J

"Just… just leave me alone."

Miku covered her face with an arm, feigning a calm they both knew she didn't have. She looked so small, so fragile against the white sheets.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could say, and she felt stupid for sounding like a broken record.

"Don't be. You didn't know." Miku didn't mean it as a rebuke, but it felt like one.

"I won't leave you. I'll never, ever leave you—I promise."

Miku's chest rose and fell, slow like her heartbeat. Resigned, maybe…?

"Too little, too late."

What?

"Your promises mean nothing to me, Hibiki."

No, please—

"Just go. Leave me alone, like you've always done."

Jolting up, gasping, flailing, reaching for Miku—only for her hand to meet cold sheets, because Miku has already left for work.

Her breath comes in short bursts and a dull throbbing starts up in her shoulder again, but when she starts crying, it's because of the words that Miku has never said to her. When she starts crying, it's because she wonders if this is how Miku felt whenever she woke up alone after a nightmare, without Hibiki home to reassure her.

"I… I'm… sorry…."

She sinks back into bed, burying her face in her pillow and barely mindful of her shoulder.

It takes her a few minutes to get her breathing under control; the same, however, can't be said of her thoughts. She can't shake off the needling accusation that she's brought nothing but pain to Miku.

Maybe Miku loves her too much for her own good.

Then her cellphone starts buzzing and ringing, making her yelp in surprise. She scrambles out of bed to find it, hastily wiping away the tears on her cheeks and clearing her throat. She finds it on her bedside table—Miku probably left it there for her—and answers just seconds before the call goes to voicemail.

"H-Hello?"

"Did you barely wake up?" Chris' grumpy voice demands. "Do you have an idea what time it is? I bet you forgot, too."

"Uh…," her mind goes blank with abrupt bewilderment.

Chris sighs a long-suffering sigh and says, "It's nearly noon and you promised you'd have lunch with me before my plane leaves in the evening."

"OH." She launches herself across the room—or, she would if her legs didn't feel like jelly. As it is, she settles for stumbling and flailing around as quickly as she can with a wounded shoulder and jelly legs.

"Yes, oh," Chris drawls. "Try not to hurt yourself, by the way; Miku won't hesitate to put my life in jeopardy if a single hair on your head is harmed." Hibiki would sputter out a retort, but she's busy tugging on jeans with one hand. "Anyway, meet me at that café by your place."

Five minutes and one stubbed toe later, she jogs out of her house, jacket trailing behind her like a cape—she can't help but grin and think of herself as Superman or Batman, defender of justice.

Luckily for her, the café Chris mentioned is only half a block away from her house. In fact, she and Miku used to go on dates there every weekend, before…

Before they both got too busy, she glumly realizes.

"There you are," Chris says when Hibiki finally stumbles to a halt by her table. It looks like Chris, too, is bothered—then again, brooding is kind of Chris' default state when she's not with Miku or Maria. Getting Chris to cheer up is a work in progress.

"Chris… hey…," Hibiki wheezes between breaths. She's really starting to get out of shape, even though she's only been on bedrest for a week.

"You look marginally better out of the hospital," Chris remarks, smirking.

Plopping down across Chris, Hibiki huffs, "I feel a lot better out of that place," which makes Chris roll her eyes.

"I already ordered your favorite tea." Chris pushes a cup Hibiki hadn't noticed towards her.

"Oh, thanks!" She immediately takes a large gulp.

Chris waits until Hibiki is sipping at her tea normally to say, "Hey, your shirt's on backwards."

"Really?" she wails, looking down at her shirt, "I'm cursed. Utterly and thoroughly cursed!"

"I'm joking," Chris snickers.

Hibiki looks down at her shirt again, puzzled, then realizes that Chris is indeed joking; she pouts and hides her blushing face behind her cup, to Chris' renewed amusement.

"Being ambidextrous has its perks, doesn't it?" Chris says, watching Hibiki effortlessly use her left hand to drink instead of her dominant right.

"Yep!" she nods jauntily and puffs up a little.

For a moment, Chris looks about ready to laugh, but it fades into a fond smirk.

Getting Chris to cheer up is definitely a work in progress; she idly wonders if Kirika and Shirabe have had much luck on their end.

"So." That's all the preamble Chris gives. She toys with the spoon in her drink, murmuring, "I hate to leave Miku behind."

Just like that, the mood evaporates.

"I know," she answers, feeling hollow. Her knee starts to jitter as her anxiety mounts.

"Both of you are such idiots," Chris sighs, her shoulders slumping.

There… is nothing she can say in response, except, "Miku isn't an idiot." She says it more defensively than she meant to, but the point stands.

"Hn," is Chris' disbelieving answer.

She wilts a little. Her thoughts from this morning—well, from just about an hour ago—come back to her: she hurts Miku too much, without even meaning to…. That, at least, is true. Everyone can see it; everyone can see how much Hibiki doesn't deserve Miku.

"I think," Chris begins, the words almost visibly measured, and that jaded gaze looking at memories beyond Hibiki's understanding, "you have… taken a great gamble, Hibiki. With your wife, with the kid you plucked out of nowhere, and with that kid's twin sister we left alone in an orphanage."

"I have to trust that I've made the right decision," she answers, chin up—not quite defensive, but resolute. It's too late to back out now.

"Who knows, Hibiki," Chris mutters with a despondent shrug. "The judge and jury are still out on that one. The levels of deception here are…," Chris' eyebrows knit together in a heavy frown, "more than I'm comfortable with."

Hibiki takes a moment to ruminate over the growing list of their deceptions: Ver's capture, first and foremost, has been kept under tight wraps. Not even Maria has been notified of his arrest. Second, no one knows that Chris has been in Japan the last week, not even Kirika and Shirabe; as far as everyone (bar Miku) knows, Chris has only taken a small detour.

Finally, Hibiki and Chris have placed Elfnein at Schnee Orphanage, and Hibiki plans on nudging Tsubasa and Maria there. This last one is, perhaps, the worst of all.

None of it sits well with her.

"What's that saying? 'It's always darkest before dawn.'"

Chris shakes her head, "I can only hope that we are doing the right thing."

Hibiki has no answer for that, because:

Judgement is a tricky thing, if even worthwhile.