Chapter 10: (Narrative) Karma's a Bitch
After they left the blinding light of the portal, it took Yugi a moment to blink the spots out of his eyes. When he did, he was relieved to see that they had arrived on what appeared to be a typical urban street. Even better, his friends were still with him, and both Seto and Kiaba had regained their human legs. Best of all, they were all fully clothed: Yugi in his school uniform, Yami in a copy of the same minus the jacket, Seto in his favored ensemble of business-casual-meets-whatever-we're-calling-that-spiky-trench-coat, and Kiaba...
Yugi did a double-take. Kiaba's outfit was the same as Seto's, but in powder blue, and studded with rhinestones.
"Whatever look you were going for, you missed," Yami told him.
"Eh." Kiaba shrugged, then reached down to pull Seto to his feet. "I like it. It's shiny." (And it was far from the strangest outfit he'd ended up in.)
Seto scowled and gave Kiaba a shove. "Go stand somewhere far away from me so I can pretend I don't know you."
Peered at their surroundings, which consisted of a reassuringly normal paved two-lane road lined on either side with commercial buildings, Yami asked, "Anyone know where we are?"
They all turned in circles, scanning the street for familiar landmarks.
"Uh...Somewhere?" Tristan offered, after a moment of shared silence.
"I was looking for something a bit more specific."
"Somewhere with buildings."
"Somewhere in Domino City," Yugi corrected. "That's as specific as you're getting. Where ever we are, at least it's an improvement over that last place."
"What, you didn't enjoy having a fish tail?" Tristan teased.
It wasn't an experience Yugi was eager to repeat, but, "At least it wasn't tentacles."
Nodding, Tristan glanced over at Seto and Kiaba. "Hey, what do you call a bunch of octopuses, anyway? I mean, I will forever be disappointed that a group of squids isn't a 'squad,' so I'm hoping for, like, a 'square root of octopi' or something."
Seto stared at him for a long moment before declaring flatly, "I hate you. I hate your friends. I hate your family all the way back to the prehistoric fish you descended from. I hate your favorite food, your favorite color, and your stupid hair. And your little dog, too."
"I don't have a dog."
"When I get home, I'm buying you a damn dog so I can hate it."
The silence that followed this declaration was best summed up as "...".
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm being chased by a shark or unexpectedly groped by a piece of seaweed," offered Kiaba. (Clearly, he'd had more of an adventure than the rest of them realized.) Cheerfully, he added, "It was kombu."
In a tone of voice that suggested he would rather be in a different conversation, Yami said, "...The shark?"
"The seaweed."
Seto was ignoring them in favor of squinting at something in the distance. To Yugi, he said, "Is that Wheeler?"
"It is!" Yugi jumped up and down, waving his arms to attract his friend's attention. "Joey! Over here!"
"Yug'!" Grinning, Joey jogged to meet them. "We got to your place just as you disappeared - like, literally just disappeared - in a big flash of light. Poof! You were gone, and so was Tristan. We've been lookin' everywhere for ya. What happened?"
So that's how Tristan had ended up in the mermaid bad-fic with them. And now Yugi was wondering what had happened to Ryou. All this time, he'd just assumed that Ryou had stayed behind. Yugi hoped his friend was okay...
When it became clear Yugi was lost in thought and wasn't going to answer, Tristan promised, "I'll fill you in later, Joey."
Much later, Yugi thought. And, hopefully, the heavily edited version.
"It's kind of a long story," Yami agreed. With an evil grin, he gestured at Seto. "In the mean time, why don't you ask this one about tentacles?"
"Tentacles?" Joey looked dubious. "This isn't like that one time I got the titles mixed up and bought the wrong... anime, is it?"
Snickering, Yugi said, "Never mind that right now, Joey. Where are we, exactly? I don't think I've ever been in this part of town before."
"Uh..." Joey looked around as if seeing his surroundings for the first time. "Me, neither. After we split up, I was just wandering around, hopin' I'd bump into you guys."
"Great." Seto groaned. "Our would-be rescuer's lost, too."
"Nah. I don't get lost, I go exploring." Joey grinned. "Seriously, though, I've got a great sense of direction. Just follow my lead, and I'll get us back to the game shop in no time."
One hour later...
Joey paused at an intersection, planted his hands on his hips, and took a long look around. His brow furrowed with deep thought.
"Uh-oh," Tristan said, in a voice filled with resignation. "I know that look and it does not bode well. Just admit it, dude. We're lost."
"Nah." Joey shook his head. "I mean, I don't think we're where I thought we were, but I think I know where we are."
"Lost?"
"Shut up." Joey licked his index finger and held it up to test the direction of the wind. He tilted his head back to check the angle of the sun, turned in a slow circle to read all the street signs, and then gave a decisive nod. "Yep. I know exactly where we are."
"Yeah?" Tristan sounded half skeptical, half impressed. "Where?"
"Lost."
With the strangled sound of a man valiantly resisting homicidal urges, Tristan smacked Joey on the head. Joey retaliated and things instantly devolved into a wrestling match right there in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Cut it out, man! It's not like I did it on purpose, I just made a little mistake!"
"If you ever learned from your mistakes, you'd be Einstein by now!"
"Oh, yeah?!" Joey got Tristan in a head lock and started trying to noogie him into submission. "Think you're so smart? Whatcha say now, smart guy? Huh?"
"You're not smart enough to be the spell-checker in an M&M factory!" Twisting free, Tristan hooked his foot behind Joey's ankle and swept his legs out from under him. His triumphant cry morphed into a yelp when Joey grabbed him and returned the favor. "Ow! Lemme go, you maniac!"
Yami leaned closer so Yugi could hear him over the shouting. "Should we separate them?"
"It's better to let them get it out of their systems." Yugi sidestepped as the flailing tangle of limbs tumbled past them. "Maybe we should call somebody to come get us."
"I already thought of that," Seto said. "Unfortunately, I don't have my phone."
"Me, either," Yugi admitted. A quick look confirmed that Kiaba didn't have his, and Yami wasn't allowed unsupervised access to any technology capable of connecting to the internet. (Even the el cheap-o flip phones were problematic. Yami did not respond well to being told he was "out of the service area.")
Meanwhile, the wrestlers had paused to catch their breath, so Yugi yelled over to them, "Tristan, Joey! Do either of you have your phone?"
Tristan shook his head. "That was the first thing I checked, after we came through the portal. I had it before we ended up on the beach, but it didn't make the return trip with me." (Somewhere, a sand crab was attempting to play Candy Crush and cursing its clumsy claws.)
"I still haven't replaced mine since the last Scrabble night," Joey said, shooting a fierce glare at the Pharaoh. (Yami also did not respond well to being told that "twisted thing, ski slope, half a cookie, small bread thingy that looks like an Airwick air freshener" did not constitute a legal word in the version of Scrabble they were using. (He didn't really respond well to Joey's butchering of hieroglyphic writing either, but that hadn't stopped Joey from taking a great deal of amusement from doing it.))
"I said I'd buy you a new one," Yami grumbled. And he would. He just hadn't gotten around to doing it. Guess this was his punishment for procrastinating.
"At least it can't get any worse," said Seto, thereby dooming them to narrative karma.
It instantly started to rain.
Everyone glared at Seto, even Kiaba.
"Oh, like this is my fault!" Seto said, glaring back at each of them in turn. "Saying things can't get any worse does not make things get worse!"
"Oh, yeah?" Yugi pointed across the street. "I think I just found Emo!Yugi."
Sure enough, Emo was across the street from their corner, haunting the narrow alley between a florist and the Sweet Temptations Bakery. In the short time he'd been missing, he had apparently embraced the stereotype. He was decked out all in black from head to toe: black-dyed hair, black muscle shirt with a gray-scale frowny face, black jeans, black boots, and... Was that a black quiver on his back?
"Is he armed?" Yugi's voice pitching up in alarm as he considered the idea of his walking downer of a double with weapons.
Proving he had surprisingly sharp eyesight for a guy who regularly rolled his eyes nearly out of their sockets, Seto said, "Only if you consider sunflowers dangerous. That quiver looks like it's full of them. Someone has apparently painted them black, but they're still just plants."
Yugi's eyes widened as he recalled what had happened the last time Emo got his hands on something floral. Who knew what kind of havoc the little weirdo could wreak with an entire bouquet?
Meanwhile, at the Mutou house...
A large white sheet covered the kitchen table, reaching to the floor on three sides and folded back on the fourth to form a makeshift pavilion. Inside, a comfortable nest of rugs, throw pillows, and a couch cushion held a napping Prince Atem. Juvenile Kuriboh, purring their contentment, surrounded him on all sides.
Until ten minutes ago, the prince had been a ball of giggles as he played with the kindle of Kuriboh kittens Dark Magician had summoned for him. They had finally worn him out, much to the relief of the magician, who, over the course of the day, had lost his helmet, his armor, most of his dignity, and all of his energy.
The prince wasn't a difficult child. He had a happy disposition, and cheerfully participated in the activities proposed by either Dark Magician or Mr. Mutou, whether it was a picture book, a reading lesson (papyrus scrolls, since the prince had no real need for either English or Japanese), or a game of tag. But the child was an amphora of energy stuffed into an unguent jar and the overflow was exhausting for anyone attempting to keep up with him. (Or, as Grandpa Mutou said, Atem was an Energizer Bunny and it was a relief when his batteries finally ran down.)
Eleven minutes after the young prince succumbed to slumber, Grandpa Mutou was snoring on the couch, and Dark Magician curled up on the kitchen floor, asleep before his head touched the linoleum.
Back in the "A" Plot (for a certain value of "plot")...
Not wanting to risk spooking Emo and sending him running again, the gang had taken up positions under an awning. It wouldn't provide much (or any, unless Emo was really unobservant) cover if he looked straight at them, but it got them mostly out of the rain.
They watched Emo as he crept out of his alley, rounding the corner of the bakery and attempting to peer into the large plate glass window at the front.
"Looks like the li'l dude's staking out the bakery," Tristan whispered.
"Why would anyone stake out a bakery?" Seto demanded, and received an elbow in the ribs for his trouble, while Yami hissed at him to keep his voice down.
"Dunno. He could be hungry." Having skipped breakfast to run to Yugi's aid, Tristan was hungry and the yummy-looking display of pastries in that window was beginning to call his name.
"Maybe he just really wants a cupcake," Kiaba offered, then grunted as he, too, got the elbow. He added, in a sulky whisper, "I really want a cupcake. I haven't eaten since breakfast."
"You ate the contents of a medium-sized grocery store," Seto informed him. "There is no way you're hungry."
"Yeah, because you're the one to tell me whether I'm hungry or not." Folding his arms, Kiaba sulked while his "yami" glared at him.
Not really getting what all the fuss was about, Tristan said, "Why don't we just go over there and ask him what he's up to?"
"Yeah," Joey agreed. "What could it hurt?"
Naturally, that was when the first shot rang out, followed in rapid succession by about a million more.
Even as he was throwing himself flat on the sidewalk, Yami shouted, "That does it! The next person who tempts fate like that is getting sent to the Shadow Realm!"
"If it gets me out of the line of fire," Joey retorted, "that works for me!"