and another wave of nausea hit her again. She endured long enough to stagger to the back of the teahouse.
The phone was still ringing.
She half expected it to stop as she closed her eyes in an effort to lessen the dizziness she experienced. It was probably important. It could probably be Haruka calling to check up on the shop or Grandma Hina trying to get in contact with someone since Keitaro was out.
Kitsune cleared her throat and used the back of hand to wipe at her mouth before taking a second to calm herself down. It felt like there was a hole in her waist and she needed to sit down before she got sick again, but she felt compelled to answer the phone. She had to at least do one of the duties she was charged with.
So she answered.
0
Shinobu was quiet.
Though the restaurant was lively and upbeat, the conversation and music around her only served to feel like a prison to someone that wasn't happy at all. The sad thing was that the place was honestly beautiful. It was filled with creamy whites and light browns, neutral colors complimenting the Victorian style she always loved, but all she could do was sulk.
Dark blue bangs covered her eyes as she stared down at the half finished plate of food in front of her. It was good, way better than anything she could make by herself, but she wasn't in the mood to eat.
She felt uncomfortable and out of place.
She was underdressed for the occasion. Instead of some kind of dress or gown, she was in her school uniform. The worst part about it was that she did have a dress, one that almost looked like the one Kitsune wore, but the similarity ended there. She couldn't fill out her dress. She was short, flat-chested, and lacked any sort of curves. It was ironic that in trying to escape the very people that made her feel so much like a kid, she came to realize how much of one she really was thanks to all the adults around her.
"I didn't know you were still so shy in public."
"I… just don't have anything to say." She placed her fork down on the table, her face souring as she saw the cup of juice she refused to touch. It wasn't like she wanted some wine, but they could have gave her something a little less… childish. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright." Though she was ashamed of herself, she was still in awe of the man that sat on the other side of the table. He didn't look out of place. Dressed in one of his suits, he looked more like the other men seated around them. It wasn't because of the suit, though. She always thought he looked good, too good to be wasting his time on someone that couldn't even think of anything to talk about. "You don't mind if I ask you a question or two do you?"
She expected him to be like her when it came to the concept of dating, but she was blissfully surprised to find out he was a natural. Without even trying, he said the right things without missing a beat and he was already someone she thought was handsome. He was always a diamond in the rough. It was just bad luck that he caught the eye of the other girls.
"N-Not at all…" Shinobu lifted her eyes to look at him and saw the smile that was waiting on her. She forgot about the things that made her insecure. She smiled in anticipation, anxious to hear the question he wanted to ask. "What is it?"
Keitaro scratched the side of his face a little, she knew it meant he was apprehensive. It was going to be a difficult question, but his smile promised it would be anything too personal. "It's about your plushy collection…"
Shinobu almost screamed in embarrassment. He saw her plush plush family! "You…" She gulped hard, blood rushing to her face as she realized that she couldn't just pretend she didn't know what he was talking about. "Sempai…" She squirmed in her seat, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. "I didn't want you to know about something like that. It's… too embarrassing!"
He laughed, calming her nerves as a waitress walked past the table. "I don't think it's embarrassing at all. I think it's cute… I just never knew that you collected something like that."
He thought she was cute.
"It's because I… I always get one on important days." Shinobu twiddled her thumbs together in her lap, her blush conquering the rest of her face as she spoke. "They're something I use to remind of special days, t-to remind me of days like this…"
"I'm glad this means that much to you." He nodded, pausing to push his glasses back up before he spoke again. "I hope your collection gets way bigger if that's the case." For her to have that many meant she had a lot of precious memories and the thought of her standing on the tip of her toes to put them on the shelves left a fond smile on his face. "I wanted to draw it…" His smile faded a little as another thought came to mind. "Do you mind if I draw the collection? It's hard to explain but I liked the feelings I got from looking at it. I just didn't want to ask you… then."
Then was yesterday, the morning he stepped into her room for the very first time without invitation. He tried to cheer her up. Her sempai went out of his way to make her feel better so she didn't have the heart to tell him he only ended up making her feel worse.
"I don't mind…" The mood changed and she flowed with it. "Sempai," Shinobu wet her lips. She was thirsty, but she wasn't going to drink the juice. Not in front of him. "Would you like me if I was older? If I…" The thought by itself made her ill, but she was compelled to ask. "Would you like me if I hit you?"
The memory of how she felt prompted the questions she never wanted to ask, the questions she never wanted answered. Was it wrong, she wondered, to ask him something so unfair?
He was troubled by the question, but he made no attempt to wave her off. Sempai always took her seriously. He always treated her like an adult, like a real woman, so she always took what he had to say seriously as well. A part of her noticed that he wasn't smiling anymore, another torn when their eyes met and she saw the feelings etched in their depths.
"I already like you, Shinobu." Keitaro looked deep into her eyes. "Just because Motoko and Naru are like that doesn't mean that you have to be like them." He laughed a little to lighten the atmosphere, but his grin was more out of place than she was. "That's just how they are…"
It was a dumb question.
She knew more than anyone else that he hated violence and that he didn't like being hurt. He was kind and soft at heart, the kind of man that couldn't stand the thought of hurting someone else so it was more than just dumb to ask him a question like that.
It was cruel.
He didn't outright say it, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he feared she made the worst misunderstanding possible. He was scared that she thought hitting someone was okay.
"Sempai, I-"
"I love you the way you are." Keitaro continued, completely missing her quiet attempt to speak thanks to the incessant chatter around them. "Ha," He laughed again, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked back up with a smile. The doubt in his eyes vanished along with the concern that clouded his expression. "I don't know how I'd feel if things were different, but don't you think the important thing is how I feel about you now? The Shinobu I know now is…" He stopped to clear his throat, embarrassment written across his face as he spoke. "The Shinobu I know is my role model."
"R-Role model…?"
"Yup," He beamed before taking a sip of wine. "You're the one I want to be like. Sometimes I feel like I should be calling you sempai."
"Y-You don't have to do anything like that!" Shinobu felt dizzy and flustered. He said something that made her feel hot, but she still wouldn't touch the juice. "I'm not…"
"You are." Keitaro winked and lifted her above the clot of her feelings with nothing more than his smile. "You are a very special person to me, Shinobu."
In the midst of her happiness, she made an observation that made her sad. "You've been around Kitsune a lot…"
She was having an obvious effect on him.
The person sitting across from her was definitely her sempai, but it wasn't the sempai she knew. Instead of a different side, it was a different shade of Keitaro. It was the contrast between what she did and didn't know about him creating the ambience that surrounded them. It wasn't because of the setting or the other people. It was the same harmony that Kitsune possessed, something Keitaro picked up by just being around her more than necessary.
She hated that.
Shinobu hated that he was changing.
"Yeah, she's way better at studying than-"
She didn't want to hear anything about her.
"Sempai…" It was time, she decided, to show him why she took him up on his offer. "I have something to give you."
"Um, okay?" He leaned forward to see what she pulled out her pocket. "Is that it?"
Shinobu laid the letter on the table and smoothed it out before reaching over the table to hand it to him. When he lowered his eyes to scan the details, she was quick to take the chance to look away. She didn't want to see his reaction.
"Keitaro," She used his name on purpose, mentally preparing herself for the disdain she'd face. There was no doubt that he would hate her for what she did. "That letter is from one of the schools you applied for…" She spoke as he read. "At the bottom it says that-"
He placed the letter back on the table. "That I got a portfolio review at six, right?"
"You…" Something shook inside her and Shinobu looked up in disbelief. "You knew?"
"Ha," He smiled at her and her heart broke all over again. "A man called this morning to make sure I got the letter and told me about the appointment when I said I didn't receive anything."
"Sempai…" She was overcome with emotion, her eyes watering as she took a quick look at the clock on the wall. It was twenty minutes after eight. "Why? Why did you come?"
"I know you were mad at me, Shinobu." The landlord didn't lose his smile though it was a tainted by a twinge of sadness as he waved towards the waiter for the bill. "I stood around and let your feelings get hurt. I would have been more worried if you were okay with it…" He pulled a few bills from his wallet to leave for the tip. "I'm really sorry everything happened the-"
"No…" She wept quietly, her tears spilling on the tablecloth as she realized just how wrong everything was. "You have to call them back. You have to call them and-"
"I wasn't going to set something up behind your back when you wanted me to miss it." Keitaro rose from his seat and rounded the table to stand behind the girl. "I probably made a bad impression with the no show, but I'll figure something out if they don't want to schedule another appointment. It's not the only school in Japan."
Shinobu shook, misery superimposing on her reality as she realized the significance of what she did. She intentionally stood in the way of his dreams and, albeit temporarily, managed to derail them. That, by itself, was ten times worse than anything the other girls ever did, but that he allowed her to do so made it even worse.
She wanted to run. She needed to get away, but the hands that landed on her shoulders kept her in place. "Let's go home, okay?" He didn't know how much his kindness hurt. "You can get ready for school tomorrow. I'll cook dinner when-"
"It's not okay…" Her voice was small as she stood from the chair she slid back. With one swift motion, she wiped the tears from her eyes as she stated the obvious. "It's not okay, sempai."
It was cold, the food was overpriced, the men at the table behind them kept sneaking looks at her, and she was thirsty. Her first date was horrible because she ruined it the very moment she asked for it. It wouldn't be too far off to say it was one of the worst days of her life.
It had to be karma.
"Is your sister alright, sir?" The waiter placed the bill on the table as he asked the question, but his eyes never left the tip Keitaro put on the table.
Keitaro laughed a little and the comfort of his caring hands left her shoulders. "She's fine." He preferred to avoid another awkward explanation as he looked down at his tenant. "She's just ready to go. I pay at the front, right?"
The man nodded before collecting the plates and Keitaro held out a hand for Shinobu. She stared at it before looking up at his smile. It was gentle, just as kind as it always.
"I'm not mad." Her sempai reached down to take hold of her hand and didn't let go as he led the way. "If it comes to choosing between you or school then you know I'll always pick you, Shinobu. I don't mind doing things like this if you need to know how much I care about you."
"Is…" She looked down at their joined hands as she broke her tentative silence. "Is this why Naru calls you an idiot?"
"Hmm," They stopped in front of the register and Keitaro reached into his pocket for a few bills. "I really don't know why she says a lot of stuff, but I guess so." He didn't let go of her hand. "Just having good intentions don't mean much when I make the people important to me sad."
She bowed her head in shame as he paid the bill.
That didn't make him an idiot at all. Working hard for the people he cared about didn't make him silly or stupid even if he did make mistakes. If there was any complaint she had about his character, it rested with the hand that was wrapped around hers.
He was too kind.
They were moving again and, before she knew it, they were outside. The autumn wind ruffled her clothes as they walked and she used her hand to keep her skirt from swaying. It was a pretty night and it honestly felt better outside than it did inside the restaurant. Shinobu looked up at the stars as they walked hand in hand, but the feelings that shook her never left. They were merely soothed, calmed by the presence of the man that tried his best to wave down a taxi.
Shinobu watched him, wondering if he knew how much she loved him. She quietly watched him fail time after time, but the only thing she could think about was the hand that never let her go. She looked down at the union of their hands and only thought to look up with she sensed him looking at her.
"C'mon Shinobu, you have to help too!" He smiled down at her as he loosened his tie. "They always speed up when they see me for some reason."
"It's because you're too excited, sempai…" Shinobu wanted him to be angry at her for what she did to him, but, deep down, she was more than glad he didn't hate her. She forced a small smile as she turned to look down the street. They'd have to wait a while for another one to come. "You probably make them nervous…"
"Ah, you should have told me. I was wondering why so many passed us by the first—Wait…" Keitaro pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose as he did a double take. "Is t-that Kitsune…?"
Confused, Shinobu quickly turned to look at her sempai and followed his line of sight across the street. True enough, a woman that looked remarkably similar to the Kitsune slowly walked down the sidewalk. She was slouched over, grimacing as she paced herself. "Sempai, she looks like she's hu—Oh…"
Keitaro had already let go of her hand.
He was across the street before she started talking.
He left her behind.
Again.
A terrible jealously struck her as she watched him go the aid of the woman he probably didn't even know, but the urgency he moved with only served to underline how he really felt about the alcoholic. With only a passing glance to make sure a car wouldn't hit her, Shinobu numbly crossed the street and took a better look at the girl he helped to the sidewalk.
It was Kitsune.
"…called. You… You got to… call… the school."
Shinobu brought a shaking hand over her mouth, her jealously gone as the older girl tried as hard as she could to say something. There was no mistaking it after hearing her voice. It was definitely Kitsune, but it looked like she got into a fight. Her hair was disheveled and messy, whatever it was that was matted to the side of it undoubtedly nasty looking. Her clothes were dirty. Her jeans and the apron Shinobu had never seen her wear before were stained with grim that could only come from falling. Her shoes, the same tennis shoes she bought the other day, were caked with clumps of mud.
Keitaro patiently stroked her hair, the gentle touch of his hand upon her figure mirroring the understanding in his eyes. "Kitsune…" His voice was low and affectionate as he held her close. "Did you run here to tell me that…?"
"No…" She tried to laugh and only ended up falling into another coughing fit. "Just… Just ran from… taxi driver." She ended up smiling regardless. "No money…"
It was just like her to do something so reckless, but he mentioned nothing of the sort as he turned his attention to his date. "Shinobu," He called out to her and she snapped out of her shock. "She's going to be alright. She's just—Thank God…" He sighed, closing his eyes as he regained his composure. "She's just tired. C-Can you get a taxi for us?"
The schoolgirl nodded before looking around and scanning the streets for a cab. Kitsune watched her try to wave down a taxi with jaded eyes. "Keitaro… She…"
"I know…" He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped away the stuff on the side of her face. "You didn't have to do something like this for me. I'm…" He embraced her whole heartily. "I'm so glad we saw you."
A whole new kind of fear unfolded inside his thought upon thinking of what could have happened if he managed to stop the first taxi he saw or if they had thought to leave the restaurant earlier.
He would have missed Kitsune.
"I'm… I'm so glad I saw you."
He hugged her and she huddled up closer to him, letting her head fall into his shoulder as she wrapped her weary arms around him. They sat on the ground, holding each other but he was the only one that shivered at the thought of what could have happened to her.
"Kitsune… please…" She knew he was crying. She could feel his tears on her neck. "Please don't do anything like this again."
"Idiot…" Her voice was raspy, her eyes watering as she leaned into him. "That's what I'm supposed to say…"
She should have been able to tell what he had planned. Only someone like him would actually do something as crazy as miss an interview on purpose, but the reason tears ran down her face was because she was just as glad as he was. She was lucky to find him the first place, but he didn't have any idea how good it felt to be in his arms.
"I'm happy you're okay…" He smiled even as he wept. "I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life when I realized that was you. I… I thought something bad happened to you."
She shook her head, leaving her tears on his blazer before she pulled her head back to look him in the face. He was smiling, thankful that she was okay, so she managed a weak smile in return.
Did he know all she ever wanted was for someone to care?
Something in his touch promised he did and, just like that, she remembered she was his girlfriend. Even if it was a lie, even if he never came to accept her like that, she was still his girlfriend. He was worried because he cared for her, and he was scared because she was important to him. He was kind enough to extend those feelings to anyone, but the blessing of his touch and the affection in his words were reserved only for the one closest to his heart.
Did she deserve it?
She didn't.
Kitsune knew she wasn't worthy of being with him. She knew from the beginning that he was out of her league. Keitaro was someone that she didn't deserve, someone that she intentionally sought to steal from others. She was the one that was wrong. She was the one that started everything so it was only right that she ended it. All she had to do was tell him she wasn't good enough. All she had to do was tell him that she would never be good enough for him but…
She never wanted him to let her go.
She knew it was wrong when she started, but she swore to herself she wouldn't be half-hearted when it came to him. For the first time in her life, she was dedicated. She wasn't good enough for him, but she wanted to be. She would never be good enough, but she'd keep trying to become someone he could depend on.
She needed to become someone he could rely on because…
"Keitaro…" She could see a cab slowing to a stop behind him, but she didn't want to go anywhere. She wanted to stay right where she was. "I…"
She always depended on him.
There were so many ways to tell him what she already said, so many ways to do what she already did, but nothing came to mind as she looked into his eyes. He already knew how she felt and she wouldn't kiss him when it looked like she just rolled out of a garbage can. For a second, she was wondered what she would do until her response came naturally.
"I guess…" She snuggled against him, hating the fact that she was making him dirty and enjoying the comfort he provided at the same time. "I guess I'm happy, too."
She was trying to change for him and she would. She would become the kind of woman he needed, but, before anything else, she was happy. Even though she was dirty, sick, and hurt, he tended to her and held her close. The future, the tomorrow where she would make a better effort, felt far away. She'd try her best when it came, but, until then, she wanted to stay right where she was.
Continued…
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"I'm always going to do things I don't have to do because I love you."