A/N Very long author's note at the end of this chapter!

This entire chapter is Sheldon!think. And if you immediately knew what I meant by that, you're probably a Firefly fan. In which case, congratulations on your excellent taste :)

I like it, but I'm aware I may be the only one!

Hope you enjoy.

The Incommensurable Equation

Engage primary equation

The scarcity of xanthic elements is problematic.

Au is the obvious, populist choice, but the analogy is faulty; the original colour is both paler and brighter. Moreover, the comparison of hair with gold is hackneyed.

The analogy is both trite and fallacious; it must be issued with a strike for each offence.

That's two strikes. One more, and you're banished.

Sidebar: Can trains of thought be banished? Do they have the capacity to take the class and have their banishment revoked?
Sidebar ii: Why do thoughts travel by train?
Sidebar ii redux: Never mind - why would they want to travel any other way?

Re-engage primary equation

S is proffered as an alternative to Au, for a more aesthetically pleasing and anatomically correct correlation. But the olfactory implication is unpleasant and inaccurate. Coconut aberration aside (and thankfully retracted), its scent is usually green apple and pleasing.

Amend: let the sulphur retain its elemental form to ensure it is odourless. An imperfect resolution but allows the formula to progress.

(Serendipitous offshoot: the alternative moniker for sulphur is brimstone. An appropriate simile for the devil-woman when she deliberately speaks with her mouth full.)

No single element is analogous to the iris. But expose Cu to O2 to achieve the hazel flecks in the green and create a linguistically pleasing parallel to oxidised small change:

See a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck.

Not that she had always brought good fortune.

Exhibit A: ruining laundry night.
Exhibit B: causing him to miss Stan Lee at the comic book store.
Exhi–

Too many illustrations. The formula is becoming top-heavy.

Restore equilibrium.

Exhibit i: taking care of him when he was sick.
Exhibit ii: recovering his Klingon bat'leth.
Exhibit iii procuring Leonard Nimoy's signatur–

Too large to compute. The formula is becoming unstable.

Redress

Fortune by its very nature is random; it cannot be positive or negative. Therefore the science behind the penny proverb is pure hokum.

Re-engage

Epidermis is firm, watertight, functional. Her skin is smooth, soft and toned.

Qualitatively and quantitatively perfect.

Correction: incorrect use of Mandarin character, denoting soup in place of courage. Recall that tattoos make the baby Jesus cry!

Pause

Delete the last. (Residual maternal echoes.)

Continue

The skin is perfect despite its imperfection.

Invalid input - statement is oxymoronic.

Overruled.

The phenomenon of synergy is well documented: multiple elements in a system may produce an effect different from or greater than the sum of their individual parts.

The sum of her parts is pleasing. And perfectly proportioned.

The hero always peeks. But homo novus should not.

The occasional deferral to baser instinct is vexing, but not conclusive.

Oxytocin levels suggest primary physical compatibility. But let us consider the cerebral.

The intellect is inferior. Vastly so. (Which renders the number of arguments lost all the more inexplicable and infuriating.)

Comprehension of physics is rudimentary at best. Comparisons to blonde monkeys are not inapposite.

Sidebar: Who doesn't love monkeys?
Sidebar ii: Amy Farrah-Fowler does. Both kinds.

Redress

Amy's mind is brilliant. Closer to parity. Suggests primary cerebral compatibility.

Rebuttal: Since meeting Amy, scientific achievement has plateaued; academic reputation has plummeted; alcoholic consumption has increased.
Rebuttal ii: Eidetic recall points to one constant throughout all breakthroughs of the last seven years. One element that was present each time, moments before, in body or train of thought.

Hypothesis: her presence is a catalyst.

Proven: her words are a stimulus.

Unquantified: the reasons why.

Shift focus.

Widen parameters.

Implement image search.

Pause

Potential match found: familial relationship.

"You and I are going to go round and round the way we did when we were little."
"Remember when I said it was on? Well, now it's Junior Rodeo on!"

Threats to genitalia. Arms pinned to the floor. Spiralling prank wars.

The ability to provoke fury like no other.

Connection is fraternal?

Proffered as solution

Incomplete.

Missy never gave kisses during wrestling moves. And the few kisses given never impacted the sympathetic nervous system like that one had.

Secondary image identified; multiple iterations.

Juxtapose.

Missy never sung Soft Kitty either. Never calmed the urge to flee. Never helped make sense of the world.

Substitute maternal connection in place of fraternal?

Trusted confidante. Warming comfort. Incessant nagging.

Valid but still incomplete.

Ultimately, a poor proposition. The characteristics fit but must be superimposed with the effects of a kissed nose and instances of physical proximity.

Not to mention previous categorisation of physical attributes.

Sidebar: Amy Farrah-Fowler fits second familial relationship. Without aforementioned conflict.

Pause

Redress

(Quickly)

Review

Evidence to suggest primary physical compatibility.

Evidence to suggest strong cerebral connection.

Evidence to suggest undue influence.

Proffered solution

Perfect mate

Stop

Rebuttal: prior attachment to best friend.
Rebuttal ii: bond has now progressed to betrothal.
Rebuttal iii: prior attachment to Amy Farrah-Fowler.
Rebuttal iii redux: attachment is substantiated by the Relationship Agreement.

Apply a posteriori knowledge:

Friendship axiom: allegiance must go to male comrades over women who sell their bodies for money.

Maternal echo: a gentleman always keeps his word to a lady.

Paternal wisdom: sow the wind, and reap the shit storm.

Output: the attachment is illogical. Unquantifiable. Unjustifiable.
Output ii: the need is irrefutable. The connection, undeniable.

Conclusion: the equation is insoluble

*sigh*

The data must be invalid.

Re-engage primary equation

Let us substitute Cl for S...

If he categorised her elements, if he quantified their bond, if he made the pieces fit...

Maybe he would finally solve The Penny Equation.

And figure out why she was so important.

fin

Hey guys. Just to say, I haven't abandoned this story and I haven't forgotten this fandom. I've had a few messages recently from people unhappy that I'm updating other stories but not updating this one. So I wanted to reassure you all, but also explain.

This fic is a series of one-shots, not an ongoing narrative. I deliberately wrote it that way. It means that it is updated on an as-and-when basis, that is, as and when I have time to, and feel inspired.

I hate disappointing people, so I am careful not to start posting ongoing stories unless I know I am definitely going to finish them and won't leave long waits between updates.

Here's the other thing: I love several fandoms. And sometimes I get into a groove. So if you're following me as an author, you may well see me going through phases of frantically updating one particular series and not writing for others for a while.

The other thing is, as much as I love Shenny, it is by far the most time-intensive of the pairings I write for. Partly because writing for Sheldon means I spend quite a bit of time online fact-checking and trying to bring in science as much as possible.

So, please bear those things in mind. I love the passion of Shenny fans but I also feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. And reviews saying I'm not being loyal make me feel awful, and then make me want to pull a duvet over my head and stop writing ;)

That said, I also feel very fortunate in the majority of the reviews I receive. Thank you for taking the time to read my stories :)