Allan was dreaming.
He was riding a horse, following Gisborne in the forest, and his heart was divided: Giz wanted him to show the way to the outlaw's camp and Allan didn't want to disappoint him, but he also didn't want to betray his friends.
The forest was beautiful, the leaves of the trees were dark green and the branches formed a sort of roof, a promise of shelter, almost a home. Allan wanted to go back to that simple life between his friends, but at the same time he didn't want to lose the power and the safety that Gisborne could give to him. He didn't want to be cold or hungry, he didn't want to risk being hanged: he had been on the scaffold once, and it was enough.
I must advance.
I should go back.
Then Gisborne turned to look at him, giving him an unusual pleading look.
"Allan, don't betray me. Please, Allan."
The young man woke up with a jump, and at first he thought that night had fallen while they were riding because he couldn't see anything, then, after a moment he remembered that he was blind.
He sighed, dispirited.
When he dreamed, he could still see, and some mornings it was harder to realize that his sight had been damaged during the siege. Gisborne had told him that maybe Matilda had a cure for him, but Allan didn't believe it. Or at least he didn't want to.
He had resigned himself to his fate and it had been very hard, he couldn't bear to have his hopes crushed again.
But not everything of his dream had faded away: he wasn't alone. He could hear Gisborne breathing slowly not far from him, still asleep.
Allan remembered how the knight had asked him to go to the camp with him, almost pleading him, and he smiled, even if he was still feeling uncertain about it.
What if the others decided to send him away? What if they still hated him for his betrayal?
Robin once had menaced to kill him if he dared to show his face at the camp again, and Allan shivered, remembering the cold blade of his dagger pressed against his throat.
But Robin was ill, unable to menace him again, and half of the gang had died in the siege.
Much and Will…
Will had been his friend, almost a younger brother, and Allan had missed his friendship. He had hoped that they could be friends again someday, but now this wasn't going to happen. And Much…
He was always discussing with him, always bickering about stupid things, and they used to spend more time fighting than actually being friends, but still it was absurd to think him dead.
Unbelievable, as Much himself would have exclaimed, outraged.
Allan found himself crying, and after a moment, Gisborne turned, pushing away his blanket, probably awakened by Allan's sobs.
"Allan?" He mumbled sleepily, "Are you alright?"
The young man stood up abruptly, turning his back to Gisborne's voice to hide his tears.
"I need to piss," he muttered, taking a step forward, and he heard Guy getting up too.
"Do you… do you need help?" He asked, awkwardly.
"I'm blind, not a helpless idiot!" Allan blurted, suddenly angry, walking away, his hands in front of him to feel if there were bushes or trees in his way.
Gisborne didn't follow him.
Allan kept walking for a while, until he was sure he was far enough, then he found a tree and he began unlacing his breeches to relieve himself against its trunk.
He felt a little guilty for lashing out at Gisborne like that. After all the knight was only trying to offer his help, but Allan already hated his condition, he couldn't accept the humiliation of having to be helped even to pee.
Still, it wasn't Guy's fault if he had been wounded. Actually, the knight had acted bravely during the siege, trying to save the town and the people in it.
Allan sighed, turning to go back and reach Gisborne to apologize. He walked for a few steps, before realizing that maybe he had walked too far away, and that he wasn't sure to be able to find the way back.
"Very well. We were already lost, and now I'm even more lost..."

Guy didn't move when Allan walked away. He felt his cheeks growing hot, and he knew that he was blushing after Allan's harsh words.
He knew even too well how humiliating was being ill and not being able even to attend to one's own needs without help. The memory of Matilda changing the wet straw of his bed made him blush even more.
He thought that his stupid, awkward words had hurt Allan's feelings and that maybe he wouldn't want to come to the camp with him anymore, now.
Guy waited for a while to be sure that Allan had finished, then he began to follow him, determined to apologize.
He didn't see Allan nearby, and he was beginning to worry, afraid that he could have wandered too far in the forest and got lost, when he heard a blood-curdling cry.
It wasn't Allan, it was the voice of a woman, but just a moment after, Guy heard Allan's frightened voice, asking what had happened. He ran in that direction, and he saw his friend after a while: Allan was standing near a tree, and he was turning his head around, trying to understand who had cried.
He heard Guy's steps, and turned towards him.
"Who's there?!"
"It's me Allan. Who cried?"
"Giz! You came! I don't know who it was, it came from there, I think."
Allan pointed in a direction, and Guy saw only bushes at first, then he spotted a small figure lying on the ground, half hidden by the undergrowth. He hurried there, and he lifted the unconscious woman in his arms.
"It's Djaq!"
"Djaq? Really? What happened to her? Why was she crying like that?"
Guy looked at the girl, she didn't seem wounded or ill, just in a swoon.
"I think that she has seen you. She must have thought that you were a ghost or something like that."
They both turned, hearing a rustling in the bushes. Guy's instinct told him to unsheathe his sword, but he couldn't because he was holding Djaq.
Instead, he got closer to Allan, putting himself in front of him, ready to protect both the young man and the girl, somehow.
Luckily, he didn't need any weapon, because it was Matilda who burst out from the bushes.
"Djaq!" She cried, then she looked at Gisborne. "Oh! Guy! Here you are, my boy! I was so worried! We've been searching for you all night! But what happened to her? Put her on the ground, let me see."
Guy looked at the healer, surprised by her words, and he obeyed, making Djaq lie on the grass.
When he bent to put the girl down, Matilda saw Allan behind him, and she stared at him, petrified.
"He was dead!" She exclaimed, in shock. "I'm sure he was dead! I've seen his body!"
"Surprise!" Allan said, with a half grin.
Matilda approached to look at him, and she touched his face, still incredulous.
"No, you're not a ghost, but now I can see why she fainted." Matilda touched Djaq's forehead, then she glanced at the two men. "You'll explain me everything, but first we should get her warm. She was already exhausted, the shock must have been too much for her."
"We have a fire going, and blankets, not far from here." Guy said, trying to be helpful.
"Very well, carry her there. I'll take care of her, and then we can talk."

Matilda wrapped a warm blanket around Djaq's body, and she gently patted her face, until the girl began to wake up.
"Matilda..." She said weakly. "I've seen..."
"I know what you have seen, and it wasn't a ghost, my child. It really was Allan, but now be quiet, you need to recover a little."
"Allan… alive?"
"Alive. I know, I know, my dear, it seems impossible, but it's true."
The girl began crying. She tried to wipe away her tears, and the healer caressed her forehead, gently.
"It's alright, child, don't be ashamed of your tears, it's normal to weep for the ones you love. Drink this now, it will make you sleep for a while. After some rest you'll feel much better, I promise."
She put a flask to her lips, and Djaq obeyed, swallowing the bitter remedy, then she slipped into a deep sleep and Matilda went to reach Guy and Allan near the fire.
The both looked worried and a little upset.
"Will she be alright?" Allan asked. "I never meant to give her a scare!"
Matilda sighed.
"She'll recover, don't worry. But I can't say if she'll be alright. She's a brave girl, but she is suffering a lot. She hid her pain and worked hard, even too hard, to help the others, but I know that the wounds of her soul are still raw. Who knows? Maybe she needed this shock to vent her pain. Today is the first time I've seen her weeping openly since the siege." The healer turned to look at Guy. "That's why you didn't come back to the camp? We were all worried."
"Not everyone, I bet." Guy said, with an ironic grin to hide that he was moved to hear that some of them could actually worry for him.
Matilda grinned back.
"Well, Little John was worried that you had betrayed us, so for a reason or another we were all worried. I'm glad to see that you are fine, and that your hunt had been a success," she added, glancing at the boar on the cart. "What else did you find?"
"My clothes and some pots for the camp. I thought you could use some of them to prepare your remedies."
"And a pretty shield, I see." Matilda laughed to see that Guy had blushed. "Not really useful, but I understand why you wanted it, it's a piece of home, isn't it?" She turned to Allan. "What about you? You can't see, this is clear, but do you have any other ailments?"
Allan shook his head.
"I feel well enough. Sometimes my head aches, but it doesn't happen often now."
The healer touched his head gently, checking him carefully.
"Can you see shadows and lights?"
"No. Nothing at all."
"Matilda, can you cure him?" Guy asked.
"There is nothing I can do. He could get his eyesight back someday, I've heard that it could happen, but I know no remedy that could help. It's already a miracle that he's alive."
The woman looked at the two men, and she was surprised to see that Guy looked more upset than Allan because of her words.
He claims that he forgot how to feel, but that's clearly not true.
Matilda looked at Guy, so disappointed in his hopes, at Allan, lost in the darkness and trying to be brave and at Djaq, sleeping like a child, with her cheeks still wet with tears. She felt a sudden fondness for them all, a desire to soothe their pain and protect them from further harm, a feeling similar to the tenderness she felt for Rosa.
My children. My lost, broken children.
"I wonder if Marian is alright. She was upset yesterday..."
Matilda looked at Allan, a little surprised that this concern came from the young man instead of Guy.
Gisborne said nothing, staring at the flames, and the healer wondered what changed in a single night.
"Marian is a strong girl, she never gave up even in the most difficult moments. Now let's have some breakfast, then we'll have to take Djaq back to the camp and see that she can rest and recover. After we do this, we'll search for Marian if she doesn't show up on her own."