CHAPTER 10

(A bonus story! This occurs somewhere in between Chapters 5 and 6.)

"Hahaha, What a story Mark." Johnny said to his friend Mark.

"You can say that again." Mark said to his friend Johnny, a successful banker and all-around wonderful guy.

"Hahaha, what a story Mark." Johnny repeated.

"I... I didn't mean that literally."

"Hahaha, what a story Mark."

"Shit. Cut!" Greg waved his hands, stopping the scene. "Guys, Tommy's broken again!"

"Hahaha, what a story Mark."

Greg Sestero, the actor playing Mark, walked over to Tommy and smacked him in the head. Unusually, the sound was a dull metallic ring, not unlike a bell.

"Oh, that's Tommy's robotic duplicate." Philip Haldiman said.

"What? Since when does he have a robot duplicate?" Greg asked.

"But his mannerisms are completely inhuman! Didn't you notice at all?" Juliette Danielle asked.

"...no?" Greg said sheepishly.

"SUBTLE!" Phelous jumped on the set and spouted one of his many catchphrases.

"Who the hell are you?" the entire cast asked.

"It's kind of a long story. See, Tommy caught a bad case of death, and we're using time travel to bring him back - but due to timey-wimey reasons, we need a body double to put there in the first place." Phelous exposited.

"But we need him to film the movie!" Juliette said.

"Screw that! Let's just raid Tommy's bank account and get the hell out of here!" Greg said. "I hate this fucking movie anyways, so it serves him right." The rest of the cast agreed, and they all walked off the set.

"Hahaha, what a story Mark." Robo-Tommy said. Phelous created a few NanoPhelouses to help him carry Robo-Tommy back to the stolen TARDIS. They went back in time to 12,000 BC, where Lupa, Todd, , Film Brain, Ralph and Tommy were involved in an epic struggle.

"Mwahahahaha!" Queen ZesuOtaku laughed. "With the almighty power of Robvos, I'll live eternally!"

"We won't let that happen!" Lupa said, drawing her autocrossbow that she nicked from some king guy. She set the autocrossbow on rapid-fire and loaded it with icicles, but Robvos' thick shell resisted the volley.

"..." Todd beat on Robvos with his lightning club, clearly upset over the fact that he was now a mute.

"We can't do this alone. Come on, let's combine our powers!" said, blasting Robvos with a heat ray.

Film Brain, Ralph and Tommy were sitting on the sidelines, since only three people can fight at one time.

"You know, Tommy, you don't have to wear the Ayla costume." Ralph said, averting his eyes.

"I am very dedicated to my character, Ralph." Tommy responded.

"I can see that." Film Brain said, his carpet of virility proudly displayed for all. "But why can't we help them out at all?"

"THERE ARE RULES." Ralph said, glaring at Film Brain.

"Sorry I asked."

"Now, Robvos! Finish these weak humans off!" ZO demanded. But Robvos was not about to take orders from what he saw as a tick; he conjured a huge flame barrier around himself, vaporizing ZO.

"God damnit this cameo sucked..." ZO said as she died. Robvos then turned to the three other ticks attacking him. He blasted them aside with a punch beam from the punch dimension, then prepared to finish them off once and for all.

"Todd no!" Tommy yelled, jumping in front of the disintegration ray. Tommy's body absorbed the blow, leaving his allies unharmed.

"And this is where I come in!" Phelous said, watching from the TARDIS. He paused time and replaced real Tommy with Robo-Tommy.

"Oh hai Phelous. You are so great for rescuing me, haah?" Tommy said.

"Yeah, you're welcome." While time was still paused, he grabbed Lupa and dragged her into the TARDIS.

"Tommy Wiseau. I've been meaning to have a word with you." Lupa said, glaring at one of her many arch-enemies.

"Why Lupa, why?" Tommy asked. "We fought together for so long in a bad parody! I wore a fur bikini just for you! I gave you thirteen hours of my life!"

"Yeah, well I didn't want to break the fourth wall. Unlike Mr. Ooh-Look-At-Me-I'm-So-Meta-I'm-Referencing-The-Fact-That-This-Is-A-Poorly-Done-Fanfic-Based-Around-That-Guy-With-The-Glasses-Members-Being-Generic-Mary-Sues-And-Playing-Roles-In-Chrono-Trigger-For-No-Adequately-Explained-Reason here." Lupa said.

"Yeah, I really need to find a better nickname." Phelous said sarcastically.

"No Lupa!" Tommy screamed in anger and bad actingness. "I will tape you. I will tape you all!" Tommy grabbed his Fire Spoon and started hurling fireballs at Lupa, which was her elemental weakness!

"Not anymore bitch!" Lupa said, dodging the fireballs with ease. A couple of the NanoPhelouses got hit by the fireballs and died. "We're not in a poorly-done parody anymore, so I've got my full array of powers now!"

"Oh, like what? Are you going to use Anti-Spoon-Obscura-Spray on me?" Tommy chuckled.

"Nope." Lupa instead fired finger beams at Tommy, amputating all of his limbs.

"You're tearing-"

"Don't finish that." Phelous interrupted.

"Now Tommy, what should we do with you?" Lupa pondered. "I'm thinking we should drop you off at the beginning of time, so that you get utterly annihilated by the Big Bang."

"I think we should take him to the end of the universe and let heat death do its work." Phelous suggested.

"Or maybe we should throw him into a black hole?"

"No, then he'd just gain cosmic powers for no inexplicable reason and go on to mess with the Animorphs."

"True." Lupa said. "Hmm... Oh, I know!"

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Oh hai Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way. You are looking so beautiful and sexy today." Tommy said.

"wtf ur nt goff 1!get away frm me u poser prep" Enoby responded.

"But I have no limbs! I am more goffic than you will ever be!" Tommy said. He was floating to move around, though he had to consume over twenty times his body weight every day in various gassy foods to do so.

"A fart joke? Really?" Phelous asked Lupa. They were looking at the scene from the TARDIS.

"Yep!" Lupa said, smiling.

"And how is this a punishment?" Phelous asked.

"Oh, you'll see." Lupa said. "Just wait until Ebory starts confusing him with the other three Toms in the story." She giggled maniacally.

"Whatever. So what happened with Robvos anyways?"

"Da howling got him and fixed the timestream."

"Uh, can we see that happening?" Phelous walked over to the TARDIS' console to go back in time, but Lupa slapped his hand away.

"Nope, you'll just have to take my word for it."

"In other words, the narrator's rigidly adhering to show don't tell." Phelous snarked, obviously not aware that taunting a nigh-omnipotent disembodied voice isn't a great idea.

"God, that joke's been done so much it's not funny anymore!" Lupa complained.

"Then it's par for the course!" Phelous chuckled. "Seriously, what's even happened here? Sure, you won the Olympics, beat up Satan, went back in time and fought the Master, dealt with a particularly terribly-written self-insert, but then God just dropped a reset button on it! And to top it all off, it's a fanfic, which is pretty much the bottom of the barrel!"

"Yeah, it sucked pretty bad." Lupa agreed. "But at least the real-life Lupa liked it enough to mention it on her Twitter, and also in the commentary video with Doug! That's a pretty big ego-booster to the author!"

"Should you really be encouraging GigaBob or whatever to write more of this shit? I mean, just look at Eternal Love Story or whatever! It was a terrible idea that someone just had to do! And don't get me started on that other fanfic with that other guy."

"Yeah, but at least it was kind of a fun read, right?"

"No, not really." Phelous opened the door of the TARDIS and went back to his home. Lupa had a few more adventures before returning to her own home, where Doctor Who would ambush her and the rest of the story would happen. But due to time travel not working that way, this epilogue part chronologically takes place at the end. Get it? Chronologically? Chrono Trigger? It all ties together!

"Go get a job." Lupa said to the narrator. She sat down at her computer. She checked her twitter feed, and saw that one of her followers sent her a link to a fanfic called "Obscurus Lupa Wins The Olympics"...