Disclaimer: La-la-la-la. I don't own. La-la-la. Take a long walk off a short pier.

Mystic: So, now that the lemon is out of the way, I can start working on requests again. Sacred and Profane left me a bunch of them when I started this series. Now, yes. I will write Tifa's revenge on Yuffie, but I want to write some of his requests first. I mean, the dude did call me his muse. (squeal) I'm a muse! Pay attention. MUSE, not mouse. I may be only five feet tall, but I'm meaner than a six foot rattlesnake. Anyway, one of his earlier ideas was for Tifa to have a Homer Simpson moment and be chowing down on some doughnuts. Hm, why would a young woman want to eat unhealthy food for no apparent reason?

Waddle ...

Wiggle ...

Waddle, widdle, wiggle, waggle.

Such was the bane of every pregnant female. Yes, a woman carrying life seemed to glow with a new spirit and true, most women felt amazing while with child. However, Tifa Lockheart had to wonder how carrying a six-pound baby meant she gained an extra thirty. Purplish stretch marks streaked across her once flat abdomen, her natural D-cup breasts were even larger than before, and her fingers were swollen to the point that she had to remove her wedding ring and place it on a chain around her neck.

Still, her breasts were quite endowed and that made her husband very happy. Having sex felt even better than before and her orgasms went to the freakin' moon and back. Sex made her pregnant and now being pregnant gave her a better sex life. Totally cool irony right there. Let's not forget the food. Food, glorious food! Eating rocked ass while knocked up. Smells and tastes increase tenfold when you have a life in you. Everything simply tastes divine. Cravings were cool too. When else could you request raspberries in the middle of winter and no one bat an eye? Seeing the father of your baby groan in frustration before going outside in the cold to get the raspberries was fun, definately.

Reno didn't have to wake up at two in the morning this time though. No, the food Tifa craved this time was luckily already in the pantry.

Yummy. Fluffy, gooey chocolate doughnuts, complete with a sugary-sweet chocolate icing. Oh, baby. Come to mama!

Tifa tried to tiptoe to the kitchen, but her protruding stomach made that physically impossible, hence that waddling phase annoying her brain. The martial artist refused to wear black anymore lest she be called a penguin. Reeve was still in the hospital after that mishap.

Hey, her stomach may be large, but that doesn't mean her fists are any less dangerous.

After pouring herself a tall glass of frothy milk, Mrs. Reno sat down at the kitchen table with the box of doughnuts in front of her. Hey, baby. Did you miss me? She swirled her finger along the top of the pastry before licking the icing off. Oh, yeah. It's going to get nasty now.

Heaven. Sweet, chocolatey heaven. That first bite put the pregnant girl in a state of euphoria. Her second bite was the perfect moment of zen. She was surrounded by mountains of the brown goodness. Lakes of cold milk drenched the valleys that flowed forth and rainshowers of sweet glaze iced the landscape. Doughnuts made of flour and chocolate was easily determined to be the Ancients parting gift to all women in circumstances. Tifa's unborn child surely agreed. Kicks and fluttery movements shifted in her growing womb as the sugary treat sparked in her offspring.

"I thought you would like this," Tifa spoke between bites of yummy delight. Her bare hand rested on her tummy and lovingly caressed the expanding flesh. "You've been giving me lots of heartburn lately, little one. Does that mean you're going to have a lot of hair?"

A sleepy-sounding snort answered her thought-out-loud question. "Teef, you know that's an old wive's tale," Reno said with a yawn. Crimson eyebrows raised when his acute eyes spotted the box of doughnuts sitting in front of his wife. "Hungry, babe?"

"I'm eating for two," she answered with a sheepish grin.

The tired father-to-be pulled up a chair and sat next to his expectant wife. "You're cute,yo." Reno resisted the urge to steal a treat for himself. Reeve didn't need any company in the hospital that badly. "You're cute and I love you and ... Why you crying?!"

Tifa started to sniffle and she wiped away the tears streaming down her usual glowing face. "You never say I'm sexy anymore."

You're kidding right? She's upset over that? "Babe, you know I think you're sexy."

"How come you say I'm cute instead?!" Her tears came in full force now and she dropped her head into her palms.

Reno sighed and pulled his wife into his arms. "Cuz your belly is cute, that's why. I think you look cute with a big belly."

A chuckle finally escaped instead of sobs as the street fighter glanced down over her changing body. "My belly isn't the only thing that's grown."

Yes, and that's precisely why Reno likes it when his wife wears low-cut shirts in her condition.

The Turk smirked at her truthful remark. "Our kid will be well-fed, babe."

Breastmilk. It does a baby good.

Mystic: Breast is best and chocolate really is a pregnant woman's best friend. For those readers who like stand-up comedy, I channeled Gabriel Iglesias and George Lopez. Dane Cook will be brought in later. Those three never fail to lighten up my day. Don't forget to review now! That lightens up my day too.