See? I said FASTER, now, didn't I?

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Chapter 10

Havocalicious

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Dearest Diary,

Right now, I'm doing two things: Writing on you, and rubbing my poor, bruised and blistered feet.

It's like an unwritten rule of the Dating Game: All women must wear something suffocatingly tight and uber high heels, regardless of whatever circumstances, when on a date.

Since I'm only accustomed to wearing the loose military uniform and boots, that should have been a hellhole.

I guess it wasn't appropriate of me to order havoc to make the dinner snappy before I shoot his head off and bribe the Mustang into demoting him.

Yeaaaaaaaaaah...

Now that we've gotten to the topic of Mustang...

Here's how the conversation went: (Yes, my memory is excellent) Oh yeah, this occurred after dinner which was just a series of rambles about the chicken the hot waitress served and Havoc's date with her. Havoc offered to walk me home, which would make him a gentleman but it was one of his "chichis". His way home and my way home are on the same route.

"So, Lieutenant Hawkeye, who're you taking to the military ball?"

"The what?"

"The gathering thingamajiggy that everyone won't shut up about because it's the only time they can screw each other without getting punished"

"Oh. That. Black Hayate, I guess"

"Uh... Lieutenant, you're supposed to take a person. Person. Like... Let's see... Colonel Roy Mustang, perhaps?"

At that point I had to raise my eyebrow.

"Colonel Roy Mustang? He's probably taking a group of supermodels with him" I shrugged. "You know, the kind that goes "wheeeeeeeeeee, Oh Rooooooooyeeeee or something. Besides, Roy Mustang? Geez. I'd rather take someone disgustingly disgusting, like you. No offense"

(Havoc clutches his chest and stiffles a sob) "N-none taken, Lieutenant"

"Sooo... 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc, what's with this date?"

"Pardon me?"

"Why'd you ask me out? I mean, If regular street trash reject you before you could even ask them, what made you think that I'd even accept?"

Havoc shrugged. "Sober desperate people say yes to anything"

Click.

Sweatdrop.

"Ehhh..."

Seeing the sad look on his face, I pitied the poor worthless lifeform and put my gun away.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye," he began, leaning back, trying to look calm as if he still wasn't scared to death because he just evaded the wrath of the almighty yours truly.

"Ya see, For all these years, I haven't even seen a little piece of what might resemble a social life from you"

"I'm too busy"

"So? The Colonel's a Colonel, and he dates at least 3 women at the same time"

"That's because I do half of his job"

"Well, what about me? I get rejected by at least 3 women at the same time"

"I do half of yours, too"

"... Oh"

"Anything more, Lieutenant? Because this dress is suffocating me"

"Oh come on. It's old friends catching up. When was the last time we had a conversation like this? 5 years ago at the Ishbal war, when I we were both getting medical treatment?"

"Being in the military requires some sacrifices, Lieutenant"

"Ya' know, you're sacrificing WAY too much. More than the required, actually"

"Anything less than what I'm doing is what I call slacking off"

"So you're implying that I'm a bum? Along with the others?"

"Not really bums. Just losers"

"That makes me feel better, Lieutenant. Really" Havoc said, once again clutching his chest.

This guy is such a loser. Really. No wonder those garbagey women reject him. Although they aren't any better.

"What's your point?"

"About the military ball..." Havoc began

"You're asking ME out?"

Shocking.

"No, I have a date already"

"Oh..."

"I'm expecting to see you there. If not..."

"If not what? You do understand that you don't have anything against me since I revolve arond perfection, right?"

"Geez. Let me finish. If you're not there, I'll file a complaint against the Colonel. He'd get demoted, and your pay is likely to decrease"

"He'd incinerate you first. But before that, I'd put a bullet through each of your eyes and shove you in the hottest strip club in town, so you can hear the slut's squeals and not get to see any of the gold"

"Come on, Lieutenant Hawkeye. You wouldn't do that, now, would you?"

Click.

"Alright! Alright! Just get there, will you?"

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I just think that you need a better social life. Or something that looks like one, at least"

"There's nothing there but hardcore military people and Mustang"

"Exactly"

"I'm not getting you, Havoc"

"Who else asked me to get you out on this date?"

Well, at this point, He shut my door.

And then I ran...or tried to walk... upstairs, kicked off the evil spawn of the dread forces otherwise known as the heels and tore off that dress, which I regret because now I have nothing to wear for the military ball and I just bought that because I didn't have anything for the date.

And then I left a message on Havoc's answering machine: "This evening neeeever haaappeeeeened"

Well, I guess I'd have to go that ball thing or I'd be harrassed (more than the usual) by everyone in the office, regardless of the fact that I'm on the verge of shoving my gun down their throats.

Well, whatever.

I have to get to HQ early tomorrow.

Good news: No paperwork which means I don't need to shoot mustang

Bad news: we're decorating the hall for the ball (hey, that rhymes!)

More Bad news: Mustang will be hitting on a lot of people

More Bad news: I'll be busy tomorrow night

More Bad news: I'm out of bullets

Well, the best thing I could do now would be to sleep. My feet are bust and damn I'm tired, mostly from the mental anguish from trying to recall every bit of info from my conversation with Havoc.

Hugs and Kisses,

Riza Hawkeye

(doodle of guns)

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Damn. It's 1:30 AM. Why the hell are my neighbors eating pizza? I can smell it from here. ACK.

Just so you know, this fic is still Royai. ROYAI.

All flavors of reviews will be greatly appreciated!!