Nightkill is still being a very nice person and beta-ing for me.

Safuuru is still being helpful in regards to talking everything out with me.

I'm in debt to both of you, you're very nice.

:

::

:::

::::

:::::

Being told not to drink has the strangest effect – it makes the drinker want the alcohol that much more. At least, that's the normal result. Being told not to drink by someone like Ikkaku, who would just as soon kill as anything else, didn't seem to make Hanataro want to drink. Ikkaku's eyes were almost capable of murder themselves, and when an alcoholic as bad as he tells you that you need to lay off for a bit, you really need to put the sake down. It was actually easy not to drink for the rest of the night – for someone who was frightened to the extent that Hanataro was, anyway. And somehow, the sake wasn't worth enraging one of the most violent Soul Reapers to ever set foot in Sereitei. That, and he was out of sake anyway, so he'd have to go out to get more, risking being caught red-handed by the third seat.

No, drinking definitely wasn't worth being killed over. Sometimes it came close to being that important to Hanataro, or any alcoholic when they reached rock bottom and just didn't care anymore, but it wasn't one of those times for the medic. He wondered if he could go over to one of his friend's houses and have just enough to make the embarrassment of kissing Ikkaku, twice, be less of a pronounced feeling. Every time he thought of his stupidity, he just wanted to hang himself, or impale himself on someone else's zanpakuto.

The morning's light woke Hanataro up, kicking his hangover into overtime as soon as he opened his eyes. He was so glad it was his day off, so he wouldn't have to deal with his Captain expressing her disappointment again in him when she detected the alcohol on his breath. Maybe if he went to rehab again, he could stop drinking and just stay as far away from other alcoholics as possible. He never was able to do anything in moderation, drinking being a prime example of his own lack of self-control. He was an extremity in and of himself; extremely polite, extremely jumpy, extremely good at leading his squad, extremely clumsy. All of his attributes weren't just like; "I'm kind of upbeat." If he was anything, he was practically the embodiment of all his attributes. Just as well as Byakuya was the embodiment of a typical noble, Hanataro was the typical member of the fourth division. It was just in his personality to not know moderation.

Someone knocked at the door loudly. If Hanataro had the means to do so, he might have cut that person's hand off for being so loud so early in the morning, but his zanpakuto didn't have those capabilities. The butter knives in the kitchen probably wouldn't manage either. And if there had been any way that he could have put up with the loud knocking long enough for the person to go away, Hanataro would've waited, but his pounding head was getting more painful with every thump on the door. "I'm coming, please stop that," he said wearily as he pulled himself out of bed and answered the door.

He slept in his uniform, so it was no wonder that Ikkaku seemed surprised. "I thought today was your day off – you're going to get chewed out by your Captain being so late."

"It is my day off. Why are you stopping by so early?"

"It's past noon."

"Oh... Sorry," Hanataro answered, embarrassed.

"Nothing to be sorry about, stop saying that so much," Ikkaku said, plainly annoyed as he walked in without invitation. "What the hell am I going to do with you, saying sorry like it's the only word you were ever taught."

"Sor – um..."

"Forget about it," he said as he sat on one of the tatami mats. "Anyway, sit down."

Hanataro was surprised. The situation, being as awkward as it was, didn't even seem to faze Ikkaku. He walked into the standard room as if he owned the building and was completely confident. Maybe that was the eleventh division's mentality, just to tackle everything head on without looking back or thinking of what should have been done. It would make a bit of sense, seeing that it was completely the opposite of the mentality that you had to have in the fourth division to thrive. Every instance in which you had to do any amount of work, you were required to look back and think what you could have done better so you would improve the next time.

Hanataro was trained to be level-headed when it was absolutely necessary, but along with that, he had also been trained to have some sort of remorse that kicked in each time he did something that could have jeopardized the task he was put on. That was even true in social situations. Whenever something was awkward, he shrunk away and thought what he could have done but didn't, then would proceed to mentally kick his own ass for messing up. Looking at Ikkaku handling everything so calmly, although he should have still felt just as awkward as Hanataro did, was strange. It was more than strange, actually. It was like staring at an alien and it would be that way for pretty much any member of the fourth division.

He sat at the tatami mat across from Ikkaku, but for the life of him, Hanataro could not look in the other man's eyes. He'd sooner carry out the whole impaling thing.

"Snap out of it," Ikkaku said firmly, but at the same time not raising his voice above a whisper. He probably realized Hanataro had a hangover, and was trying not to upset him. Ikkaku had been there and done that, and knew how miserable it was for some loud idiot to be around when your head was pounding.

"What?" Hanataro asked, bringing his attention to Ikkaku's face, looking at his nose, as he was still a little weary of looking into Ikkaku's intense eyes.

"What are you being a priss over?"

"I-i... Well, it's just-"

"You think I'm pissed at you?"

"Kind of," Hanataro mumbled, looking down.

"I'm not."

"It's easy to just say that."

"If I was pissed at you, I'd be yelling. I'm not."

True, Hanataro thought. Ikkaku was the type to fly off the handle when he was angry and yell at everything, even if they weren't the source of his anger. If he was talking so calmly, chances were high that he wasn't even anywhere near being mad, and it was for sure that he wasn't trying to play mind games or lead Hanataro into any type of trap. That was Yumichika's thing, and Hanataro learned that the hard way before, Ikkaku was too straight forward for those things. "Sorry-"

"Don't say sorry. You don't need to say sorry. You were drunk. I understand what it's like to be drunk."

"You probably never did anything like that, though..."

"I did worse."

Hanataro's eyes were brought back to Ikkaku's face. Worse? What was worse?

Ikkaku read his mind and smiled his murderous smile. "I'll tell you the story if it'll make you feel better, then we can put all that shit behind us."

"A-all right," Hanataro agreed, but still doubted there even was anything worse than his stupid moves.

"Okay, first of all, I don't think I was ever as drunk as I was this night, all right? Ya see, Rangiku called me and Yumichika, Izuru, and Shuhei over for a drinking party. For the first time ever, she doesn't show up. Somethin' with her Captain not letting her leave till her paperwork was done. Since she wasn't there, Shuhei left, sayin' it was too boring without her or somethin' like that. Well, Yumichika for once let loose and got drunk, I think he just wants to look prettier than Rangiku and she wasn't around so he didn't see any point in holding back, but the hell if I know what he's really thinking, and Izuru normally held back when Yumichika was around but with that pretty boy so drunk he could barely remember his own name, Izuru drank almost as much as me. So, we were all really, really, really drunk. Like, probably more than any of us had been in our whole lives, so, well, everyone pretty much knows that Yumichika bats for the other team, but most people don't know Izuru swings both ways and almost no one knows that me and Yumichika dated back when we were just meeting each other. I don't try to hide that, but you know. I don't talk about it, so here we were... Well, actually I think you can put the rest of the puzzle together yourself."

Hanataro's face was completely red. "S-s-so-"

"Yeah. I've done worse, kay?"

"T-then you aren't mad at-"

"I really am not mad."

"Izuru and Yumichika – both – and you-"

"Yeah... Does this place just attract gay guys or what?" Ikkaku laughed a bit and grinned. "I think Shuhei and Rangiku are the only people in my drinking group who are straight. See, I always thought straight people are in the majority, or maybe I just make friends with other gay guys subconsciously... That's what Yumichika said."

Hanataro tried to get control of himself. "I..."

"You?"

"I... Well, when you did that with those guys, how did you stay friends?"

"Well, Yumichika and me are just suited to each other, not as lovers cause eventually, with all our arguments, we'd slit each other's throats one night when the other was asleep. It wasn't even a lot to get over with him, really, since we've been through all that. But you know, it was kind of like reliving the old days. And Izuru doesn't know how to be mad. He's sad, less sad, utterly depressed, and I think that's it. Once he heard I wasn't mad at him, he pretty much went into his 'Less sad' mode and we both went on with our lives. I guess there were some sober regrets, but really we weren't going to mess up our friendship just cause of one night of drunken stupidity."

"We hardly have a friendship, Ikkaku. Why do you want to try so hard to get over what I did for a friendship that hardly exists?"

"Well, because..." Ikkaku stopped to think a minute. "Cause I don't have to try hard. It was a kiss. Just a kiss. What's hard to get over about a little kiss?"

Actually, Hanataro would've rather been speaking to Restu about how disappointed she was in him than know Ikkaku felt absolutely nothing with that kiss. Being drunk didn't change the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing, it only changed how apprehensive he was about actually doing it. He didn't kiss Ikkaku because he was the only one there. He kissed Ikkaku because he was really starting to like the man, even if he was scary sometimes. What Ikkaku had just said pretty much assured that even though he was gay, or bi, that he had no feelings what so ever for Hanataro. It would be easier to repent to his Captain than hear something like that put so bluntly.

Ikkaku picked up on Hanataro's sudden drop in mood. "What's up? I said I wasn't mad. That it didn't mean anything."

"Nothing's wrong," Hanataro lied. "Just... Tired, you know. I didn't sleep well."

"Liar."

"Nothing," he insisted.

"Tell me the truth before I do get pissed off at you," Ikkaku warned.

"I don't want to talk about it. At least not right now."

"Too bad," he answered bluntly. "I don't know how it is in your division, but apparently they're teaching you badly. If you got something to say, fuck what everyone else thinks, say it. Especially if your only other option is to keep it all locked up inside and drive yourself crazy."

"I..."

"You," Ikkaku mocked a bit, trying to push the rest of the sentence out of the boy a bit faster while in reality only slowing it by making him nervous.

"I wish that..." a light bulb went off in Hanataro's head, and he really hoped Ikkaku wasn't the lie detector he's made himself out to be. He might be able to tell if something's wrong, but Hanataro's gotten pretty good at making up scenarios. Many a time he was required to lie to higher-ups to protect a patient, and this wasn't any different besides he was trying to protect himself. "Well, my Captain's angry with me."

"Captain Unohana? Mad? Those words don't go together," Ikkaku answered, confused with the sudden change of topic and everything he had known about the fourth division being called into question with that short statement.

"Sorry, I said I didn't want to talk about it. I was reminded of it... Well, I don't know what made me think of it, maybe just because you weren't mad at me and I didn't have to worry about that anymore. She doesn't like that I'm drinking again."

"I see. I guess I could see how that's a problem for someone with a job like you. How about you just drink on the weekends? She shouldn't care about that."

"She's worried about my health. Listen, Ikkaku, I really would rather save this to talk about later when I don't feel so bad. Thanks for caring to listen, but I have a hangover and I want to lie back down."

"Sure," Ikkaku answered with a smile. He knew how it felt, having a hangover, and he knew that the last thing Hanataro wanted to do was have a drawn out conversation. They talked about what he came to talk about at least, and he'd help Hanataro with his problem of dealing with his Captain later. "See ya. Don't sleep all day, either. It's not good for ya."

:

::

:::

::::

:::::

Ha ha. So close to it coming out. But no, alas. I didn't think it would've been very realistic for Hanataro to just spill his guts like that.

Oh, and I think Izuru really would be bi because from my experience hanging out with emo people, they are often bi (and he just seems emo, okay?). Not saying there aren't exceptions, but they just happen to be frequently bi or bi-curious. And Yumichika, though I hate to admit it, is very gay. Maybe he's just one of those guys that act like it and really isn't but... Well, it's easy to understand where I'm coming from on this, right? I normally hate when everyone's just gay, but there's a rhyme and reason here... Kind of.(Before anyone says anything about this, I have nothing against gays, I have nothing against emo people, I have nothing against bisexuals. I am gay, all right? I don't need to be lectured... Thank you and have a nice day.)

Last note;

I'm holding a Bleach writing competition for all who are interested. The forum with the rules are on my page and I'd be glad to have you. I'm probably not going to be doing it but I might depending on if when it starts I'm in the middle of a project like this or if I'm free.