Blood, I dreamed of blood. Natalie lying face down in it, Gunter when he was being rushed to the hospital, Ludwig when I came home.

I woke with a start, carefully making my way out of the bed without waking Ivan. I took off down the hall in a sprint, my bare feet slapping against the wooden floor. After a while my chest began to burn and I ducked under a low doorway and up one, two, three flights of stairs to get to the only part of the house up high and isolated.

The northern tower. I ran until I was on the edge of the tower window, balancing on the ledge and clinging to the ledge so I wouldn't fall. I took a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could into the night.

I let go, all the pain and agony of loosing my family that I've kept bottled up. I never cried over them at their funeral, too afraid someone would think I was weak. I screamed until my throat contracted and the I fell backwards, letting myself fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. I did not cry, I couldn't feel. I was numb to my core and only the pain from my thrat, lungs and feet were real. I lay there, eyes open, just letting my mind go completely numb.

The cold air nipped at my skin, making them sting and burn. I couldnt feel my knees down, nor could I feel my hands. I turned onto my back, sreading myself out like the stars Gunter would draw when he was little. The door to the tower opened and Ivan stepped out.

Shit.

He looked over to me, but his face told me he already knew I would have gone here. Maybe he's done it before, it sure does help. I wonder if he's ever dreamed like I have, vivid pictures of people being shot or stabbed or something of that sort. He bent down and threw his coat over me, picking me up off of the floor. I smiled, cradling myself against his chest.

"I feel better now" I choked, my throat still sore.

"I'm glad, little one. Next time you should wear more clothing though, it's cold out here." He snickered and my face reddened. Then it hit me, I didn't change into my pajamas, that means I'm still in just the slip from my dress.

Dumbass.

"Ivan?" I whispered, buring my head closer to him, to his warmth.

"Hmm?"

"Stop walking." He stopped just before the last flight of stairs on the landing and looked down at me confused. I grabbed at a chunk of his hair and twisted it. It wasn't soft like I thought it might be, it felt more like thin peices of hay. I tilted myself upwards as much as I could without falling and pulled him the rest of the way down until our lips met. His grip around me tightened and I skimmed my lips against his cheek before pulling back a bit.

"Yep, I feel a lot better now." I whispered, slipping my head into the crook of his shoulder. It took him a few seconds to start walking again, and when he got back to the room he sat me down on the bed carefully like he were afraid I would shatter.

"Ivan" I whispered to him, " C'mere"

He chuckled and laid next to me curling his arms around me as I shivered to try and get warmer. The feeling was slowly creeping back into my legs and hands, his warm breath sending a diffrent kind of chill through my body.

I'm tired of hiding, I'm ready to be myself again.

Hey Gunter, remember when you said that I wasn't the kind of person to fall for a leader? That I was to dominating?

I love you little bruder.

I shifted my weight so I rolled ontop of Ivan, kissed him again and then jumped off. He lifted himself from the matress with a pout and I ducked into the bathroom, stripping down and turning on the shower. The water was so hot that my skin stung and turned bright red, but it felt nice. I spun around under the spray, feeling lighter than a feather, and hummed softly to myself as I washed my hair.

Tired of running away, tired of being a hard ass, tired of questioning every breath I take.

Fuck it.

I turned off the water and toweled off, pulling on a pair of underwear and a tank top from the drawer by the sink, the one with Ivan's clothes. Yep, he definatly smells like mint.

I walked out with a bounce in my step, a blush forming on my cheeks as I watched his eyes smooth over my body. He reached over and skimmed his fingertips against my hips almost cautiously. I took a step forward and he wrapped his arms around my hips, drumming his fingers against the small of my back.

I threw my weight, what little I had, so I flopped on the bed beside him, tossing him on his side in the process. I giggled and ran my fingers along his arm until I reached the sleave of his shirt, dipping my hand down and running my hands up under his shirt. I traced the dips in his skin where his scars stuck out and hummed to myself. He skimmed his hand above my belly button and laid his head against my breasts, humming along with me.

"Good night my little flower" he whispered just before I fell into unconciousness once more.

I woke up alone, Ivan had left for buisness in the city again and didn't want to wake me. By the time I got my lazy ass out of bed, it was lunch time so I dined on tomatoe soup and ham and cheese sandwiches with Feli. He was hesitant to join me at first, but I kept whining about being left alone so he reluctantly sat and ate with me. I also invited Francis to join us, but he just gave me a small smile and walked out of the room.

"So how did you end up here Feli?" I asked around a bite of food. He smiled sadly and looked down at the table, his hands laid in his lap.

"Durring the second war, m y home town was overrun by the Russian millitary. I was put into custody to be interrogated for information, but they found they had no need for me when Italy surrendered. Ivan personally asked his comanding officer to keep me and my brother alive, told him he wanted us for maids. After Ivan took over everything, he brought us to this house so we weren't in the middle of the fighting anymore." He took a breath, "he saved us both."

I processed this for a while while I finished off my sandwich. So he isn't the heartless bastard that most said he was durring the wars. I figured maybe the war had just changed him, but he's been this way all the time.

"What about you, if you don't mind my asking" he asked, his face flushed in embarssment. He must not be used to talking to people. I smiled at him reassuringly.

"I lost both my brothers a few years ago to resistance members so I moved out to the country. Most people thought I was magic because of my lack of pigmentation. A rumor spread that I could see into people's souls. I guess this intruiged Ivan, so he sent a soldier to my door with a message telling me I was requested to become a personal server for him."

"I'm sorry to hear that" he whispered, "about your brothers. I'm sure that must have been hard on you, I'd end up dead if it weren't for my brother."

I laughed and shook my head, "yea it hurt, but I've learned to move on. Ludwig and Gunter would have wanted me to."

"Ludwig?" Feli blurted out and quickly silenced himself.

"Yea, why? Did you know him?"

"No." He responded, a bit to quickly. I gave him a sideways glance but dropped the subject. My brother had gone to Italy on many occasions for work, could they have known each other?

"So do you have any other siblings besides Lovino?" I asked and he gave me a smile, thankful that I changed the subject no doubt.

"Francis is my older brother, he's four years older than Lovi." I almost choked on my food, Francis is their sibling? He doesn't look anything like them..

I heard a loud thud and looked over to see Feli had fallen out of his chair, passed out cold. I paniced and screamed, jumping out of my own chair and cradling his head in my lap. His skin was hot to the touch, so much that it hurt. He groaned and someone kneeled next to me with a bag of ice. Lovino.

He put the bag against Feli's forehead and folded up a towel to put under his head. Blood stained the front of my skirt and I gulped hard. His head must be bleeding. He was fine a second ago, so why did he just suddenly fall?

"Can you help me? We need to get him to our room so he can rest." Lovino asked and I managed a nodd before getting up and helping Lovino pick him up off the floor. Once he was cradled in his brothers arms, Lovino took off down the servants hallway with me hot on his tail. He shouted to one of the others to call for a doctor, and then it hit me.

I'd end up dead if it weren't for my brother he had said. The flush on his face when he was talking, the way he would sway ever so slightly when he stared at the table.

He must have these spells happen a lot, no one seemed too distraught about it. Lovino flopped him down on one of the beds in his room as gently as he could and then started calling out things he needed me to fetch. Three diffrent medicines. He gave them to Feli one by one by force and then took off his shirt and carried him into their bathroom, turning on the shower on cold and sitting on the floor with him.

I was shocked, but not, at the way Lovino was acting. His eyes were closed, arms curled around Feli and rocking him back and forth under the cold spray of the shower. I could see the steam rolling off of Feli in large puffs and a lump formed in my throat.

I sat next to Lovi in silence until the doctor came. He thanked me softly and I left so they could be alone. I walked heel to toe down back to Ivan's room, trying to count how many steps so I could stay calm. Not only that, but I wanted to be able to come back to check up on Feli and Lovi.

When I made it back into the room, I sidestepped the bed and sat in Ivan's desk chair with my head against the wood top.I picked up his pen and opened one of the many drawers where he keeps blank paper. I pulled out a good sized stack and started to draw. At first, it was just a bunch of squiggly lines, but after a while I started conecting them into the shape of...oh god..

A sunflower.

I put that paper under the others and started working again, my hand hovering over the paper. I imagined Ivan as he wrote, the sharp movements of his cursive writing against the frail paper. Mine was smoother, softer. Just like our personalities.

You'd be surprised how much you can learn about someone when they write without even looking at the paper. Are their strokes harsh or smooth? Do they hover when they think or tap their chin? Is thier face close of far from the paper? Are they slouched or strait? Right or left? Which fingers do they hold their pen with?

Small things mean big things. Big things are small, you have to look for them.

Right Ludi?

My second picture looked more like the outline of an ink blot than an actual drawin, so I flipped to a new page and started again. I've never been verry good at drawing, but it's a way to pass the time and get my mind off of things. I think I'll go find another book to read later, one with adventure this time. Mysteries are starting to annoy me, I always know whats going to happen just by little things the author describes.

Sad is the life of a rose I assume.

Did I just refer to myself as a flower? I really need to keep my head together. My name is Maria, and I am not a flower.

Rather, I am Ivan's flower. I've gotten used to him lately, now that I've seen him out in the open, so to speak. I've found myself falling for him, and frankly I don't care. I want to fall for him, I want him to be mine. I want to feel love again, and I want him to be the one to do it.

I love him.

I love him.

I have a plan to close the gap between us.

And now he's home.

My little flower, you shall be mine. I will wait, but I cannot for much longer.

But do you love me as you seem? Am I just blinded by this need for you?

No, you will be mine.

Like it or not.

I'm home.

DUN DUN DUN *gasp*

Ok so I've finaly found the time to update (woo me!)

So yea, I might put a lemon(ish) in the next chapter, or I might just kinda hint around I'm not sure. I guess it really depends on what my viewers think (That means you my pretties)

So yea, please R&R and tell me which I should do (I'm game either way)

Love yall!

~Yulie