LONGEST CHAPTER YET! Oh, and Nathan and Noah's father's name is Matt. When I first began writing the stories I was going to call him Mike, so if I write too quickly I will sometimes put Mike instead of Matt. I apologize for this.

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Chapter 10

Dean awoke during the night to Nathan violently twitching and shaking in bed. Sometime shortly after he had taken Nathan to bed, Dean had fallen asleep, one arm wrapped around the boy's torso, the other resting on his head. Sam had promised to keep a close eye on Noah throughout the night and had left after Nathan's breakdown. But now, Dean needed his brother. He didn't know whether the boy was suffering from a particularly terrifying nightmare or something worse.

"Nathan!" Dean sat up and tried to rouse the boy from whatever was afflicting him, "Sam!"

Sam ran into the room and quickly moved to the bed when he saw what was happening. "Dean, what the hell's going on?"

"I dunno, just help me would ya! Nathan, wake up kiddo!"

"No, no, no!" Dean's order was slowly pulling the teen from his nightmare, "No, please don't make me!" Nathan's back arched away from an unseen force, his eyes clenched tight in fear and pain.

"Nathan, you're safe. Calm down and open your eyes for me. You're really starting to worry me kiddo." Dean gently cupped the boy's head which was flailing back and forth and rubbed circles on his cheeks in a comforting manner.

"No, don't," Nathan sobbed, "don't make me. Sorry, Noah. Sorry."

Dean pulled Nathan up and cradled him to his chest, resting Nathan's head on his shoulder. Nathan buried his head still deeper, now awake from the dream, and he held onto Dean as tightly as he could, afraid that his new father would be disgusted by what he had done and leave him, taking Noah with him. Nathan didn't know what he would do if they abandoned him, leaving him to his own defenses. What would he do? He had no where to go, and he would die without his brother. Nathan sobbed even harder at this thought…what would he do?

"Okay, okay, calm down," Dean gently directed in Nathan's ear. Sam place a comforting hand on the boy's back, not knowing what else to do, "Deep breaths; in and out."

Very slowly, Nathan obeyed. It took all his effort to not begin the sob-fest all over again. Eventually, his crying ceased, but he continued to hide his face in Dean's shoulder, unable to face the two men he most admired, but also feared.

It was like hero-worship. Of course he considered Sam and Dean his family, but he also feared their disappointment in him. Nathan knew it had yet to happen, but when they finally said those four words, "I'm disappointed in you," Nathan knew he would die. It would hurt worse than his father's most brutal punishments, except for one. That one time… Nathan shuddered at the memories.

He knew when he described the incident to Dean and Sam, those words would be said, and although he was already disappointed in himself, those looks on his new family's faces would tear through his very core and destroy all the confidence he had gained in the past few months.

"Nathan," Dean started as he continued to run a hand through Nathan's hair.

"No, I don't want to tell you."

"Why not, kiddo?"

"You're gonna hate me," he choked out.

Dean looked up at Sam, a pitying look on his face. This poor kid never got a break did he? "Nathan, I told you that you had no reason to be afraid of telling us anything. And believe me; we could never, ever hate you. Look at me, kiddo," Nathan leaned back, but refused to look Dean in the eyes, "Nathan, look at me please." Wearily, Nathan lifted his eyes and looked at Dean through the long, brown bangs that covered his forehead, "We could never hate you, and keeping this pain inside of you; it's going to kill you. Tell us what happened. It'll help, I swear to you it will."

Knowing that eventually Dean would force it out of him, Nathan decided to get it over with. He leaned into Dean's side, and roughly swallowed down the butterflies that landed heavily in his empty stomach. Dean once again wrapped his arms around the boy to offer his comfort, while Sam sat down on the bed and placed a hand on Nathan's thigh.

"Awhile ago, Jack took me on a hunt with him. It was a black dog. When we found it, it was attacking a young woman. We ended up getting rid of the dog easily, but it had already torn into the woman. She was still alive, and even though she was having trouble breathing, her eyes were still open. We ran over to her and she started begging us to take her to the hospital, but instead of trying to save her, Jack shot her. He just looked at her, and he shot her. How could he do that? She still had a chance, even if it was small. He told me it would have been a waste of time, and he burned their corpses."

This revelation shocked Sam and Dean. Even though Jack was a horrible child abuser, they never thought he would kill another human being. The entire reason to hunt was to save as many human innocent lives as was possible.

"After the corpses burned we packed everything in the truck. I was crying, still shocked at what he had done. He yelled at me the whole way home, threatening a beating if I didn't stop. I tried, but I just couldn't get that woman's face out of my head.

"We got home, and he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. He took me straight over to Matt and threw me on the ground. Jack told Matt what happened and he just flipped out. He began beating the shit out of me. Noah was huddling in the corner, and then, I dunno what happened. It was like he saw what was happening and couldn't handle it anymore, and he just charged Matt.

"Matt was furious. He grabbed him by the hair and started yelling how he was tired of our disobedience and how we needed to grow up and stop acting like children. Noah was so scared, and I tried to get him, but Jack pulled my arms behind my back and held me against him. Matt tore Noah's shirt off of him and threw him facedown on the sofa and told him if he moved he'd kill him. Noah was too terrified to do anything. He was too young and afraid to do anything but lie there. Matt turned to me and told me it was time for me to learn to be a man." At this point, Nathan began to lose it again. What happened had been so terrible, and it had eaten him up for months. He couldn't relive it; it was too hard to deal with.

"C'mon, Nathan. You're doing so great. Just keep talking to us, kiddo," Dean reassured the boy, all the while continuing to wonder what happened next, now that he was so close to finding out the real story.

"God, it was so terrible."

"Deep breaths, Nathan. Just calm down and start again whenever you're ready." Dean watched Nathan trying to control his emotions. He saw the boy take a few ragged breaths and wipe the tears off his face; though as soon as those were gone, a few more fell from his eyes.

"Jack let me go, and he had a strange smirk on his face. I was so scared; I didn't know what was gonna happen. I mean with my dad and Jack together…" Nathan broke off at this point allowing Dean's and Sam's minds to imagine the possibilities of this statement.

"What happened, Nathan?" Dean pressed on.

"Matt took his belt off and placed it in my hands. It took me a few moments before I understood what he meant."

"You give him twenty hits as hard as you can. It's time for you to act like a man. Believe me, I'll know if you're holding back boy," Matt glared at Nathan.

"What? No." Nathan tried giving the belt back to his father, he was shaking his head unable to comprehend what was happening.

"I will not tolerate your childishness anymore!" Matt rushed over and took Nathan's face roughly in his hands, "You will step up like a man and punish your brother, or I'll do it! There's no way to stop me, Nathan," Matt hissed, "Your brother is getting belted at some point tonight, and if I have to do it, it'll be forty strokes, and you of all people know how hard of hit I've got. So, what's your choice?"

"I didn't know what to do. There was no way out of it. Jack and Matt were both there and we had no way of escaping. Matt was right though; he did hit harder, and physically Noah would have been in more pain if Matt hit him; but emotionally, I didn't know what he would feel like if I beat him. I didn't know if he'd ever trust me again. I knew he was listening, but he was just lying on the couch, not moving. It was like he was too terrified to do anything but breathe. I was hoping for some sort of reaction out of him, some way for him to show me that he wouldn't hate me if I hit him, but I got nothing from him."

Dean looked over at Sam wondering what he would've done in that situation. First of all, telling Nathan that beating your baby brother will help make you a man was ridiculous. Second, If John Winchester had placed a belt in his hand and forced him to choose between beating his baby brother or condemning him to a punishment twice as painful, Dean truly didn't know what he would've done. Which was worse: the physical pain or the emotional pain? That was an extremely difficult question. Bruises and welts will fade, but mental and emotional wounds were sometimes greater to heal from. It was unbelievable the amount of hurt those boys had gone through and were still trying to overcome.

"What did you do?" Dean softly asked.

Nathan lowered his head in shame, tears quickly falling from his eyes.

"He only ever gave either of us twenty strokes before, sometimes thirty if we got him on a bad night. Our backs would be bleeding at twenty because he hit so hard. Forty strokes, I couldn't even imagine what kind of condition that would've left him in."

"Oh, God," Dean leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. What had that monster done to his boys? A young boy being forced to beat the one person who's ever cared for him, that was hell. Dean couldn't even swallow the thought. He looked over at Sam and saw his brother looking down on the bed in complete shock. Nathan meanwhile had his face buried in his knees, his arms covering his head, agitatedly rocking in place, lost in the memory of that night and ashamed at what he had done.

Stroke after stroke he laid on his baby brother's back. Both of the boys' frames were shaking from the effort of their sobs. Every hit drew a pained cry from his brother, his sweet, innocent baby brother, who he swore he'd protect from this very type of abuse. Nathan was feeling his own pain every time he picked up his arm to place one more painful stroke on Noah's already bruised and cut back.

"…Twenty…" Matt's voice rang out as he finished counting out Noah's punishment.

Noah dropped the belt as soon as the belt hit Noah's back. He stood there panting; a mixture of sweat and tears covered his face. He felt his uncle wrap his rough arms around him and pull him backward. Nathan fell limp in the grasp until he saw his father reach over and roughly yank Noah up by his hair and pull him close.

"Let him go!" Nathan yelled.

"Shut up!" Jack punched him in the side forcing all the air from Nathan's lungs.

"I bet your back hurts real bad doesn't it boy? Doesn't it?" Matt screamed at Noah when he received no reply in return. Noah only nodded his head. "You know why this happened? It was because you were disobedient and got in my way," Matt shook the boy.

"Let him go, please," Nathan sobbed, only getting another punch in the ribs in return.

"Your brother stepped up today and finally acted like a man. I didn't do anything this time. He punished you. He whipped you, and he'd do it again too," Matt hissed in Noah's ear as tears fell from the little boy's eyes.

"Don't tell him that! Noah, don't listen to him. I would never hurt you. He made me, Noah!" Another punch, but Nathan couldn't feel it; he was too distressed by this point.

"You stupid shit! Man up to what you did," Matt threw Noah on the couch and walked over to his oldest son, tugging Nathan up so their faces were directly in front of one another. "You disgust me!" He violently pushed Nathan's face away and walked from the room, "Get the fuck out of my sight, both of you!"

"He wouldn't look at me; he wouldn't let me touch him," Nathan took a deep breath attempting to control his emotions. "He cried himself to sleep for nights, and I couldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't speak and he barely ate. He was so depressed; I mean even though we were always abused, he'd smile and laugh when we were alone. He wouldn't even do that anymore. It wasn't until Matt went after him one night and I stepped in the way that he began trusting me again. It took weeks for us to get back to normal, but every once in a while he'd still look at me with a hint of caution in his eyes.

"You hate me don't you?" Nathan cried. "Noah. I would never hurt him on purpose, never. He was all I had until you two came. I'd do anything for him, I just…you hate me right? And I don't know how to fix this."

"Nathan, stop, just stop." Dean was overwhelmed. He had no idea how to even begin fixing this, "First of all, we do not hate you. We could never hate you. What your father made you do made you choose between, that was an impossible decision. I don't know what I would've done in that situation. You are so brave for what you did," Nathan looked down, not believing this statement, "You chose to do what was best for your little brother. You decided to protect him from your father's fury, even if it meant putting a slight bump in your relationship. He was too young at the time to understand what was happening and to fully understand the severity of the situation you were put into."

"But I hurt him," Nathan hung his head and Dean sighed in slight frustration wondering how to help the boy. He placed his own forehead on Nathan's head.

"You protected him in the long run, and he will forgive you. He'll come to understand that because he's your little brother and he'll love you no matter what." Sam joined the group, placing his hand on Nathan's head as the boy continued to cry.

"He wouldn't even come near me. He wouldn't let me protect him and comfort him. I don't know what to do anymore." Dean pulled the boy close.

"We'll make this better."

"You're a good kid you know that? Don't worry, you're brother will trust you again," Sam told him, finally speaking up.

Unexpectedly, a small sob was heard by the doorway. The three Winchesters looked over to see Noah peeking into the room, the infamous red sweatshirt making its reappearance in light of what happened that day. By the glare of the bedside lamp, Nathan could see the shine of tears on his brother's face.

Noah looked at his brother and ran as fast as he could, leaping onto the bed, and straight into Nathan's arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nathan, just don't leave me," he cried gripping tightly to his brother mumbling off a string of apologies and pleas.

Nathan buried his face in his brother's hair, "I won't leave you. I'll always be here little brother," He looked up at Dean and Sam who both had small smiles on their faces, glad that the boys were on their way back to normal.

For the love of God this is driving me insane! Please help me somebody. I want to know the name of the kid that plays four-year old Dean in the Pilot. I've looked everyone and I cannot find it. I really wanted to put photos on my page of how I pictured Nathan and Noah, and that kid is the perfect Noah. So, if you have any clue who that boy is…please let me know. I am going crazy. Also, if anyone has or wants to make any artwork or anything of this story, I will stick it on my page. I was just trying to figure out how to spruce it up…

ANYWAYS…I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. I'll try to update once or twice before I go on vacation in two weeks.I HEART REVIEWS SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! Even though I think I'd this point I would rather figure out who that kid is…I'm not a stalker I swear, I just really want to know…and now I'm rambling…