AN: Wow that last chapter got a ton of reviews! I actually broke the 100 review mark so that's pretty cool! It's nice to know you guys actually enjoy my little story here. Maybe there will be 100 chapters(;

So I've been writing these chapters during my free period and I find it so awkward to write around people...is that just me? I had to really hustle to get this update on time but it was worth it I didn't want to disappoint you guys.

Anyway this chapter is dedicated to dragonsprit for being my 100th reviewer!

Thanks to anyone who reviewed/followed/faved! This is my longest chapter so far so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order svu or it's characters

Chapter 10

Frozen.

That's what I was.

I couldn't even bring myself to move.

I was frozen.

"Liv what was that?!" A very agitated Jane approached me. I didn't look up at her I just sat down on the bleachers and stared at my shoes. I couldn't even risk looking up and seeing Alex.

What's going through her mind right now?

Did she even see the kiss?

Of course she did..everyone did.

"Liv, hey snap out of it!" Jane grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her. I looked into her green eyes and saw emotions I wasn't expecting.

Jealousy? Hurt? Yearning even?

I heard her let out a shaky breath as she sat down next to me.

"Are you and Casey seeing each other again?" She asked slowly fiddling with her fingers as I finally urged myself to speak.

"No, we were never actually together Jane. It was just.."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Why did she kiss you?" That's a great question.

Why did Casey kiss me? She did say she missed me, but then she said maybe it would make Alex jealous.

Yeah right.

It's evident Casey still has feelings for me, but I think she knows we'll never be.

I'm such a jerk and I don't even mean to be. I just wish I could make it up to Casey somehow, but how do I do that without leading her on?

Maybe I should talk to Elliot about all this. He'll know what to say. He always does.

"I honestly don't kno.."

"Does she still have feelings for you?" She cut me off.

"What does it even matter Jane huh? Why are you acting like this?" I questioned. It was about time I got some answers about her strange behavior.

"Why does it matter Liv? Really? Are you fucking blind? What more can I do to make you realize huh?" She stood up angrily looking at me as if I was the stupidest human being on earth.

"Jane what are you tal.."

"Seriously?! Liv I should be the one kissing you! I should be the one holding your hand! I should be the one who puts a smile on your beautiful face! I should be the one you want not Casey!" She admitted. My eyes widened with shock at her confession. I didn't know what to say.

Jane has been my friend for so long. I don't even think it's possible for me to have feelings for her.

"I uh don't want Casey like that." I tried but Jane looked even more bewildered.

"Did you not just hear what I said Olivia? Do I need to spell it out in giant fucking rainbow colors for you?" I'm guessing she saw my helpless expression and sat back down next to me. We sat in silence for awhile both trying to figure out what to say next.

"I like you Liv..more than I should.." She said quietly not looking up at me.

"How long have you felt this way?" I turned to face her but she was staring off into the distance.

"For awhile. I thought I could ignore how I felt about you but the longer I tried the more I wanted you."

"Can I be completely honest with you right now Jane?" She looked up at me and nodded.

"You've been my friend for the longest and I don't know how to say this without screwing everything up, but Jane.."

"You don't feel the same way.." She said looking into my eyes. The amount of pain I saw in her green orbs was slowly killing me.

"I'm sorry, I really am." She stood up and faced away from me. I wanted to stand up and give her a hug but she turned back around before I could.

"You're telling me you feel absolutely nothing for me huh? Not even a little bit that we could go off of? Liv we could try! I could make you happy, I know I can!" She continued on, not giving up.

"Jane stop, I love you like a sister. That's it alright? Please just stop.." I looked at her with pleading eyes and she looked as if she was about to cry.

"Damn so this is what it feels like to have your heart broken by lady killer Olivia Benson. I understand what Casey went through all too well now." She laughed sadly.

Lady killer?

"Jane don't ruin our friendship because of this."

"What you just want me to ignore how I feel? Act like non of this ever happened? News flash Liv I'm in love with you! I can't just pretend to be fine and dandy!" She had her hands in her hair and was holding back every tear that threatened her eyes. I didn't ask for any of this..I didn't want to lose Jane and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her.

"Jane.." I stood up. I wanted to make this right. I had to before Jane ended up hating me like Casey had.

"You know what forget it. I'll see you around Olivia." And with that she stormed away.

"Jane!" I called after her, but she just kept walking.

How could she just walk away?

Walk away from our friendship, walk away from me?

And what made matters worse was I had no clue what I could of done differently. What was I just suppose to say? 'Hey I like you too! Lets be together forever!'

No I couldn't.

I couldn't lie to Jane and I couldn't do to her what I did to Casey. I have to try to make things right before I lose Jane forever. I sat back down and buried my head in my lap thinking about what I should do. When I heard the one voice I was most afraid of right now.

"Hey Liv, is everything alright?" Alex asked as she sat down next to me putting a gentle hand on my back. Her hand cooled my nerves significantly.

I looked up, but not at her and forced myself to speak.

"Uh yeah everything's fine Alex thanks for the concern." I lied and I'm pretty sure she knew it. I felt her eyes on me, and I felt like running for my life. The silence was killing me, and I had no clue what to do.

God why is everything so complicated?

Maybe I just suck at having relationships..as it is love is more than foreign to me.

"Liv you can talk to me. You should know by now I'm not gonna judge you. There's nothing wrong with loving whoever you want. I'm slowly coming to terms with that myself.." she whispered the last bit of her sentence, and I looked up into her blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked and she just shook her head.

"It's nothing. Anyway I had no idea you and Ms. Novak were an um..item. It's good you two have each other, but Jane was pretty upset when she walked away. What was that about?"

Was I really gonna bother her with all this?

"It's..complicated. I'd rather not talk about it." I answered looking over at Glaring girl who was finally getting up. I caught her looking at me, at least she wasn't glaring.

"You'd rather not talk about a lot of things. I wish you would just talk to me." The blonde said sadly.

Great another person I've upset today.

I had to say something that would get Alex off my back. I had to find away to push myself as far as possible from her so I could no longer complicate her life. She has enough going on..the last thing she needs is to worry about me.

"I shouldn't even be talking to you. I shouldn't be doing anything with you. You're my teacher and that's it." I said quietly and more to myself than her. I felt my heart clench in my chest and I swear it felt like I was having a heart attack.

I heard her swallow and saw her clench her fist in her lap.

"You really mean that Liv?" Our eyes met and I glanced down at her mouth.

Why can't she be the one kissing me?

I knew my answer would change everything but this is what's best for Alex she can't just be all buddy buddy with me. She's jeperodizing her job and maybe she'd save money on gas not having to drive me around.

Most of all she won't have to deal with me. This crush has really clouded my judgement. I shouldn't have even let myself get close to her like this.

"Yeah I mean it." She stared into my eyes before standing up and clearing her throat.

"Well, if that's how you feel..I'll see you Monday Ms. Benson." I felt my heart drop when she didn't call me Liv, but this is what's best right?

I watched her wave goodbye to Ms. Carmichael and make her way to the parking lot. I stared in the direction she left for awhile.

Damn what did I just do?

I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"Looks like I'll be walking home." I mumbled out loud.

"Benson! Come here!" Abbie yelled from across the court where she was standing next to glaring girl. I walked over to them and gave Abbie a trying smile.

"Is there something you'd like to say Ms. Nelson?" Abbie gestured to glaring her who in return rolled her eye. I took a moment to look at her very swollen yellow and purple eye.

Damn Casey kicked her ass.

"Sorry for being a bitch to you and your girlfriend." She mumbled not looking at me.

"Right.." I said looking to Abbie who was looking at glaring girl with angry eyes. Not even correcting her when she called Casey my girlfriend. This chick isn't even worth correcting.

"Really that's the best you can do? You'd think after getting beat up you'd be less bitchy. I guess you can't cure them all." Abbie shrugged and looked at me.

"Anyway you aright Olivia?" I nodded and Abbie gave me an understanding smile.

"Women are just as complicating as men. Which is why I have four dogs and three birdies to keep me company." I let out a genuine laugh and glaring girl rolled her eye again.

"What's your deal?" I questioned and glaring girl just made a nasally noise.

"What's my deal? My deal is that you're a disgrace to this species. What you are is fucking disgusting." I took a deep breath and controlled the anger that welled inside me.

"How do you even know that? No how do you even know me huh?"

"My father is Mr. Nelson. I'm Kelly Nelson god can dikes not put two and two together or what?" This girl is really testing my patience, I guess like father like daughter.

"Look next time you call me out of my fucking name you're gonna get two black eyes understand?" she nodded furiously. Clearly not wanting her face to look even more messed up.

"Wait why don't you go to my school? Your father did teach there and all."

"He didn't want me going to school with dik..I mean uh lesbians. So he sent me to Lauden which happens to be a Catholic school so being gay isn't really an option there." She suddenly looked very sad and deep in thought.

Hmm maybe this girl isn't that bad underneath all that bitchyness.

"I really am sorry about what I said earlier by the way. Your girl really beat my ass." Kelly let out a defeated laugh.

"She's not my girl, but yeah she did do a number on you."

"Oh she's not? I swear I saw her kiss you..or maybe she gave me a concussion or something." she said scratching the back of her head.

"Nope that was a complete misunderstanding." I assured.

"Hmm you guys would make a decent couple tho. Who was that blonde lady? She was pretty nice."

"Oh that was Ms. Cabot she's.." A goddess, gorgeous, wonderful, caring, mysterious, loving, passionate, beautiful woman...

"She's my coaches friend and the geometry teacher at my school."

"Oh she's the lady who replaced my dad?"

"Mhmm How is he by the way?" I asked curiously.

"He's still in a coma and honestly things are so much more peaceful around my house now. No offense to my dad but he's pretty fucking psycho." She admitted.

"I bet, he made my life hell."

"Oh I know he did. When he came home he wouldn't shut up about you, and he would give me these long lectures on gay people and why they are disgusting and disgraceful.."

"Is that why you hate gay people? Cause your dad does?"

"No but I was raised to..he didn't really pay much attention to me unless he was telling me not to be gay." She frowned.

I gave her an understanding look. I knew what she was feeling all too well.

Growing up there were times when my mom only acknowledged me when she was telling me how useless I was.

"Well I guess I should get going it was nice talking to you..Olivia." She tried to smile but ended up wincing in pain as she walked away.

"Bye Kelly." I waved.

"She actually called you Olivia? I was totally expecting to hear dike in that goodbye." Abbie said picking up her belongings and walking back over to me.

"Aw she's not that bad Abbie. She's just.."

"Rough around the edges? Hmm perhaps she's Jane's long lost twin?" She laughed but I just shook my head.

"Very funny. I'll see you Monday Ms. Carmichael."

"Bye Benson!" We waved goodbye and I started my journey home.

About half way throw my walk I reached into my gym bag and grabbed my phone.

"Huh three missed calls?" I said aloud.

The calls ended up being from Elliot and I contemplated on whether I should call him back or just text him.

I'll call him.

The phone ringed for a few seconds before he answered.

"Liv it's about damn time! What the hell did you say to Jane? She called me sobbing."

Oh great Jane called Elliot.

"I didn't say anything I shouldn't have. What all did she tell you?"

"Oh just that Casey KISSED you. I thought you said you weren't going to get back with her?" Well it looks like Jane didn't tell him everything.

"El I need you to listen to me ok? Don't treat me like the bad guy right now alright?" I pleaded.

"Ok just tell me what happened."

I told him everything from Kelly to Casey kicking her ass to Casey kissing me and to Jane flipping out.

"Liv you can't just expect her to be ok can you? You rejected her. That would crush anybody."

"I know I'm just trying to figure out how I let her develop feelings like that."

"That's the thing Liv that's something you can't control. No matter how hard you try."

"I don't know how I didn't realize she felt like this sooner.." I said quietly.

"I tried telling you the other day but Kathy stopped me."

"Oh that's why you guys were acting so weird!" He let out a laugh and I smiled.

"Well I'm about to reach my house El. I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah I'll see you and don't think about all this too much ok? Things will turn out alright in the end." He assured me.

"Thanks El, you're the best."

"No problem Liv. Bye."

"Bye El." Talking to him helped, but if only he knew about Alex. Then what would he say?

Everything will be alright. Right?

...

Monday morning rolled around quicker than I wanted after having a lazy Sunday to myself. I tried not to think about Saturday, but it still found it's way into my head.

Dreams of Alex filled me the night before, and left me regretting what I said to her. I didn't wan't Alex to just be my teacher I wanted her to be my friend.

I wanted her more than that, but what's the chances of that? I'd be lucky if she even looked at me today.

I was currently getting a ride to school from my mom who was oblivious to my situation and running late.

"Damnit do you get in trouble if you're tardy Olivia?" She asked speeding her way through traffic.

"It'll be fine mom. I'm just happy you're able to drive me."

"Oh honey I'm your mother it's my job to drive you places. I should just give you this car..how's that sound?" My eyes widened with excitement and shock.

"You're kidding? You'd really give me the car? What about you ma?" She shrugged.

"I'll just get a new car. I have enough money saved up."

I can't believe she's actually considering giving me the car. Damn maybe today won't be as bad as I thought if its starting out like this.

"We're here alright we'll talk about it more later. Have a good day and I'll see you when you get home. Love you."

"Love you too ma. See you!" I said shutting the car door. I had only a few minutes to get to class so I got on the good foot.

The bell rang right when I entered Alex's classroom. I noticed Jane sitting on the other side of the room next to Sasha and I sighed.

Is this really how she's gonna be?

I looked toward Ms. Cabot and felt my heart beat uncontrollably.

She was sitting at her desk writing something down with her glasses at her nose. Her blonde hair was voluminous and I noticed her wearing a bit more make up than usual.

Damn she's breathtaking..

I made my way to my seat and Alex finally stood up with a stack of papers in her hands.

"Alright class today we will be doing review worksheets they'll all be do on Friday so get em done." She placed each stack of sheets on the front table and then sat back down at her desk.

She seemed very glum today and I wondered what was wrong with the blonde beauty.

Whoever upset her could burn in the deepest pit of hell.

I went up to get my worksheets and felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked up just as Alex looked back down at whatever paper she was writing on.

She had been looking at me.

Maybe I didn't blow it with Alex and she'll want to pretend Saturday never happened?

But what good would that do for her? Her and I having anymore than student/teacher would jeperodize her career.

I went back to my seat and worked on my worksheets quietly for the rest of the period. Glancing up at Alex every so often and catching her glancing back at me a few times.

The bell rang and as I went to leave the classroom I heard Alex clear her throat.

"Wait Ms. Benson would you stay behind for a sec I need to speak with you.."

Next update should be Saturday!