Abby moved quickly to her office, grabbing a hold of her farting hippopotamus, Bert. She squeezed him tightly against her chest, making him fart. The others followed her into her office, circularing around her desk..."At least she didn't put out crucifixes..."...Tony started to say, but stopped, seeing about 10 crucifixes around her desk..."Uh, never mind...is that the one I got you in Germany?"...He pointed at the large jeweled crucifix.

Abby nodded timidly.

Gibbs put his arm around her, pulling her into a hug..."Hey, it's okay, Abby...no one is going to hurt you, especially this so-called vampire."

"And he's definitely dead, Abs."...Tony added with calming smile..."Ask the Duckman."

Abby turned her head slowly, looking at the Ducky's face. He smiled, holding up the the silver bullet..."Stake to the heart and shot with a silver bullet. There's nothing to be scared of, my dear."

"I'm not scared of a vampire, guys."...Abby spoke up..."He's a sanguinarian, a blood sucker and they creep me the hell out! One of my ex's was one."...She shuddered..."One night I woke up and he was leaning over me, licking his lips and holding a razor blade."

"What did you do, Abby?"...Ziva asked.

"I kicked him in the balls!"

Gibbs pressed his lips to Abby's temple, kissing her softly..."Good girl."

"Abby, if you're not scare of vampires, why all the theatrics?"...McGee questioned, looking rather puzzled by Abby's actions.

"Cause you never know, McGee, how many sightings of Bigfoot have there been? Mothman? Loch Ness?"...Which brought a smile to Ducky's face..."A man who actually knows where the clitoris is!"

Abby's comment made Ziva smile.

"Tony apparently knows where it is."...Abby added seeing Ziva smiling.

"Heh."

Gibbs slapped Tony on the back of the head.

"What was that for?"...Tony asked, rubbing at the back of his head..."Because I know where..."...Gibbs glared at him, moving his hand back behind him to slap him again..."Sorry, Boss."

"Got the DNA from the second sample of blood, Abs?"...Gibbs asked.

"Nope, tomorrow morning at the earliest...but I can tell you one thing, the blood is 0 negative and it came from a female donor."...Abby revealed, moving through the crowd towards her work station..."When you find her, you should look on sensitive parts of her body: the neck, the chest, inner thigh, etc....you know, where girls liked to be touched?"

Everyone turned, looking at Tony..."What? Was I supposed to make an off the cuff comment or something?"

Abby laughed.

"What I want to know is, if he's not a Marine, what the hell was he doing wearing BDU's?!"...Gibbs angrily asked.

"Go ahead, McGee, tell him."...Tony spoke up.

McGee looked at Tony, then at Gibbs.

"Tell me what, McGee?"...Gibbs inquired.

"Uh, well, we think he was a..."

"A what, McGee?!"

"Exotic dancer, Boss."...Tony answered..."We searched his closet, he had numerous uniforms: a Naval officer's uniform, a police officer's uniform...not to mention hundreds of scrunched up one dollar bills. Heh."

Gibbs groaned..."When you get the DNA results, send everything to the Sheriff's office, Abby...this isn't a Navy matter, not our responsibility anymore."

"Really?"...Abby asked, but Gibbs didn't respond, she turned, catching a glimpse of his jacket before disappearing through the door..."I'll take your silence as a resounding yes, Gibbs!"

---------------------

Ziva was laying on her stomach across a mattress. She giggled..."Stop that."

"Stop what?"...Tony grinned, tickling the bottom of her bare feet.

Ziva flipped over to her back, she lifted her legs and bent her knees, trying to pull her feet away from Tony, but she wasn't quick enough, he grinned as he held onto her ankles..."You got me, now what?"...She laughed.

Tony quickly pulled her to the edge of the bed, she groaned as their body came into contact..."You okay?"...He asked, concerned, he took a step back.

Ziva reached out, grabbing his tie, pulling him down to her, kissing him..."I am fine."...She smiled..."Just sore."

A man cleared his throat. Tony and Ziva turned their heads, looking up at a man in a suit..."May I help you?"

"Uh, we'd like to buy, uh..."...Tony started to speak.

"A bed, yes?"...Ziva finished his sentence.

"Yeah, a bed, that won't break, ummm...yeah, that won't break."

"A sturdy bed, yes?"

"Yes, of course, our sturdier beds are right over here."...The man gestured towards the other side of the store..."Right this way."

Tony and Ziva started to follow the man..."You wouldn't happen to have place, maybe an area to test these bad boys out, would ya? Heh."...Tony jokingly asked.

"Sorry, Sir, that would be against the law."

"It's okay, we're federal agents, we break the law all the time."

Ziva rolled her eyes.

The man stopped, showing them a bed..."This model is sturdy and has elegant powder-coated solid steel, it comes in queen, king and super-king."

"Do we really need to buy a bed, you could move in with me."...Tony expressed without thinking.

Ziva squinted her eyes, looking up at Tony.

"Uh, never mind, I forgot women like making love in their own beds, when its not broken, that is."

"You want to live with me?"...Ziva asked.

Tony laughed nervously..."Do you want to live with me?"...He pushed into the mattress..."I like it, it's nice, soft and supportive."

"Should I write it up?"...The man joked, looking on.

Ziva turned her head, looking at the man..."Leave."

The man gritted his teeth..."I'll be right over there if you need me."...He walked away cautiously.

Ziva swung her head back towards Tony..."Heh. You think you can do that again to get us a discount?"...He jokingly asked.

"Tony."

"Ziva."

"Tony."...Ziva repeated, but more forceful.

Tony sighed..."I really do."

Ziva smiled, reaching into her front pocket, pulling out her credit card..."We will take it."

Tony pulled out his wallet and started to open it..."No, no, I broke it, I'll buy it."

"No, let Mossad buy it."...Ziva stated, showing off her company card.

"Even better."...A smirk slowly washed over Tony's face.

"What?"

"Just thinking about what else we can destroy. Heh."

-----------------------

Abby walked into her lab the following morning, carrying a mega-sized Caf-Pow..."Wake up, wake up!"...She exclaimed, setting her Caf-Pow next to her keyboard, before moving to her back office. She started to remove her black leather coat, hanging it on the hook behind her computer. She turned..."Good morning, Bert."...She picked him up and squeezed him, he farted and she laughed..."Honestly, THAT never gets old."

Her computer was beeping, "DNA Match" in green letter blinked on her monitor.

She carried Bert to her workstation. She typed on her keyboard, a woman's drivers license popped up. She continued typing, before quickly picking up her phone, still snuggling Bert to her bosom..."UH OH, Bert...yeah, Gibbs...I got something you can sink your teeth into."

----------------------

Author Note #1: Insomnia still sucks

Author Note #2: I'm getting over the flu. :(

Author Note #3: Pizza is delicious.

Author Note #4: Crazy Bread is even better!

P.S. Gummi Bears are better than Gummi Worms

P.P.S No, I don't know what happened to Ziva's boots/shoes. She's cool like that.