10. Don't.
Luke did a good thing, Mrs Cohen. He punched my boyfriend. Or ex, I should say.
Let's recap. Get you in the loop.
It'd been a pretty good day. I'd been wined, dined, danced and pranced around. I felt desired. It'd been perfect.
For a girl that lived in converse, Mrs Cohen, I was a girl that sure loved her cheesy romance. And that was what I thought Lee was; nothing but a cheesy distraction. I had honestly thought that he was my rebound guy. You know, Mrs Cohen, the rebound guy. The guy that you like so much that he wipes all thoughts of Luke Van Helsing from your mind.
Lee was in fact, my rebound guy.
Sort of. Can I call him my failed rebound guy? Cool, thanks Mrs Cohen. I knew you'd understand.
We'd been out in two and a half dates in three days. I said two and a half, Mrs Cohen, because that was when Luke came into the restaurant.
It was sufficient to say, Mrs Cohen, that our date was cut short. I'd been in the middle of reciting the entire catalogue of the most awesome bands...ever, when Luke saw Lee and hated him.
I didn't believe in hate at first sight, Mrs Cohen, but Luke clearly did. He was smouldering at the other end, his hands fisted in his pockets. I had to excuse myself, Mrs Cohen, because Luke was clearly unhappy. That didn't sit well with me.
He was looking at the menu when I approached him. "Hey."
It was awkward.
"Hey." He didn't even look up until I sat down opposite him. "I'm waiting for my mum."
"Okay." I tucked my hands under my legs, just for something to do. "I'm here with a...friend." Lee'd asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday and I'd said yes. That made him my boyfriend, Mrs Cohen.
"Oh?" Luke was pretending to be nonchalant, like it wasn't his business. It wasn't!
"Yes."
"Well." Luke turned back to the menu. "Don't let me stop you."
"Well. Okay. Fine." What else was there to do but go?
I went back to Lee, who was staring intensely at me. "You took a while."
"Sorry." I smiled apologetically. "There was a queue for the ladies."
The truth would have been harder to tell, Mrs Cohen, so I did not tell it.
Lee looked like he was unhappy. His mood was dark, almost chilling. "I saw you talking to someone. Who was that?"
I brushed his suspicions aside. "No one. Just someone from school."
Our first day anniversary dinner was ruined, Mrs Cohen. Ruined! I ate my lasagne in silence, picking at the spinach. "I need to go to the bathroom." I announced as the waitress cleared our empty plates from the table.
Lee nodded, but said nothing.
When I came back from the bathroom – for real this time, Luke and Lee were engaged in a very heated conversation.
Lee was smirking, and I couldn't see Luke's face, but I knew he was mad. I was running now, Mrs Cohen, navigating my way through the cramped tables when Luke did the bad thing. His fist clenched, his arm raised and -
"No! Luke! Don't!" I was too late.
His punch was straight and true. Much crying did ensue.
"What? What was that for? I think you broke my nose." Lee was indeed clutching his nose.
The muscles in Luke's jaw were working over time, spontaneously twitching. "I think you know what that was for." He gritted.
Mrs Cohen, you have no idea how hot it is to see Luke Van Helsing fight over you.
He dragged me out of there, and I did not protest. I know, I know, not very twenty-first century woman of me, Mrs Cohen, letting a man tell me what to do, but somehow, the tensions that had been there between us had disappeared. It meant that my sanity left the building temporarily.
"Luke?" My inner twentieth century, independent woman kicked in after he'd bundled me up into his car, with orders to put on my seatbelt. Honestly, just because he could drive did not mean he could tell me what to do. "What was that?"
Luke declined to answer, and action that I thought most unjust. I knew that Lee may not have been the easiest person to get along with – he was possessive to a fault – but Luke had never been very even tempered, had he?
The answer to that, Mrs Cohen, was no. Remember Alice? That lying harpy bitch that Luke had thought wasn't a lying harpy bitch?
Exactly. Luke had a temper problem. Fact. "That was nothing. Just stay away from that boy, okay?"
I think, Mrs Cohen that we've established that I have a problem with people telling me what to do. "Oh? Any particular reason why, or are you just not going to tell me?" Luke didn't tell me a lot of things. Like, what brand of boxer-briefs he wore, or what he really thought about chick flicks, or who was his celebrity crush. There were some things, Mrs Cohen, that I did not want to know. This however, was not one of them.
His hand tightened themselves around the steering wheel. "Just stay away, okay?" His jaw was doing the twitching thing again, his eyes focused on the road as he drove fast.
"Luke. Slow down." I was worried, worried for my life and his as several cars horned us. "Oh shut up!" I yelled out the window. "Girl having a serious talk here!"
His lips twitched, and I sensed the end to this strange rage wave he'd been on.
Then, Mrs Cohen, he said words I never believe I'd hear. "Lee's grade five, Ruby."
My jaw went slack. "Huh?"
He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "Mina knows Lee, Ruby. You know how?" I shook my head numbly. Great. Another boy lost to the biter that was Mina. "They made a deal."
"Okay. So, where does little me come in?"
"You were the deal."
Lee's words came back to haunt me. He'd mentioned my heart – my dear heart. What kind of self respecting boy had ever mentioned a heart? Those were the words of an old creature, a demon, a freak. A monster. "What?"
Luke sighed, pulling the car over. "I didn't want to tell you like this." Like what? In a car? Because, Mrs Cohen, I thought that this was a good time as any. "I wanted to tell you gently. With lots of chocolate. And coffee. Copious amounts of coffee." He knew me so well, it hurt a little.
I blinked back the tears, trying to stem the flow until I could get into my flat, head straight for my room and bury my head in my pillow. "Why me?"
Sure, I'd pissed off my fair share of demons, but Galvin and Luke had pissed off their fair share and then some. I wouldn't even consider the number of demons Mina had pissed off. Smiting never went down well, Mrs Cohen, especially when you took into consideration the whole dead and gone thing. "Because you're not Galvin, and because you're not a Van Helsing. That makes you vulnerable, Rubes." He didn't have to rub it in, Mrs Cohen, that I wasn't very strong. "Besides, these demons, they're sort of like hunters. They hunt their pray, reel them in. It's cruel. Even Galvin was surprised. They kill those who are pure of heart. And they liked you, Ruby, they chose you, because Mina said that you were kind, sweet and utterly annoying. Type fives don't think for themselves, and Mina did the thinking. That old woman, that day, in the woods she was supposed to kill you, and she didn't succeed. So Lee stepped in."
I knew it! I knew it! I knew Mina like me the least. She was jealous, Mrs Cohen, jealous because I could have that life, have that baby and have that eternal, blissful sleep when I died. Vampire Mina acted on whims, never considering little-big things like consequences, and now, this reckless behaviour was coming back to bite us – me – bite me in the butt. "So what next?" I found my voice. I didn't want Luke to kill Mina. Her guilty conscious would be punishment enough.
Besides, now that she was responsible for trying to kill me AND trying to get Lee to kill me, it was pretty obvious, Mrs Cohen, that I was entitled to borrow a few things not only from her wardrobe but her shoe collection too!
"I'll take care of him. It." Luke promised as he changed the gears and headed to my house. "Don't worry Rubes; things'll go back to normal. You'll see."
I didn't say anything, because all my energy had been used up trying to not cry.
When he pulled up outside my flat, I had to say something, because he was Luke, and because he had saved me. "Thanks Luke. For...you know. Being my hero."
He smiled. "I know, what can I say? I'm awesome like that."
"Shut up." I thumped his shoulder gently as he laughed.
"Go on." He nodded to the door. "Get out. I have to explain to mum why I couldn't make dinner." We shared a smile, knowing that she'd have hysterics about being stood up for dinner by her own son. You'd have thought she was used to that by now, Mrs Cohen, but she wasn't.
I shrugged, unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the door. "Tell her I had a boy emergency." I slammed the door shut, as he rolled down the window to respond.
He snorted. "Yeah, and get her go on about how she hopes I'll find a nice girlfriend of my own? No thanks." He waved and drove off, and I stood there loving him, Mrs Cohen.
I knew I shouldn't, Mrs Cohen, and that it was bad, but I did it anyway. Perhaps you can explain to me the intricacies of the heart Mrs Cohen, because when it comes to love, I'm hopeless.
"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."
- Blaise Pascal
I went home and cried, Mrs Cohen. Cried because my ex-boyfriend was a demon, and cried because I was still hopelessly in love. I didn't know which was worse.