Disclaimer: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

The Hedgehog

Harry and Hermione spent the day happily stripping the house of everything of value. "Should we take the paintings?" Harry asked his friend.

"Might be worth something," Hermione agreed.

"You know," Harry began. "I seem to remember that we started doing this sort of thing to defeat Voldemort, not to enrich ourselves."

"We need the practice first," Hermione replied. "And I read more of that note we found. The people who own this house are bastards."

"Oh?" Harry said with a frown. "Why do you say that?"

"They made their money as owners of a telemarketing firm," Hermione growled. "They get no sympathy from me."

"You wanna set it on fire?" Harry asked.

"Nah," Hermione answered after a few seconds of thought. "Then we couldn't come back here and rob it again."

"Right… shall we go then?"

"Ok Harry," Hermione agreed. "Get down," the girl suddenly snapped as they walked out the door.

"What is it?" Harry whispered.

"I just saw bloody Malfoy fly by," Hermione whispered back. "Bloody idiot should know better then to fly a broom around muggles without a concealing charm of some sort."

"Which way did he go?"

"North," Hermione replied. "Should we follow him?"

"May as well see what he was doing," Harry agreed. "Let's go." The two of them spent several minutes following the school bully's flight path until he descended into a warded area.

"Think it's the Malfoy home?"

"Could be," Harry agreed. "Let's get closer."

"Alright." The two friends crept up to the wards and Harry began examining the wards.

"What the hell?"

"What is it Harry?" Hermione asked.

"There's a bloody big hole in the wards," Harry replied with a frown. "And it… this has to be a trap."

"Let me look." Hermione cast the spell on herself and gave a low whistle. "Well… I never saw a receipt from the Malfoy family in your family books. Maybe they've always been bastards?"

"Maybe… wanna check it out?"

"I guess," Hermione agreed. "But I still think it's strange that there is a big arrow pointing to the 'secret' entrance and a sign that says enter here to rob the Malfoy family."

"Especially since it's got the same design on it that the tools my parents left me have," Harry agreed. "Very strange."

"Is this what I think it is?" Hermione indicated a portion of the wards.

"Looks like we're going to have to stop using magic," Harry said quietly. "Family wards coming up. How are we going to see the wards when we get past that?"

"I found some crystal goggles in here," Hermione whispered back. "Completely non-magic but they can be used to see magic."

"How does that work."

"Do you really want me to give a lecture on refraction right now?" Hermione whispered back with a smile. "Or would you rather get with the business of robbing the Malfoy family blind?"

"The latter," Harry replied. "And speaking of blind, how am I supposed to put these on over my glasses?"

"Uh… oh, guess we'll have to come back later."

"Guess so," Harry agreed.

IIIIIIIIII

Back in Romania, Ron was having to explain his actions to the Law…

"And that's what happened," Ron said. "Do you want me to go over the story again?"

"Five times is enough," the Romanian Auror said. "For now."

"Can I go now?" Ron demanded.

"You may go," the Auror agreed. "But it may be a good idea to lay low for a time to avoid reprisal."

"Lay low?"

"Use an alias," the Auror explained. "Keep the first name and change your last name. If anyone questions the fact that you don't respond to Mr. Whatever. Just tell them that you always think someone is looking for your father and ask them to call you by your first name."

"Ok," Ron agreed. "Let's see a new last name… Jackson? Nah, uh… Jameson… Jerkwad…Jeremy, Ron Jeremy. I like the sound of that."

IIIIIIIIII

"What can we do for you, Madame Bones?" the goblin asked.

"I need to arrange a meeting with two of your employees," Amelia replied.

"Oh? And which employees would that be?"

"Potter and his girl," Bones said.

"I'm afraid that Mr. And Mrs. Potter don't work for Gringotts Bank," the goblin sighed. "But I may be able to pass on a message… for a fee of course."

"Of course," Amelia groaned for the moment ignoring the terms that the Goblin had used. "Just tell them that I want to meet with them, or better yet that I want one of my people to meet with them. On neutral ground if they demand it."

"I shall see what I can do."

IIIIIIIIII

"Are you sure of this?" Snape demanded.

"That's what they said," the other Death Eater agreed. "Ron Jeremy was the man responsible for… what happened to us."

"Then Ron Jeremy must die," Snape growled. "Summon the others."

"Uh… most of the others are unavailable."

"What?" Snape screamed. "What are they doing?"

"Most of them are taking showers and crying," the other death eater said with a shrug.

"Still? Oh… alright then, uh… have them meet me when they've finished with all that."

IIIIIIIIII

"We can always go back," Hermione tried to console her friend as the walked to the bus station. "Go back and loot the place to the bedrock."

"I know," Harry agreed. "It's not that…"

"What is it then?" She persisted. "You've been depressed for the last few minutes. Don't even try to deny it, I know you."

"I was just wondering how we were supposed to get enough to take the bus," Harry explained. "We have a lot of things in these bags of ours but no money."

"Is that all?" Hermione asked in shock. "You really should have spent more time studying your family spells."

"Why?" Harry demanded.

"I learned that pick pocket charm," Hermione replied. "The one you told me about that's similar to apparition. Uh… you see that mime over there?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed.

"He's got a sack full of coins in his back pocket," Hermione said. "Watch." The mime lifted up his leg and even as far as he was, Harry could hear a distinctive 'braaat' from the poor mime's posterior.

"Don't tell me you just…"

"Yup," Hermione interrupted. "And the good news is that it looks like this is more then enough to get us back to London."

"But…"

"And trust me," Hermione continued. "There is nothing more evil then a mime, all silent and everything."

"Right then," Harry said to cover his friend's muttering. "Shall we go catch the bus then?"

"Ok," she agreed brightly.

IIIIIIIIII

"You wanted to see me boss?" Tonks asked nervously as she walked into Madame Bones' office.

"Have a seat, Auror Tonks," Amelia said. "I want to talk with you about something."

"I'm sorry," Tonks said quickly. "I know it seemed funny at the time but it was wrong to smuggle Moody's eye into the women's locker room."

"I…"

"And it was definitely wrong to take candid pictures of my co-workers naked so that I could market the 'Aurors Gone Wild' calendar," Tonks continued. "Even if the sales of that calendar are still going strong."

"But…"

"Um… I realise that morphing myself to look like the Minister and then hitting on Lucius Malfoy may seem funny but it isn't, even if everyone agrees that it is."

"Be that as it may…"

"And I'm really sorry about the way…"

"As I was saying," Amelia interrupted. "That's not why I asked you to speak with me."

"It isn't?"

"No it isn't," Amelia agreed. "I wanted to speak with you about Harry Potter and that girl of his."

"Hermione?"

"Yes Hermione," Bones agreed. "I'm told that they've gone missing. What can you tell me about that?"

"Um… I think it's just a case of two young people going out on their own to… uh… experiment with each other."

"Controlled by their hormones?"

"No… uh, they've been friends for a long time." Tonks tried to explain. "So it's not like they're jumping into this without looking. They're just…"

"Young?" Amelia suggested.

"Yeah," Tonks said quickly. "They're basically good kids. To be honest, I never expected Hermione to run off with Harry like this. From what I understand, she's always been the one restraining Harry and Ron's uh… impulses."

"Stickler for the rules?"

"No, just trying to protect her friends."

"You know anything about his home life?"

"Harry's relatives aren't going to win any prizes," Tonks said immediately. "They kept him locked up in his room when they could and made him do all the work around the house. Nasty people."

"I see."

"Can't blame Harry for leaving," Tonks continued. "I would have found a way to escape, too, if I were him."

"Let me make sure I've got everything straight," Bones said tightly. "One of my Aurors was party to a scheme that kept a young boy locked up in an… unpleasant environment."

"I…"

"Be silent Auror Tonks," Bones snapped. "As I was saying, you kept him locked up in his home. Did you see any signs of abuse?"

"I wouldn't have let them do anything to him," Tonks said with her eyes on the ground.

"Answer the question," Bones demanded.

"I… I would have had Harry out of there in a minute if it weren't for Dumbledore's orders," Tonks said. "Yes, I saw signs that led me to believe that he had been abused."

"So I have one of my Aurors keeping a young boy in an abusive situation," Bones said tightly. "And you're surprised that this girl ran off with him?"

"No." Tonks slumped. "I'm not. I just wish I'd have helped them get away."

"Why exactly did you listen to Albus Dumbledore?"

"He's… he's Dumbledore," Tonks said in shock.

"Of course he is," Amelia sighed. "What legal reason does Dumbledore have? By what right does he direct this young wizard's life?"

"I think he's Harry's guardian," Tonks said uncertainly. "I… he always gave that impression anyway."

"Thank you, Auror Tonks," Amelia said wearily. "I think you've just come to the heart of the matter."

"I don't understand."

"What happens when a wizard marries?" Amelia asked. "More specifically, what happens when a wizard that is a year or two younger then the age of majority marries?"

"You don't think?"

"I think young Ms. Granger may have found a way to protect her friend," Amelia replied. "You did say that she was loyal to young Mr. Potter didn't you?"

"Hermione would do anything for him," Tonks agreed. "Anything."

"Thank you, Auror Tonks. You may go."

"Yes, ma'am."

"One more thing," Amelia said before the young Auror had a chance to leave the room. "I want you to report to Shacklebolt's team."

"Yes, boss."

"And not a word of this conversation need reach that little club of yours," Amelia's voice hardened. "Understand?"

"I understand, boss."

AN: Had to make an effort at first to write Ron into the story, things kinda got out of control after that as you'll soon see.