This lovely suggestion is from lovely nellabean!
Just so you know, she is EPIC.
Bad ending, I know. Filled with Ryuga/Tsubasa brotherly annoyingness and also doctors. The best way to put kids to bed.
Mj stuck her head through the garage door. "Hey."
Ryuga grunted in response, wanting her out of his safe haven. Although rather dusty, it was the only place he could escape from the chaos called Home.
"Will you please help me with something?"
"If it involves little kids, doctors, vets, grocery stores, dragons, or the world in general, I'm not interested."
"Too bad for you. I really need you to do something for me."
"What is it this time, Em?" Ryuga sighed and looked up from his laptop. It seemed there would be no peace this night.
"I reeeeeeeeeealllllly need you to help me put the little kids to bed."
"No." He turned back to the laptop, where he was secretly reading fanfiction to see what bad things people thought about him.
"But Ryuuuuuuchan..."
"Don't EVER call me that. EVER."
Mj grinned. You could practically see the lightbulb above her head, neon-coloured and probably shaped like a giraffe or something. (Nobody knew where she got those lightbulbs, only that they showed up in random places and usually broke if you hit them/dropped them hard enough.)
"I'm gonna call you that for the REST of your LIFE if you don't do it."
Truthfully, Ryuga like the nickname a bit, only from certain people of course. Not from Kyouya or anybody. But he knew that Mj would eventually figure that out and set everybody on his tail; she knew how to figure out weaknesses. And so he consented for the preservation of sanity and windows.
Because windows were rather important and also epic.
"What exactly do you need me to do?"
Mj brightened. "Well Kyouya needs me to pick him up from somewhere and I knew you needed a break from driving places, so I need you to just make sure they brush their teeth and stuff."
It didn't sound too hard. But Ryuga didn't want to do it. "I think I'd rather pick Kyouya up."
"By pick him up I meant actually physically lift his dying carcass off the ground. He got in a fight again."
"Oh."
"Yeah. And it's not, like, 13 children and a psychotic dog, like last time. Pleeeeeeeease?"
"Well which of the kids are here tonight?" The cycle of children at Mj's house regularly came and went.
"Jonah, Mikey, Kenta, Yu, and Evelin." Evelin was Mj's friend's sister.
"Oh. Ok. I guess it won't be so bad. But don't expect this regularly", he grumbled.
"I know, I know. I'm leaving now."
"Ok, have fun."
Briefly he wondered how she would lift the carcass of Kyouya, which was almost twice her size. But then, this was the girl who had managed to conjure 5 dragons and random giraffe-shaped lightbulbs out of nowhere. He wouldn't be surprised if Kyouya arrived home on a unicorn-drawn gurney.
With a sigh, and after finishing up another fic by his anti-fangirls, he decided fate would come for him eventually and he might as well face it.
Taking a deep breath and steeling himself for certain doom, he walked into the living room.
Jonah and Evelin looked up from their game. Yu and Mikey never turned their heads from the TV. And Kenta was reading a book.
Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all?
No. No, this would be bad. Just at the moment you were about to SQUEE because they were so cuddly and ADORABLE, they bit you. Hard. On the shin. ON the SHIN!
But Ryuga felt no children-teeth embedded in his lower leg region. And so he cautiously continued into the living room, conscious that at any moment these little tiny adorablz could turn him into ancient history.
He wandered into the kitchen, one eye constantly on the board game continuing in the living room, and checked the time. 9:24. The children were usually in bed by 9:30, and if they weren't in bed during that general timeframe...
Mj would KNOW.
She always knew. Her evil dragon spies would tell her in the night, and then murder them all, in the night. And then laugh over their graves.
Also in the night.
And on that cheery note, he headed back into the living room. "Hey you guys, Mj said I need to put you to bed, so, uh...go do bedtime stuff."
"Can we pleeeeease stay up a little longer?" begged Evelin.
"No, Mj will...KNOW. With her magic."
Evelin shivered and hurried to get in her pyjamas.
"Can we at least have milk before bed?" Jonah, always perky.
"Uh, I guess, do you usually?"
"Yes. It helps little kids sleep", Kenta explained.
"Then...it counts as getting ready for bed. Just be fast."
"Yaaay!" Jonah hurried into the kitchen. Of course then there was the matter of which cup everybody wanted. Because it tastes better in the ultra-shiny one.
Ryuga pushed the cup off-limits and gave everyone the same red plastic solo cups that Mj's parents always kept around.
"Ryuga, you can't microwave stuff in these, I don't think", Kenta said worriedly.
"Naah. I bet it'll be fine." Ryuga popped the cup in the microwave and punched 50 seconds into the dialboard.
All was well up until the 3rd second. Then it exploded. (Now I know cups don't technically do this but Ryuga just seems not to be that lucky, no?)
Evelin hid behind Yu, who tried to hide behind HER. Mikey squealed in terror and Kenta, Jonah, and Ryuga stared in dismay at the charred mess of exploded milk and plastic.
"Ryuga...she'll know" whispered Jonah hauntingly.
Ryuga snapped back to normal and grabbed a towel. "Drink your milk cold. I'll clean this up."
Kenta and Jonah obediently began pouring cups of milk for the younger children and Ryuga scooped the entire mess into a towel and tossed the whole thing in the trash.
He felt proud of himself as he surveyed the not-so-messy microwave; he was a good babysitter.
As one by one the kids lined up and threw their cups in the trash, he thought what to do next. "Okay, now go brush your teeth. That's what you do, right?" He looked to Kenta, by far one of the most mature of them, for guidance. But Kenta was playing with the dog.
"Okay, then, I guess that's that."
Jonah, Evelin, Yu, Mikey, an Kenta (who took some bodily force to be separated from the adorable dog) filed into the bathroom obediently. Ryuga, bored, wandered around in the background until everyone was done. Then Evelin approached him with a hairbrush.
"Mister Ryuga, could you please brush my hair for me?"
Evelin spoke with a rather adorable lisp, and always seemed to cut straight to the point. At a loss as to how to say no, Ryuga tentatively took the hairbrush and Evelin turned around. Then he realised he was holding the wrong end of it. WHY COULDN'T THERE BE A GIRL HERE!?
Then he was struck with an idea. More like slapped. Slapped with an idea. He hurried back to Mj's parents' room, where Tsubasa was watching TV to escape the late-night noise.
"Help me with this." He shoved the brush into Tsubasa's hands.
Tsubasa looked down perplexedly. "You don't have enough hair for this."
"No, I mean the little girl in the bathroom..."
"Evelin?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Tsubasa hopped off the bed and into the bathroom. Kenta put one hand over his mouth, giving Ryuga a look that said, "Seriously?"
Ryuga glared back at Kenta and shooed the little boys into the bedroom to settle down. Then he turned his attention back to Tsubasa and the little girl. "What are you doing?"
"I'm braiding it so it doesn't get tangled."
"It doesn't look like it wants to be braided."
"That's how it's supposed to look."
"You're crazy."
"At least he knows which end of the hairbrush is up, mister", Evelin lisped sassily.
Ryuga decided to ignore the fact that, not only did Tsubasa know how to braid hair, but he also knew where and what bobby pins and ponytail holders were for, and how to use them.
Evelin flounced into Grace's bedroom, which she would be taking over for the night.
Ryuga walked into the boys' room to make sure they were in bed.
"Hey. Are you all asleep already?"
A chorus of "Yes, Ryuga", came from the sleeping bags and beds scattered around the room. He flipped on the light and glared at the faces of the little boys. "Don't lie to me. I WILL ALWAYS KNOW."
Yu sat up fast. "Are you an authoress, just like Mj?"
Ryuga glared at him. "Shh, no, Yu", Mikey said softly. "Everyone knows he's a doctor."
"No I'm not. And for that, the world thanks me."
"You say that every day."
Suddenly Evelin screamed from her room. "I BROKE MY LEG!" Ryuga whipped out a random first aid kit and the occupants of both rooms burst out laughing. He aimed the first aid kit into the darkness beside Evelin's bed and Tsubasa sat up, complaining.
"He told me to do it", Evelin said, pointing at Tsubasa.
"I know. That's why I threw the first aid kit at his head. IT'S NOT MINE, by the way."
Jonah came over and tugged on Ryuga's jacket. "How much stuff you got in there anyhow?"
"Yeah, Ryuga, Luis said you had like 5 cinder blocks under there on your birthday of all days."
"Thank you, Kenta, that's very observant. Now will you all please go to sleep!?"
"Mister Ryuga, will you read us a bedtime story? Pleeeeeease?" Evelin whined.
Now Ryuga would read angry fics. He would smash giraffe shaped lightbulbs. He would protect the chivalry of windows, explode milk, and ask his friend to brush little girls' hair. But this was going a bit too far.
"I think not."
But all the children clustered around him with books. "You're the best at reading! You can do the evil villain voice the best! Come on, pleeeeease?"
"NO." Ryuga gently plopped the kids, one by one, back on their assorted bedding materials.
"But whyy?"
"Because those are little-kid books. I hate little-kid books."
"Then read us your book, Mister Ryuga", said Evelin. "Your book isn't for little kids."
Ryuga thought back to the leather-bound murder mystery/alien abduction book in his bedroom. "No. I don't want to have to deal with you kept up all night because you think Roy Doniger is going to eat you and turn you into his evil army."
"Then make us up a story. You're a good little authoress-man, like Mj", Yu said.
"I'm not an...authoress-man." Tsubasa snickered at Ryuga's lame reply, then disappeared obligingly to his bedroom at Ryuga's frown.
"And no. It's time for you to go to sleep."
"But we always have a story. It counts as getting ready for bed, Ryuga", Kenta said, speaking for those younger than him.
Ryuga looked around at the little faces of the children, Evelin's especially close and teary-eyed.
"All right, fine. But only if you go to sleep right afterwards."
"Promise."
"Okay, uh." He settled in the centre of the boys' room with a lamp, as Evelin settled down on the floor nearby. "Once upon a time..."
"Oh, come on, that's way overused", Tsubasa called obnoxiously from upstairs.
"FINE", he yelled back at the long-haired boy. "SO there was this...guy. And he had a son. And that son had these superpowers, right?"
"And a sister", Evelin said.
"Okay. A sister too. Don't interrupt me. And...the boy...got eaten. By a genie. Yes, it was huge, Yu. And it was blond. And so the genie had indigestion for days afterwards.
"But that's not the point. The girl was very mad that her brother was genie chow and she decided to SLAY HIM."
"Was the girl you?"
"KENTA, do I look like a girl!?"
"Don't ask that question", Jonah said quickly.
"Now, hold on just a second. I don't look like...nevermind. And the girl was also a princess."
The boys groaned. "Okay, a NINJA princess."
"Yayayayay!"
"And she had the power of...evil...purple things. Which come to strangle you in the night. And the genie got strangled and the girl had her revenge. And then the genie melted, and then there was her brother on the bed where he had been. Alive!"
Ryuga said this as he smacked his palms together loudly, causing Evelin to scream.
"And they went back home and saved the world, numerous times. And you know who they are now and where they are?"
"Where are they?" Mikey leaned eagerly across his bed.
"I have no earthly idea. But they did save Tsubasa from the hateful princess of melons one time."
Everybody laughed. He could almost feel Tsubasa stomping across the stairs right now.
Tsubasa thrust his head into the room. "WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME!"
"Shh, you'll scare them."
"I do NOT need to be saved by an evil genie and her princess brother from a MELON QUEEN."
"No, you see what happened was - nevermind. Go away. It's bedtime." Ryuga smugly pushed Tsubasa out of the room and sent Evelin back to her own bed.
"Good night, Ryuga", everybody said.
"Yeah, whatever. Look out for the princess's brother ninja. He's evil."
And then Ryuga went back to his garage, just as Mj showed up again with her car full of half-dead Kyouya. "So how'd it go?"
"It was horrible", Ryuga grumbled. "I'm never babysitting again."
"Oh, you had fun, didn't you. You're wearing your happy socks."
Ryuga looked down at his cotton-clad feet. "Nuh-uh."
"Well, you had fun, anyway. I know", she said mysteriously as a little dragon curled around her neck, whispering the events of the night into her ear. Ryuga shivered and locked the garage door as she left. That girl, with all her neon animal lightbulbs and unicorn-drawn gurneys, was the creepiest one he'd ever met.