Big thanks goes out to my friend Lbug84 for being an awesome beta and an awesome writer. You all must check out her Fics. Blend is really awesome if you like a modern story of substance with Smut, Unalaska is a super awesome historical fic. Read them all!
Acedia (Latin, acedia) (from Greek ακηδία) is the neglect to take care of something that one should do. It is translated to listlessness; depression without joy.
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Katniss's pov
"Who are you and what have you done with Peeta Mellark?" The man in the too stylish grey suite says. Peeta is as stiff as a board.
"Cato. I wasn't expecting you."
"What are you holding? A bucket full of mice?"
"They're kittens."
"Is that supposed to be different?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to haul you back into the office. Everyone's got separation anxiety. The investors want to their confidence restored."
"I'm a little busy."
"What? Playing Doctor Dolittle?"
"No, I-" I don't know what prompts me to do it but I take a step forward and put my hand on Peeta's back for support. I don't like whoever this guy is. I don't like how he talks to Peeta. Peeta looks over at me before looking back at Cato.
"I've taken a leave of absence. You know that."
Cato takes me in for the first time. I watch his eyes run down my body and then back up and stay at my tits.
"Can't you bring your leave of absence into the office with you?"
I stiffen at his insinuation. So does Peeta.
"You can tell the investors the truth. I'm taking a leave of absence."
"They're getting nervous, Peet. We just need you to come for a few meetings and assure them that you're not abandoning the company." Finn says in a much kinder tone than Cato.
"Why can't you do it?"
"My name isn't Peeta Mellark. I'm not CEO of Mellark industries."
"I'm busy. Find a way to cover for me." Peeta walks past them and moves to his car. My eyes flicker over to Finn. He's rubbing his forehead. I walk past him and I don't say anything.
"If you keep walking you might as well sign your chapter 11 forms."
"Bankrupted the company in two months? That's got to be a record even for you, Cato." Peeta balances the kittens in one arm as he gets into the passenger seat. I get in also.
"Peet-"
"Just drive."
So I do.
We don't talk about the altercation at his house. By the time we get back to the farm all Peeta can talk about is the kittens. He makes for a pretty damn adorable sight if I do say so myself. Peeta on the mud room floor with three kittens climbing all over him was great to see. Something about them brought out the little kid in Peeta. His eyes lost some of that sharpness that comes from years of cynicism. In just hours these little buggers have managed to erase all signs of the critic in him. I snapped a couple pictures on my Iphone. Too damn cute.
"I'm going to name this one little Peeta." He says holding up the white one.
I laugh. "Why little Peeta?"
"Cause he loves to snuggle."
"I think we should name him Dixie."
"Dixie?"
"He's got a lot of heart."
"But it doesn't have the same ring to it." He holds up the kitten. "Isn't that right little Peeta?"
"Do you want to talk about this morning?" I ask.
"Not even a little bit."
"I think we should."
"There's nothing to talk about. That's not my life anymore."
"I think that's a little extreme. Why do you need to give up your old life in its entirety just to live this one?"
"Isn't that a hypocritical question coming from you?" I stiffen. "Shit Katniss, I'm sorry. That wasn't fair."
I get up. "I'm going to get the kittens some litter. I'll be back in a minute."
"Kat-" I was already out of the room. I see buttercup coming down the hall. He meows and trots over to me. When he smells my hands he lets out a big hiss, probably from smelling the other kittens.
"Gee, thanks. I guess I'm getting it from all sides today."
He runs off. I collect the necessary supplies and go back into the mudroom. Peeta is standing up now still holding the little white kitten.
"Finn just called me again. I'm just going to go in for a couple meetings."
"What made you change your mind?"
"There are two thousand people with jobs on the line if I don't show."
I nod. "That's a good reason to go."
"I'm sorry about that comment before. That wasn't fair of me."
"No worries."
He walks over and gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I'm going to head out. I'll see you in a few days. Take care of little Peeta while I'm gone."
"Of course. I'll let him snuggle against my chest."
"I'm sure he'll love that."
"I'm sure."
"So we're okay?"
"More than fine."
"You're sure?"
"Peeta go save those people their jobs."
He smiles and gives me a quick kiss before heading out the back door.
Peeta's pov
"What a train wreck." I mutter. I'm sitting at my desk. I can't see the door over the mountain of paperwork on my desk. I'm freshly shaven and have on one of my custom suits. I've never felt less like myself. This thought surprises me. What does it say about a person when they spend a half a decade building themselves into someone they don't recognize? Now isn't the time to be philosophical, I think, as I grab the first large stack of papers.
As I run through the numbers its becoming more and more clear to me that something's not adding up. How does a Fortune 500 company go from being so successful to in such financial crisis in a matter of weeks? My guts telling me it's foul play. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. If it's foul play I'll have to look internally at whose been making the decisions. I pull open every file, look at all previous earnings and compare it with current cash flow and future projections. The bitter taste in my mouth leaves me down right nauseous when I realize I won't be getting to the bottom of this for at least a few more days. What I need to do and what I want to do have never been further from each other.
Over the next week I don't leave my desk. Katniss and I facetime occasionally. She puts the kittens on and she holds up little Peeta and has him wave his little paw at me. It's a nice break from the hell at the office but once she hangs up I feel just as miserable as ever. I'm on day 9 of being away from the farm when I get a text from Katniss. I hadn't even bothered going back to my apartment last night, I just slept on the couch in my office.
Kat: Little Peeta isn't doing so good. I'm going to take him into the vet.
I text her back.
Me: What's wrong with him?
Kat: He hasn't been eating well. Today he's not eating at all.
Me: Definitely take him in. Get him whatever he needs. Little Peeta needs to thrive.
Kat: Lol
I don't hear back from her after that. I go back to work. It occurs to me as I reach the bottom of the pile of papers that Cato has had a lot of shitty properties with much higher then usual earnings. I get that feeling again and decide to call him into my office. To say it doesn't go well is an understatement.
"Mind explaining to me how you managed to invest 100 million into a sinking portfolio?"
"Sure. You weren't around and the big decisions needed to be made. So I manned up."
"Did you do any due diligence on this? I mean looking at the credit ratings on these vendors. I don't understand you. It's like you-" I stop as I flip through the last sheet. Every one of these properties has something in common. I hadn't been able to put my finger on it but that when I realized it. "Are you getting kick backs for buying undesirable property?" It all makes sense now, the properties in the portfolio were originally owned by our biggest competitor, even though different realtors had sold them.
"Must be a coincidence."
"Cato, I trusted you with this. Jobs are on the line."
"Trust? You want to talk about trust for a minute here? I don't even recognize you anymore." I stiffen. I shouldn't let him get to me but he means the comment as an insult. It mirrors too closely to Katniss' words to me the other day. "Why do you need to give up your old life in its entirety just to live this one?"
"You used to have plans for this place. You wanted to be the next Google or Redstone or Microsoft and suddenly you just don't show up one day. Finnick tells everyone your taking a leave of absence and everyone goes crazy. Well I came in to save your ass. So the market turned on a few projects it'd have been a lot worse if-"
"They offered you a job, didn't they? Get rid of their baggage and come and run a thriving company."
"Yeah they offered me a job and I'm not stupid enough to worry about some shit like loyalty to get in my way."
"Why wouldn't you just try to take this company? I wasn't around like you said. I'm a lot more successful then Related Realty is. Why not keep a thriving portfolio?"
Cato's jaw goes stiff. Then I answer my own question. It all makes sense now, Finn coming to get me, the board demanding to see me.
"You tried and the board didn't go for it."
"No they didn't. Why would they though? When there's a chance that the boy with the golden fingers might come bounding through the doors at any minute."
"I thought we were friends…"
"Friends? Friends? A friend doesn't leave a friend behind. You just picked up and left to be some dirt eating do-gooder who licks chicken shit to pass the time. You're not my friend. I don't even know who the hell you are."
" I'm still me that's never changed."
"And tell us Peeta who are you? Honestly, I think you've had your head buried to far up your little farm girls pussy."
"Don't talk about her like that."
"You don't even realize it. That's whats so fucking sad. There is no Peeta Mellark. He goes from person to person looking for someone to love and accept him. The problem is that you get up and leave because at the end of the day you're a hollow shell. You change your stripes by the weather. Milionaire CEO turns into crunchy chicken farmer in a matter of hours. That's not normal and I don't need to be a part of your shit anymore."
"Cato, I believe you're fired."
"You can't fire me any more then you can blame a sailor for jumping off a sinking ship. Because that's what you've got yourself here and you know what I'm gonna laugh while I have fun watching you drown."
"Good luck in your new job. They'll need it. Get the fuck out of my office."
Cato sneered and got up knocking over the chair with his free hand.
"I left the chapter 7 forms on your desk for you. Figured you might need them."
"Thanks for the consideration. I was looking for something to wipe my ass with."
Cato slams the door on his way out. I lean back in my chair and pinch the bridge of my nose. I'm surprised. I feel embarrassment more then anything. I trusted someone and he betrayed me. The worst part is in some ways he was right. About me, I mean.
"Peet, You ready?" Finns head pops through the door. Right, the investors.
"Yeah. I'm coming."
Katniss' pov
"So there's nothing you can do?"
"Well he'll get the three doses of the antibiotics. That'll rule out that its not intestinal parasites."
"Right but what about all the other thousands of things it could possibly be?"
"Well he needs to gain weight so the Nutri cal gel should help, some people use the chicken baby food, they seem to like that."
"I told you I tried everything He doesn't want to eat."
The vet has the audacity to shrug at me. Like I'm some nervous parent, not an animal expert in my own right. Like I don't know she's half assing this assessment.
"Bring him back on Thursday if he doesn't get better."
I leave the vet. I'm less then enthused. I have the little white kitten tucked in a towel. He's pitifully skinny and looks like he hasn't eaten in weeks compared to the less then 48 hours it's actually been. I take out my phone and dial Peeta. He doesn't answer. I look down at the phone and I stop. The first person I call is Peeta? When did that happen? It's always been Annie or Jo or Rue, how did Peeta pop into my head as the one to call?
"I'm losing my mind, little cat." I say to Little Peeta. Dammit. I should have insisted on Dixie.
"Dixie. Because that's your actual name." The kitten lets out a weak little meow in resignation. Great even he thinks his name is little Peeta. "Come on. Let's get you home so we can squirt some calories down your throat."
"Katniss, You really need to go."
"I don't feel right about leaving him." I hold Little Peeta- Dixie, Dammit- in my lap. He barely moves. He is content to take on the consistency of a wet noodle as he allows me to bend and move him. He never puts up a fight. When his brothers jump around and play all he does is watch with heavily hooded eyes.
"It's less then 24 hours and if we can get these people to be patrons of the farm our fundraising quota would be set for the next five years! You can't pass that up."
Rue says. Sometimes I think she's the adult between the two of us and I'm the moody teenager. And by sometimes, I mean most of the time.
"You're right. But call me if anything changes. And I mean anything. San Francisco isn't too far I can easily jump a plane back."
"I know. I know. Now go before you miss your flight."
I call Peeta while I'm in the airport. I haven't spoken to him for a few days. I'm reluctant to say I miss him but not admitting it isn't going to change how I feel so why lie. I miss him. A lot. I hope he's all right. I still didn't like the way we had left things off the last time we saw each other even if we had talked since then. There's no better way to get over an argument like make up sex. Gale had taught me that. I feel a large pang of guilt as I think about Gale but I shake it off. Now's not the time. Peeta doesn't pick up. Again. That's three times now. Three times that I've called him on different days and he hasn't picked up.
The flight over feels long for how actually short it is. I touch down in San Francisco disappointed that the clouds block my view of the Golden Gate Bridge. A man in a suit picks me up at baggage claim. His Ipad has my name written across it. We drive to my hotel. I settle into my nondescript hotel room. It's nice. Bed, bathroom, closet. I get ready for bed. I try Peeta one more time. He doesn't pick up. It's after eleven. I roll my eyes. I try not to get angry. Try being the key word there. I call Rue instead on facetime.
"Hi!" Her face pops up on the screen a few seconds before her voice comes through.
"Hey yourself, how are the boys?"
"Lets go check in on them." I watch the camera as Rue bobs down the steps and heads to the mudroom. "Hey babies!" Rue squeals to them. The two rambunctious ones are running around her feet. Dixie is hunched over his water bowl, wide eyed and staring.
"What's wrong, Dix-" Suddenly Dixie starts to vomit. Bad. Kittens that age shouldn't vomit like that. Something's wrong. "OmygodKat, whatdoido?" Rue says. Her voice has gotten shrill. Shit. Shit. Of course this happens the one day I go out of town.
"Okay, call Susan. She's on call. She was supposed to come in the morning to check them out." I see Rue pick up the house phone and call Susan, our farm vet.
"No answer!"
"Screw this, I'm calling the pet ambulance."
"Well what do I do in the meantime?"
"Take the eyedropper and give him some warm water through the side of his mouth. Let his stomach settle, then call Johanna. She can help you."
"Okay."
"I'm calling the pet ambulance."
I call the ambulance they pick up at the first ring.
"Hello, I need you to pick up a kitten. He's five weeks vomiting has already lost a significant amount of weight. I suspect an umbilical hernia that is creating an irritation or blockage of the intestines."
"Where are you located?"
"We're off the district 12 service road. Make a right up Hidden Road."
"You're outside our service limits."
"I'll accept the extra charge."
"Not an option ma'am. Your animal is not a candidate at this time."
"Then what do you expect me to do?"
"Go to the Heart Keeper Farm and Animal Rescue. The owner there knows a lot about animals maybe she can help you."
"I am the owner!"
"Oh. So what do you need us for?"
"I'm away and I'm still not a vet."
"You're not a vet."
"No! Now can you put me in touch with someone who can help me or not?"
"Sorry ma'am. Have a good night."
"Fine." I hang up the phone and throw it onto the hotel room bed. I call Rue again. She has Johanna there and hopefully they've calmed the kitten down.
"What's the update?"
"He just threw up again." Johanna says. She has a frown on her face.
"God dammit."
"Relax, I'm going to try a little less food and just straight up formula this next round. He's sleeping right now so he's okay."
"Alright. If he starts having trouble breathing rub his chest bone."
"I will."
I fight with myself about whether or not I should call Peeta again. It's close to one. How badly do I need him? He's probably working hard. Maybe I'll send him a text.
K: Hey it's me. Little Peeta isn't doing so hot.
No response. None. He better have lost his phone. I must fall asleep for an hour or so because the phone wakes me. It's Johanna. Hopefully Rue is asleep by now.
"Hey."
"Hey." I say.
"I'm sorry, Kat. He just couldn't keep anything down."
"So he-"
"Yeah sweetie. It's over."
"Right."
I hang up and text Peeta.
K: Little Peeta died. Just letting you know.
I shut off my phone.
I drive home in a daze. I have no recollection of the plane ride and I don't know if we secured the funding for the farm. I've been well, numb. The news hasn't sunk in yet. I don't want to go home. I don't want it to be real. When I pull off the highway for my exit I stop off on the side of the road and park my truck. I grab my shuffle and my sneakers out of my bag. I start to run. The Heart of Dixie is playing on repeat. Somehow I find it more then appropriate. I keep running. Hours must go by. I watch the sunrise and move in the sky. I don't want to stop running. At some point I'm forced to in order to catch my breath.
A car pulls over behind me. The engine cuts and instinctively I know who it is. I contemplate running again.
"Katniss."
I turn around. I see Peeta. He's still in his suit. His hair is a mess.
"What are you doing here?"
"You didn't pick up your phone?"
"I shut it off this morning. Where were you this past week."
"I…I'm so sorry Katniss. About not calling, about Little Peeta-"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay."
"Get everything done you needed to?"
"Well…."
I smile. There's no humor or happiness in it.
"Just save it. Listen I get it. You need to do this. But I don't do this. So, I think It's for the best if we just…." Why are the words so hard to get out? "You know, cut our losses."
"Kat, Please don't do this. It's just a small setback. You don't understand work is insane. Cato he totally-"
" I do understand. Better than you know. I've been here before. I've been with Gale with working too much, this is how it starts, and I can never go back to that."
"Please, Kat. Just please, no-"
"Good bye, Peeta."
I walk away. Every step I take hurts my heart that much more. Luckily I'm already numb so it's nothing I can't handle. I get to my car and drive the rest of the way to the farm. He doesn't follow me. I drop my keys on the counter and open the door to the mudroom. The two surviving kittens run over to me. I pick up the tuxedo colored one and hug him to my chest.
Then I cry.
I cry for a long time.
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