Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, songs, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

WARNING: If you are under age, please do not read this chapter. It contains some lemony tidbits.

Chapter 10 - Collide

The world disappeared around us and we were alone, wrapped in each other as our lips molded together, fitting as if they were created to fit no other. In that moment several things clicked into place, making my future seem clear for the short time our lips touched. Edward and Iwere meant to be. Though I'd forgotten him, one look at the photo seemed to seal that fact into my heart. I knew I'd found one piece of my past that was worth trying to remember, and that made the prospects of finding more good memories seem attainable. Maybe there wasn't anything for me to really fear. I decided I would revert to option one, and see where that road would take me.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, securing my body against his. I heard several gasps and murmurs break through our bubble of passion, and I leaned away. Edward's reluctance pushed him forward, refusing to break our bond until I turned my face to take in a breath.

He leaned back to look at me. "I'm sorry, was that out of line?"

I glanced around the room, taking in the shock of those around us, and settled my eyes on his. "No, but I'd like to go somewhere else if you don't mind."

He nodded and stood, pulling me to my feet. After wiping his tear-streaked face and taking a quick glance around, he ordered, "Okay, the show is over. Get back to work." Only it wasn't the stern, authoritative Edward that was speaking. His voice was soft, kind. He turned and motioned for Alice to follow as he pulled me along to his office.

He kept his arm around me as I looked down at the picture still in my hand. I wanted so badly to be that girl, but I didn't know who she was. With a heavy heart I shoved it back into the envelope and stuffed it in my purse.

"Close the door," Edward said as Alice walked in.

She closed the door and turned, with a horrified expression on her face she stammered, "Edward, I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give it to her but…"

He closed the distance between them, grabbing her in his arms and holding her tight. "Thank you, Alice." His words were almost broken. "You saved me."

"What?" she breathed.

He stepped back, his hands on her shoulders, and grinned. "I know I told you to keep out of it, but I'll have to admit, you were right. I should have told her from day one."

Her face lit up. "Oh, my! Can I write this down on the calendar? Say it again."

He sighed. "You were right."

"As always," she giggled, and then turned to me. "I'm so sorry I had to keep this from you, Bella, but it wasn't my place to say anything."

I nodded, "It's okay, I understand."

"Thank you," she beamed before winking at Edward, turning on her heel, and walking out.

When the door closed behind her, Edward turned, hesitating as he slowly made his way to stand before me. He reached up, his hand taking a lifetime to find the skin of my neck, and ran his fingers up and along the side of my face.

"Do you remember anything?" he asked.

I dropped my head. "No," I sighed. "But I want to…so desperately."

He pulled me close, lifting my chin to gaze into my eyes. "I can help you know."

"I know." Looking into the deep depths of green that stared back at me, I had an epiphany. "Wait…" A slow smile spread across my face. "I think I do remember some things. I mean, I didn't want to tell you because I thought you would think I was crazy, but I've been having dreams and visions."

"Really?" His smile matched mine. "Like what?"

"Well, after I started reading…" A light turned on upstairs, another piece of the puzzle clicking into place. "Wait a minute…are you…" I turned to his desk, seeing the manuscript placed neatly where he'd left it the night before. I looked back at him. "You're Ankit aren't you?"

His sexy ass half grin appeared, making my heart squeeze tightly within my chest. "What do you think?"

"I think you are."

He ran his hand through my hair, his eyes burning into mine. "I think you're right."

"So, that explains it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Explains what?"

"Well, I've been having visions of you…a much younger version of you, and I thought it was my imagination. You know, that I was picturing you as Ankit's character, but now I realize…I was remembering."

His eyes widened, and he sucked in a quick breath. "You…you remember?"

"Only bits and pieces, nothing concrete."

"But something is better than nothing. What do you remember?"

"Well…" I pulled away from him and made my way to the sofa, sitting down and crossing my legs.

He followed, sitting next to me.

I turned to face him. "First there was the dream."

"What dream?"

"Well, I had a dream of you and I in the trees, we were…" I stopped.

His mouth popped open, his eyes wide, and he took in a deep breath.

That's when it dawned on me. I couldn't speak. I felt everything I'd believed about myself curl itself up into a crumpled heap and dive into the trash. I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I shook my head.

He reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. "Please tell me."

When I looked up at him, I could barely see through the tears in my eyes.

"No, no, no…" he pulled me against him and rubbed my back. "Don't cry. Tell me what's wrong."

I pushed out of his grip and turned away.

"Don't shut me out. Let me help you."

"You don't understand," I managed through sobs. "Everything I believed about myself is a lie."

"What do you mean?"

I turned to him, wiping the tears from my eyes. "I'm going to ask you a question, and I need you to be honest with me."

"Ask me anything."

I wasn't quite sure how to form my question. If Ankit really was Edward, and I was the girl in his story, then that meant… "Am I a virgin?"

"What?"

"Look. I can't remember anything about my life before I turned seventeen. I haven't given myself to anyone since, and I believe I am a virgin. I want to know right now, and I want you to be honest. My dream, the one where I gave myself to you in the trees, the one I believe is a manifestation of Ankit's story…is it real? Is it a memory?"

I watched as his eyes lit up and he smiled. "So you are remembering…yes, it happened the day you left me, just like in Those Who Wait. The part of the story where you entered my life is written truthfully and in detail through the eyes of Ankit."

"So, I have to remember losing my virginity by…reading it?" A deep seeded heat flared up within my chest, travelled up my neck, and rested on my face. I felt my heart pick up pace and I wanted to scream. "I had to fucking read it!"

His mouth dropped and his eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

I didn't want to hear any excuses. I jumped up and crossed the office to glare out the window at the people below in the streets. How easy it was for them to walk around every day remembering their childhood, their first crush, first kiss, first…fuck! I couldn't remember anything.

I felt Edward's presence before his hands snaked around my waist. He leaned his chin on my shoulder, his cheek resting against mine, and whispered, "It was the very best and worst day of my life. I gave myself to you wholly, and you were taken away, all on the same day. Though being with you was by far the best thing that ever happened to me, that day still haunts me. I'm not sure it is a memory you would really want."

I turned to face him. "You don't think I would want to remember giving myself to you? I can't remember losing my virginity. That is something a woman should never forget. It means so much, Edward. I can't remember my first crush, my first kiss, my fucking first love. Did I love you? Did I ever say it to you? Cause I don't fucking remember!"

He grimaced with my words, and tried to pull me close again.

"No, don't touch me," I stepped to the side, trying to keep a bit of distance between us. "Look. I'm trying really hard here. I want to make this work. Just, give me some time to work through this. It's…it's just hard to accept everything at once. I need time."

"Bella, you can have all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"How can you be so sure? I'm not even sure how I feel about you. I look at the girl in that picture and I don't even know her. I don't know what she was like, or what you saw in her. She's a different person, I'm a different person."

"I'm different too. Can't you see? I don't care about the past. I want you, all of you, just the way you are right now. I want to fill your every missing piece."

I couldn't see that. Not right away. I looked into his eyes and I wanted to believe his words were sincere, but I didn't think I had much to offer him. He deserved someone so much better than me. He shouldn't waste his time trying to fill the holes in my life.

"You deserve so much more," I mumbled.

"No, you deserve more." He looked away from me, out the window.

That was inconceivable. Though I knew he had his own demons to deal with, I also knew he was so much better than me. He had his memories, and he dealt with them. I was too chicken shit to deal with mine. My admiration for him grew as I stared at his profile, the sun shining through the window, glimmering off his skin.

He turned to look at me and I had to avert my eyes. I took a deep breath. "I need to think." Taking the few steps to his desk, I grabbed my purse and the manuscript. "Can I take the day off," I peeked at him, "and read this at home?"

"Of course," he breathed.

"I'll call you," I said as I made my way out.

Walking through the office was nerve-wracking. Every eye was on me, and as I passed Irina, I could feel her eyes burning holes through my body. I wanted to stop, to tell her this was all so sudden for me, that I didn't even know I'd had a past with Edward before today, but I also wanted to throw her the bird and tell her to fuck off. I decided to keep my mouth shut, and I kept walking.

When I got home, I went straight to my room and placed the manuscript on my bedside table. I stared at it for what seemed like forever and decided I wasn't ready to read. Now that I knew the story was about Edward and me, I was afraid, suddenly not quite sure if I really wanted to know what happened after I left.

My purse was still on my shoulder, and it felt heavy, like someone was hanging onto it, pulling me down. I knew why. The picture was begging to be released from its confines. I sat on the bed and crossed my legs, placing my purse in my lap. For the longest time I sat, staring at it. It grew, a giant weight on my legs, pressuring me to face one more look at my past.

My hands shook, making it difficult as I fumbled with the zipper, struggling to pull the metal across when it had always slid so smoothly. Each pop as it let loose its grip seemed to pound in my head like a jackhammer. My purse relaxed against my leg as I released the metal from between my fingers, and the envelope peered up at me like a tiny pup begging to be held.

I took a deep breath and decided to just do it. Reaching in, I grabbed the envelope and pulled it out. I opened it quickly, without thinking too much about what I was doing and, pushing my purse aside, placed the photo on my lap.

I stared down at the couple before me and my heart wrenched painfully in my chest. They were two strangers, people I didn't know at all, but people I wanted so desperately to understand. The young girl's arms were wrapped around the boy, one hand on his lower back and the other a bit higher, holding him as if she would float away if she'd let go. Her head was leaning against his chest, her amorous smile lighting up the photo as dawn breaking through the sky. The boy's arms were wrapped around her shoulders, his head leaning against her hair, his lips pulled back into a grin that would melt a million pounds of chocolate on a winter day. I nearly melted myself, staring into the green pools that looked back at me, as if to say, "This is where you belong, right here in my arms." I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I wanted so badly to be that girl, in that moment, wrapped in the arms of that perfect boy.

Turning to my side table, I opened the drawer and pulled out a small, gold jewelry box I'd placed in there the night before. I hesitated before lifting the lid to peer inside. I looked at the picture, at Edward's hair as it blew in the gentle breeze, and back into the box. I reached in with two fingers to pluck out the wad of Edward's hair I'd saved. Oddly, I'd felt the need to keep it, to store it close to my bed at night, not realizing at the time that subconsciously I probably already knew he was one of the missing pieces of my puzzle.

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until the shrill buzz of my doorbell went off and I nearly fell to the floor. The photo and box were lying on the pillow next to me. I picked them up and placed them neatly on top of the manuscript on the bedside table. Before heading into the living room I glanced at my clock and realized it was seven in the evening. I'd slept the day away.

My impatient visitor pressed the button again, and then two more times, the annoying buzzing sounds irritating me.

"Just a minute!" I yelled, as I fumbled through the locks.

When I opened the door my breath caught in my throat, and the world spun. Edward was standing in the hall, running his fingers nervously through his hair.

"Um…I hope you don't mind, but I had to see you."

The burning hope in his eyes ignited me inside, melting away my doubt just as his eyes had in the photo.

I stepped aside and motioned with my hand for him to enter.

He walked past me, hesitating as I closed and locked the door, then made his way to the middle of my small, untidy living room, and looked around.

"Nice place," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning to look at me.

"It's a piece of shit. I'm only staying here because the rent is cheap."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. I don't like it. I passed two homeless guys and three hookers on my way here." He grinned. "I could find you a better place."

I sighed heavily. "I can't afford a better place.

"Don't worry about rent. I'll take care of it."

"No, I can take care of myself. Besides, I wouldn't be able to pay you back."

"Bella, I would never ask for money from you. You wouldn't owe me a thing."

"I don't want your pity." With that I turned and walked into the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?" I called over my shoulder.

He followed, and when I turned to look at him he was obviously offended. His eyes narrowed, "Why would you assume I pity you?"

"Well, because of all the shit I went through. Though, lucky me, I don't remember any of it."

"Bella, I want to help you because I care about you. I don't want anything in return."

I laughed. "Sure, and when you finally meet the girl of your dreams, how are you going to explain the rent you are paying for me?"

His eyes saddened, and he crossed the distance between us. "The girl of my dreams is standing right here." His hands cupped my face. "Please believe that."

"You deserve so much more," I replied, closing my eyes, hiding them from his intense gaze.

I felt the side of his face against mine, his breath in my ear. "No," he whispered, "I am the one that doesn't deserve you."

His hands ran into my hair, and his lips kissed me just below my ear. A shudder coursed through me as his mouth traveled along my jaw, dotting my face with gentle kisses, until they met my lips. His tongue swept across my bottom lip, his teeth pulling it in to nibble as I opened my mouth to welcome him in. Standing in my kitchen, he lifted me and placed me on the counter, our lips never once breaking contact.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, pulling him close. When I felt his length hard against me, a tingle ran through my body, igniting my senses, setting me on fire. In that moment I realized I didn't need to remember my first time with him, because I could make new memories. This could be the night I would remember as the milestone of losing my virginity. I would willingly give myself to him and mark it down in my memory banks. The decision was made.

I broke our kiss and breathed, "I want you…now."

"Not here," he panted.

"My room." I nodded with my head toward the hallway.

We continued kissing as he lifted me, my legs firmly wrapped around him, and carried me across the apartment to my room. He stumbled over to my bed, gently lowering me onto the mattress. He pulled away to look at me, his eyes desperately trying to convey things I couldn't comprehend.

"I've missed you so much," he nearly choked through his words.

Without responding, I moved my trembling hands to unbutton his shirt, pulling it back and over his shoulders. He unbuttoned mine, pulling it open and closing his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, placing my hand on the side of his face.

He opened his eyes and huffed loudly. "I just don't want you to do anything you are going to regret."

"I could never regret you."

His lips pulled back into a small half grin, and I couldn't take it any longer. I flipped him on his back and crawled over him, pulling my skirt around my waist to straddle him like a beautiful bronco.

He gasped as I pulled off my already unbuttoned shirt and popped open my bra, tossing both to the floor. His pulsing weapon was loaded and ready, my hot spot resting against it. I shifted my hips, rubbing myself against him, feeling him twitch. He moaned and his eyes rolled back.

"Fuck, Bella."

"Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do."

A wicked grin spread across his face and suddenly I was on my back, Edward's hands and lips on my breasts, caressing, kissing, sucking, and I thought I would lose my mind. His hands skillfully removed my skirt and thong, sliding them off without taking his lips from my nipple.

I closed my eyes and arched my back as his tongue circled my summit, sucking it in and tugging lightly. I turned my head to the side and pulled the edge of the pillow over my mouth as I moaned.

Suddenly, the weight of him was gone. I opened my eyes and saw that he'd already removed his clothing. He was kneeling between my legs, taking me in with his eyes.

"Please don't do that," he whispered.

"Do what?"

"Don't cover your face. I want to see you, hear you, feel you."

My eyes wandered down his finely sculptured chest, abs, along the V that pointed to his…oh, my! My heart picked up its pace at the thought of his length fitting into tiny little me. But I knew it had been there before, and I wanted it so badly.

He leaned over, his mouth tracing the inside of my thigh sending shivers up and down my body. Warm and wet, I felt his tongue slide along my pleasure spot, and I moaned, a shudder crawling through me as he worked his magic between my legs. Licking, sucking, caressing, I felt myself coming closer to the edge.

"Fuck! Edward!"

At the sound of his name he groaned, licking his way up my stomach, across my chest, and to my mouth, kissing me with deep desperation.

His cock teased me, rubbing against my spot, torturing me as he shifted his hips again and again.

"Please," I moaned.

"Please what?" he whispered against my lips.

"Fuck me," I groaned.

"Oh, no," he murmured, his lips still touching mine. "I clearly remember saying you were the last woman in the world I would fuck."

"Well then what the fuck…."

"Shhh..." He placed his finger over my lips to silence me. "I said I wouldn't fuck you. Bella, I want to make love to you."

In that moment my body went numb. My arms, which had been wrapped around him, dropped to my sides, and my breath caught. Was I ready for this?

He leaned his forehead against mine and seemed to read my mind. "Isabella Marie Swan, I will not do this if you are not ready. Will you give yourself to me?" He shifted his hips again, giving me the friction my body craved, and I quivered beneath him.

"Yes," I breathed as my trembling hands slid into his hair. I secured his face to mine, attacking him with a fierce kiss, devouring him with my lips.

Without breaking our kiss, he shifted himself, positioning his body for the moment I would lose my virginity…again. He pulled up just a bit, and looked into my eyes.

"Keep your eyes on me, baby."

I nodded, placing my hands on his shoulders.

I felt the tip of his manhood at my entrance, and he pushed forward, easing his way in. Tingles traveled through me, the fire in my center radiating throughout, and I moaned.

His eyes squeezed shut. "Fuuuuuuck," he groaned, pushing until he filled me completely. "Oh, baby you're so tight."

"Is that bad?" I panted.

"Shit, no…but I'm going to cum fast." He held still for a long moment. "I want this to last." He gazed into my eyes and leaned forward to kiss me ever so gently.

I reveled in his lips, his tongue, as they danced with mine in perfect choreography. He shifted his hips, pumping slowly, his body filling and refilling mine over and over again. I ran my hands down his back and grabbed his ass, smiling against his lips when he groaned into my mouth.

The sound of his pleasure brought tingles to my center, and I called out, "Edward!"

He pulled up once again and examined my face as he continued making love to me, watching as I moaned with pleasure as our bodies celebrated in their unity.

In the midst of it all, a vision flashed before my eyes, my young Edward's face appeared, posed above me in the same manner.

"Eddie Bear," I'd whispered.

"Marie," he'd replied, then stated with a quivering bottom lip, "I love you."

I gasped and the vision faded.

Edward was still above me, but he stopped moving, his eyes wide with concern.

"What?" I panted.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

"You…well, you sort of passed out on me for a few seconds." He shifted up a bit more. "We can stop if…"

"No!" I said a little too loudly, embarrassing myself. "I mean, no. I'd like to keep going."

He hesitated, moving out of me a bit.

"I said," I grabbed his ass and shoved him into me hard and fast. I moaned, "Keep going."

He pulled out a bit, then slammed into me.

I groaned in pleasure, and he did it once more.

"Do you like that, baby?"

"Oh, yes!" I cried.

He began pumping hard and fast, making me lose control once again. I screamed his name several times, fisting his hair and pulling hard.

He winced against my pull but grunted with each pump of his hips. The friction between his body and mine created a burning firestorm that consumed me instantly, and I felt myself slipping toward the edge of the precipice, about to fall off.

His eyes darkened and he groaned, "Oh, Bella, cum for me, baby."

I let go, holding my breath as I felt myself explode, my body contracting around him as he filled me with his fluids. We both yelled out each other's name, and moaned as our pleasure reached its limit.

As if he'd been stung by a bee, Edward flipped off of me, landing on his feet beside the bed.

"Shit! Fuck!"

"What?" I asked, eyes wide, scared of his reaction. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" he said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering if he realized sleeping with me was a mistake after all.

Noticing my panic, he crawled back on the bed and pulled me into his arms. "No, no, no. Everything's fine. I just fucking forgot to ask."

"Ask what?"

He looked into my eyes. "Are you on birth control?"

I laughed out loud. "Shit! Is that what this is about?"

His eyebrows pulled together. "This isn't funny," he snapped.

"Edward," I giggled, "I'm a grown woman. Do you really think I would be irresponsible enough to have sex without birth control?"

He looked away. "I thought you said you hadn't slept with anyone."

"I haven't, but I have been on birth control since I can remember. It's just a precaution, plus it regulates my periods."

"Oh." He looked back at me, worry and doubt still written on his face.

Though I'd slept most of the day, I was exhausted. "Come on grumpy, let's get some sleep." I pulled him down next to me and wrapped myself around him, reaching over to drag the blanket over us.

I leaned my head against his chest, and he kissed my hair.

"Good night, Bella," he murmured against the top of my head.

"Good night," I mumbled, sleep gripping me the instant my eyes closed.

I wasn't sure if I was dreaming. I'd had a dreamless sleep up until I heard a guitar playing. Did I leave the radio on? My eyes slid open. Glazed over with sleep, I could vaguely see my empty guitar stand in the corner of the room. Who's playing my guitar?

Memories of the night before flooded my mind. Shit! Edward! I rolled over and found him standing next to the bed, naked, with my guitar in his hands. He gazed down at me, playing a familiar tune by Howie Day, and started to sing.

"The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you…yeah"

I sat up, moving to the edge of the bed, practically between his legs, and gazed up at him as he continued.

"I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide."

I thought about his words as he continued playing, gazing into my eyes as if he was trying to convey something vital. I stood, standing so close his fingers nearly brushed against my skin as he played.

He took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find you and I collide.

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind."

As he played, I kept my eyes on his, his gaze never faltering, his concentration never slipping, as he continued to seal my heart within his through his words. They rang so true. With all the shit we'd both been through, and were still going through, we ended up colliding, and I didn't want that bond to ever break.

"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide
You finally find you and I collide."

At that moment I realized I wanted it to work, and I would do whatever it takes to make him happy. With the last strum of the guitar, he pulled it off and reached around me to place it gently on the bed.

He looked at me and grinned. "Good morning."

Before he could take his next breath, my mouth found his.