A/N: Wow…today's December 1st—one year since I published my first FanFic, which was the start of this particular South Park universe.

I'm really going against my M.O. by updating this fic without an update to its companion "Summer Still Sucks" in between. I have been working on it, but Cartman's storyline just isn't coming easily for me at all (Kyle's is a bit of a challenge, too).

I've posited this before: does anybody else think that Matt and Trey are giving the slash fandom little shout-outs this season? I mean, they keep pairing up Craig and Tweek, Stan and Kyle are having something parallel to a lover's quarrel, and now Kevin and Clyde are being put together. No complaints about that stuff, but since when has Kevin been a Trekkie? As comedian Brian Posehn put it, "There's nothing nerds hate more than when you get their obsession wrong."

Now, enough of my long-winded author's note already :b

Craig stomped angrily down Main Street after his Harbucks conversation with Clyde and Token. Who the hell do they think they are? he fumed. Doubting my friendship with Tweek, accusing me of spending too much time with Thomas… What business is it of theirs, anyway?

He stopped dead in his tracks when he realized how upset he was becoming. Get a hold of yourself, Tucker. You're not supposed to give a fuck about shit. I need to go somewhere and cool down. So Craig set off to the one place he knew he could mellow out.

Kevin lay on his bedroom floor admiring his complete mint-condition Marvel Star Wars comic set when there was a knock at the front door.

"I got it!" Esther yelled from the living room. A minute later, she called out, "Kevin, someone's here to see you!"

Another unannounced visit, he rolled his eyes smiling to himself. "Come on up, Craig!" he shouted. Kevin heard footsteps slowly ascending the staircase until they were just outside his room.

"Hi, Kevin."

His head shot up in shock. "Bertha?"

"I haven't been called that in a while," she gave a small smile. "Not seriously, anyway."

"Sorry…er…Red."

She scrunched up her face. "That doesn't sound right. You can call me Bertha."

"OK," he smiled nervously. "Uh…do you want to sit down?"

"Sure," Red nodded and followed Kevin to his bed. "So…" her eyes wondered around the room.

"H…how have you been?" he tried to make small talk.

"All right," she shrugged. "You?"

"Not bad… What's been going on lately?"

"The girls came to my house for a sleepover the other night."

"That sounds fun," he said genuinely.

"Yeah, it was pretty nice…for the most part," she added.

"Y…you know I didn't tell Craig to say those mean things to you," Kevin looked at her pleadingly.

"Well, duh," Red gave an obvious look.

"I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"So you sent Craig?" she eyed him strangely.

"I tried to get in touch myself, but I couldn't reach you." Kevin looked down at the floor. "I figured I'm the last person you wanted to see, anyway," he mumbled.

"I didn't leave because I wanted to, Kevin," said Red. "It was just too painful for me to stick around any longer."

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bertha. I wish I could've shared your feelings for me, I really do."

"It's not your fault," she shook her head. "I know you can't help how you feel. I should've tried harder to accept that and stayed with you."

"Bertha, you don't understand," Kevin said seriously. "I had no reason not to like you that way. You were my best friend, not to mention the prettiest girl in the whole school."

Red was utterly confused at this point. "Then what was the problem?"

He looked at her apologetically. "I already liked somebody else."

"Oh," she stated simply. "Well, why didn't you just tell me that?"

Kevin's eyes shot to his door, then he got up and shut it. "It was a boy," he answered timidly.

Her expression softened. "Oh," she understood.

"Yeah."

She thought for a few seconds. "Bradley?"

"Uh-uh," he negated. "I never even told him about it."

"Then who?" she wondered.

"You know," he pushed. "The girls all voted him the cutest boy in class."

"Oh, God…" Red slapped her forehead. "I should've guessed since you've been spending so much time together. It's bad enough the girls all swoon over him; now my cousin's attracting the guys I like, too?"

"Craig?" asked Kevin puzzled. "No, the cutest boy in class."

"Right," she nodded.

"But…you all voted Clyde the cutest."

"Uh…" she started to panic a little. "Well…what is it you like about him?"

"What's not to like?" he shrugged. "He's handsome, athletic, he has a great smile, and he's really nice to everyone he sees. And he gives the best bro hugs," Kevin chuckled. "He's like a big teddy bear," he beamed.

"You really do like him. I recognize that look," Red remembered having it herself for Kevin. "I wish you had told me back then."

"I never told anyone," he admitted.

She was a bit taken aback. "I'm the only person who knows?"

"No, I'm pretty sure Esther knows. We have a little twin ESP between us. We can always seem to tell what's on the other's mind. Other than that, nobody else knows…not even Bradley."

Red was astonished. "Why didn't you tell him?"

"The same reason I didn't tell you: I didn't want to lose him. Ironic, huh?" he laughed humorlessly.

"Well, I'm here now," she pointed out. "And like I said before, you can't help how you feel… It's actually better this way," she grinned.

"It is?"

"Yeah. If I can't have you as my boyfriend, it helps to know that no other girl can."

That made Kevin laugh for real. "Oh, but please don't tell anybody else," he begged. "I've seen the way some of the kids pick on effeminate guys like Butters. I get enough flack already for being a nerd."

"My lips are sealed," Red winked. "So you really think I'm the prettiest girl in school?"

"Of course! Bradley thought so, too," he smirked.

"He did?"

"Mm-hmm. He had the biggest crush on you."

"Heh, just my luck—another cute nerd likes me and he turns out to be an alien."

Craig sat stoically watching a random rinse cycle at the laundromat. Every once in a while, someone would look at him strangely, but a middle finger was his only reply. He heard his phone ringing in his front pocket. Sighing in annoyance at seeing the caller, he answered impatiently, "What?"

"Craig, come back to Harbucks, will you?" Token asked him. "We didn't mean to gang up on you. We were only trying to lend Tweek a little support."

"If Tweek were really upset, why wouldn't he talk to me himself?" Craig challenged.

"Oh, I don't know," Clyde butted in. "Maybe 'cause you'd get all defensive and tell him to fuck off?"

"Why did you put me on speaker?" he asked Token.

"We all need to talk this out together," he answered.

"Yeah, don't be so stubborn," said Clyde.

"I'm not stubborn, I'm selfish, remember?"

"Clyde, that isn't helping," Token groaned.

"My phone's buzzing now," Clyde announced.

"Feel free to answer it because I'm done," Craig hung up.

"It was so great seeing you today, Bertha," Kevin walked with her to the door. "Thank you so much for coming by."

"Actually, you should be thanking Craig. He really stuck up for you. I probably wouldn't be over here if it weren't for him."

Kevin smiled thinking about how much Craig had gone out of his way to help him. After they said their goodbyes, he scrolled through his cell phone's contact list and called the number Craig gave him.

"Hello?" a nasally voice answered after a few rings.

"Oh, hi, Clyde," he said happily.

"Kevin, hey!" he perked up.

"Did Craig step away?"

"Yeah, he's in kind of a bad mood, so he left to be by himself for a while."

"Oh, no, he left his phone behind?"

"No, we just called him. He didn't really feel like talking to us, though, so he hung up."

Suddenly, everything started to click for Kevin. "Gee…that's a shame."

"It's so funny to hear from you. I never knew you had my number."

"Yeah, I…got it from Craig."

"Really? That's actually pretty nice of him," he said quietly.

"I guess it is," Kevin thought.

"So what's up with you?" asked Clyde.

"Well…Bertha just surprised me with a visit."

"Aw," he cooed. "How was it?"

"Really good," Kevin sat down. "We got a lot of things out in the open. I think we're going to be OK now," he leaned back and relaxed as he proceeded to have a very pleasant conversation with his secret crush.

A/N: So I went with the best known fan speculation that Craig was voted cutest boy on the real list using the clues provided by Bebe at the end of the episode. Although, as the South Park Wikia page points out, the clues could also be used to find Kyle as the actual cutest boy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel Comics.