Whoa! Update! Haha. Alright, I'm going to see if I can get everyone who reviewed since last time (because I will forget someone and I am not trying to get beat up). Let's see...thank you to MzMinni3, AyisienneCat17, MizzC, KrisD.723, and Goku's Daughter for the reviews! And if you did review and I forgot to mention you, then thanks to you as well and my apologies.

Okay...BIG. FAT. WARNING. The following chapter consists of strong religious opinions of one of the characters (like you really have to guess who). None of what is written is of the author's personal opinion in any way, and any of it that is is purely coincidental. Don't be offended. I mean it. I don't want no messages in my inbox cussing me out for dissing whoever, or none of that. I love everyone. Don't play me. (It may seem like I'm going over the top, but there's always those few...)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Boondocks.

Christmas? No? Kinda?

Ding. Dong.

It was a quiet morning in the Freeman house; it was a rarity that was greatly appreciated by the eldest grandson. So, when the doorbell began to persistently ring at seven that morning, it naturally put him in a bad mood. It wasn't as if it was a hard thing to do.

He stomped down the stairs, heading to the front door and pulling it open, yawning sleepily. Little did he know he was about to get a rude awakening.

"JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW! FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO!"

"What the hell?" Huey jumped about a foot backwards, his eyes wide. "What is this?"

"Good morning, my fellow brother in Christ!" A cheery, overly smiley man said, waving. The two girls that were with him continued to belt their little song at the top of their lungs, another woman clutching a bible to her chest. A bible.

Whoa. It was time to go back to bed.

"Hello." Huey's face fell flat. "Goodbye."

Slam.

He dusted his hands off and started for the stairs again, cringing when the doorbell rang again. He groaned, turning back around and opening it again.

"Now, just hold on a cotton pickin second, my friend!" The man's crinkly blue eyes lit up with an excitement that must not have been contagious because Huey was not feeling it. "We're here to spread the good news about Jesus Christ this Christmas season!"

"I have good news to spread, too." Huey said, his tone so serious the sarcasm was almost undetectable. "But I don't go around knocking on people's doors at seven in the morning."

"But, son." He rested his hand against the doorframe. "God can't wait."

Huey raised an eyebrow. "But don't people always say how loving and patient and kind he is?"

The man blinked, turning back to the woman, who shrugged. The two girls kept singing their damn song, which was giving him a headache. "Um…" He turned back to Huey. "So, you're already a follower of Christ?"

"No." Huey put his hand on the back of the door again, swinging it forward. "Goodbye-"

"Then please!" The man ever-so-sneakily blocked the corner of the door with his snow covered boot, giving Huey a smile. "Let us share his story."

Huey sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "Alright. Whatever."

The family looked ecstatic. "OH HOLY NIGHT-"

"Just no more singing!" Huey snapped. The man shook his head, waving his arms.

"Oh, no. No! Of course not." He took the bible from his wife's gloved hands, holding it out. "Son, everything you need to know is in this book. The bible." He spoke slowly and clearly, as if talking to a baby. Huey resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "You see, when God created man, they turned into sinful, spiteful, malicious people. They were doomed for an eternity in hell. There was no hope. But God, God, loved the world so much that he gave up his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, so that he could die on the cross and save us from our sins. And on the third day, he rose up from the dead and ascended to heaven. Thanks to his sacrifice, those who know God should not perish, but have everlasting-"

"Okay, wait wait wait." Huey held up a hand. "I'm sorry, but really? Seriously?" He sighed. "Alright, let me just explain to you everything wrong about what you just said." He held up a hand, ticking off reasons with his fingers. "One, you're telling the wrong damn story. It's Christmas, not Easter. Christmas is supposed to be about baby Jesus, not Zombie Jesus."

"Now wait just one minute-"

"Secondly," Huey went on, talking as if hadn't even spoken. "Christmas is a Pagan holiday. You know, Pagan? Those people who Christians are sooo intolerant of? Yeah, they observed their own holidays on December twenty-fifth, such as the feast of the Son of Isis."

"The feast of…who?"

"The Goddess of Nature," Huey clarified. "So, if Christians have such a problem with Pagans and their beliefs, stop taking their damn holidays. On another note," He suddenly said, giving the dad a glare. "If you really want to get people excited about your God, I'd recommend not contradicting yourself in your own statements."

"How did-"

"If God sent his son to die for people's sins and they're still sinning all over the place and cutting up, then why the hell did his let his son die in the first place? Seems like a futile action on his part, doesn't it?"

"Actually-"

"In fact," Huey continued. "God, excuse me, must have lost his mind. Because there's no way I'd sacrifice my own child for some sinning, crazy ass people who he created. If God knows what's going to happen then there is not free will! Yeah, you can talk me to death about how he gives us choices, but he knows how it's going to end. That means he knows who's going to hell, who's going to heaven, who's going to wherever else they have to go…it doesn't seem like he wants too many people to succeed if he has people set up for failure. It doesn't make him seem loving to me. It makes him seem like he's a sadist with underlying masochist tendencies. That is, if you believe in that sort of thing," He finished with a shrug.

The family stared at him with dumbfounded expressions. The little girls' mouths were hanging open, but no sound was coming out. That was pretty good for him; anymore singing and he just might have been spending December twenty-fifth in a prison cell.

"So…" The dad seemed to be fighting for the right words. "Your views on Christianity-"

"My views on religion is that it is a manmade concept that was created to give people a false sense of security pertaining to the unknowable as well as to control the masses," He said in a bored tone. "You can keep your religion if it makes you happy. It doesn't change the fact that no matter who you are, you will eventually die, your body will go in a hole in the ground, and the generations that come after you won't even know of your existence." He put on a smile when their jaws all dropped. "Nice chat. Merry Christmas!"

He slammed the door, rolling his eyes and once again starting for the stairs. When the doorbell rang again he let out a loud groan, once again stomping to the door and flinging it open.

"GET THE HELL OFF MY DOORSTEP-oh." He took a step back, giving Jazmine, who was blinking at him with wide eyes, an apologetic look. "Sorry."

She gave him a look, jabbing her thumb behind her. "Huey Freeman." She shook her head. "Why did I pass a group of Christmas carolers coming from your house, crying?"

He shrugged. "Maybe they were…overcome with the presence of the lord?"

"You're not funny." She folded her arms over her chest. "We've talked about this. Religion is a personal decision. You can't just go around, crushing people's spirits!"

He sucked his teeth. "And they shouldn't be going around door-to-door at seven in the morning to sing in tone deaf voices and tell me about their little white Jesus, but they do." He gave her a look. "Did you really think I wouldn't say something?"

She sighed, shaking her head. "For some unknown reason, yes. I did." She wiggled her car keys in front of his face, grinning. "Now that you've finished running innocent people's lives, go get dressed." When his eyebrows rose in confusion she gave him a look. "Hello? Christmas shopping?"

He blinked.

Slam.

"Oh, come on!" Jazmine knocked from the opposite side of the door. Huey smirked. "You're not funny!"

Huey opened the door again. "And you're not using your brain. Jazmine, when have I ever cared about Christmas?"

She tapped her finger against her chin, thinking. "Well, there was that time-"

"I was making a play about black Jesus, that does not count." He rolled his eyes. Jazmine pouted.

"I don't want to go by myself."

"Then go with Cindy!"

"She's not awake."

"Well pretend I'm not awake, either! Wait." He gave her a look. "Why are you up so early?"

Jazmine grinned, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I feel great!" She chirped brightly. "No dizziness, no overwhelming urge to throw up, no fatigue. I feel like I could run a marathon! Or," She added as an afterthought. "Battle last minute Christmas shoppers." She clasped her hands together, giving him a pleading look. "Please? Please?"

Huey sighed. She blinked, her lower lip jutting out. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He glared down at her. "But I am not buying any gifts, I will not accept any gifts, and if any of those fat Santa suit wearing people, or any more carolers, or whoever else wants to try and talk me to death about the true meaning of Christmas, come anywhere near me? They're getting a foot broken off in their merry little asses."

Jazmine's head tilted to the side. "You…really hate the holidays, don't you?" She shook her head, finally stepping inside the house and peeling off her gloves. Huey shut the door behind her. "What are you going to do when we have to celebrate it?"

He gave her a befuddled look. "What?"

"When we have to celebrate Christmas?" Jazmine gestured to her still flat stomach. "We can't just deprive our baby from Christmas!"

"Um, yeah, we can." Huey was looking at her as if she was nuts. "And that's what we're going to do."

Jazmine's eyes narrowed. "Um, no we're not."

"Yeah. We are."

"Says who?" Jazmine looked angry. It was a rare expression. "Huey! I understand you're a religion hating Scrooge, but Christmas has gotten to the point where it's celebrated to some without religious connotation! We can't just not celebrate Christmas."

"Why not?" He pointed from her to him. "We "not celebrate Christmas" every year!"

"Correction; you don't celebrate Christmas." Jazmine snorted. "We go separate places for Christmas! You sit around and hate the world more than usual, and I go exchange gifts and sing Christmasey songs and eat Christmasey food and watch Christmasey TV specials! I go to church!"

Huey gave her a horrified look. "You do that?"

"I'm CATHOLIC! Of course I do that!" She yelled. "What did you think I did, drank a few beers and watched Melrose Place?"

"No, but I didn't know you actually cared about that kind of thing!" Huey shot back. "You've never said anything about it before!"

"Because telling you that you have different views is like asking to be set on fire and thrown into a river with weights tied to your ankles!" Jazmine rolled her eyes. "Besides, I thought it was implied! We've talked about it before!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

Huey scratched his chin. "Was it one of those times I was going "Uh huh" and "Mmm hmm" a lot?"

Jazmine gave him a wary look. "Maybe. Yes."

"Oh." He shrugged casually. "I wasn't paying any attention."

Jazmine's eyes widened, then narrowed.

"Well, you pay attention to this, Huey Freeman." She poked a finger in his chest, glaring at him with flashing eyes. "I am a Christian. And our baby's going to be one, too."

Uh oh.

"WHOA." Huey took a step back, shaking his head. "You must have lost your mind! It's going to be an intelligent, freethinking individual who, if they so choose, can find their own religion!"

"Oh, so religious people aren't intelligent?"

"If they put all their faith into a man written book full of contradictions and a Jewish undead prophet who ascended to some imaginary place where he always watches us, then yes!"

"So you think I'm stupid?!"

"If the shoe fits!"

Jazmine's jaw dropped. Huey glared at her. Her eyes hardened.

And then, her face crumpled, her green eyes began to glisten, and she was crying.

"Y-you-" Her fists were clenched at her sides and her eyes were squeezed shut, the tears streaming down her face. "You think I'm s-STUPID!"

Oh, damn.

Little did Jazmine know, there were many, many things that she did that did not bother him like they would most. Crying, unfortunately, was not one of them. He couldn't stand it when she cried. It was like…well it just made him feel…bad. If she cried hard enough she could probably get him to vandalize the Sistine Chapel. It was that serious. He'd do practically anything to get her to stop.

But really? Teaching their child…Christianity? And Catholicism was possibly the most insane branch of all of them! How come someone as smart as Jazmine be so convinced that this stuff was true?!

"Okay, how about this." He sighed, massaging his temples. "We teach them Christianity. But if we do, we've got to teach them the other ones."

Jazmine hiccupped.

"I'm talking Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism-"

She blinked.

"-Confucianism, Taosim, Shinto, Historical Polytheism, Deism, Neopagan religions-"

"Um…"

"Nigerian Isoko mythology, Kenyan Masai mythology-"

"That…sounds like a lot of work," Jazmine sniffed, wiping her eyes and letting out another tiny hiccup. Huey shrugged.

"You have to be fair."

Jazmine swallowed, sighing. "Or, we could just leave it up to them to decide…" She sounded reluctant. Huey nodded vigorously.

"That works."

Jazmine sighed again, looking dejected. "Fine." She turned on her heel, heading for the door. "Well, I'll see you later."

He raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

"Christmas shopping."

"By yourself?"

"Yes, by myself!" Jazmine snapped, glaring at him over her shoulder through her tears. "Or am I too stupid to do that?"

Ugh. Her and her sensitiveness.

"You're not stupid, okay?" He sighed. "I'm…sorry."

He hated that word.

She glared at him. "You're not. Because your opinion is still the same for everyone else who believes those things. So if you think they're stupid then you think I'm stupid. And I'm not so sure that I appreciate being seen as incompetent."

"If you were stupid," Huey said, rolling his eyes. "Then you never would have had enough sense to say what you just did. I wouldn't be with you. I would have definitely ran for California by now."

Jazmine folded her arms over her chest. "I'm still mad at you."

Huey had to restrain from facepalming himself. It was obvious that there was only one way he could make it up to her. Or at least make her forget that she was mad at him.

"Fine." He threw up his hands. "We'll start…celebrating Christmas." He couldn't believe he was saying that. Jazmine's face instantly lit up, a huge grin spreading across her face.

"Huey!" She ran over, throwing her arms around him and hugging him so tightly he momentarily forgot how to breathe. "Oh, Huey! You're the best!"

"Well-"

"Oh, we've got to hurry up, then!" She grabbed his hand, dragging her stunned boyfriend behind her towards the front door. "We've got to get gifts for my parents, Mr. Freeman, Riley, Cindy and Caesar…ooh! And then we can-"

"I meant next Christmas, not this Christmas!" Huey managed. "Can I just get some time to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be forced to celebrate a waste of a holiday for the rest of my life starting next year?"

"Nope! You need practice." She smiled sweetly at him. "You have to learn about Christmas tree shopping, and gift giving, and spreading love and good cheer to others!"

He pointed to his face. "Do I look like I give a shit about good cheer and love?"

She shrugged. "Nope. But you'd better learn how to." She grabbed his arm again, pulling him towards the front door. "Now c'mon!"

"Jazmine!" Huey wrestled away from her, which was surprisingly difficult. He thought pregnant women were supposed to be more fragile, not stronger! "Can I at least get dressed?!"

Jazmine gave him a glance over, taking in his white t shirt and blue and green plaid pajama pants. She shrugged, shaking her head.

"Nope." She reached into the hall closet, tossing his coat at him. "You look fine."

"I'm in my pajamas!"

"Oh, no one's going to pay attention." She waved her hand. "Now, let's go! I'm so excited!"

He sighed, grudgingly following her to the door. This sucked.

"And for the record," He pointed out as they got to the door and he held it open for her. "I am not going to church. I don't care how many times you ask me. I don't care if you hold me at gunpoint. I'm not going-" he pointed to her stomach. "It's not going, and…no. Just, no."

She frowned. "Not even for Christmas?"

"No!"

Her face took on a look that meant she was considering possibilities. "Not even…a little bit of church?"

Huey stomped out the door.

"No? Yes?" Her forehead scrunched up. "Maybe?"

"No!"

"Kinda?"

"No!"

"Sometimes?"

"Jazmine, get in the damn car!"

"Oh, alright…"

Thanks for reading! I'm not sure how I feel about this one yet, but I hope YOU enjoyed it. That's what mainly matters anyways.

-Kelsey