"No," Remus said.
"Why not?" Sirius demanded.
"Because we promised McGonagall that we'd behave! Where's my Charms book?" Sirius sat up from where he was laying sprawled in the grass, and handed Remus the book he had been using for a pillow.
"We promised her we'd use common sense and not do anything stupid," Sirius corrected him. "I'm absolutely certain that I never made a promise to behave."
For the past two weeks, Remus had been insisting that they spend two nights a week and at least one weekend afternoon reviewing for exams. The others had agreed, though Remus was sure that Sirius had only done so because James made him. He tended to review by doodling on his parchment and charming whatever happened to be nearby. His favorite thing to do was to charm his quill into floating, and use it to tickle his friends' ears. This usually resulted in James telling him exactly where he was going to put the quill if Sirius didn't stop it.
Today, however, Sirius had something new to focus on. The following Saturday was another Hogsmeade trip, and Sirius was determined to return to the Shrieking Shack.
"What does a Hogsmeade weekend have to do with it anyway?" Peter asked. "We can go through the Whomping Willow any time." Peter stared hard at the toad they had captured, and flicked his wand again. He had been trying for an hour to turn it into a teapot, but so far all he had accomplished was making its head steam a little bit.
"Less flick, more swish," James said. Quite aside from the fact that it was easier to study if they weren't tempted to be out doing other things, James was a very useful study partner to have around. Like Sirius, he seemed to absorb information without even trying, but he was also very good at teaching. Though occasionally still annoyed at having to work so much harder than James did, Remus was beginning to appreciate his help.
As Remus tried to find the chapter on making fruit dance, an owl swept past them, dropping a letter on Sirius's head. Sirius recoiled, looking at the letter like it was poisonous.
"That's the third one this week," James said. "I don't suppose it's a sign that your mother is becoming more accepting and affectionate?" Though he said the words lightly, there was a coldness in his hazel eyes that only appeared there when talking about Sirius's family. Sirius shook his head.
"She says she's just keeping me up to date on the family news," Sirius muttered. "Mostly about my cousins marrying pure-bloods, and some new anti-Mudblood movement that's going on." His eyes flew open, and he clapped a hand over his mouth. "Damn it!" he yelled, flopping back down on the ground and covering his face with his hands.
"It's all right," James said quietly. "Sirius, sit up, it's all right."
"No, it's not all right," Sirius yelled as he sat up. "I hate it! I hate being one of them!"
"You're not one of them!" Peter exclaimed in surprise. "You're nothing like them, Sirius! That's the whole problem, isn't it?"
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Sirius asked. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't even know it was a bad word until about a year ago. My cousin, Andromeda, chewed me out for using it." He smirked slightly. "She married a mud-, I mean, a muggleborn last fall. My dad actually cried." With a look of resignation, he picked the letter back up and opened it. He scanned it briefly.
"The whole anti-muggleborn movement is being lead by someone called Volde-something, we donated a whole bunch of money to the ministry – there's a shocker – blah, blah, blah."
"Let's call it a day," Remus said, slipping his books back into his bag.
"Really?" Sirius asked hopefully.
"Yeah," Remus said. "I think we've done enough for today. Hey James, did you bring your Fanged Frisbee?"
They spent the next hour tossing the snarling frisbee to each other, Sirius throwing it harder than was really necessary, and laughing rather unkindly when Peter got bit. It was only once the frisbee bit him, causing his hand to bleed profusely, that he seemed to snap out of sulking and started laughing again. For a few minutes, it looked like everything was fine, and Sirius's family was forgotten.
"Shouldn't we take you to the hospital wing?" Peter asked as they headed back toward the castle.
"Nah," Sirius said cheerfully. "It's already stopped bleeding."
He stopped suddenly. A group of older Slytherins were sitting on the ground, and they were going to have to walk directly past them in order to get in the castle. His face hardened as he saw them. Sirius often reacted like this to Slytherins. Remus knew that he associated Slytherin House with his family, and therefore despised every one of them. Eyes straight ahead, Sirius began to walk quickly past them, his friends following.
"Aren't you going to say hello, Sirius?" A snide, taunting voice came from the group.
"Keep walking," James whispered, clearly understanding something that Remus and Peter didn't.
"Look at him, marching past us," the girl said in a false hurt voice. "Too good to be seen talking to us, aren't you?" She flipped her dark hair over her shoulder, smirking. "You all know Sirius, right?" she said to her friends. "He's our self-righteous little blood-traitor."
"Keep going!" James hissed. Sirius had stopped, though he still had his back to the group. "Just ignore them, Sirius!"
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" the girl asked, her dark eyes moving in turn to Remus, Peter, and finally resting on James.
"Let's go," Peter said quietly to Sirius, and the girl's eyes turned to him.
"Do you take orders from Mudbloods now, Sirius?"
Sirius spun around to face her, and his wand flashed so fast that Remus barely saw it. The girl threw up her hands before the violet light hit her face. Bleeding red welts blistered instantly across her arms, and she looked at Sirius in shock.
"Guess you shouldn't have taught me that one when we were kids, " Sirius said nastily.
She was looking at her arms and whimpering, and James had the back of Sirius's robes and was dragging him into the castle. Remus and Peter followed quickly.
----------
If Sirius was at all worried about getting in trouble for cursing the Slytherin girl, he didn't show it. He stormed back in forth in the dormitory for nearly an hour, every once in a while starting to rant, but never getting farther than a few strangled, garbled words before lapsing back into silence.
"Wretched, horrid... never should have... they don't even... like I would ever..."
Even James was silent. They all just sat and watched Sirius pace. Remus wasn't sure that Sirius even realized they were there, and wondered if they should leave him alone. James, however, showed absolutely no intention of leaving. He sat on the floor, his gaze never leaving Sirius's face, waiting.
Remus kept an ear out for approaching footsteps coming up the stairs, certain that McGonagall or a prefect would be coming for Sirius any minute. He had no idea what spell Sirius had used on the girl, but he knew it was bad. He wondered how much trouble Sirius would be in, and if it would help at all if they stood up for him and explained that he had been provoked.
Sirius finally stopped pacing and stood by the table by the window. He leaned his forehead against the wall, his eyes closed, his face defeated.
"I can't believe I used that spell," he finally whispered.
"You were angry," Peter said simply.
"No, not that," Sirius said, shaking his head as he pushed himself off of the wall. "I really couldn't care less that I hurt Bella. She's my least favorite cousin, and that's saying something. It's just, she really was the one who taught me that spell." He sank to the floor beside his bed and looked at James. "That was Dark Magic." The self-loathing on his face bordered on despair.
"You're not like them," James insisted. "You're not, Sirius."
"I'm not sure," he whispered.
"We are," Remus said firmly.
"Do you realize," Sirius said a minute later, "that we only have six weeks of school left?"
The only thought Remus had given to the end of school was that they needed to study for exams. He hadn't really thought about the fact that they would be heading home once exams were over. Looking at the expression of hopelessness on Sirius's face, he realized that Sirius had thought about it a lot. To him, every mention of the end of the term was a reminder of what he was going back to. Remus squirmed guiltily as he thought about how much he had talked about exams over the past couple of weeks.
"You can come visit me over the summer," James said. "They'll let you come see me, right?"
Sirius considered for a moment, then nodded. "I think so. My mum won't love the idea, but..." Sirius trailed off.
"You should try us first," Remus suggested quietly. "Peter's muggleborn, and I'm a half-blood. They'll be so appalled that when you suggest James, they'll probably be thrilled."
Sirius shook his head, looking sick. "But you're my friends too," he whispered guiltily. "I don't want my family to be appalled..."
He looked so ashamed, sitting on the floor, refusing to meet their eyes, and Remus felt angry at Sirius's family, not because they would consider him inferior for being a half-blood, but because Sirius couldn't escape them.
"Hey," he said, and Sirius looked up at him. "We know you," he said. "We know what you are. And we know who you are." The words echoed familiarly around the room, and the faintest ghost of a smile flitted across Sirius's face.