JE owns her characters, I'm just playing with them. ~ Maia
When I opened my eyes the next day I felt rested, relaxed and incredible sexy. Nothing smoothed out the wrinkles like a good night of hard-core passion. And that's exactly how Ranger and I had spent ours.
We'd made love twice before falling asleep in each other's arms. Then at some point during our first "nap" Ranger delighted me by waking my sleeping body with a caress that bordered on sinful.
My toes had curled inward after that lovemaking session, and my sex god? He'd been completely depleted of all energy, so we'd passed out again. This time the nap lasting a little bit longer.
At a quarter to dawn I'd rolled over, turned towards Ranger and watched him sleep. He looked so calm and peaceful, like a child who'd had a truly wonderful and tiring day.
My heart which was newly filled with love for this man, ached a little all over again when I thought of all the pain we'd put each other through. I prayed that we wouldn't destroy what we'd just started to repair, but knowing the two of us I wasn't going to hold my breath.
He must have sensed me watching him, because he hadn't even batted an eyelash when he whispered, "Why are you watching me?"
"Because I can," I replied. He opened his gorgeous brown eyes, smiled at me sleepily then shifted into my arms.
That'd been the last time we'd made love.
Glancing over at Ranger's empty pillow, I frowned, but only momentarily. He wasn't in bed with me, but I knew he wasn't gone. I could smell coffee brewing and hear Ranger rustling about in the kitchen.
Not wanting to spoil whatever he had in store for me, I laid in bed patiently, reveling in the beautiful aftermath we'd created. My body was humming, certain other parts tingling. You know you've been loved good when you don't want to move. And considering how I felt? I could've stayed in bed for a week.
Smiling up at the ceiling, and feeling like a love-sick fool, I stretched out across the bed, kicked back the messy covers and thought only of Ranger.
The way we'd been together the night before had been glorious and left my heart flip-flopping in my chest. This was almost like falling in love again. Almost.
Ten minutes later I heard Ranger's quiet footsteps on the stairs and pushed myself up in bed. He appeared with a tray full of goodies and a smile on his face. I'd never seen him smile so much in all of our time together.
Look at him, I thought, he looks as goofy as I feel.
"You've certainly been busy this morning."
He set the tray down on the nightstand, slipped out of his pants then bent to thoroughly kiss me. "Good morning."
"Mm…" I said licking my lips. "Hello to you too. You taste wonderful."
"I've been sampling." I glanced over at the tray, my interest piqued and stomach rumbling.
"You haven't cooked for me since that first year we were married."
He poured me a cup of coffee and grinned. "I haven't cooked anything since that first year we were married." He handed me my coffee, took my free hand and kissed the tips of my fingers. "Just the way you like it."
"In bed." He winked at me. I took a sip of coffee, moaned with delight and closed my eyes. "You didn't get this from my kitchen."
"I went out for a few things this morning."
"How thoughtful."
Sliding under the sheets next to me, he reached for the tray and placed it out in front of us. "I've got strawberries, blueberries, grapes and fresh melon." He picked up a carefully sliced piece of strawberry and placed it on my tongue.
Loving him for the effort, I leaned in and kissed him deeply. When I moved away his eyes had darkened. "Keep that up and we won't make it to the main course."
"Baby, you are the main course." I could tell he was having a hard time not ravaging me, so I turned back to the food, hoping to distract him. "You made french toast!"
"Your favorite."
"Oh, I love french toast." He'd even sprinkled them with powdered sugar and deposited a hefty dollop of butter on top. "You're going to spoil me."
"You can't eat twigs and berries all your life."
"Keeps me in shape and thin."
"You're beautiful without all the granola and grass you feed yourself."
I ran my fingers through his hair then kissed his shoulder. "This coming from a man who eats healthier than I do."
"Only four days a week now."
"Wow. What a sacrifice." He grinned then slipped the single red rose out of the vase on the tray and gave it to me. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he replied settling back against the pillow with the bowl of fruit, feeding me a piece again as he did.
"We can't stay in bed all day."
"We can certainly try." I giggled then reached for the paper he'd tucked under the tray.
"Not yet." He said grabbing my hand and moving the paper out of reach. "Let's not go there yet."
Looking over at the folded paper, I frowned. "It's bad isn't it?"
"Not really." I wanted to see the front page, but pushed all thoughts of it out of my head.
Ranger was right. I felt good right now. Why bring the reality of yesterday down upon our romantic interlude before we really needed to. There was plenty of time to worry about the two homicides, later.
"What are your plans for the day?" He glanced over at me.
"I have some business that needs tending to."
"And?"
"What?"
"Are you going to share?"
"Why?"
"Because that's generally what married couples do."
He gazed at me over his coffee cup then placed it on the nightstand. "What are your plans for the day?" Shit.
"Lose your tail, follow up on some stuff I've got on the line." He smiled.
"Why do you feel the need to lose me?" I stared at him, dumbfounded.
"You've asked two questions now without answering mine."
He turned his attention to the French toast and poured syrup all over them. After cutting out a huge bite, he turned to me and grinned. "Eat."
I took a bite, chewing slowly and savoring. Ranger really is a good cook. It's unfortunate that his sexy body only knows the ingredients to master two dishes, one of them requiring an open fire pit for the right results.
Grabbing a napkin and swallowing, I frowned. "Your French toast won't pacify me. You're not getting out of this that easily, bud."
"Funny that you should mention us being a married couple..."
I stared at him. "We are, aren't we?"
"I don't know," he replied quietly as he reached for my napkin, spreading it on my lap. "Are we?" Our eyes connected and I felt my back stiffen.
"I hate when you answer one of my questions with another question." He grinned at me. "What's your point?"
"Is one night going to change your mind?"
"About what?"
He reached for his coffee cup. "The divorce you've requested." This was said simply, with loads of patience and probably a lot of planning.
Feeling his hawk eyes watching me closely, I knew that Ranger waited, anticipating the usual change in my mood.
I didn't know what to say, and I felt stupid for it. My thoughts upon waking that morning were of reconciliation. I'd honestly started thinking about – big emphasis on the started – burning the papers downstairs and working on forgiving Ranger. Now as he looked at me, I wasn't so sure that would be a smart move.
Coming to the conclusion that one night generally wasn't supposed to settle something this serious, I shifted gears, but my heart didn't feel good about turning Ranger away.
Reaching for the bowl of fruit and a fork, I sighed softly. "You're good, but you're not that good."
He was holding his coffee cup in his hands, in his lap. His eyes were fixed on my face as he waited for my answer. And when it came, his eyes dropped, gazing into that coffee with an expression of torment.
"Just tell me this is a start, Rachel… please."
"I have divorce papers drawn up, Ranger."
"So? I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?" It did, and I wanted to tell him so, but my ego kept the words inside.
"I wish a simple 'I love you' could cure this." He sighed heavily and looked away. "Would you rather I lied?"
"No, damnit. I want you to be honest with me. But you've got to know this is killing me!"
"And you think all of this has been easy on me?" I stared at him a moment while he said nothing. "When we got married I never imagined us being where we are right now. Our vows never mentioned spending seven years apart while our egos fought against each other."
"I remember us telling each other for better or worse," he said matter-of-factly. "And I can't imagine things getting much worse than they are right now." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the pillows. We could go on and on, neither of us ever really gaining any ground. Hadn't we been doing it for years?
"Look," I said turning to him. "I'm not going to pretend that last night meant nothing to me."
"Good."
"Because it did mean something," I said taking his hand mine. "It meant a lot, bud. But, let's be honest… one night is not going to fix all of this." He shook his head, looked away. "We've always been good together in bed, Ranger. You're the only one who can touch me and make my body come alive the way it does."
"I'm not going to walk away quietly. I won't let you go without a fight." Pretty sure I already knew that.
"Tell me something, why did it take those papers to get us where we are right now?"
He shook his head. "I don't know, but they were a big enough wake up call for me." I smiled. "I don't want to lose you."
"You've been living your life like I don't exist for years. Why the change now?"
"You're assuming I have."
I knew I could push the Stephanie issue, but didn't want to go there. Not right now. Bringing his relationship with her into our bed would only taint everything we'd shared, and I wasn't a fool. I knew it was possible we were taking a step in the right direction. I just wasn't ready to admit that all was forgotten and forgiven. I wasn't made of the stuff that could.
A little while later I stood under the jets in the shower going over our conversation again.
I knew he loved me, even knew that nothing or no one held a candle to that love.
So what was my hang up?
Part of it was because while he claimed to love me so completely, he betrayed me without a single thought.
I'd been faithful. It didn't matter that he'd been thousands of miles away. I'd been approached and had turned down countless offers from all kinds of men. Why hadn't he done the same? When put in the same position, why hadn't my husband stayed true to me? Was the problem one he found in me, himself or just our relationship?
I turned when I heard the shower doors open, relaxed against him when his arms came around me.
Oh God, I love this man, loved him like I loved no other.
Why couldn't I just forgive and forget? Why was it so easy for me to open the doors to my bedroom when I was still harboring so much resentment? I couldn't be intimate with Ranger without tripping over my emotions.
And as long as I was dealing with this emotionally, I'd never logically find the right answer…