Happy New Year? (An excerpt from Back to December)
By Lady of Spain
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight
The day was racing past us much too rapidly. I tried my best to act casual, but I couldn't. I was wound so tight, and Jacob was just as tense. There was a party going on downstairs in one of the ballrooms. Jacob invited me to go, but I didn't want to share a single moment alone with him.
At midnight, the noise of the revelers raised a few decibels, and there were fireworks going off at Sun Devil Stadium. Everyone else seemed so happy, but I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell at them, angry that their sweethearts were staying by their sides and not running off to be target practice for Iraqi insurgents.
As the fireworks exploded in ear deafening bursts, I exploded too. All of these emotions flooded through me, straining to escape. I couldn't let him leave without knowing how much I loved him. All at once, I was ready to prove it. I would love him body and soul, right here and now.
Without a minute to lose, I hurriedly unfastened the top buttons of my blouse, then tried unsuccessfully to yank Jacob's shirt off. His hands were on mine immediately, halting my progress. What did I do wrong? Why did he stop me?
"Don't you want to?" I asked. That was such a stupid question, because I knew he did.
His face contorted in pain as he sighed. "I do ... you know I do."
He assured that there was nothing he wanted more than to make love to me, but there was one problem. Jacob explained that while he was fighting, he had to be utterly focused. If he thought about us lying in bed together—and he undoubtedly would—he might lose his concentration, and he'd wind up getting himself or his men injured in the process.
He made me promise not to worry about him, and not to neglect my studies or taking care of Michel. I think Jacob loved him about as much as I did. These were just so many words, though; he couldn't convince my heart, and I sunk onto the bed in despair.
Sitting beside me, he buttoned up my miserable attempt at seduction, and dropped his arm about my shoulder. I turned to him, my eyes alighting on his beloved face. I let my fingers explore his facial contours. I came to love every feature—his wide onyx eyes, that cute little cleft in his chin, his perfectly sculpted ears, that infectious smile on his inviting lips. God, those lips.
Sure, I was attracted to his physical attributes, but he had a heart of gold too. Jacob was considerate and sweet. He could light up a room with his cheerful banter, and that throaty laugh of his. I looked deep into his eyes and declared, "I love you, Jacob Black."
He answered in kind, and then gave me instructions for our goodbye. As a last thought, he took off his Air Force insignia ring, and attached it to one the dog tags he gave me for Christmas. I would keep it safe until his return.
We sat holding each other tight until the clock said it was time for me to go. Jacob gave me one last kiss and a hug. I stubbornly clung to his neck. He had to forcibly remove my hands from his neck. After kissing each of my knuckles, he murmured, "Now remember what I said."
With difficulty, I choked out, "See you soon, Jake."
"See you soon, Bells."
Jacob stood beside the open door, as I walked through it into the hallway. I heard the door close quietly behind me, and a sharp intake of air from my sweetheart. The elevator was a blur, since the tears were pooling in my eyes.
The parking lot was full of party goers, shouting Happy New Year to one another. I weaved through them to my car, and stayed there waiting for Jacob's transport to arrive.
The bus was right on time, and parked in front of the Inn, with the engine idling.
I knew Jacob wanted me to walk straight to my car without looking back, and drive home, but how could I? My life was about to board that transport, so I stood next to my car and with tears falling down my cheeks, watched my sweetheart climb the steps and enter the shuttle. It pulled away from the hotel, leaving me alone and crying in the parking lot.
With leaden feet, I turned, and opening the car door, slid into the driver's seat. I sobbed the whole way home.
By dinner time, my crying jag was about over. I was determined to follow Jacob's advice, and got my things ready for school the next day. It would be a new beginning—a new semester, a new love, a new year. I'd try to make the best of it for my sweetheart's sake.
JPOV:
We ate lunch at Milagros. Bella ordered for us, 'cuz, truthfully, I didn't know a taco from an enchilada. Whatever she ordered set well with me. We drank virgin Pina Coladas, and topped off the lunch with flan for dessert. It was a wonderful meal, and I enjoyed eating it with my sweetheart, but it seemed weird not having Michel dropping food on the floor. I kinda missed him. I wished Bella had brought him along, so I could see him before I left.
That day was bittersweet. It was New Years Eve, a time to celebrate and yet we were mourning our impending separation. If I lived to the end of my tour, this holiday would always bring back painful memories.
There was a party going on in one of the ballrooms. I asked Bella if she'd like to attend, but she refused, saying she wanted to be alone with me.
And so the clock ticked away the remaining minutes, and Bella and I couldn't relax. It was midnight and we heard rockets going off, and the band playing downstairs. I had an hour 'til the shuttle was scheduled to arrive.
"Happy New Year, Bells," I whispered in her ear, as I crushed her to my chest. My declaration was wooden, but Bella's response wasn't. It was an avalanche of emotion.
Her mouth crashed against me, her hands pulling me closer. Panting, she cried, "I can't stand it. I'm not letting you go—not like this."
She began unbuttoning her blouse. "I don't want to hold my love back from you, anymore. Please ... I want you to make love to me."
"Bells ... Don't ..." I groaned. "Please don't make this any harder for me, than it already is."
The fabric of my shirt was being pulled up over my abs. "Shh ... please ... please."
I grasped her hands firmly. "I'm sorry, honey. We can't."
Her eyes searched mine for answers. "But I ... I ... don't understand. Don't you want to?"
"I do ... you know I do. But I have to leave in an hour. If we make love tonight, I won't be able to go, and I have to. I have to be focused on the job, on protecting the other soldiers. I can't be thinking about us together in that way, and that's all I'll be thinking about, don't you see that? If I lose my focus, I could get hurt, and neither of us want that to happen."
Bella collapsed on the bed, holding back the tears. I re-buttoned her blouse, and putting my arm around her, kissed the side of her head. "Don't cry, honey. I'll be back—I will. And we'll have all the time in the world to love each other."
She looked down at her hands clenched in her lap. "If anything should happen to you ..."
"I've got more to live for. You and Michel are my whole world now. I'll be extra careful.
"I want you to make me a promise that you won't worry about me, you hear me? And that when you're at school, you'll concentrate on your studies. And you take good care of Mikie too. I love that little guy."
She turned, and sniffling, reached her hands toward me, running her fingertips over every inch of my face. Her eyes followed their trail. "I love your warm brown eyes, your soft sweet lips, your ears, your nose, your dark hair, that dimple in your chin. I love the way you move, the way you talk, even your corny jokes. I love everything about you. My god, I love you, Jacob Black."
"And I love you, Isabella Swan."
"Stay alive for me, Jake. You've got to come home. I don't want to live without you."
" I never go back on a promise. Now, I need you to do something for me. I want you to go five minutes before the shuttle arrives. No tears—you need to smile for me. And just tell me, See ya soon, just like we planned, okay?"
A half-smile formed on her lips. "Okay, soldier."
"One more thing." I took off my Air Force insignia ring. "I want you to wear this. Do you have your dog tags on?"
"Yes."
"Can I see them?"
Bella felt for the chain, and held it out, drawing it up from her blouse. I unclasped the smaller one and fastened my ring to it. I ran my thumb over the tag, and lifted my head, peering into her anxious eyes. "There, I guess that's all."
I handed it back to Bella, who tucked it under her blouse again, so that it rested next to her heart.
We clung to each other, until 12:55. We kissed one last time, and I drew her hands away from my neck, kissing each knuckle. "Now remember what I told you—no tears. Go down that elevator to the parking lot and don't turn around."
I had to look away as she walked through the open door, pretending that none of this was real. As I shut the door behind her, I nearly slumped to the floor.
Pulling myself together, I picked up my duffle and rucksack. The shuttle was outside the main entrance, with the motor idling. I climbed inside, and as we started toward the highway, I saw her—still standing there beside her car.
I was leaving my heart behind me in the care of a little brunette from Tempe, Arizona. I prayed that I could keep my promise, and come back to her. Happy New Year? That was yet to be seen.