"I never knew that everything was falling through.
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be.
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy.
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears."
Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray
Jacob stared at his father giving him a look that Billy remembered all too well. Billy knew he couldn't keep the secrets from his son for too much longer. His flub with calling Nessie by her full name pretty much caused the inevitable to happen. He could try to stall a little while longer, but he didn't know how long he could keep Nessie from finding out that his best friend and AA sponsor was, in fact, her estranged grandfather.
"Well, kids. It looks like it's getting late. I'm off to bed," Billy said without looking at the couple. He didn't want to talk tonight. It was a little too much for him and he needed to get out of the kitchen as quickly as possible. He had been listening for many years about the struggles Charlie had with his daughter and now the granddaughter Charlie missed so much had made her way into their lives. Fate was playing a number on him.
Once Billy left the room, Jacob and Nessie remained silent, not talking. Jacob just leaned against the kitchen table looking at the floor. Nessie didn't have a clue what was running through his head and she had no idea what to make of what just played out here in Jacob's house.
"I should go get my clothes out of the dryer," she said, not knowing what else to say or do.
"Sure. Sure," Jacob said. "Um, I'll be right back. I think there are some clothes in there already; just pile them up on the dryer." They both tried to act like nothing happened.
"Okay," Nessie answered and made her way back to the laundry room. She tofok the clothes out and transferred her dress and shrug to the dryer. She started the cycle and just leaned against the machine thinking about what must be going through Jacob's head. He seemed more preoccupied with what just happened than she did. What was she missing?
Jacob burst through the door of his father's room. Billy had just began watching a basketball game, which Jacob didn't care about. His father glanced up from the light of the TV.
"Can you tell me what the hell is going on? I overlooked the time when you spit your coffee out everywhere when I mentioned Nessie's name, but now I can't ignore you knowing her real name. I know for a fact I haven't mentioned it to you, Dad." Jacob's seriousness alarmed his father. His son was usually happy and content, but now he seemed angry.
"Son, I don't know if I can talk about it right now. It's a long story that's not mine to tell," Billy said slowly and methodically.
"I've got a girlfriend in this house who knows something's going on, and I damn well better be able to tell her more than what I'm getting from you. I like her, Dad. I don't need her leaving because of some stupid secret you won't let me in on." Jacob sat on the edge of the bed and placed his elbows on his knees and hung his head down.
Billy looked at his son. He saw a man in front of him, but he also saw the young boy who got hurt easily. He remembered the night Sarah died. He remembered Jacob never crying in front of him. He remembered the funeral and then after that, the drinking took over. This man in front of him grew up a long time ago before he needed to. He knew that Jacob could handle the simple news that Charlie was Nessie's grandfather, but he still couldn't say it out loud.
"Jake, I know you don't understand, but you'll know soon enough. I'm sorry. I have given my word and that's all I can give you." Billy turned away from his son and began watching the game.
Disgruntled, Jacob left the room without saying anything to his father. His dad could be so frustrating at times, and tonight was no exception. He found Nessie still in the laundry room facing the dryer with her eyes closed.
"Hey, there," he said finding her solace breathtaking.
She smiled before her eyes opened. "The dryer is warm. The hum of it is very calming, too. I know, I know; I'm strange. I just like being in here for some reason." She didn't move.
"I don't think you're strange. I think you look beautiful standing there. Besides, I have some fond memories in this room, so we can hang out here all you want." Jacob stood next to Nessie with his arms folded across his chest. Nessie liked the way his biceps looked in that pose. She saw him notice her staring and pink flushed across her skin. Nessie cleared her throat to get her mind back on track.
"So, I've been doing some thinking while you were talking to your dad." She turned around and leaned her back against the dryer. It was odd for them to be standing side by side and not attached to one another like they were just a short time ago. Once Billy had opened up Pandora's box, things were a little awkward between Jacob and Nessie.
"Oh, really? About what?" he asked.
"I figured out how your dad knows my real name." She looked at Jacob to see his face. "Did your dad tell you anything?" she asked.
"No. He told me it's not his story to tell and some other bull shit. What did you figure out?" Jacob felt badly that his discussion with his father ended with no more information than he had to begin with.
"It's simple. We have someone in common in our lives, Jacob. I thought he looked familiar when you were talking to him." Once she pictured the person in the truck again, it took no time for her to recognize the man she thought she would never see again.
"Who are you talking about?" Jacob asked.
"I can't believe you haven't put it together yet. I just had to think about his name and remember his face, and then I knew. Your dad's friend, Charlie..." she slowed down her talking, hoping Jacob would pick up on it.
"Charlie? What about him?" Jacob stopped to think for a moment, and after trying to figure out what she was telling him, he knew. "Holy shit, Charlie. That's your grandfather."
"Yes. He must have told your dad about me. That's why he knows my name." She looked happy at her discovery. Then her demeanor changed. "They lied to me. He's been here the whole time. They lied to me." Her look of happiness turned to anger once she spoke those words. Her hands found themselves running through her hair. She paused and let them linger on her head like she always did when she was angry.
"Who lied to you?" he asked.
"My parents did. They told me he moved away. They apparently had some sort of fight that no one talks about. My Uncle Jasper told me a few small details but not much." Nessie turned and walked to the back door. Suddenly, she stooped over and caught her stomach in her arms. Jacob winced when he heard an anguished moan come from his Ness.
She tried to keep from falling down after the pain she felt in her gut. She finally stood up and leaned against the wall away from Jacob. She couldn't look at him, or she would surely lose it. "They wouldn't let me see him anymore. I was three or four when the falling out happened." Nessie struggled to hold her tears back and succeeded. She wasn't going to crack, not yet at least. She took a deep breath and spoke to Jacob who was trying to figure out how to help her. "Has he always lived here?"
"He lived in town when he was sheriff, but he moved out to the rez once he retired. Even though he isn't a Quileute, he was like a brother and father to most of us. It was natural for him to live here since he spent most of his time on the rez. So, yeah, he never left." His words were like a knife to her heart. He never left, she thought to herself.
The buzzer of the dryer went off and interrupted the conversation. Nessie immediately snapped out of her pain and pushed the painful emotions aside. She was good at compartmentalizing. "My clothes are ready. Do you mind if we don't talk about Charlie anymore?" She was surprisingly jealous of Jacob. He had been able to see her grandfather as he grew up and she had not.
"That's fine." He realized that Nessie had enough surprises for one night, so he would do whatever she needed.
"I don't know how much more my mind can handle. I have to process this a little before I can talk about it. I am so mad right now." Nessie reached down and grabbed her dress, slamming the dryer door. She stood motionless for a second in deep thought. "I probably need you to take me home pretty soon. I don't even know what time it is."
"I can do that. You can change here or in the bathroom; I'll wait for you." He started to leave the room, but ran into her body when he did. She kept her clothes balled up in her arms, and his hands stayed at his side. The awkwardness remained.
"No, don't leave. I don't want to be alone." She said not looking at him and blushed at what she was about to ask. "You can turn your back. Is that alright with you? I just don't want you to go."
"Okay, I'll turn my back...you know you're trusting me with something that I am not sure I can control," he said halfway joking.
She shut the door to the laundry room, and he faced the back door. "And what would that be?" she innocently asked as she began taking off her shirt.
"My will power. You're trusting that I won't peek." He didn't have to turn his head to peek because he discovered her reflection in the window of the back door. Dammit, he thought. Jacob tried to look at the wall, but his eyes were tempted too much.
"I'll hurry so you won't be worrying about it for too long. It's no big deal. I am just changing clothes," she said nonchalantly.
Jacob realized that she had no idea how the male mind worked. If only she knew the things he thought about, she would slap him and dress somewhere else. His mind quickly flashed pictures of her on the washing machine stripped of her clothes and her skin flushed with pink. Her eyes closed with her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He pictured himself moving in and out of her while he listened to her moan his name. How he would love to hear his name leave her lips like that. Those are the things he thought about, and she thought she was just undressing.
The reflection revealed her back to him as she folded the shirt she had just worn. Her skin was the purest of complexions without a flaw. He watched her shoulders slide up and down as she undressed. He stared at the reflection of her body, and his eyes trailed down to the small of her back. The pajama pants hung low on her hips which revealed the very top of her rear end. He imagined his hands there cupping her ass, pulling it to him. He wondered how her skin would taste. If only her could just take a little sample.
Lost in his own lustful thoughts, he noticed that she turned to place her folded shirt on the washer, which would give him a good view of her upper body. For a split second, he anticipated the glorious sight and became excited about the show he'd be getting. However, he soon realized what he was doing. He quickly closed his eyes, knowing he would kill himself later for not taking a peek. He wanted her to be ready to show herself to him. He would definitely be taking a long, cold shower tonight.
Jacob decided that keeping his eyes closed until all was clear would be his best option. He could hear her rustling about getting her clothes on. Then he heard her say, "Could you zip me up, Jacob?" He was amazed at his will power while she dressed, but then she had to go and ask that question.
"Yeah, sure," he said. She didn't move, waiting for him. He placed one hand on her lower hip and gathered a little material in his grip and began moving the zipper up slowly with the other hand. Every male instinct in him wanted to throw the dress to the floor and take her, but somehow he managed to make the zipper go up. He watched her smooth skin disappear under the material as he did. He got a small glimpse of the top of the black, lacy panties she wore. He paused and stared for a moment. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to ignore the throbbing in his pants. He finally finished zipping the dress after using all the self-control he had to keep her clothes on. He took her shoulders in his large hands and started kneading her muscles gently.
"Mmmm. That feels good," she said.
"You feel good." Jacob stopped and embraced her from behind and pulled her to him. He held her tightly and placed his cheek next to hers.
"I know you don't want to talk anymore about Charlie, but I'm ready when you are," he whispered as he held her. The desire for her had risen in him tonight, but he knew now wasn't the time to try and do those things he pictured earlier.
"Thanks. Don't say anything to your dad yet either. I don't know what the next step is. I have so many thoughts floating through my brain. I just need some time to process it." She requested knowing he would honor it.
"I won't...I think I need to get you home. We might need to go save Claire from Quil, too. No telling what he's been doing to annoy her." He chuckled.
"Yeah, I guess so." She seemed sad.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I just don't want to leave. It's like I'm in a bubble here. Once I walk out through that door, I have to go back to it all. I just don't want to leave. I sound like a little kid." She felt awful that their time together became an impromptu counseling session for her. She just wished she could be with Jacob without any of her life seeping into their relationship.
"Hey, you can call me or text me anytime. I'll be over in a second if you need me. You shouldn't worry, okay?" She loved his optimism and how he always saw the bright side of things. That is why he made her feel so good to be around him. She felt like all was right with the world when she had him close to her.
Nessie didn't want him to worry about her, so she smiled and let her self appear to be happy. "That's why I keep you around, Jacob. You make me feel like everything is going to be alright."
"It is, Ness. Just not all at once though. You just have to take it one day at a time. If you look too far ahead, it'll seem bad. If you focus on the day you are in, things don't seem so daunting." Jacob's words comforted her more than he knew. Before they could say anything else, his phone rang. He talked for just a moment to whomever had called and didn't say much either.
"We need to go get Claire...apparently she's had enough of Quil for one night. She hasn't killed him yet, which is a good sign, though," Jacob laughed.
"Claire seems tough on the outside, but I know she'll come around. Just don't let Quil give up on her."
"Oh, I don't see that happening anytime soon." Jacob gave her the smirk that made her knees go weak. Luckily they didn't buckle, and she remained upright.
The two left to go rescue Claire. He opened the front door for her and she felt her stomach tighten the moment she stepped outside of Jacob's house. She had to go back to reality and it didn't feel good.
~o~O~o~
The phone on her bed-side table buzzed and Nessie rolled over to grab it. Who could be calling so early?
"Hello?" she answered groggily.
"She's on her way...just warning ya, String Bean."
"Jaz, who is on her way?" Nessie should have known, but the alarm clock read 7:00, and her mind wasn't functioning properly. She had made it home not but a few hours ago from her night with Jacob.
"You better wake up. Alice is pissed and on her way." Jasper's voice gave the warning and before their conversation ended, her door flew open.
"I think she's already here. Gotta go," Nessie whispered and sat up in her bed trying to deal with the shock of the overhead light and Alice's sudden arrival.
Alice walked over to Nessie's closet and took off the red dress that was hanging on the back of the door.
"Did I waste my time and money on this dress? Did I spend two weeks of my precious time finding the perfect dress for the damn mixer for you to blow it off? Did I shell out more money that I should have when you are about to be asked to join my sorority?" Alice took the dress off the hanger and threw it to the floor. "I had to do all this by myself, seeing as Rose lives in Seattle and can't get away, which I think she could stand to take a break every now and then and visit her niece," Alice huffed under her breath. Nessie was a little scared of Alice right now. She had never gone against anything her aunt had ever planned for her and now Nessie was a no-show at the important sorority party. Nessie still sat speechless.
"I can't believe you. I can't believe you didn't show up. You didn't even call anyone to let them know." Alice moved to a chair in Nessie's room a flung herself on it. "I get a call at midnight from the President of the Deltas wondering where you were. She thought something happened to you. I had to lie and tell her you had the flu. Do you know how bad this makes me look? You are my legacy. Not just my legacy but Rose's and Grandma Esme's, too. You made the Cullens look bad last night." Alice's eyes flared. The little pixie-like woman was dressed in all black and in heels at this early hour. She even had lipstick on, which Alice never left the house without.
"Aunt Alice, I'm sorry." Nessie really had no idea what she was going to say to get out of this mess.
"Sorry. All you can say is that you are sorry? I am so mad at you. This isn't like you...where were you?" Alice asked demanding an answer. She rose out of the chair and moved to the edge of Nessie's bed glaring at her with her angry eyes.
"I just didn't feel well, and I, um, spent a quiet night with my friend, Claire." She would do her best not to mention where she had been, but it would be hard.
Alice began to say something else, but at that moment, Nessie's cell phone rang again. It was her father. Great! She thought. She didn't want to talk with her dad, but it would get Alice off her back. She would choose the lesser of the two evils.
"Alice, it's my dad calling. I need to take this call. Can we talk about this later?" Nessie pleaded.
"Oh, alright. Tell Edward that his timing is horrible, as usual. We are not through discussing this matter, young lady." Alice hissed and stomped out of the room. Nessie sighed a breath of relief, but it didn't last long.
"Hey, Dad. Good morning."
"Nessie, I just got the most interesting voice mail at work from Tyler." Her father began without saying hello or good morning to her. He always made sure he got down to business.
"Oh." Nessie couldn't say much more. She knew he must have found out about the break up. Leave it to Tyler to make the break up news worse than it had to be. She had been trying to find a way to tell her father herself, but evidently Tyler beat her to it.
"Is it true that you just threw all the things Tyler ever gave you in a box and told him you were done with him? He said you basically threw him out of our home, too. Please let me know why you did this to him." She felt glad, in a sense, to be on the phone with her father; she couldn't imagine having this conversation face to face.
"Dad, I can explain-" Edward cut her off. Evidently he could ask her questions, but she was not allowed to answer them.
"I don't get it, Nessie. Why would you do such a thing? We have known him and his family your entire life and you treat him this way. He's so heartbroken; I could hear it in his voice." Edward said. Nessie knew Tyler was a good actor. He knew how to play her father, and he was putty in Tyler's hands.
"Dad, I don't love him; I don't think I ever did. Don't you want me to be with someone I love?" Nessie knew her father and her mother had a whirlwind romance. Maybe he would understand her side in this story because of their relationship.
She could hear her father sigh in the phone. "I understand love more than you do, Nessie. I don't think you know what it is to be in love. I think Tyler is good for you and you should reconsider what you have done. I believe you owe him an apology."
She couldn't believe what she just heard. An apology? Nessie sat quietly letting her father's words sink in. She knew her father was wrong. She knew that she was falling head over heels for Jacob, so she knew what love felt like. She realized that it would be a cold day in hell before she apologized to Tyler.
"What did you say?" she asked stunned.
"I said, you need to apologize. Maybe he'll take you back," her father said seriously.
"You don't know Tyler, Dad. You don't know the things he is capable of." You don't have a clue that he can hurt me without batting an eyelash. The emotional scars he left on Nessie were still there, even though the bruises and the gashes had healed.
"I know he is capable of giving you a good life and a good future. As your father, I want what is best for you. I am sure that you don't see that right now, but I know about these things."
"Daddy, please understand. I can't take him back." Her voice cracked and her body shook.
"I understand that you need some time, so I'll give that to you. Don't think that this conversation is over. We will revisit it soon. I know Tyler will be patiently waiting on you. He and I will have a long talk this afternoon over coffee," he said. Nessie heard a beeping noise over the silence.
"Um, that's my beeper, Nessie. I need to go." And with that, he hung up without a good bye.
"Bye, Daddy," Nessie said into her phone and dropped it to the floor.
~o~O~o~
Exhausted, Nessie sipped the last drop of coffee in her mug. It was barely eight o'clock in the morning and she had already argued with her aunt and her father. Really it wasn't arguing if one of the people involved in the conversation didn't get to talk. She felt like she really did have the flu; her body ached all over. She wanted to sob, scream, and throw things at the wall. Her family was getting to her and she didn't know what to do. She wanted to ask about Charlie and demand an answer to the deceit and the estrangement, but it all had been too much too fast.
Walking up the stairs after consuming a pot of coffee, she decided to turn left instead of going to her bedroom. She walked to her parent's master suite to see her mom who hadn't woken up yet. Her father worked the night shift, so she was pretty sure her mom was still sleeping off her drunken stupor. Nessie pushed the door open, trying not to make a sound. She tiptoed softly to the bed, like she did when she was a little girl. When she was younger, she would curl up next Bella. Her mom would stroke her hair and quote lines from classic novels. Bella didn't read the typical fairy tales to Nessie; instead, it was Shakespeare and Jane Austen that Bella would recite. Nessie held on to those precious memories. The more she lost her mom, she clung harder to those special times. She wanted to remember her mom as a loving mother, not as a drunk.
Nessie stopped at the side where her mom slept and observed how beautiful she appeared while she breathed in her sleep. She looked so peaceful. Her brown hair had fallen around her chin and her pink lips parted with each heavy breath. Her deep brown eyes were hidden, the part of her mom she missed the most. She used to be able to read so much from the looks from those eyes. Now they were always closed or glazed over in a drunken haze. She sat down on the floor by her mom and pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Her forehead rested on her knees. She spotted the empty bottle of tequila halfway hidden by the dust ruffle. She must have run out of gin, Nessie thought.
"Mama, I can't take much more. I can't get Daddy to understand me and the things I want, and Aunt Alice is hounding me about the stupid sorority. I wish you were here to help me. You wouldn't want me to be in the sorority. You weren't that kind of girl, so why should I be, right? You were so strong-willed. You didn't take anything from anyone." Nessie heard her mom whimper in her sleep, and she turned around to face her. Sitting on her knees, she took her mom's hand and stroked it, feeling the bones beneath her hand. Bella had begun losing weight and had become extremely gaunt.
"I wish you could talk to Dad and get him off my back. He doesn't listen me, to what I want, but he would listen to you." Nessie looked to see if her mom could possibly be hearing any of this conversation, but Bella didn't move.
"Tyler hurt me in more ways than you could imagine, but yet, I couldn't tell Daddy. Somehow I felt like he wouldn't believe me. I wish it could be like it use to be," Nessie whispered softly. Her tears began to spill over onto the satin sheets.
"Mama, I miss you so much. I want to tell you so many things, so you can tell me what to do. That's what you're supposed to be doing. We're supposed to fight about the things I wear and the boys I date. We're supposed to shop together and plan family gatherings. I want to drink coffee with you in the morning and tell you about my day. Why can't you get better?" Nessie paused again hoping for a reaction. "Am I not worth it? Do you not love me enough to get better?" She was sobbing now and her mother didn't budge. Nessie rested her head by her mother's and kept crying.
"I miss you so much. Jacob said you would come back to me. Please come back to me. I can't lose you, Mama. I wish you could hear me."
Bella stirred a bit, as if she were waking and let out a quiet moan. "Who's Jacob?" she asked with her eyes closed.
Surprised, Nessie answered, "I guess you could say that he's my boyfriend." But there was no response from Bella. Nessie didn't know if her mom heard her response or even knew she had asked a question. Wanting to talk to her mother desperately, she decided to mention her grandfather, hoping to illicit something from her.
"I saw Grandpa Charlie today. He's friends with Jacob's dad. He looks just like I remembered him, except he has gray hair. I want to see him, Mom. I want to know what you think," Nessie said, knowing it was a long shot for her mom to answer.
Her mother didn't respond but rolled over in the bed, turning her back to her daughter.
Nessie sat and cried by her mom's side, wishing she would wake up and magically be cured. Nessie wanted to talk about Charlie and Jacob with her. But most of all, she wanted to hear her name spoken the way that only her mom could say it. Renesmee rolled off her tongue so smoothly and eloquently. Bella used to never call her daughter Nessie; she would only called her by her given name. Bella had despised the nickname the family had given her beautiful daughter but was powerless to stop it, like so many other things in the Cullen household.
Nessie bent down and kissed her mom on the cheek and said, "I love you, Mama." Then, she retreated back to her room, curled up in a ball on her bed, and cried.