X.

"Either put your head in, or stay out, bastard."

Sanji stared down at Zoro's ass disapprovingly. It really was too early for this kind of shit, even if they were only an hour or so away from lunch. For some reason, while Sanji was cleaning up the kitchen to give it another go on a new recipe, the idiot swordsman peeked his head outside of their door, phasing through it half and half to watch something. What that was exactly, Sanji wasn't sure, and if it was a new hot neighbor by Zoro's standards, he really honestly didn't want to know.

He was leaning on the counter when Zoro finally pulled himself out of the door and turned back to look at him.

"Guy," he muttered, jerking his thumb back toward the door, a suspicious expression on his eyes. After a few days ago during the Robin incident, he'd been more wary of strangers. "Stupid guy."

So. Apparently there was a guy out there, huh? Figures. Leave it to Zoro to do what Sanji didn't want. But a stupid guy? Well that was more specific than assuming Zoro's new neighbor fantasy man.

"What does he look like? What's he want?"

Maybe it was someone snooping around for information about the other apartment next door? It wouldn't be the first time since they put up what Sanji assumed to be a damn rent sign that someone was looking around at it.

Zoro shrugged, absentmindedly rubbing at his nose. Alright, so he didn't know. Great. Well, if it wasn't someone Zoro knew personally, it seemed safe enough that Sanji could answer the door with his lack of Japanese and not have to act like him. But, if there really was someone out there, why didn't they just knock?

Sanji just sighed, moving to the door and turning the knob. Instinctively, meeting the morning sun while still feeling so tired as he often did in Zoro's body when it wasn't napping enough, he squinted and looked forward. Then, when his eyes adjusted, they widened and his throat seemed to swell.

There actually was a guy outside, not that he thought Zoro was lying, he wouldn't leave him with his ass sticking through a door if there weren't really something to watch. He was pacing back and forth, a familiar nervous expression on his face as he seemed torn between knocking or not, despite if Sanji had just opened the door. The stranger's reaction was delayed, but the moment he caught Sanji in the corner of his eye, he jumped back a good foot, against a beam in the apartment complex's structure.

"Y-you, I-I..." the stranger squeaked, his eyes jumping around because this wasn't going according to plan that he had scripted, apparently. But that didn't matter too much.

"Usopp?" Sanji blurted out.

It was a familiar face. God, how long had it been since he'd seen a friendly face that could remind him of home. Not his home in France, as Usopp was a friend from the States, but still there was something very homey about seeing him here of all places during this mess. Except, Sanji probably should've thought before he spoke.

Because even if he recognized Usopp, knew that nose and terrified look anywhere, didn't mean Usopp would recognize him now in his current state. In fact, the reason he seemed so intimidated in a way Sanji recognized best was probably because of Sanji's new ugly mug. Sanji was really polishing a natural gift to put himself into troubling situations. Now he just looked like an angry, glaring, green Japanese man who knew Usopp for some unknown reason. Great. But why was he really here?

Usopp visibly swallowed, his feet shaking. "Y-you know my name? Y-you speak English?!" The pitch of his voice rose and fell the more Sanji opened the door.

Damn, it must've been such a pain for Zoro having such guns on his arms, he probably experienced this a lot, didn't he? Not. Sanji tried not to roll his eyes, but it happened regardless. He could try to act like Zoro, but when it came down to it, he was too happy and a bit relieved at finally having a friend here. So instead of just looking like a creep, he tried backtracking.

"No... I don't know your name. What do you want?" Sanji averted his eyes, as if Usopp seeing them would lead to him just knowing this body wasn't his and it was really Sanji inside.

"But you just said it. This proves it!" Usopp, gaining a bit of bravery, jabbed his finger in Sanji's face. "You're the one hacking Sanji's profile aren't you, Zoro Roronoa-"

Sanji hissed. Okay, being on this side of the conversation wasn't very amusing, especially with a finger in his face and Usopp possibly disturbing the neighbors. So what would it hurt if Usopp knew the truth? Sanji was stuck in a tiny apartment with the ghost owner of this body, he needed a visit from his real life.

Without thinking, Sanji reached out, grabbing a fist full of Usopp's shirt and ignoring the way he yelped when he did. Then, dragging him through the door, he brought him to the main room and tossed him on the wrinkly futon.

"Oi? Cook!" Zoro bitched, having been on the place right next to this guy he didn't yet know. "Who this? Shoes!"

Ah, Zoro and his culture of shoes staying at the door to keep things inside clean - why it mattered when Zoro kept this place like a junkyard before and Sanji was the one cleaning it now on occasion, he wouldn't know. Sanji ignored him, making sure the door was shut before returning back to them. He shook his head lightly at Usopp, who was using his arms to shield his face, just in case it would seem.

"Calm down, Usopp, I'm not going to kill you," he tried to explain.

Usopp peeked through his arms at him. "So this is just Japanese hospitality? You used my name again! What do you want from me? M-money? I have lots of money, I can pay you back home you know, my great uncle won a lottery once-" His friend's babbles rambled on.

"Money?" Zoro's attention peaked and he looked over at Usopp. "Lot of money?"

Were the Japanese known for hospitality? Sanji never knew, but did that exclude Zoro? It didn't matter, he had a certain lying guy on his couch he knew he needed to shut up. First though, he glared at Zoro. They weren't that desperate to steal his money, he didn't need to look so optimistic.

"No, he doesn't have money." Sanji ran his fingers through his hair then looked toward Usopp, watching as he shut up just from one stare. Damn, Zoro's resting bitch face was intimidating enough, huh? That or maybe it didn't help on the wall behind Sanji were Zoro's swords, since apparently even those could be aired out. "You aren't rich and you were the one who came here, what do you want?"

Usopp blinked a few times, looking around as if to find the source of who Sanji intended his first words to, but then slowly he sat up. "You're Zoro Roronoa, right? You've been hacking into my friend Sanji's Facebook, why? Can't you leave his family alone, they're going through enough right now!"

Usopp traveled around the whole world just because some stranger, aka Sanji, hacked into his account? Sanji was slightly touched, but only slightly, because he was an idiot, just going to some stranger's house. It wasn't too surprising, however, Usopp had a knack for all things cyber and that had to do with hacking. It wasn't very ethical, but it was a talent he liked pursuing.

Still, Sanji didn't appreciate the slight guilt at being called a hacker of his own Facebook. "Tch, idiot…" How was he going to go about this? Oh here was an idea, he could just blurt it out like he was doing everything these days. "I'm Sanji. No one's hacking my Facebook."

Silence. Well fuck. Usopp squinted his eyes at him, then raised an eyebrow. "Are you still learning English?"

It was enough of a little shit comment, Usopp edition, to kick Sanji back into old habits which were... well kicking. He raised his foot, going for the guy, but Usopp wasn't too rusty in rolling away, wide eyed. It might have helped that Zoro's body wasn't really great in the art of kicking ass, not on Sanji's level, at least.

"You're crazy!" What, Zoro was on Usopp's side now a days? Or was he worried about his own ass?

"I know my English! And I am Sanji!"

Usopp wasn't buying it, which honestly, he shouldn't so easily anyway. Stranger danger and all. "Oooh, right, I forgot. Sanji, you should've reminded me you were going to Japan to get plastic surgery! I thought your favorite color was blue-"

He was asking to die. Indirectly, but all the same, asking for Sanji to kill him. "Shut up, are you going to let me explain or would you like me to kick your ass?"

Usopp fiddled his fingers a bit, then came to the decision, valuing his life. "Alright, I'm listening... But you should know I'm a really busy man, the son of a prince actually. If I stay here too long, people are going to start looking. Does Japan charge for kidnapping?"

Zoro narrowed his eyes, then let out a bark of laughter. "Prince? Tch. Pinocchio."

"Look. I get that I don't look like myself. But I'm Sanji. The morning after the crash I woke up like this in this stupid guy's... body."

Usopp was still staring up at him suspiciously, letting out a low hum as he did. If Sanji knew Usopp, which he kind of did seeing as they went to both middle school and high school together, he was probably doubting Sanji's story and writing it off as an amateur's tale. Sanji flared his nostrils. Time to use the blackmail he'd saved up all these years to his advantage.

"Who was it who had to cover for your ass when a pair of Nami's panties went missing? I still want to kill you over that, you give those back to her, you bastard! They were her favorite with the tangerines! Or hacked into the school's security system for a pre-test."

"Panties? Pervert cook." Who had taught Zoro that word? Dammit.

There was a nervous sweat on Usopp's forehead. "Maybe Sanji had that information hidden away on his Facebook."

"Marimo, shut it." Sanji sighed, turning back to Usopp. "Where would he put it on there? Don't be in denial. I'm Sanji. And I'll prove it to you. Sit there, shut up and stay still, I'll be right back."

Usopp looked over anxiously at the empty place next to the futon Sanji kept referring to, which actually had Zoro. "Wait. Who do you keep talking to?"

Well it was a bit rude, Sanji supposed, that he hadn't introduced the two of them yet. It was Zoro's house, after all, and he'd dragged his friend inside. "The real Roronoa Zoro. Usopp meet Zoro, Zoro meet Usopp. Alright I'll be back."

"Wait!" Usopp repeated, confused just as much as he'd been before. "You mean he's like a... a ghost?"

Sanji didn't respond, though, only mildly enjoying the way Usopp moved as far away from Zoro as he could, but still remained on the futon. Instead, he went to work. If Usopp was just going to flat out deny everything Sanji said he knew about him because of the Facebook thing, he would have to show him something not just anyone could replicate. Which would be his cooking. Luckily, since this was Usopp, it shouldn't take too much to convince him. It was also so close to lunchtime, even Sanji would admit he was becoming cranky. Zoro's body was useful in some aspects, but when there was something it wanted, Sanji couldn't help but comply.

He whipped something up quick before returning back to the living room, where Usopp seemed to collect more sweat on his face. Why he thought a Zoro ghost would be intimidating next to him, Sanji wasn't sure, but he wasn't going to say anything.

They moved to the small table, where Usopp only nervously eyed what Sanji had prepared. "Is this… poisoned?"

He earned a death glare from Sanji. "Do you think I would ever poison something as important as food?"

Sanji's friend laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck and went to eat. They stayed that way, surrounded by quiet, for a little longer.

"So you're saying that you're Sanji and you just woke up one day like that… in the middle of Japan, in some stranger's body?" Well, when he put it that way, maybe it did sound stupid, but Sanji kind of felt the same way when fate was fucking him over. At least he seemed to be hearing him out, somewhat. "Then shouldn't the Zoro guy be in your body?"

*"Vous pouvez même pas imaginer." Sanji muttered to himself. Usopp really couldn't imagine even with his imagination, what he'd been through. What he was just now understanding was a mild version of it all. "He probably got lost. He does that. Instead he kind of just... follows me around."

Somewhere, Sanji didn't feel like looking, came a Zoro huff.

Usopp kept stealing glances around the room, before an ah-ha expression smacked itself onto his face. "Could it be you really are Zoro, but you're channeling Sanji's spirit like some kind of psychic? Sanji, are you possessing him? Did you see a light?"

Sanji stared at him a long, stupid moment. Then he reached across the table, hitting his friend upside the head. "I'm not possessing anyone, I'm trapped. There's a difference..." He took a few bites before continuing. "No, I didn't see a light, I saw something even worse and it was green."

For a moment it looked like Usopp was going to wonder and actually guess what that even worse thing was, but then his sense of logic seemed to stop him before he was too mentally scarred.

"But if you really are Sanji, why didn't you call or say anything? Why haven't you flown back home?" Usopp's tone was changing into something rare, almost scolding and angry. "The real Sanji wouldn't let his friends and family worry over him like this, he'd be trying to fix this problem."

Sanji froze at that, letting Usopp's words sink in. Yeah, he knew what he would do in a perfect world. But this situation was far from perfect, he couldn't exactly just get up and go, not when he was hijacking Zoro's body and life for the time being. Who even knew if Zoro had a freaking passport, for fuck's sake.

"Do you know that Zeff has been by your bedside every day since your accident? Nami cries all the time! She's donating her savings and you know how important those are to her and you're telling me the real Sanji is just here in Japan-"

Sanji lowered his chin. He was... aware of these things, he was just foolishly trying not to focus on them so he wouldn't feel more despicable about his situation than he needed to be. At first he'd thought fate was finally throwing him a bone, seeing an old familiar face, but now it was almost like it'd sent Usopp just for it's own shits and giggles.

He'd been listening to what Usopp had to say, trying not to get lost in his own guilt while he listened. Somehow he'd timed looking up just perfectly when Usopp stopped talking abruptly and the pillow from the futon smacked him right in the face… from the other side of the room.

Well someone's moving stuff practice was paying off, wasn't it? It actually shocked and freaked Sanji out a little, his head moving so that he could look over at Zoro. Like he had figured he was annoyed, probably getting to feel Sanji's despair yet again - which Sanji figured had to get irritating after a while - and screamed weak or something to him which he disliked even more in typical Zoro style.

"Oi, don't just hit people," Sanji hissed, though he'd been the one who tried to kick Usopp a bit earlier.

Usopp was in shock, staring in the same direction. It still seemed like he couldn't see Zoro, which was good enough, he'd probably have a heart attack with two visible ugly mugs staring him down.

"There really is a ghost. So then..." Only now he was going to believe it? Typical. "Sanji, I'm sorry, I-"

Sanji looked down at the table, pressing his lips together as he tried searching for the best way to word this when he cut Usopp off. "You don't think I've wanted to call home? Shit, I can barely convince you I'm myself, let alone the old man. I wanted to go back the day I woke up, but it's not that simple."

Sanji turned to look at Zoro, who was watching him closely. Such an eavesdropper. "Right now I'm working to afford a ticket back to France. I can't buy one right now even if I wanted to. Well, I could but," he looked away before continuing, "I'm not the only one inconvenienced here. I can't just stop paying Zoro's bills or sell his stuff and stop his life while I'm already hogging his stupid body."

Usopp was the one looking down now. "I'm sorry, Sanji. I didn't mean to get mad like that. I'm actually really relieved you're alright... We've all just been really worried and tense… I should've know you were already trying to get there." He peeked up back at Sanji. "Do you really think if you go there, you'll change back? What if you're stuck like this? Did the two of you eat any weird chinese food lately?"

Trying to be more optimistic, Sanji did his best not to dwell on the 'what if he was stuck like this for good' question. It would all around suck and he'd probably go mad with Zoro trailing behind him.

"It'll all work out, I'll find a way. Keeping my body alive is what's most important. We'll catch up to it soon, hopefully. The job we have now is going well, it shouldn't take too long."

"We?" Usopp's head tilted to the side.

It caught Sanji a little off guard, he had hardly noticed he was saying everything in reference to himself and Zoro so naturally already. His face a little warm, he scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, well, you know. Zoro goes where I go so..."

Sanji wasn't sure if Usopp was going to drop it right away, since he looked like he wanted to say something more, but decidedly didn't. Instead he finished off his food, making a comment about it being similar to how he remembered it, then rolled back onto Sanji's futon with his hand on his stomach. It was like they were back in high school again, in a sense, where Usopp just flopped onto anything in Sanji's room he wanted, most often the bed.

He watched Sanji from where he laid and occasionally shot glances in the areas he figured Zoro to be, before sighing and staring up at the ceiling.

"Ahh. This feels like one of those twilight zone episodes," he remarked to himself, then made an honest effort to prop himself up a bit. "You know Sanji, my next flight isn't for a few days."

Sanji, who was already washing things in the sink, shot him a glance. A few days? This moron, how long was he planning to stay here and find his Facebook 'hacker'? Maybe was that his excuse for his own vacation. Or, could it be, he was anticipating needing a hospital stay after confronting Zoro and planned the extra few days? Still, knowing his friend, Sanji knew trying to get at something.

"Spit it out, Usopp."

Usopp nodded, biting on his lip lightly then falling straight back onto the bed, completely limp. "I know what I said, but you shouldn't overwork yourself. It's not every day you get to be in Japan with your best friend around…"

"Usopp." Seriously, stop tip toeing around it.

Usopp let out a huff, then physically rolled over onto his stomach. "I'm saying you should take a weekend off and enjoy it with your best pal, the magnificent Usopp, who you are so generous to let stay with you until his flight. I mean… They've pretty much got everything covered back home for now and when you wake up back to normal, you aren't going to want to come back here."

What was that? Did Sanji hear that correctly? Was that the halo of a good best friend shattering into a million tiny pieces? This little shit who had just guilted him about not doing something? Sanji needed this job and the money it brought in, skipping two days now just meant two days to make up for later. Though, he did have his usual day off that he could get rescheduled somehow and only have to make up half of what he thought.

Sanji put down what he was doing and walked back toward Usopp. Then he looked over at Zoro, who was sprawled on his back on the floor, staring up with his arms behind his head. He lifted his chin, just to peer at him and give him some sort of nod. Idiot, he hardly understood what they were saying and now he was just agreeing with what Usopp was saying? Was Sanji the only one who wanted to focus on the goal ahead of them?

Then again, he did feel exhausted since they'd gotten a job at the host bar. And he would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about more of what Japan had to offer. If they had such a lovely part of town with beautiful and seductive women on signs and billboards and cafes all around, what other wonderful things could they have around? Just two days. It would be like playing with fire, in some sense, but mentally he was craving it. A 48 hour period when he wouldn't have to constantly think about getting back home to his body before he died. Sure, he'd still be stuck in the Neanderthal's body, but it was better than nothing.

Sanji shifted back towards Usopp. Then he sighed, lifting his arm and dropping it back to his side. "Okay, fine. You can stay. I'll call in."

Zoro shot up at that. "Oi!" Oh now he understood what was going on? Too late, damage had been done.

"Yes!" Usopp jumped up. "I'll go get my stuff."

-0-

Maybe it was because Sanji was in this lug of a body, or because he was sort of tired and ready for an afternoon nap, but Usopp seemed to be running on pure energy and going anywhere and everywhere. He'd lugged in his big suitcase - which ended up being half empty as he wanted to bring back tons of souvenirs - which took up a bit of space in the corner. He also had his own sleeping bag which he laid out on the floor. Really, was he not even intending to get a hotel after confronting Zoro? He was a confusing mess, that was for sure.

Zoro kept shooting him glares and growls, even though Usopp couldn't see or hear him. The excited traveler wanted to touch and see everything that went into an 'authentic' Japanese home. Poor guy, Sanji almost - almost - felt sorry for him, but he was being a bit more selfish. When Usopp hopped down onto his sleeping bag, looking through some sort of tourist guide to Japan, Sanji approached the grump.

He held up two fingers. "It's just two days, shit face. He won't touch the swords or I'll kill him myself. You don't even have to stay if you don't want to."

Zoro narrowed his eyes at Sanji and Sanji felt him analyzing before he looked away, without giving a real answer.

"Yeah, Zoro," Usopp chimed in to no one in particular. It was a bit comical how he was trying to talk to someone who was annoyed by his presence and wouldn't be able to respond, but maybe would be able to toss another pillow or two. "Or you can come too."

If they were just going to touristic spots, Sanji felt he might be able to handle it. He did, after all, have his English to Japanese dictionary, but having a native would've been nice too. But only for the fact that he was a native. No other reason. None at fucking all.

Zoro shrugged, turning to move past Sanji and towards the door. It would appear he was choosing to leave, even if it was just for the time being. Sanji wouldn't lie, he was slightly disappointed, but at the same time he was being selfish this weekend and not thinking about Zoro trapped outside his body having to go along with any and all things. If only circumstances had been different, then he could have kicked his ass and dragged him along. Enforce happy feels.

Sanji ran his fingers through his hair, pulling his eyes away from the door Zoro had phazed through and over to Usopp. "Asshole left."

That didn't seem to bother Usopp at all. In fact, it made him even more excited, if possible. The guy pulled himself up from his sleeping bag and headed over to the closet.

"Then we should raid his closet."

Sanji stared at him. What. "What? Why do you want to go through his closet?"

Why hadn't he noticed Usopp had these sort of hobbies before? And why did it kind of make Sanji feel weird he wanted to go snooping around in Zoro's closet, a place Sanji had been one or two times, only long enough to grab things that seemed suitable, but no more than that. Zoro seemed like the type of guy to go through a cycle of only a few outfits anyway, so what was the need if it kept the laundry low?

Usopp shook his head, giving a quizzical look as his hand slowly went to the closet's sliding door. "Sanji, don't tell me you don't want to know what he might have hidden in there. It's the one perfect hiding spot in this place."

Sanji didn't even want to begin entertaining the thought of what might be hidden in there.

"He might have some really good porn magazines-" No. Sanji had found Zoro's porn and it was not at all what Usopp was picturing. But then again, why was Sanji stopping him, he should endure the same awkwardness at finding it, should there be some. His expression would no doubt be priceless and maybe then he'd really pitty Sanji's situation.

Instead Sanji just approached, gesturing for him to go on. Sending Zoro out of his own place and raiding his closet in the same thirty minutes, honestly he was on a roll.

Usopp slid the door open and peeked inside. He moved the first few things, then the first half of his body vanished. Then came a string of 'oh's' and 'ah's'. He slid back out and stood up straighter, a new fabric item in his hand. Sanji just watched, mildly interested.

"Oooh. Here we have traditional Japanese clothing," Usopp started in his best narrator voice, draping the clothing over his arm very delicately and turning to present it to Sanji. "Wear it."

When exactly had this become a slumber party? Sanji looked the thing down. "I'm not wearing that." A very quick decision. "It's not mine and we don't know what it's for. And it looks like a shitty dress."

"Tsk, tsk. Sanji, don't you watch any anime? This is what the guys wear to festivals and the girls wear really cute yukatas." Usopp smirked, throwing the girl tidbit in purposely to coax Sanji into doing his bidding. He paused, however, his gaze wandering off to nothing in particular. "I should get Nami a yukata while I'm here."

Sanji wasn't falling for it, though. Totally not falling for it by imagining cute girls. Nope. He couldn't let himself get distracted and fall into Usopp's tricks.

"You watch that anime shit too?" Sanji shook his head. "That doesn't mean I still have to wear it."

Usopp frowned, nodding his head and scratching at his chin. "I see, I see. Then," he paused for some sort of stupid dramatic effect, "you really don't want to see what he looks like in it?"

What-who-dammit. Even Sanji's thoughts were jumbled at that. What in the world had he done to suggest to Usopp he would want to see something stupid and dumb like Zoro's body wearing the Japanese robe thing. It was bad enough he had to wear his belly warmer haramarker thing once. It wasn't really called that, he just couldn't remember. He'd ask Zoro later, when he didn't have images in his head and a dying curiosity now that Usopp suggested it. Dammit, this was embarrassing, why did he care?

"Don't think I haven't noticed, Sanji-kun," he purposely said his name that way, running his hand down the fabric in a creepy version of being seductive. Why was he friends with Usopp again? "It probably shows off all his scars-"

"Fine. I'll wear it." Sanji snatched it from Usopp, his heart slightly racing, but he made sure to sound fairly less than enthusiastic. "But start that shit again and I will kick your ass."

His friend grinned, handing him the belt thing that seemed to go with it, then flashed him a thumbs up. "Alright, while you do that I'll be on the can. Should we take pictures for Nami?"

Sanji's face might have flushed. "You aren't telling Nami anything about this, alright!" he hissed under his breath, peeling off his shirt and pulling the first sleeve part up his arm.

Damn Usopp, of all the people he didn't think he'd be able to convince him of such stupid things so easily. And what was that earlier tease about? Don't think that he hadn't noticed? Noticed what? That Zoro was gay and reacted to his own body or something? He glared as Usopp moved and went toward the restroom, then focused back on getting this thing on.

It seemed kind of complicated. He got the thing on around him, it felt just like some kind of robe like he figured it would, then he tied the string around. But this sash thing, it was so long what was he supposed to do with this? Then the fact this stupid muscle brain's body was so broad, was this much of his collar bone supposed to be showing? Why had he agreed to this? Was Usopp still going to take a picture? Not that he wanted one, memories or not.

Still, did Zoro actually wear this kind of thing? It had to be for specific events or something. Sanji had seen pictures of girls wearing similar things in the area of town where he worked, but he just didn't imagine Zoro owning one. He started to wrap the sash around his waist, but paused, an unusual feeling of being watched crawling up his back. Slowly, he lifted his eyes from where he was wrapping to right in front of him.

Figures the bastard would come back now of all times. He had an uncanny way of coming back right in the middle of the embarrassing stuff Sanji did. What happened to him wandering off?

"Oi, this is…" Sanji didn't know how to even explain.

Before he even could, Zoro charged towards him anyway. Fuck.

* You can not even imagine.