***Huge thank you to fangirl4life, Padli angel, VAddiccted, VAvixin69, DemonsRelm, Guest, and hiseask17 for reviewing the last chapter. I know that it has been forever since I last updated this story, and I apologize for that. I have been distracted by college and work, but I'm on break from school currently, and I recently had knee surgery, so I am on break from work as well, so I'm going to try to squeeze in as many chapters as I can for all my stories. It is two in the morning when I am as I'm posting this, so, therefore, it is not edited, and I'm on painkillers, so some stuff may not make any sense. If that happens, just leave me a review or shoot me a DM and I'll try to get it fixed as soon as possible. A/N- I went through today and fixed some of the mistakes that I saw, that's why it's been re-updated.
To the guest reviewer: I'm sorry you didn't like the last chapter, I know not every chapter is enjoyable. This story is being told from Rose's point of view, and she has been through quite some trauma. Due to this trauma, her version of reality is a bit twisted. She knows that Dimitri has been nothing but nice to her and Katya, but due to the trauma she's gone through, she sees everything as a threat. She knows that Dimitri is not Adrian by any stretch, but Adrian started by being nice to her as well, and her traumatized brain is just linking the two together which is why she reacted the way she did. Everybody reacts differently to being raped, and in Rose's case, her reaction is shunning the entire male population and even some of the female population because you never know who could be the 'monster.' Not everybody is as affected by it as Rose is, some aren't entirely affected the way Rose is, but it's just the way I have written her for this story. Sorry once again that you didn't like the last chapter, but this chapter you may like more as there is reconciling between the two and a couple of sweet spots.
ATTENTION! IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!
PART OF THE THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH SELF-HARM WHICH CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME. I WILL MARK WHERE THE CONVERSATION STARTS AND WHERE IT ENDS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Zeklos sat down with a barely contained smirk, and Adrian didn't even try to hide his.
"Would the prosecution like to cross-examine?" The judge questioned, and Dimitri immediately bolted to his feet. Christian grabbed his arm and stood gracefully, obviously in control of himself and his emotions. Dimitri sat back down with a scowl.
"Miss Hathaway," Christian started, approaching the witness box. "How long have you been self-harming?"
"Ever since I was found, so about three months," I answered him honestly.
"And how often do you self-harm?"
"Maybe once a week?"
"The cuts on your arms now, how old are they?" Christian questioned.
"I did it last night," I replied meekly.
"What did you use to make the cuts?"
"A small razor blade," I told him.
"Could you show the jury about how big you would say it is?"
I twisted my body slightly to face the jury more directly and held up my pointer fingers about an inch and a half apart.
"So an average sized razor blade, one that you would put in say a pocket knife?" Christian confirmed.
"Yes."
"After making these cuts, do you ever feel woozy or pass out?"
"I usually end up passing out, or I only make a handful of cuts because I get woozy. I know it sounds strange, but I get queasy around blood," I told Christian.
"Thank you, Miss Hathaway, you may return to your seat."
Relief coursed through me and I took my seat as fast as humanly possible.
Christian turns away from me to address the jury directly. "What Mr. Zeklos is proposing is that my client made the multitude of scars on her body simply to slander his client, all because she has a history of self-harming. However, it now is evident that there is no way Miss Hathaway was the one to make the scars on her arms. The scars marking her wrists and ankles are by far too thick to have been done with a simple pocket knife blade, the only viable culprit to causing those scars are thick metal chains, such as those found at the crime scene.
"It is utterly ridiculous to propose the idea that Miss Hathaway strung herself up in chains for years simply to put someone in jail when there are far easier ways to do that. The scars that Miss Hathaway has are not scars that are made in one day. The markings on her wrists and ankles are there due to repeated trauma throughout the last three years. The scars on her back and the back of her arms are places that would have near impossible for her to reach day after day to make the scars," Christian continues as Dimitri walks over to the television to hook something else up. "Please direct your attention once more to the screen." Christian nodded at Dimitri as he sat.
"What you are about to see is extremely graphic material, and we ask that anyone who does not wish to see this, leaves now," Dimitri started. When nobody moved, he pointed a small black remote at the television, and it turned on showing a picture of my wrists. A slideshow began to play as Dimitri talked about each scar. My ankles were shown, before it moved to my bare back, revealing the crisscross pattern there that I got the first and only time that I ever tried to escape. As Dimitri mentioned this, I saw Adrian ball his hands up out of the corner of my eye.
"From Miss Hathaway's testimony, we can verify that she was not the person to make these markings as anyone who had a queasiness of blood would not have been able to withstand all the blood that would result from these," Dimitri concluded his speech and took his seat as Christian stood once more.
"Included in the packets that you received this morning, we see the results to the rape kit that was done upon Miss Hathaway being admitted to the hospital, which shows that she was forced to have sexual intercourse more than once unwillingly. Also included are DNA tests down from the scene of the crime. Our team swabbed the chains that Miss Hathaway was found in to confirm that the blood residue on them was indeed hers, as well as determining that the other DNA on the chains were indeed Mr. Ivashkov's," Christian said. The jury began to flip through said packets, looking at each thing as he mentioned it, and a few shared exchanges with each other.
"Thank you, Mr. Ozera. Does the prosecution have any other witnesses that they would like to call to the stand?"
"Yes, we would like to call Lyla Edwards to the stand," Christian said. The name didn't ring any bells in my head, and a younger woman passed, taking a seat at the stand. She looked at me, and I realized that she was the nurse who delivered Katerina.
"Please state your full name for the jury," Christian requested.
"Lyla Catherine Edwards," she responded, looking only at Christian.
"Mrs. Edwards, please place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand," he said. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?"
"I do," she said.
"Mrs. Edwards, do you recognized the young lady sitting next to my partner at the prosecution table?"
"Yes."
"How do you know Miss Hathaway?"
"I delivered her daughter almost two years ago," Lyla answered.
"Can you confirm that this is the house you delivered her daughter at?" Christian asked, showing her a picture of Adrian's house.
"Yes, that is the house."
"And what did Miss Hathaway look like when you saw her?"
Lyla's eyes flickered to mine, and I could see this pity and sadness in them. "She looked horrible. Her skin was pale, and her hair was greasy. It was obvious that she hadn't showered in days as there was grime all over her body. She was very frail, very weak. Despite being so heavily pregnant, she was extremely malnourished, which led to her daughter being severely underweight. She had very little muscle on her body, which is an obvious sign of being on bed rest, which while not uncommon during pregnancies, the amount of muscle she had lost was too much for it to have resulted from a few weeks of bed rest."
"Was there anything else you noted?"
"I'm not sure how much it matters, but she wasn't on any prenatal vitamins, which I believe is a requirement in modern medicine," she added.
"Thank you, Mrs. Edwards," Christian said. "Just a few more questions. Do you recognize the man in chains sitting at the defense table?"
"I do," Lyla answered, her eyes barely even glancing over to him.
"How do you know him?"
"He was in the room when I delivered Miss Hathaway's daughter. He sat in the corner, just staring at Miss Hathaway. After I filled out the information for the certificate of live birth, Miss Hathaway tried to tell me something, but before she could, he was dragging me out of the room."
"What happened after that?" Christian asked her softly, making eye contact.
"There was another guy who led me outside and handed me a small bag and told me that if I ever spoke of what happened inside, then I would be killed," Lyla whispered the last part.
"What was in the bag, Mrs. Edwards?"
"Ten thousand dollars," she said, her eyes locked on Christian's.
"Thank you, Mrs. Edwards. I have no further questions," Christian told her. He shook her hand and leaned forward, whispering something to her quickly.
"Does the defense want to cross-examine?"
Zeklos was out of his chair before the judge was even finished speaking. "Yes, Your Honor."
"Mrs. Edwards, what did you do with the money that my client supposedly paid you with?" Zeklos questioned, pacing in front of the stand.
"I took out the fee for my services and donated the rest to charity," she answered clearly.
"How much were your fees?"
"Around two thousand," she said. "The other eight thousand went to charity."
"Do you have any proof of this?"
"I have my donation receipt, as well as Mr. Ivashkov's request for me to deliver Miss Hathaway's daughter," she said. "I gave them to Mr. Ozera and Mr. Belikov, and they made copies to put in the jury folders."
Zeklos' eyes flashed with an unnamed emotion, and Christian and Dimitri shared a triumphant look.
"No further questions, Your Honor," Zeklos says, taking his seat.
"Mrs. Edwards, you are free to step down from the stand," the judge told Lyla. She stepped down quickly off the platform and walked past our table.
"Is there any more evidence to present or witnesses to testify?" the judged asked. Christian and Dimitri shared a brief look and Dimitri shook his head.
"There is neither more evidence nor more witnesses the prosecution would like to bring forward, Your Honor," Dimitri said.
"Mr. Zeklos?"
"No, Your Honor."
"Jury, you are dismissed to talk amongst yourselves and reach a verdict. We with rejoin tomorrow at ten." The judge banged her gavel, releasing everybody.
Dimitri and Christian immediately escorted me out of the courtroom, and my parents followed behind us. Out on the front steps, my mother handed a sleeping Katerina, who barely stirred as she switched into my arms.
"Rose, may I speak with you briefly?" Dimitri asked me softly.
"Maybe later," I responded quickly. "I want to get Katerina home and in her bed."
He nodded and murmured something to Christian before walking away.
"Rose, I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Christian says. "Get some sleep; we've got this in the bag."
I nodded and forced a smile. "I'll try."
"Rose, your mother and I would like to take you out for a late lunch slash early dinner, and it's time that you and Katya met Aiden," my dad says. "He's expressed interest in meeting you two."
I want to roll my eyes, but I suppress the notion. "Can we do it another time? I want to Katerina home."
"Rosemarie, Aiden wants to meet you, and I don't know how much longer I can stay here. Wo-"
"Work calls, right?" I snapped, cutting her off.
"Rose, watch your tone," my father warns.
"Watch my tone?" I exclaimed. I saw a few people glance over at me and lowered my voice. "Yes, I want to meet my brother, the one you've been hiding from me, but my daughter comes first."
"Rosemarie, don't you dare turn your back on us," my mother said.
"I'm not a child anymore, Mom," I said. "I stopped being a child the night that I was taken, and if there were any childish aspects left, they were gone by the time Katerina was born. You're a mother; I would expect you to understand."
I left her staring after me, speechless. Halfway home, I hear Katerina stirring in the backseat and smile at her through the rearview mirror. "Do you want to go to the park, Kattie?"
"Yes, Momma," she giggled. "But me got nice clothes."
"We're going to stop at home and change first, okay, baby?"
"Otay, Momma." She went back to contently sucking on her thumb, watching the scenery as I drove.
"Kattie? Do you want to have dinner with Grandma and Grandpa tonight?" I asked her softly. "And with Mommy's little brother?"
She nodded. "Momma, you has a brother?"
"Yes, baby. His name is Aiden, and he's your age," I told her.
"Otay, Momma," she told me as I pulled into the driveway.
"Do you want to go to dinner first or the playground first?" I asked her, turning around so that I was fully looking at her.
"Food," she answered.
"Okay, baby." I got her out of her car seat, and she raced me to the front door. "You go get changed, and I'll call Grandpa."
She raced up the stairs as I pulled out my phone.
"Rose," my dad answered. "Is something wrong?"
"Katerina woke up if you guys are still up to go grab something to eat."
"We'll meet you at Steak 'n Shake in fifteen minutes?" he replied. I rolled my eyes, and he chuckled, knowing that I did it. "It just happens to be Aiden's favorite restaurant too. You guys already have something in common."
"That's because Steak 'n Shake is fudging awesome," I answered.
He laughed. "Thank you, Rose."
"I'll see you soon."
"Mommy!" I was already up the stairs by the time Katya's voice reached me.
"What's wrong, baby?" I asked her breathless.
"Me ready."
"Okay, baby," I said, picking her up. "Do you want to help mommy pick out something to wear?"
She started bouncing in my arms, which I took as hell yes. I set her on the bed as I stripped out of the skirt, blazer, and blouse. Holding up two pairs of jeans –one dark wash, the other light wash– I let her choose the light wash ones, with a scoop neck long-sleeved grey shirt. I pulled my hair out of the French twist, letting it curl naturally around my shoulders.
"Where we go, Momma?"
"Steak 'n Shake."
She squealed and started bouncing in her seat. Her love for the place almost rivaled my own. When I pulled into the parking lot, my parents were already there, sitting outside, with a little red-haired boy sitting between them. As soon as I got Katya out of the car and on the ground, she was racing towards my parents. Luckily, no cars pulled in or out in the time it took her to get all the way across the parking lot.
"Katerina Lily Hathaway," I scolded her when I got close enough. "You could have gotten hit by a car. Next time, you need to wait for me before crossing like that. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Momma. I sorry," she whispered, her bottom lip sticking out. I picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. "I still get shake?"
"Yes, baby, you can still have a shake. You just need to be a little more careful, okay?" I whispered, kissing the top of her head.
"Otay, Momma."
"My parents stood up, Aiden in my father's arms.
"Very nice job, Rose," my mother whispered as we walked into the lobby. I forced a smile.
"Party of five," we told the hostess, and she disappeared for a couple of minutes before returning and leading us to a table with two highchairs taking the place of two chairs. Both highchairs were in between two chairs on the opposite side of the table, and my dad put Aiden between him and my mother, while Katerina got the one on the other side of the table, next to me.
"Rose, this is your brother Aiden," my mother said. I smiled at Aiden, and he looked down shyly, glancing at us every so often. Katerina stared at him and giggled.
"Katya, baby, this is your uncle," I told her. She waved and giggled again. Aiden smiled and waved back at her. My mom leaned over and whispered a couple of words in his ear, and he laughed. I faked another smile as the waitress came over. This was going to be a long night.
By the time I got home that night, I was exhausted. Katerina fell asleep in the car on the way home, and I woke her up briefly to get her to change into her pajamas and to brush her teeth before letting her fall back asleep.
Shortly after I put her back to bed, I was crawling into bed, thinking that I might get some sleep tonight. Just as I closed my eyes, a light knock sounded on the front door, and I hurried back down the stairs to get it before it woke Katya. Lissa was spending the night at Christian's again, or else I would have let her get it.
Dimitri was standing in the doorway. He noticed my pajamas and rubbed the back of his neck. "Is now a bad time?"
I sighed and stepped to the side. "Now is fine."
I led him over to the couch and plopped down, crossing my legs underneath me.
"Were you asleep?" he asked sheepishly.
"No, not yet," I answered honestly, yawning slightly.
"I wanted to stop by and say sorry again for yesterday. I was way out of line, and I shouldn't have kissed you without asking you," Dimitri murmured.
"I was out of line as well," I told him. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I put you and Adrian in the same category in my head, and that wasn't fair to you and because the two of you are nothing alike."
"It's okay, Rose. I made a mistake, and I knew how you would react to that, yet I did it anyway. For that, I am sorry." He meets my eyes before adding, "I never meant to scare you, I want you to know that."
"I know that now," I whispered. "I read your text messages."
The silence stretched between us as I thought about his messages. The mission was about saving you, Rose. It wasn't about Adrian any more than it was about getting you away from him. "Did you mean what you said?"
He nodded. "I will admit that at first, it was about capturing Adrian. That's why Christian and I befriended him in the first place. And then I met you at the bar, and the entire thing was shot all to hell. I-I felt this instant spark, this instant connection, to you that I hadn't felt with anyone else, and when you disappeared, I freaked out. I had this gut feeling that it was Adrian, but I had no way to prove that. He dropped off the face of the planet after you disappeared, shooting us a text now and then saying that he was in Turkey or India doing business, and he always gave us proof that he was where he said he was.
"No other disappearances seemed to connect to him or the situation, as others had. We saw him again, in England. We crossed him off our list because there would have been no way that he would have been able to get into another country because we immediately put out an Amber Alert once we realized that you were missing and he somehow had proof of dropping you off at your apartment," Dimitri whispered. "Finding out that it actually was him… God, I felt so stupid. You were right there, and I hated myself because if I had just paid a bit more attention, I could have gotten you out of there."
"It's not your fault, Dimitri," I whispered, shaking off the sleepiness that his deep voice induced.
"It's not yours either, Rose. I want to make sure that you know that," he told me. "The blame rest solely on Adrian. He took advantage of you when he shouldn't have, and he's to blame."
"Do you think that he might get a 'not guilty' verdict?" I questioned.
"I don't so," Dimitri mused. "There is a lot of evidence against him. Finding the midwife had been a stroke of luck. I think she tipped the scales in our favor."
I nodded and yawned again. Dimitri started to reach out and then stopped himself, realizing what he was doing.
****START OF CONVERSATION****
"May I see your arms?" he asked softly.
I studied him for a second before lowering my arms so he could see them. His hand hovered over my arm, questioning.
"Yes," I whispered. Ever so softly, Dimitri ran his fingers over the flayed skin, trying to avoid the deeper parts of the cuts.
"Talk to me, Roza. What possessed you to do this? Do you like it?"
"Trying to describe depression and why is nearly impossible. It's not a straightforward response, it's like trying to describe and understand the blackness, the weariness, the hopelessness, the loneliness," I murmured, pulling my knees up close to my body.
"Can you try for me? Please?"
I took a deep breath. "I-it just sort of happened. I know that not what you wanted to hear, but I was overthinking and the next thing I knew, it was four thirty, and my arms were bleeding and stinging. I regretted doing it immediately after because my body was already ugly enough with adding even more scars to it, but it was already done. And then the more I thought about my body, the more I wanted to pick up my blade and cut some more, but I was already so woozy," I whispered. "I don't know exactly when I started, but I hate myself so much that I just want to let it all out, and it's almost as if cutting is the way to do that. I know that it will probably make me insane by saying this, but I like the pain. It helps distracts me from everything else that is going on, and I love it. I've tried to stop before, and I miss the pain. I don't miss the bleeding or the regret that comes afterward, but I love the pain. It's almost like it is my high. We are all addicted to something that takes the pain away; some people have marijuana, I have a blade that slices my skin open.
"I hide it and hide it and hide it until it all builds up and explodes and the deeper I cut, the higher I fly and the better I feel. All day long, my depression is yelling at me, telling me that I'm terrible, making me replay every damn mistake I've made, every humiliation. It controls me. I hate it, and I love it. I hate the way that I feel so confused, so broken, so useless like I'm not good enough, that I'm falling apart, that I'm pathetic, annoying, rejected, defeated. The list goes on and one. It's so fucking tiring because I'm tired of bitched at, tired of being the butt of everybody's jokes, tired of feeling ugly, of being ignored. Tired of feeling unloved, of not being cared about, but most of all, I'm tired of pretending to be happy in front of those I care about because I know that if they see the real me, they will leave in an instant. It's a disease, but not really, because when someone says they have depression, there is not scurrying around to find a cure, because there is no proof but the word of someone."
"I care, Roza," Dimitri whispered, still rubbing his fingers over my cuts soothingly. "Did you feel any of this before you were taken?"
"A little bit, but not enough to take a blade to my skin."
"What caused you feeling like that before?" Dimitri questioned softly. His brown eyes flicked up to mine. "Will you tell me if I cross any lines?"
I nodded. "My mom and I, we don't get along very well, and my dad usually always take her side, even though sometimes, she's in the wrong."
"I could tell that your relationship with your mom was strained earlier. What happened after you got back?" he asked softly.
"She visited me in the hospital for about an hour, and I thought everything was going to get better, things were going to be okay between us. The pain medicine made me pass out, and when I woke up, she wasn't there. I figured that she went back to the hotel or went to get food or something and when my dad came in about forty minutes after that, I asked him where she was if she was at the hotel. He told me that she didn't get a hotel because she knew that she would have to go back to work shortly. She lives and works in New York," I said, looking down. "That was the last time I saw her before today. My dad has been flying in from New York a few times a month to check in on Katerina and me, and each time, he says that she's trying to get a day or two off work to come and see me and that she wishes I would call. But the thing is, I did call. Every day for three weeks straight, and when she didn't once answer nor return a call, I stopped trying."
"Roza, I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I wish things were different for you."
"Yesterday, I snapped and said some things about my mom that I shouldn't have, and said something along the lines of "I'm her only child, you would think she would pay more attention to me" because from what I heard, I wasn't an easy birth. My dad then decided that it was an appropriate time to tell me that I'm not an only child, that they have a son who is Katya's age." I rubbed my fists over my eyes. "I've been back three months, and he is just now telling me this. He said it was because Aiden wasn't ready to go from being an only child to having an older sister and a niece."
"Regardless, they should have told you," Dimitri says, his fingers no longer rubbing across my cuts. Instead, his hands are holding mine.
"We got into a fight outside the courthouse because they said it that Aiden was ready to meet us, which I call bullshit on, because one- it's been a day, and two- he's two. There's no way he completely understood what they told him and about Katya and me. They wanted to go to lunch so we could meet him, but Katya was sleeping, and she is my daughter, which meant that I knew if I woke her up, she would be cranky and I didn't feel like dealing with a cranky toddler. So we got into a fight over that because I was choosing my daughter over my parents and brother," I explained.
"On the way home, Katerina woke up, so I asked her if she wanted to go get dinner with grandma and grandpa, and she said yes. I called them, and we agreed to meet at Steak 'n Shake for the early dinner. And everything went downhill from there. Katerina wanted a shake with her meal, and she's been good over the past few days, given the trial and everything, so I told her that she could, and my mom disagreed with me, saying that I shouldn't be letting her have that much sugar this late at night. It was four in the afternoon. I ignored her and let Katya have a shake, and then Aiden started pouting and complaining that he wanted a shake as well, and she didn't want to get him a shake.
"When we ordered, she disapproved of what I allowed Katerina to get, but couldn't say anything about it because my dad intervened when Aiden decided to get the same thing and she tried to tell him no because it wasn't very healthy. But, as I said, Abe intervened and allowed him to get it. When it was my turn to order, I ordered a small salad and she freaked out on me because there weren't very many calories in it, and then told the waitress that I wanted the fried chicken salad and when I tried to tell her that I didn't want the fried chicken salad because that's bad, the best I could get was the grilled chicken salad. But the point is I didn't want chicken at all," I finished, before realized that I had started rambling. "Sorry for rambling."
Dimitri chuckled. "It's okay. How many calories were in the salad that you wanted to order?"
I looked away. "I don't know."
"Roza, I'm an agent. I can tell when people are lying."
"There were forty-five," I murmured.
"Rosemarie Hathaway," he scolded. "That is a snack, not a meal. How much was the salad that you ate?"
"270."
"That's better, but still not enough," he scolded me. "You need to be eating more than that. Promise me that you will start eating more?"
"Okay," I agree after a long moment of silence, with no actual intention to keep the promise.
"What happened after that?" he asked me.
"We continued to argue for the rest of the night, and I said quite a few things that I probably shouldn't have said, simply because Katerina and Aiden were there," I told him, looking away.
"What did you say to her?" he asked softly, tilting my chin up so that I was looking at him.
"I called her a bitch, told her that I wasn't a child and that she needed to stop treating me like one. We got into an argument about that because she kept trying to tell Katerina different things than what I was telling her, which was undermining my authority and when I mentioned it and told her to fucking stop it, she snapped back at me that I was threatening her authority by allowing Katerina to do things that Aiden wasn't. She didn't understand that what she lets Aiden do has nothing to do with what I let Katerina do because she is not the mother of both of them, but she wouldn't fucking understand that their relationship didn't make them brother and sister. We got into another argument about the bill when I tried to cover it and just pay for it myself, which I didn't mind, and she basically sneer at me and looked down at me because I don't have a job, in fact, I never even graduated high school, so why should I be covering the bill, when it would be with the money that my father put into my account each month.
"I stormed out of the restaurant after that, and she got pissed about that and came storming out after me, shouting about that's not how a child treats her mother, and we got into yet another argument about her continually referring to me as a child. I-I brought up A-Adr-" I coughed, unable to say it. "I brought up him and told her right back that I stopped being a child when he chained me to his fucking bed and raped me until my voice was hoarse and I was dehydrated from crying and begging him to stop. I said that every night when he would do that, the child in me left and it never came back after a while. When the scars I bare today formed, the child in me was gone for good, and she should damn well remember it because I can't forget it." I whispered the last part, shame in what I said creeping up. I could feel my eyes start to water as I imagined the disgusted look in Dimitri's eyes.
"Did what happened with your mom make you want to hurt yourself?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"Did you?" Dimitri asked, looking down at my wrists for any signs of new cuts, running his finger over the existing cuts looking for any new ones.
"No," I answered. "I wanted to, but I didn't."
I didn't tell him that I took a washcloth and rubbed my cuts raw, to feel a smidgeon of the pain.
"Roza, these cuts are pretty raw," he said, almost as if he could read my mind.
"I wasn't lying earlier when I told the jury that I only cut about once a week. In the days between the actual cuttings, I use a washcloth to rub the cuts raw, to feel the pain without actually having to cut again," I whispered.
"Oh, Roza," Dimitri sighed. "When I saw the cuts, my first thought was that I didn't want to leave you alone. I don't want to wake up one day and hear on the news that a little girl is left motherless because said mother couldn't take the pain anymore."
"It's not going to get that far," I defended myself.
"So you've never had thoughts about jumping off the roof or your bedroom window?" Dimitri whispered. I looked away again. A few seconds later, Dimitri added, "Will you let me help?"
I scoffed without entirely meaning to. "How could you help me?"
His eyes hardened ever so slightly, and he slid his shirt sleeve up. Just above his elbow, a handful of thin white lines sat.
"W-what happened?"
"My father was an awful man, Roza," he told me softly. "His relationship with my mother wasn't a good one; it wasn't a healthy one. My sisters and I, we all knew it, but we couldn't do anything about it. We heard her screams whenever he was home, and we couldn't help her. I couldn't help her. And I hated myself for it. Those scars mark a transition in me. It got pretty bad, Roza, like considering suicide bad. He hated me, because I was his only son, and praise the Lord, I look more like my mother than like him. My mentality about it was that maybe if I were gone, it wouldn't be so bad for her, maybe he would ease up. My older sister, Karolina, walking in on my attempt and she freaked out, screaming. I was thirteen at the time, and my father was there. He came running when she screamed because only he was allowed to beat us up, and when he found out what I tried to do, he was so pissed, because that's what weak people do. He started to beat me, and then I was beating him back, and I was winning. I don't know how, but I beat him up more than he had ever beat any of us and after that, he never came back."
****END OF CONVERSATION****
"I'm so sorry," I whispered around my yawn. As I yawned again, he chuckled. "That was so rude; I'm so sorry."
"No, no it's okay. I interrupted your bedtime," Dimitri said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Roza."
I stood up to show him out and nearly collapsed, stumbling forward before Dimitri caught me. "Whoa, can I walk you upstairs, so you don't fall?"
I nodded and started stumbling toward the stairs. Dimitri reached down and swung me up into a bridal carry and stared at me, questioning if this was okay. I nodded, and he walked me up the stairs, and into my bedroom. Shifting my weight, he peeled back the covers on one side of the bed and slid me underneath them.
"Goodnight, Roza," he whispered. As he turned to leave, I made a split-second decision and found myself calling out his name.
"W-will you stay, and just talk to me? Your voice is very calming, and I think it might help me sleep and I haven't been able to sleep lately, and I need to sleep. I'm so tired," I whispered. Dimitri stared at me for half a second and rejection slammed into me full force. "God, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking-"
"Roza, shush," he whispered, sliding his shoes off, and sitting on the edge of the massive bed. "Do you want me to stay?"
"Only if you want to," I whispered, rolling over to face him.
He nodded and turned on his side so that he was facing me, and I could just barely see his brown eyes through the moonlight spilling in from the window.
"What do you want me to talk about?" he whispered.
"I don't care," I whispered back. "You can talk in Russian if you want."
He laughed softly, but nodded, before he started murmuring in Russian. It didn't take long before I was drifting off to the sound of his voice and for the first time in three months, I didn't have a single bad dream.
I was jolted away by my alarm blaring and realized that I was surrounded by massive warmth. I sighed and moved to snuggle into the warmth, trying to put off getting up for a few more minutes when instead of hitting space, I hit a hard body pressed up against mine. Before I could help myself, I shrieked, and the body behind me immediately jumped up, reaching into his waistband for a gun.
Squinting through the sunlight, I realized that the person in the bed with me was Dimitri and I almost shrieked again before I remembered that I had asked him to talk me to sleep last night.
"Roza, are you okay?" he asked blearily.
I nodded. "Sorry for shrieking."
"I'm sorry for that." He gestured towards the bed. "I didn't even realize that I had drifted in my sleep, I usually don't."
I gulped. "Can we not talk about?"
"Rose-"
"Please? Let's just forget it happened, okay?" I climbed out of bed fully, and rummaged through my closet, choosing a simple zippered pale pink knee-length dress for today, as well as a pair of white flats, and a pair of underwear before scurrying from the bedroom and into the bathroom.
By the time I had finished getting ready, Dimitri was out of the bedroom, and I snagged a white cardigan to pull on to hide my cuts, and went to Katerina ready.
"It's the last day, okay, baby? I promise," I whispered. She nodded sleepily as I got her changed into another blouse and skirt with a matching strap on sandals.
"Momma, no hair," she murmured through a yawn. I smiled, spraying it down slightly just to tame it.
"Okay, baby, we'll both leave our hair down today," I told me, smiling. She giggled, and I carried her downstairs. "Do you want some cereal or-"
I turned the corner to the kitchen and saw Dimitri standing by the stove, with a pan of scrambled eggs in it and two plates, both with toast on them, next to him.
"I hope this is okay. I was finished getting ready early, and I figured that you might need some help with breakfast," Dimitri murmured.
"Thank you, Dimitri," I answered, blushing.
"Mank you, Dimi," Katya copied me, and Dimitri laughed.
"You're very welcome," he said, putting the eggs onto the plates as I strapped her into her booster seat. Dimitri walked over and placed a plate with eggs, two slices of toast, and two strips of bacon on it in front of her and handed me a plate with a scoop of eggs, a slice of toast and one strip of bacon.
"I know that you haven't been eating much lately, so your stomach has probably shrunken a great deal. Can you try to eat most of that for me?"
I nodded, not wanting to displease him after everything he's done for me. Dimitri started talking about what to expect today in the courtroom, and I couldn't help smiling. Now he was the one rambling.
While he was talking, I had started eating, and when I looked down, I saw that I only had a few bites of egg left, just enough to finish my toast. The bacon was untouched.
"You aren't going to eat your bacon, Roza?" Dimitri questioned.
"Momma no like it," Katerina filled in for me. Dimitri arched his eyebrow.
"I'm not a huge fan of bacon," I supplied. "I never have been."
Dimitri nodded and looked as though he was filing this note away for later. "Are you two ready?"
Katerina nodded, and I lifted her out of the booster, and we both ran up the stairs to brush our teeth together.
Dimitri followed me in his car to the courthouse, and we met Christian on the steps. I spotted my father as we walked in, but surprise, surprise, no sign of my mother. Dimitri noticed and briefly squeezed my hand. He glanced over at me, to make sure that was okay, and I mouth "thank you."
He smiled and nodded as the judge entered, followed by the jury and we all sat. Today, I refused to look over to the defense table, even though I could feel Adrian staring at me. Dimitri squeezed my thigh under the table, and this time, I didn't flinch.
"Jury, have you reached a verdict?" the judge asked, and I held my breath.
"Yes, your Honor, we have." One of the female jurors stood up. "We, the jury, have found Adrian Ivashkov to be guilty when facing 1,095 charges of sexual assault, 548 charges of domestic abuse, and one charge of kidnapping with the intent of rape. We hereby sentence Adrian Ivashkov to 138 life sentences to be spent in prison without parole opportunity, as well as two hundred dollars paid to Miss Hathaway for each domestic abuse charge. We also propose a court order for back child support as well as for future child support of two thousand dollars a month, for a total of 432,000 over the next sixteen years."
The judge considered it for a brief moment. "Verdict accepted. Mr. Ivashkov, you will be held at the state prison, and a monthly transfer will be made from your account to Miss Hathaway's starting with a 48,000 dollar transfer starting today. The payments for domestic abuse will also be taken out monthly."
By the time the judge banged her gavel, dismissing everybody, tears were streaming down my cheeks, and Katerina was looking at me concerned. I watched as the bailiffs surround Adrian to cart him off to the prison and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face as relief coursed through me.
"He's never, ever going to be able to hurt you ever again, Roza," Dimitri exclaimed pulling me into a hug that I didn't flinch out of.
"Momma, why you cry?"
"They're happy tears, Katya, happy tears, baby," I whispered.
We're safe.
***We finally got the verdict! For the sentencing and all of that, I did some Googling to get it as close as I could to what I believe it would be due to what I know about the laws, if I'm incorrect in any of my math or the actual sentencing, leave a review or DM letting me so I can fix it.***