"Commander? Are you all right?"

"Yes. Just lost my balance. Thank you, lieutenant."

I nod at the young officer and steady myself with a deep, rattling breath.

"Lieutenant?" I call out to the officer before she returns to her duties.

"Yes, Commander?"

I steady myself as best I can in as discreet a manner as possible.

"I need you to take over from here, lieutenant," I tell the officer. "I'll be in my office should anyone need me."

"Yes, Commander," she salutes.

I turn and walk away from the training ground, my eye catching Cassandra's when I pass her training station. She nods at me, appraising me intently with her piercing gaze. I am of half a mind to tell her of this most recent bout of… withdrawal complications, but I decide against it.

I can take care of this.

I am almost at the foot of the stairs leading up to the main hall when I hear Sera call out my name.

"Oi! Cullen!"

I turn to see her running towards me with a little white box in her hands.

"Can I help you, Sera?"

"No, but you can help yourself," she replies, thrusting the box into my hands. I look down at it, eyebrows raised in bewilderment.

"Well? Don't just stand there! Open it!" she orders impatiently.

I blink rapidly, looking warily at her expectant face, then back at the white box.

"All-all right," I reply hesitantly. Internally bracing myself, I open it slowly, waiting for something to pounce out at me and—

"Oh," I look up at her, feeling utterly surprised. "It's a cake."

"'Course it is," she shrugs. "What did you think it'd be?"

"Oh, nothing… I just…" I rub the back of my neck, my surprise now replaced with bewilderment. "May I ask what the occasion is?"

"No occasion, silly," she grins. "You looked hungry. So I gave it to you. Simple as that."

"Oh. Well… in that case, thank you, Sera. That's… I appreciate the gesture."

"Less appreciating, more eating," she says, and she turns on her heels, heading back to the tavern.

I scratch my head, still not completely sure of what had just transpired.

Strange one, that Sera.

Still, I won't lie; I do have quite the sweet tooth. And Maker knows I could do with the energy.

I stop by one of the dining tables in the main hall and take a dessert spoon before slowly making my way back to my office, the effects of my lyrium withdrawal still very much taking a toll on me.

With a pronounced sigh of relief, I shut my office door and sit down at my desk, setting the cake before me. I open the box and feel quite pleased to see that it is a pound cake—a particular favourite of mine and a detail I did not pick up on when Sera first handed me the box.

I take my first spoonful and close my eyes, savouring it as though it were my first and last. I do the same with all the following mouthfuls, until the box is empty save for a few scattered crumbs.

It amazes me how, of all the people in Skyhold, Sera was the one to pick up on my battered state and know exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.

Spirits that are immediately dimmed when I see the dreaded carved wooden box peeking out at me through the small crack left by an improperly shut drawer.

I look away, suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm. I loosen the fur around my shoulders and step outside onto the battlements for some fresh air.

I don't know for how long I stood there, breathing in the cool air as I attempted to clear my mind. But somehow, I knew she would come.

I smile, my eyes still closed when I feel her arms snake around my waist from behind. I place my hands over both of hers, giving them a light squeeze in acknowledgement.

"I've been waiting to see you all day," I murmur.

"Busy day?" she asks softly, pressing her cheek against my back.

"Long day," I reply. "How about you?"

"Extremely busy," she says, unwrapping her arms from around me and moving to stand by my side. I look down at her and gently cup her face in my hands, leaning in for a kiss. She scrutinizes my face when we pull away, her brow slightly furrowed.

"What's wrong?" she asks, gently stroking my cheek bone. "You seem troubled."

I close my eyes and relish the feel of her fingers against my skin.

I should tell her.

Not because of how I feel about her.

But out of respect for her position as Inquisitor, I must tell her.

"There's uhh…" I look down at her free hand and take it in both of mine, thinking of how to best tell her of the situation. "There's something I must tell you."

She nods silently, calmly following me as I take her by the hand and lead her back to my office. I open the door and let her in first, shutting it quietly behind us.

I walk to my desk and open the first drawer, carefully pulling out the carved wooden box. I place it over the desk and open the lid, revealing a set comprising of a philter, a curved metal scraper, a wooden spoon, and a small vial.

I look up at her to see her watching the box with a solemn expression on her face.

"Do you know what this is?" I ask her gently.

She shakes her head, indicating that she does not.

I place my hands on the desk and lean over it, my gaze fixed on its contents.

"Lyrium grants Templars our abilities," I explain calmly. "But it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer—some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here. But I… no longer take it."

I have not looked up at her once during my confession.

"You stopped?" she asks after she realizes that I had finished.

"When I joined the Inquisition," I reply. "It's been months now."

"Cullen, if this can kill you—"

"It hasn't yet."

I briefly see a vision of Knight-Commander Meredith in my mind's eye, a vision I want erased completely.

"After what happened in Kirkwall," I murmur, closing my eyes to block the memory. "I couldn't…"

I finally look up at her, guilt flooding me when I see the concerned look on her beautiful face.

"I will not be bound to the Order—or that life—any longer," I tell her firmly. "Whatever the suffering, I accept it."I stand up straight, keen to put some distance between the box and myself. "But I would not put the Inquisition at risk," I continue. "I have asked Cassandra to… watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."

She nods her understanding, her worried gaze fixed on my face.

"Thank you for telling me," she says softly. "I respect what you're doing."

I feel a small smile creep across my lips.

"Thank you, Evelyn," I say. "The Inquisition's army must always take priority. Should anything happen, I will defer to Cassandra's judgment."

She nods again, her eyes now moving to the innocent-looking box on the desk.

"How are you feeling?" she asks quietly.

"I've…" I take a deep breath. "I've been better. But it is nothing I cannot endure."

She does not appear to be convinced.

And why on earth is there a desk between us?

I put the box away and make my way towards her, taking her hands in mine and bringing them up to my lips.

"I will be fine, Evelyn," I murmur, my eyes meeting hers. "I would never risk failing you or the Inquisition."

"This isn't just about the Inquisition, Cullen," she says heatedly, yanking her hands away from me. I feel my mouth slightly open in surprise at her impassioned reaction. "Stop talking like the Inquisition is all that matters. Of course the Inquisition is important, of course the army must be looked after, but so do you. You matter to me, Cullen. I…" she looks away, her voice breaking into a whisper. "I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to you."

I swiftly take her in my arms, feeling at a loss of words to say. I hold her to me, so close that I can feel her heartbeat against my own chest. I bury my face in her hair and close my eyes, breathing in her scent as though it were my oxygen.

She looks up at me, her eyes fearful. I lean in and kiss her—a soft and gentle kiss, trying to convey to her what she would not believe in words.

That I am all right, despite the withdrawal.

I truly am.

How could I not be, with her in my life?

"Nothing is going to happen to me," I tell her reassuringly.

"I've heard about Templars dying from lyrium withdrawal, Cullen," she replies. "Countless of incidents. And that's after they go mad! I—I don't even know how you've managed to stay sane after all this time!"

"Oh, I wouldn't exactly call myself 'sane'—" I smile wryly.

"Oh, stop," she quips, patting me once on the chest. "This is serious."

"I know," I reply gravely. "Which is why I asked Cassandra to watch me. She is a Seeker. She knows exactly what to look out for. I am in good hands, Evelyn. I—" I sigh, guilt racking through me again. "I never intended for this to worry you, my darling."

She closes her eyes as I stroke her hair, and I immediately feel her relax under my gentle touch.

"I know," she replies softly. "I… I overreacted. I'm sorry. It's just that… I care for you, Cullen. I truly do."

I smile, an overwhelming happiness washing over me.

"And I care for you," I murmur, slowly brushing my lips against hers. "More than I ever thought possible."

It is incredible how one person can affect your life in so dramatic a fashion.

The impact that this woman has had on me…

I will never be able to put it into words.

No words could ever suffice.

I have never felt so strong, so complete, as I do when I am in her arms.

And when she kisses me, everything in the world seems right.

"Your mouth tastes… sweet," she remarks when she pulls her lips away.

"Oh," I smile sheepishly. "Sera."

I splutter when I see her eyes widen in shock.

"N-no! Maker's breath, not like that!" I exclaim incredulously. "Never like that! What I meant is, she gave me a piece of cake. Pound cake, to be exact."

"Oh?" she raises a dark eyebrow.

"My reaction exactly," I laugh lightly. "She thought I looked 'hungry'".

"That's… nice of her, I suppose," she says with slight confusion.

"I was half-expecting something to jump out at me from the box, to be honest," I say, nodding at the discarded white box on the desk. She looks over at it and laughs.

My favourite sound out of her, that laugh. Apart from when she says my name.

I could never tire of hearing her say my name.

"I wouldn't put it past her," she grins. "Maybe she meant it as a thank you for sending our troops marching through Verchiel like she asked."

"I hadn't thought of that. Indeed it may."

She smiles up at me, her eyes drifting towards the scar on my upper lip. She closes her eyes and kisses it lightly, pulling away and chuckling when her stomach grumbles loudly.

"All that talk about cake is making me hungry," she grins shyly.

"It is nearly lunch time," I remark, looking at the clock. "Would you care to accompany me to the main hall, my lady?" I smile and offer her my arm.

"Why, yes," she smiles, gently sliding her arm into mine. "Yes, I gladly would."

Strolling together to the main hall, arm in arm as we comment on the beautiful weather, I feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

However, as much as I was being truthful about coping with my addiction, I will not deny that I downplayed its effect on me to Evelyn.

It is taking a toll on me.

A toll that worsens with each passing day.

But I will endure.

For her, and for the Inquisition.

The Order will not take that away from me.

I will not allow it.