In Between Love and Hate

Author's Note: Yup, I'm back. With some Avatar touch. FINALLY. To tell you guys honestly, everything in me ached to write this very chapter. Find out why.

Disclaimer: Jim Cameron. He always did.

Chapter Ten:

A year passed as swiftly as the cool wind did.

Everything has been stable about their relationship, but frankly though, Grace still couldn't decide what her relationship with Miles was like. Sure, he was still the sweet guy who would bring her flowers, even though she had reprimanded him from doing so; treat her like the queen she never was; express his love that would last.

But regardless of how happy they had both become in the past months, there is still that tiny problem that would creep and bother her every night, something that won't go, a longing in her heart that she couldn't just ignore.

He's a Marine. Cut him open and you'll see Semper Fi written through him. Always faithful to his country, to his fellowmen.

But not to her. Not ever.

He was always too far away, and communication was hard because they were both busy with their jobs. Right now he's touring Nigeria with the First Recon and she just kept herself busy experimenting and examining plant samples she recently got from their trip.

Although, Miles would come home once in three months, then he'll make love to her, snuggle the entire day and then soon he'll be gone again. That was the worst part of that; scant hours with him weren't enough. She was always the one who needed to adjust, to forgive, like she was the one handling their relationship, like she was the dominant one.

Painful as it may seem, considering all the things that happened to them in just a span of one year, Grace still doubts she'd ever have a life with him, that she's gonna live a normal life; have kids and all that.

This has become her greatest fear, the moment Miles slipped the ring into her finger and asked her to marry him; her fear had been to live her life the way her Mom lived hers, always away from the man she loved and fearing for his safety. And she couldn't take that.

As random thoughts popped in her mind, Grace eyed the silver band with the sapphire stone laced around her finger. With a pursed lip and an unfathomable look on her face, she pulled the ring from her finger, bringing it close to her conspicuous eyes.

There was an engraved note.

'Per sempre nei nostri cuori'it says.

Grace let out a breath as she tried to translate the foreign words.

'Forever in our hearts'.

The irony was that she didn't know if that forever was going to be as long as they previously thought so.

"Seriously, Grace. When are you going to settle down for good?" Deiyah, one of the younger scientists in their lab area suddenly uttered, bringing everyone in that peaceful lunch cracking with laughter, including Grace. "No, guys, I mean she's not getting any younger! And I bet your Marine isn't, too. Marriage in the late 20's is not in the trend anymore, mind you."

"Oh don't be silly, Deiyah. Everyone knows the reason why it's not in the trend," Dr. Moira said with enthusiasm, eyeing Deiyah's small bump on her belly as she bit on her apple. The doctor turned to Grace. "What's the name of your Marine, anyway?"

Grace half-smiled and took a sip of water before turning to their Head Biologist, with a bitter look on her face. "Miles," she said and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Miles Quaritch,"

"Well he's certainly living up to his name," the Doctor replied. "Miles actually means soldier in Latin, mee-lus,"

The redhead just smiled and nodded as she stuffed a piece of cornbread in her mouth. Somehow, she found that talking about marriage, about him, just stressed her to a point that it made her temples pound. Grace bit her lip. When Dr. Moira noticed her sudden silence, she decided not to press on the topic any further.

There was an awkward amount of silence in the table, as each of them chewed on their lunch. But it was later broken by a distant girlish voice. "Dr. Augustine!"

Grace turned her head to where the voice came from and saw Lilianna, the RDA Head Administrator's Secretary, running towards their table. Like she did so everyday, she was the only wearing a miniskirt and a white blouse with a black blazer. She looked… Nice. And sexy, pretty. Grace knew every man in the entire RDA staff could not take their eyes off her whenever she passes by. And as she glanced around, she realized she was right. "Max, Dr. Andrews, your mouths are big enough for a swarm of flies to come in. Would you mind closing them?" she patted each of her friends' shoulder.

"Ugh… right," the two scientists muttered under their breaths, almost in unison.

When Lillianna finally reached their table, she immediately turned her head to greet the young woman. "Yes?" she snapped.

"Mr. Selfridge wants you in his office. Urgent," Lilianna gasped, trying to catch her breath.

Grace practically raised a brow at that, and looked around the scientists gathered on the table. Dr. Moira gave her a questioning look. "Uhm, what for?"

"Doctor, you understand that this is highly confidential," Lilianna sternly said. "He'll be expecting you after lunch." The secretary immediately turned her back after a few seconds, leaving Grace gaping at her retreating form.

Grace took a deep breath as she entered the Head Administrator's Office, taking in the orange-painted walls and the paintings that hung on the walls of the room. Frankly, the room smelt of faint jasmine and mint, which was in itself a bit relaxing. But regardless entering this room always brings chills to her body along with the fact that she loathed the very notion of going there.

Her eyes searched for the Head Administrator and immediately found him sitting in her swivel chair, spinning it slightly. A grin lit up his face as he saw the redhead scientist. "Still not used to being in my office, Dr. Augustine?" he chuckled. "Why don't you take a seat and we'll talk."

There was an odd air around him and the look he was giving her was enough to make her want to rip that grin on his face. Seriously, it was disturbing. But she remained composed as she sat on the chair before his table.

"You have your datapad with you? I sent you something. Open it please," his usual commanding tone took over once she was seated.

Grace obliged, seeing that he did the same. She turned her data pad on and browsed on her inbox, touching the message Robert Selfridge probably talked about. As she did so, the 3-D structure of a magnificent world tumbled before her.

"Pandora," she uttered softly.

"Yes," Selfridge said. He browsed through his own datapad and swiped his finger across the screen. "It's kinda like the Garden of Eden, but with razor-sharp teeth and claws. Pandora has been the single most interesting thing to happen to the human race in hundreds of years." he turned to look at her, his face all serious. "Remember when I first told you about this moon, I told you that it was discovered by the first interstellar expedition just recently, but I lied."

Grace's eyes windened with shock. "W-What do you mean, Sir?"

He stood up and turned his back, leaning on the wide glass window that showed off most of the city's tall and brilliant buildings. Selfridge sighed. "Pandora was actually discovered way earlier than that. We've already built up a colony in there, the Resources Development Administration Extra-Solar Colony 01, RDA ESC 01, but it is generally known as Hell's Gate. It is the main center for all human colonial activities and contains the moon's only spaceport. The government classified the info about this moon as top secret, after it was discovered maybe 15 years back." The 3-D image of the moon's forest switched to another structure, but this time it showed off a massive human colony, with buildings and tractors and more.

The scientist leaned on her back and contemplated his words, shocked to hear about his confession. "I can't imagine there's enough human technology for the administration to actually build up a colony in another place other than Earth."

"Oh you'll be surprised with what mankind has secretly achieved by this point in time,"

"But why build a colony? I'm very much sure there is more to this moon than what you're telling me now, Sir."

Selfridge raised a brow. "You are one clever woman, aren't you?" he smirked once again. "I already told you, it's for further experimentations and explorations this world of ours could no longer support. Imagine, Grace. The fauna and the flora of this moon are just magnificent. Vast knowledge, I believe there is."

Grace remained silent for a minute, staring at the Head Administrator. Then she spoke with that ever fierce voice of hers. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Ah, an intelligent question. But I'm not surprised, hearing that from you," Selfridge stared her down like a predator would to a prey. "You are one terrific scientist, Grace. I'm confident you'd be a great asset to our company."

The tension in the room was slowly building, she could feel it. And she just couln't help but be irritated by this man. She clenched her fists into balls and gave him a hard look, but she was pulled from her thoughts when they both heard a knock on the door.

Two men entered, one wearing a white lab coat as hers, and he has gray, silvery hair and mustache. The other was wearing a white polo and black slacks. He had jet-black hair and why, a very calm look on his face. She would have to admit, the second and obviously younger one and almost her age, has some charismatic appeal on him.

"Dr. Cordell Lovecraft and Dr. René Harper, it's nice seeing you both again." Selfridge rose to greet the two visitors and shook each of their hands, guiding them both to his table. Selfridge turned to her and motioned for her to stand, and she did. "I have told you about her in one of our meetings, gentlemen. This is Dr. Grace Augustine, one of our finest scientists here."

The one called Dr. Lovecraft extended his wrinkled hand, and Grace shook it. "I finally met you, Dr. Augustine. I heard so much about you." he gave Selfridge a sly grin.

The other called Dr. Harper also extended his hand and Grace shook it too. "It's nice finally meeting you," he said with that manly voice of his.

"T-The pleasure's all mine," Grace forced a smile, but in her mind she was confused. This was the very first time she saw or even heard about these two but it seemed like they already knew so much about her.

Once they were all seated, the older man finally started talking. "Dr. Augustine, I believe Mr. Selfridge here has already told you about Pandora, right? And also of course about the inhabitants of the planet."

Grace blinked. She looked at the doctor to Selfridge and back to the old man. "About Pandora, yes. But not so much about the Na'vi. All I knew was that they were really not into negotiating with humans but I couldn't blame them."

Selfridge cleared his throat. "Grace," he began with a menacing tone in his voice. "RDA research had already established the possibility of direct mental communication between humans. RDA scientist here, Dr. Lovecraft was given the task of carrying his Dark Dreamer project, which sought to transmit mental processes – "thoughts" – to humans at a distance, as well as interspecies mental communication.

"And I was, by far, successful." Dr. Lovecraft countered. "What we're trying to say here, Grace, is that, we have found a possible diplomatic solution we can use to arrange negotiations with the indigenous."

"So if you're saying that this Dark Dreamer project of yours, sought to transmit thoughts, more like an interspecies mental communication, we're gonna like, transfer our thoughts or consciousness into a Na'vi body and be like them? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Grace said with as little interest as she could show, but inside she was starting to be drawn into this conversation.

"Exactly, but it's a little more complicated than that." the Doctor said. "The project, which we are now dubbing as the Avatar program, combines genetic information from the native race of Pandoran humanoids, the Na'vi, with human DNA from a selected human operator or controller, also known as a "driver".

Grace hummed, giving herself a minute to recover from all the amount of info that had just entered her mind. Sure, being in Selfridge's office stresses her that much.

When she had finally gathered herself, she looked up, and eyed everyone in the room, including Dr. Harper who has kept silent the entire time. "But the question remains; why are you telling me all this?"

Selfridge leaned in on his table. "Because… We need you, Grace. You'll be going to this moon, explore its jungles and take as much plant samples as you want. You're not the only one who would go, of course. A few RDA scientists will also be going there to study the moon and its structure." He blinked twice. "Oh, and once you're there, I'm appointing you as the Head of the Avatar Program."

"You'll use me, to negotiate?"

"No, we are not going to use you. We want you to help us achieve diplomacy or friendly terms with the indigenous. And in exchange for that, you can conduct experiments on the moon's botany and even zoology if you want."

"But why me?" Grace bit her lip.

"You are one of the greatest scientists we have in RDA. I'm not gonna let you waste all that intelligence in this dying planet."

She flinched at the term 'dying'. "What if I won't go?"

Selfridge chuckled. "Then sweetheart, you are missing the chance of a lifetime."

She silently weighed her options as she drove her car. Her life here or her greatest dream.

This was her home. Since the day of her first intake of breath, this world has become the very essence of her being. Without Earth, she is nothing.

Grace thought of everything she's going to trade if ever she agreed to go to Pandora. The life she has established here, her friends and colleagues, her Mom and Dad, Trajan...

Miles.

Oh, right. There's him. That stupid son of a gun who makes her heart bleed every minute.

She's only got a day to decide. A day before she could regret or accept whatever her decision is. 'Dammit,'

Her frustration with her current dillema was almost too much to bear that she resorted to just taking a half day from work, knowing fully that this will not ever affect her record in the administration. Especially now that this 'administration' himself is the one pushing her into this little heck hole of confusion.

She drove home.

Grace stepped into the house with an unfathomable look on her face, nor did she ever say a word why she was in there all of a sudden. She sat on the couch, her eyes blank.

"Grace?" her Dad wheeled himself to greet her, and Grace finally turned to the old man and forced a smile. "What brought you here? Is something bothering you?"

"Dad. What if..." she had previously thought of lying, and informing her parents that she'll just be going to another country but she immediately scrapped the idea. "Dad, there's this Alien moon,"

"We know that," his answer was so fast. "We saw it in the news earlier."

"News? What news are you talking about?"

"An hour before you got here, Darling. They flashed news on the TV. Pandora, yes?" Nathaniel half-smiled at him, knowing the reason why she had come here all of a sudden. "I heard RDA was involved."

She didn't know that the government, or whoever it was, would reveal this secret so soon. But nevertheless shock seemed to radiate back to her body as she remembered the pun Selfridge expressed to her earlier in their little meeting. Always expect the unexpected. "I'm going to be sent to this moon to study its nature. I don't know if... if I should go."

A crease formed on his already wrinkled face.

"I am not afraid of what's out there. I'm afraid of the fact that I'm gonna leave things – people – behind."

Nathaniel moved closer to her so he could cup her cheeks. "I am not telling you to go, nor am I telling you to stay. This sure is an adventure. A place you never knew existed. Truthfully, I myself think that this Pandora is mysterious, primal and terrifying. But I'm stressing that somewhere in there lies the deep magic a scientist like you would finally be able to believe." He sighed. "But then again, here on Earth, you already felt the greatest magic there is. Love." Nathaniel stared at her daughter's eyes, chocolate meeting hazel. "Miles,"

The mention of his name brought chills to her spine. She thought of her options.

Silence.

Five minutes.

Four minutes.

Tick-tock.

Three minutes.

Two minutes.

One.

Zero.

She loved him, but.

"Daddy? Would you please... Do me one last favor?" When he nodded, Grace smiled bitterly. "Hug Trajan for me when he comes home."

It was 4am in the morning and she found herself still awake, scribbling a note.

It was written neatly on a small peice of paper, and she made a makeshift envelope to enclose it. Grace slipped the ring off her finger and tucked it safely inside the envelope, along with the note.

"Q. I love you. But I'm sorry."

I hope I didn't make it sound so hurried. I also did my very best at finally inserting some Avatar touch, you know. Info credits to all the Avatar sites, wikia and forums that I patiently browsed in the past few days.

Might I also add that Dr. Cordell Lovecraft, the pioneer of the Avatar Program, and Dr. Harper (the younger one) are both real characters. James Cameron created Dr. Lovecraft but I'm not so sure about Dr. Harper, because he only appeared in the games.

Oh, and you may also want to remember Dr. René Harper. He'll be a very important character in this story.

I won't be really updating real soon. I'm just gonna research about Pandoran wildlife, flora and the like. So yep, I'm gonna be busy.

See you next chapter, anyways!