Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or organisations in this cheap quality story. Ah, back to the basics. God bless Metal Gear!!
Screw X-box
Author's note: It's been way too long. I'm back, and I'm giving up the crossovers.
Cloud: (FF7) You lied to me!
Snake: (caps Cloud) Now that's Metal Gear.
............Misadventures of Unit FOXHOUND
.....................The Return of Madness
The gang is at the once again reconstructed grocery store. Mike is in Canada, with his family, out of the cast..? Snake, Liquid, Fox, Ryan and Papes are shopping for some- PAPES?! How the hell is he back!? I killed him like eight times!!!!
Papes: (pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket) Necrophilia makes my left scrotum tingle.
... welcome back.
Mikey: What about me?!
And Mikey. They are shopping for some advanced edition PS2 only Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater's and a Twin Snakes for the GameCube. Screw X-box! And buying some presents from fraking pissed Naomi. When the hell did she get back?
Snake: (lights a cig) It's been 4 months man. Get over it.
Fox: Are we going to shop, or what?
Liquid: Good thing Wolf and the lil Sephira are off to the middle east to meet some relatives, huh?
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Maybe an apple core will cure her ails?
Ryan: (laughs) You so crazy!
Mikey: What should we do?
Ryan: Something stupid.
All: (look at him)
Ryan: What?
Snake: (lights another one and pops it in) Good idea. I say we mug the cashier and spray paint our names on the front door.
Fox: NUDE!!
Everyone in the store: (stares at him)
Fox: ... did I say nude? I meant... Dude.
All: (quirk eybrows)
Fox: (on the verge of tears) Don't look at me! (Hisses and runs into aisle 7)
All: (quirk other eyebrows)
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Lick me there, it's almost clean.
Ryan: (quirks eyebrow) Dude, did you even finish smoking the first one?
Snake: (lights and smokes a 3rd cig) Nope. Gotta do it every time I talk.
Liquid: I liked Fox's idea. Just the thing we would have done in Adventures of Neo FOXHOUND.
All: (sigh)
Fox: (magically back) Just like the good old days.
Ryan: Whoa! Don't do that!
Fox: (disappears and reappears) Stealth camouflage, can't help it.
Now why can't Sanke do that?
Snake: (smokes another one) It's spelled Snake.
Damn you WordPerfect! Damn you!!
Liquid: And when was the last time we had a spontaneous song moment.
All: ...
Mikey: Bye bye bye!
Snake: (pops in another) Mr. Crowly!
Ryan: Killer of Giants!
Liquid: O Canada!
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Well get your finger out of my ass, cuz I'm leaving you behind!
Fox: Dream On!
War Pigs!
All: ... (start singing various songs)
Blizrun: (walks in, bitch slaps each of them, and leaves)
All: ... (start singing various songs)
Blizrun: (runs in and kicks Liquid in the nuts)
Liquid: My testies..!
Blizrun: I made my point. (Leaves)
Snake: Alright, first on the grocery list-
Fox: I thought we were buying games?
And you didn't smoke!
Snake: (pops in two cigs)
And for the 'All's and the song name.
Snake: (pops in three more.)
And because you just had your name down.
Snake: (pops in two more)
Ryan: Let's Get This Party Started!
Mikey: I thought you played the song every time we named it.
... buy your damn games.
Fox: Me and Ryan go for Snake Eater. Snake, Papes and Mikey go for Twin Snakes. Liquid...
Liquid: (curled up in the fetal position)
Fox: Get some ice...
Snake,(lights a cig) Papes and Mikey: Right!/Look, the chickens are coming!
Snake(lights one), Mikey: (look at Papes)
Papes: (pulls out a paper, shrugs)
Mikey: You can't even make a gesture without reading a paper? Dude, weak.
Snake: I'm having a hard time breathing...
You didn't-
Pop.
Crap!
Snake: Silenced USP. God bless Substance.
Amen.
Papes: (pulls a paper out) Delay the inevitable, as you please... death will find you regardless.
Snake: Good line, but a little out of context.
Mikey: Man, I miss Mike. Granted he got his ass kicked a lot and died once... I died twice, damn you!
Snake: You know, Mike wrote all your death scenes.
Mikey: When I find that little..!
Random Chinese Person holding a chicken walks by.
Mikey: (wrings the chicken's neck) DIEDIEDIE!
RCP: No, you kill chicken, yum yum.
Snake: You'll choke his chicken?
Mikey: Go frak Papes.
Papes: (does his usual bit) Come to me my undead son, the stage is set for the Grand Finale.
Snake: Enough LoK, people mite think we're crossing over!
Mikey: Crossing over into what?
Snake: A... Crossover.
Mikey: (gasp)
Papes: (pulls out a piece of paper) Sigh.
Mikey: Getting close.
Snake: You two are the lowest form of original characters I have ever met.
Mikey: Ever?
Snake: What did I just say?
Mikey: Snake: You two are the lowest form of original characters I have ever met.
Snake: Did you have to throw my name in as well?
Mikey: What did I just say.
Snake: (punches Mikey in the head) Moron!
Papes: (takes out another piece of paper) Booze and boobs- the essence of every good evening.
Mikey: (rubbing his bruised skull) Oww...
Snake: Wise words. Now- to buy Snake Eater!
And so the three of them snake through the aisles, until Papes tripped over a pacifier and shouted 'Three apples for every orange!'. People started crowding over. The two continued, till Mikey saw a dirty mag and stopped for a read. Snake went on, and found the PS2 aisle. That's right, it has an entire aisle to itself. A man brushed by him as he reached the new releases and found the allocated spot for Snake Eater... EMPTY!?!?!??!?
Guy who bumped into Snake: (at the cash register) I'll take all fifteen copies of Snake Eater, and the sex, err, six copies of Twin Snakes.
Cashier: Here you are, enjoy your day!
The man turns and leaves, then the cashier's brains are blown across the room.
Snake: (holding a silenced USP) Damn! Shouldn't hae been on that drinking fringe!
Liquid limps over to Snake, able to walk again.
Liquid: That bastard just stepped on my knee on the way out!
Snake: And he bought everything Metal Gear in the building.
Liquid: (checks under his coat) The thong's still here.
Snake: The games you dumb English fraker!
Liquid: Been a while since I heard that one. I'll call the rest of the men on the codec.
Snake: Alright.
They stand in silence for a good minute.
Snake: You don't know the frequency do you?
Liquid: No. I was waiting for them to get in earshot. Hey guys!!
The other group looks over a rack.
Liquid: Some prick assaulted me!
Snake: And...
Liquid: Oh, right. He also bought every copy of the games we were looking for. Shall we hunt him down and sodomize him until he ends his own life?
The Security Guard next to him starts reaching for the radio.
Liquid: Because I sure as hell wont. Heheh...
Snake: Let's just go.
[FRONT YARD]
Ryan: Mine! (Throws the katana at the Guy Who Bought The Games)
Guy Who Bought The Games: (deflects it away with one of his own) So, we meet at last, Gray Gecko...
Ryan: That's Mike. I'm Solid Cobra.
GWBTG: Whatever. You invited me in one chapter a year ago. This is vengeance for neglecting me! (Throws off his baseball cap to reveal–)
Snake: The bastard who wrote the Darkness Before The End!
Shade: Son-of-a-bitch. I knew that would haunt me!
Fox: This ends here, Auzzie! Give us the games!
Mikey: Yeah!
Shade: You don't understand do you? I am invincible! I have METAL GEAR RYU MARK II!! You're ALL DEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
The back door of the van next to him pops open, revealing Otacon.
Otacon: Um, Shade? That isn't running yet.
Shade: Wha- DAMMIT!! Tell me that before the evil boast! Are you a villain or an idiot?
Otacon: Villain.
Shade: I– frak it. Let's go.
He hops in the van and they drive off. A window rolls down and he flips the group off.
Liquid: AH! He flipped me off, did you see that? He flipped ME off!
Ryan: He flipped us all off.
Papes: (takes a paper) It kills the victim by simulating a backflip.
Snake: What the hell is he talking about?
Fox: FoxFlip?
Mikey: We need to track him down!
Liquid: And tear off that finger!
All: Hell yeah!
Mikey: What about Metal–
Snake: Let's go! (Get's into the van)
Mikey: But-
Fox: C'mon! (Drags him into the van)
[FOXHOUND HQ. That's right, the old cigarette factory]
.
.?
.!
Blizrun: He's got WHAT!??!?!?!?!?!
Naomi: Fleas.
Blizrun: (pets a dog) Poor boy.
Mantis: I can read your mind!!! Banana pudding? Is that ever out of your head?
Raiden: (eating a banana pudding) Nope. Not my mouth either.
Mantis: Among other things...
Meryl: What's taking the guys so long? I wanna see me in high CGI rendering!
Blizrun: You think that's bad? The little Sephira hasn't quit with the e-mails.
A photo of the baby pops up, in full Solidus gear, flipping him off.
Blizrun: I hate you.
Naomi: She's only a baby!
Blizrun: With Fox's genes...
Naomi: A scary though indeed.
Meryl: I swear to god I thought I saw him with him camo on in Shadow Moses. Ogling me while I was working out...
Blizrun and Mantis were drooling profusely.
Meryl: Who wants to lose their knee first?
They both looked at each other, then gestured to Raiden.
*BAM*
Raiden: My pudding! No wait, it's okay. Just a little bloody. (Shrugs and keeps eating)
Snake smashes through the window.
Naomi: What the hell is wrong with you?
Snake: You know that guy who wrote 'The Darkness Before the End?
Naomi: Who doesn't. Monster with a pike, really...
Blizrun: I actually liked it. Anime fan, you know.
Mantis: You liked it?
Blizrun: You read it?
Mantis: No, just ripped the memories from your brain.
Blizrun: Memories of?
Mantis: The Darkness Before the End.
Blizrun: What the hell is that?
Mantis: Thought so.
Fox: (walks in the front door) He flipped us off!
Naomi: Really Frankie!
Ryan: We're gonna tear his finger off!
Naomi: That's pushing it.
Meryl: I hear you there.
Liquid: In a parking lot!
Meryl: Whoop-dee-doo!
Mikey: And he joined forces with Otacon and created Metal Gear RYU Mark II!
Naomi: Oh my god!! Kick his ass!
Blizrun: I already blew that up! Damn, I'm coming.
A loud belch comes from the uber famous basement.
Big Boss: Not without me you wont.
Snake: Alright, let's pick out a team. I say, me, Liquid, the old man, the Canadian guy, the several times dead Canadian guy, Fox and Blizrun.
Mantis: Leave out the guy with a split personality, sure.
Raiden: Banana split?
Mantis: Oh, shut the hell up.
Snake: Too bad that Quebec girl isn't around. She was helpful.
Ryan: Mike might actually have been of use!
Fox: I miss him. No one else danced like a hobo for quarters like him.
Mikey: Mike, dance? Nasty.
Snake: Let's go!
All: Hell Yeah!!
Naomi: Do you even know where he is?
All: ...
Papes: (pulls out an add) Hate Sephiroth0201 as much as I do? Sign up today! Free membership to those willing to take that prick on. Punch and pie. We are located two houses left of FOXHOUND HQ.
Liquid: ..!
Snake: Deep.
Fox: No liquor in the basement. (Glares at Big Boss)
Mikey: Told ya he's useful!
Ryan: Sit Paper Reading Jackass, sit!
Papes: (sits in a corner)
Snake: Let's go!
All: Hell yeah!
.
[ANTI Sephiroth0201 HQ]
.
They pull up and hop out of the van. Only to see...
Shade: It working yet?
Otacon: (slamming a wrench off of Metal Gear's foot) Almost!
The machine lights up.
Shade: We got it!
Snake: It's moving!
Shade: Huh? Ah. You showed up. Time to introduce the group. BLACKHOUND, front and center.
Vamp: (hops off the roof) I'll slice you up for killing me off.'
Raven: (kicks open the door to the out house) Time to die.
Olga: (decked out in full Fox gear) Damn you, Sephiroth0201! You made me a molested corpse!
Fortune: (steps off the porch) You made me flash him! HIM!!
Cobra: (nodding) Yes you did. Yes you did...
Solidus: (still has two eye patches) Where the hell is that Canadian prick?! I'll pay him back.
Tyrant: Like hell you will!
Otacon: (whips out a bigger wrench) Come get some!
Liquid: (takes a step back) Ah!
Snake: For God's sake, it's a wrench!
Liquid: Monkey wrench!
Big Boss: M-monkey wrench?
Tyrant: Oh my god.
Fox: I had an encounter with a monkey once. Back in 87, when-
Emma: Shut the hell up you freak! You kicked me off the team! I'll kill you!
Snake: Let's go!
Raven fires off his vulcan gun. Tyrant and Fox defend from the front, and Big Boss (much to everyone's surprise) flips off of their shoulders, kicking Raven off his feet. That's a lot of distance for an old man to cover.
Raven: This is Raven's territory. Bosses don't belong in Alaska.
Big Boss: I saw you at the World Indian Eskimo Olympics a year back.
Raven: Then you know of my best game.
Big Boss: Yeah. I challenge you to a muktuk eating contest!
Raven: Say what?
Big Boss: (pulls up a table and sets down some muktuk) Get eating!
Raven: You're kidding?
Olga flips over the group, and slices at Liquid (who squeals like a girl), but has her blade blocked by Fox.
Fox: Outta my suit you hairy pitted bitch!
Olga: I resent that!
They square off. Vamp sends a barrage of knives at Liquid, who shoots them all out of midair.
Vamp: This is getting familiar..!
Liquid: (smiling) Yes it is.
Vamp: Crap.
Solidus charges Tyrant, but slams into a tree on the way there. Tyrant steps over and helps him to his feet, then kicks him square in the nads.
Tyrant: Never trust a guy with more hair than a fro!
Cobra is backing away from Emma slowly, who's swinging a bat at him. He sees an opening and slaps her. (!!!!)
Emma: Ow, you jerk!
Cobra: Shit, are you okay? (get's hit upside his head with the bat)
Emma: Better now.
Otacon: I'll use my incredible skills as a hacker to kill you all!
Blizrun: Not so quick. (quick draws his super Shotgun)
Otacon: (swings the wrench) Bring it on!
Fortune: Let's go, big man!
Snake: Damn right!
Fortune: Was that a come on?
Snake: You know it!
Fortune: This isn't worth it!
She leaves.
Snake: That was easy. Not as easy as her, I bet.
He jumps out of the way quickly, and a SOCOM round hits the dirt near where he stood before.
Shade: Not so quick.
Snake: I'll get you back for flipping me off!
Big Boss: (munching away at the muktuk)
Raven: (looking under the weather) Arg... too much muktuk.
Snake: Let's go! (Shoots at him)
Shade: (de and rematerialises in front of Snake and slices him) Those two idiots never used their Author Powers practically, but I will!
Snake: Then why aren't you getting laid right now?
Shade: Vengeance, then fun. (Waves at Brittany Spears)
Spears: (waves back)
Snake: You SOB, I'll kill you! (empties the entire clip)
Shade: Still standing. Aw well, time to kill a Snake. (kicks him INTO the wall)
Snake: Now I know how Fatman's coffee table must feel. Laugh and let one rip out your ass like a bat out of hell, he should say.
Shade: (aims his SOCOM at Snake, then straight to the roof of his house and fires)
A figure wearing a long coat leaps off the house, spinning like a top. He lands about a foot behind Shade.
Shade: Mike Meechan.
Gecko: Sup Simon?
Shade: I thought you were out of it?
Gecko: Nah, got bored.
All: Mike!
Shade: (rolls his eyes) Quick on the ball, aren't you?
FOXHOUND, having wiped the floor with his group, step forward.
Shade: Now to use my new toy! (Jumps all the way up into Metal Gear)
Snake: Damn, too late.
Raven: (crawls by) Too much muktuk...
Blizrun: Well, they upgraded it all right.
Liquid: Nice paint job.
Fox: Liquid, that's the house.
Liquid: I know. Man, I wish you guys bought that one instead of the old factory.
Snake: (lights a cig) Don't talk down to tobacco.
Tyrant: That was an easy fight.
Cobra: (rubbing the back of his head) You have no idea.
Gecko: Hey, MY RYU!!!
Big Boss: We have to take it out!
Fox: And fast.
Gecko: It's mine, let me handle this.
He steppes forward, the wind blowing. He throws his long coat into the wind, which changes directions suddenly. The coat hits him in the face, and he tosses it behind him. The wind goes back in it's original direction, getting the back of his head. He shoots it straight down and stomps on it. Then he reveals his new toy.
Fox: Hey, my arm!
That's right, I stole Fox's exoskeleton arm. Well, he's still got both so he shouldn't be too pissed off.
Gecko: Say hello to my wee friend, laddies!
He dashes forward and slams his new arm into RYU Mark II. No effect.
Gecko: Frak.
A missile blows him off his feet.
Gecko: Always me.
Tyrant: My ass! You killed me off twice!
Gecko: Often me.
Big Boss: Take him down!
Shade: Nice try, now DIE!! (brings the leg down at Gecko)
Gecko: (rolls away and get's sent into the air with the shockwave, spinning and firing off a clip of his 9mm. He lands) I love the trailers for Snake Eater.
Shade: Didn't even scratch me!
Gecko: (walks over and points at a scratch he made)
Shade: Fine, a scratch!
He proceeds to kick Gecko right into a tree and take to the air, firing off a payload of missiles. The team dodges and shoots down missiles.
Shade: Eat lead, dipshits!
The multiple vulcans go off. Fox starts to perform backflips, then flips forward once, dodging all of the 20mm rounds. He fires off his REX Buster.
Blizrun leaps up into a tree and starts firing his anti-aircraft like shotgun.
Big Boss rolls off to the side of the road and puts him MP5 to use.
Liquid strafes with his FAMAS firing.
Gecko rolls onto his back and moans.
Tyrant leaps into the air and sends his katana at RYU.
Cobra uses his powers to summon a Stinger and drinks it. Then he summons a Stinger Launcher and fires a rocket at him.
Snake pulls himself out of the wreckage of the house and sees a power box on its back. He shoots it. RYU loses power.
Shade: What the hell? Fly, FLY!!
It doesn't.
*KA-BOOM*
The shockwave of the crash knock the team over. Gecko gets up. He looks around, shrugs and drops. The team gets up. RYU explodes. The team falls over.
Gecko: This is starting to piss me off.
Snake: Same here.
Fox: Oh ya. Oh ya.
Blizrun: I'm a hacker, I can't deal with this.
Liquid: At least we offed that prick.
.
[SOME RANDOM PLACE]
.
Naomi: Yes sir. Decoy Octopus is dead again. Yes sir, my cover is still intact, no one knows you picked me up to join your evil plot after the group left me hitchhiking for six months. No sir, they think it as you. Your blood gave him your powers, but not your skills. Yes sir, I am coming on to you. No sir, I wouldn't enjoy a three way with you and Brittany Spears. Yes sir, I understand. Goodbye, Shade.
DUNDUNDUN.
Review!
Screw X-box
Author's note: It's been way too long. I'm back, and I'm giving up the crossovers.
Cloud: (FF7) You lied to me!
Snake: (caps Cloud) Now that's Metal Gear.
............Misadventures of Unit FOXHOUND
.....................The Return of Madness
The gang is at the once again reconstructed grocery store. Mike is in Canada, with his family, out of the cast..? Snake, Liquid, Fox, Ryan and Papes are shopping for some- PAPES?! How the hell is he back!? I killed him like eight times!!!!
Papes: (pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket) Necrophilia makes my left scrotum tingle.
... welcome back.
Mikey: What about me?!
And Mikey. They are shopping for some advanced edition PS2 only Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater's and a Twin Snakes for the GameCube. Screw X-box! And buying some presents from fraking pissed Naomi. When the hell did she get back?
Snake: (lights a cig) It's been 4 months man. Get over it.
Fox: Are we going to shop, or what?
Liquid: Good thing Wolf and the lil Sephira are off to the middle east to meet some relatives, huh?
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Maybe an apple core will cure her ails?
Ryan: (laughs) You so crazy!
Mikey: What should we do?
Ryan: Something stupid.
All: (look at him)
Ryan: What?
Snake: (lights another one and pops it in) Good idea. I say we mug the cashier and spray paint our names on the front door.
Fox: NUDE!!
Everyone in the store: (stares at him)
Fox: ... did I say nude? I meant... Dude.
All: (quirk eybrows)
Fox: (on the verge of tears) Don't look at me! (Hisses and runs into aisle 7)
All: (quirk other eyebrows)
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Lick me there, it's almost clean.
Ryan: (quirks eyebrow) Dude, did you even finish smoking the first one?
Snake: (lights and smokes a 3rd cig) Nope. Gotta do it every time I talk.
Liquid: I liked Fox's idea. Just the thing we would have done in Adventures of Neo FOXHOUND.
All: (sigh)
Fox: (magically back) Just like the good old days.
Ryan: Whoa! Don't do that!
Fox: (disappears and reappears) Stealth camouflage, can't help it.
Now why can't Sanke do that?
Snake: (smokes another one) It's spelled Snake.
Damn you WordPerfect! Damn you!!
Liquid: And when was the last time we had a spontaneous song moment.
All: ...
Mikey: Bye bye bye!
Snake: (pops in another) Mr. Crowly!
Ryan: Killer of Giants!
Liquid: O Canada!
Papes: (pulls out a paper) Well get your finger out of my ass, cuz I'm leaving you behind!
Fox: Dream On!
War Pigs!
All: ... (start singing various songs)
Blizrun: (walks in, bitch slaps each of them, and leaves)
All: ... (start singing various songs)
Blizrun: (runs in and kicks Liquid in the nuts)
Liquid: My testies..!
Blizrun: I made my point. (Leaves)
Snake: Alright, first on the grocery list-
Fox: I thought we were buying games?
And you didn't smoke!
Snake: (pops in two cigs)
And for the 'All's and the song name.
Snake: (pops in three more.)
And because you just had your name down.
Snake: (pops in two more)
Ryan: Let's Get This Party Started!
Mikey: I thought you played the song every time we named it.
... buy your damn games.
Fox: Me and Ryan go for Snake Eater. Snake, Papes and Mikey go for Twin Snakes. Liquid...
Liquid: (curled up in the fetal position)
Fox: Get some ice...
Snake,(lights a cig) Papes and Mikey: Right!/Look, the chickens are coming!
Snake(lights one), Mikey: (look at Papes)
Papes: (pulls out a paper, shrugs)
Mikey: You can't even make a gesture without reading a paper? Dude, weak.
Snake: I'm having a hard time breathing...
You didn't-
Pop.
Crap!
Snake: Silenced USP. God bless Substance.
Amen.
Papes: (pulls a paper out) Delay the inevitable, as you please... death will find you regardless.
Snake: Good line, but a little out of context.
Mikey: Man, I miss Mike. Granted he got his ass kicked a lot and died once... I died twice, damn you!
Snake: You know, Mike wrote all your death scenes.
Mikey: When I find that little..!
Random Chinese Person holding a chicken walks by.
Mikey: (wrings the chicken's neck) DIEDIEDIE!
RCP: No, you kill chicken, yum yum.
Snake: You'll choke his chicken?
Mikey: Go frak Papes.
Papes: (does his usual bit) Come to me my undead son, the stage is set for the Grand Finale.
Snake: Enough LoK, people mite think we're crossing over!
Mikey: Crossing over into what?
Snake: A... Crossover.
Mikey: (gasp)
Papes: (pulls out a piece of paper) Sigh.
Mikey: Getting close.
Snake: You two are the lowest form of original characters I have ever met.
Mikey: Ever?
Snake: What did I just say?
Mikey: Snake: You two are the lowest form of original characters I have ever met.
Snake: Did you have to throw my name in as well?
Mikey: What did I just say.
Snake: (punches Mikey in the head) Moron!
Papes: (takes out another piece of paper) Booze and boobs- the essence of every good evening.
Mikey: (rubbing his bruised skull) Oww...
Snake: Wise words. Now- to buy Snake Eater!
And so the three of them snake through the aisles, until Papes tripped over a pacifier and shouted 'Three apples for every orange!'. People started crowding over. The two continued, till Mikey saw a dirty mag and stopped for a read. Snake went on, and found the PS2 aisle. That's right, it has an entire aisle to itself. A man brushed by him as he reached the new releases and found the allocated spot for Snake Eater... EMPTY!?!?!??!?
Guy who bumped into Snake: (at the cash register) I'll take all fifteen copies of Snake Eater, and the sex, err, six copies of Twin Snakes.
Cashier: Here you are, enjoy your day!
The man turns and leaves, then the cashier's brains are blown across the room.
Snake: (holding a silenced USP) Damn! Shouldn't hae been on that drinking fringe!
Liquid limps over to Snake, able to walk again.
Liquid: That bastard just stepped on my knee on the way out!
Snake: And he bought everything Metal Gear in the building.
Liquid: (checks under his coat) The thong's still here.
Snake: The games you dumb English fraker!
Liquid: Been a while since I heard that one. I'll call the rest of the men on the codec.
Snake: Alright.
They stand in silence for a good minute.
Snake: You don't know the frequency do you?
Liquid: No. I was waiting for them to get in earshot. Hey guys!!
The other group looks over a rack.
Liquid: Some prick assaulted me!
Snake: And...
Liquid: Oh, right. He also bought every copy of the games we were looking for. Shall we hunt him down and sodomize him until he ends his own life?
The Security Guard next to him starts reaching for the radio.
Liquid: Because I sure as hell wont. Heheh...
Snake: Let's just go.
[FRONT YARD]
Ryan: Mine! (Throws the katana at the Guy Who Bought The Games)
Guy Who Bought The Games: (deflects it away with one of his own) So, we meet at last, Gray Gecko...
Ryan: That's Mike. I'm Solid Cobra.
GWBTG: Whatever. You invited me in one chapter a year ago. This is vengeance for neglecting me! (Throws off his baseball cap to reveal–)
Snake: The bastard who wrote the Darkness Before The End!
Shade: Son-of-a-bitch. I knew that would haunt me!
Fox: This ends here, Auzzie! Give us the games!
Mikey: Yeah!
Shade: You don't understand do you? I am invincible! I have METAL GEAR RYU MARK II!! You're ALL DEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
The back door of the van next to him pops open, revealing Otacon.
Otacon: Um, Shade? That isn't running yet.
Shade: Wha- DAMMIT!! Tell me that before the evil boast! Are you a villain or an idiot?
Otacon: Villain.
Shade: I– frak it. Let's go.
He hops in the van and they drive off. A window rolls down and he flips the group off.
Liquid: AH! He flipped me off, did you see that? He flipped ME off!
Ryan: He flipped us all off.
Papes: (takes a paper) It kills the victim by simulating a backflip.
Snake: What the hell is he talking about?
Fox: FoxFlip?
Mikey: We need to track him down!
Liquid: And tear off that finger!
All: Hell yeah!
Mikey: What about Metal–
Snake: Let's go! (Get's into the van)
Mikey: But-
Fox: C'mon! (Drags him into the van)
[FOXHOUND HQ. That's right, the old cigarette factory]
.
.?
.!
Blizrun: He's got WHAT!??!?!?!?!?!
Naomi: Fleas.
Blizrun: (pets a dog) Poor boy.
Mantis: I can read your mind!!! Banana pudding? Is that ever out of your head?
Raiden: (eating a banana pudding) Nope. Not my mouth either.
Mantis: Among other things...
Meryl: What's taking the guys so long? I wanna see me in high CGI rendering!
Blizrun: You think that's bad? The little Sephira hasn't quit with the e-mails.
A photo of the baby pops up, in full Solidus gear, flipping him off.
Blizrun: I hate you.
Naomi: She's only a baby!
Blizrun: With Fox's genes...
Naomi: A scary though indeed.
Meryl: I swear to god I thought I saw him with him camo on in Shadow Moses. Ogling me while I was working out...
Blizrun and Mantis were drooling profusely.
Meryl: Who wants to lose their knee first?
They both looked at each other, then gestured to Raiden.
*BAM*
Raiden: My pudding! No wait, it's okay. Just a little bloody. (Shrugs and keeps eating)
Snake smashes through the window.
Naomi: What the hell is wrong with you?
Snake: You know that guy who wrote 'The Darkness Before the End?
Naomi: Who doesn't. Monster with a pike, really...
Blizrun: I actually liked it. Anime fan, you know.
Mantis: You liked it?
Blizrun: You read it?
Mantis: No, just ripped the memories from your brain.
Blizrun: Memories of?
Mantis: The Darkness Before the End.
Blizrun: What the hell is that?
Mantis: Thought so.
Fox: (walks in the front door) He flipped us off!
Naomi: Really Frankie!
Ryan: We're gonna tear his finger off!
Naomi: That's pushing it.
Meryl: I hear you there.
Liquid: In a parking lot!
Meryl: Whoop-dee-doo!
Mikey: And he joined forces with Otacon and created Metal Gear RYU Mark II!
Naomi: Oh my god!! Kick his ass!
Blizrun: I already blew that up! Damn, I'm coming.
A loud belch comes from the uber famous basement.
Big Boss: Not without me you wont.
Snake: Alright, let's pick out a team. I say, me, Liquid, the old man, the Canadian guy, the several times dead Canadian guy, Fox and Blizrun.
Mantis: Leave out the guy with a split personality, sure.
Raiden: Banana split?
Mantis: Oh, shut the hell up.
Snake: Too bad that Quebec girl isn't around. She was helpful.
Ryan: Mike might actually have been of use!
Fox: I miss him. No one else danced like a hobo for quarters like him.
Mikey: Mike, dance? Nasty.
Snake: Let's go!
All: Hell Yeah!!
Naomi: Do you even know where he is?
All: ...
Papes: (pulls out an add) Hate Sephiroth0201 as much as I do? Sign up today! Free membership to those willing to take that prick on. Punch and pie. We are located two houses left of FOXHOUND HQ.
Liquid: ..!
Snake: Deep.
Fox: No liquor in the basement. (Glares at Big Boss)
Mikey: Told ya he's useful!
Ryan: Sit Paper Reading Jackass, sit!
Papes: (sits in a corner)
Snake: Let's go!
All: Hell yeah!
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[ANTI Sephiroth0201 HQ]
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They pull up and hop out of the van. Only to see...
Shade: It working yet?
Otacon: (slamming a wrench off of Metal Gear's foot) Almost!
The machine lights up.
Shade: We got it!
Snake: It's moving!
Shade: Huh? Ah. You showed up. Time to introduce the group. BLACKHOUND, front and center.
Vamp: (hops off the roof) I'll slice you up for killing me off.'
Raven: (kicks open the door to the out house) Time to die.
Olga: (decked out in full Fox gear) Damn you, Sephiroth0201! You made me a molested corpse!
Fortune: (steps off the porch) You made me flash him! HIM!!
Cobra: (nodding) Yes you did. Yes you did...
Solidus: (still has two eye patches) Where the hell is that Canadian prick?! I'll pay him back.
Tyrant: Like hell you will!
Otacon: (whips out a bigger wrench) Come get some!
Liquid: (takes a step back) Ah!
Snake: For God's sake, it's a wrench!
Liquid: Monkey wrench!
Big Boss: M-monkey wrench?
Tyrant: Oh my god.
Fox: I had an encounter with a monkey once. Back in 87, when-
Emma: Shut the hell up you freak! You kicked me off the team! I'll kill you!
Snake: Let's go!
Raven fires off his vulcan gun. Tyrant and Fox defend from the front, and Big Boss (much to everyone's surprise) flips off of their shoulders, kicking Raven off his feet. That's a lot of distance for an old man to cover.
Raven: This is Raven's territory. Bosses don't belong in Alaska.
Big Boss: I saw you at the World Indian Eskimo Olympics a year back.
Raven: Then you know of my best game.
Big Boss: Yeah. I challenge you to a muktuk eating contest!
Raven: Say what?
Big Boss: (pulls up a table and sets down some muktuk) Get eating!
Raven: You're kidding?
Olga flips over the group, and slices at Liquid (who squeals like a girl), but has her blade blocked by Fox.
Fox: Outta my suit you hairy pitted bitch!
Olga: I resent that!
They square off. Vamp sends a barrage of knives at Liquid, who shoots them all out of midair.
Vamp: This is getting familiar..!
Liquid: (smiling) Yes it is.
Vamp: Crap.
Solidus charges Tyrant, but slams into a tree on the way there. Tyrant steps over and helps him to his feet, then kicks him square in the nads.
Tyrant: Never trust a guy with more hair than a fro!
Cobra is backing away from Emma slowly, who's swinging a bat at him. He sees an opening and slaps her. (!!!!)
Emma: Ow, you jerk!
Cobra: Shit, are you okay? (get's hit upside his head with the bat)
Emma: Better now.
Otacon: I'll use my incredible skills as a hacker to kill you all!
Blizrun: Not so quick. (quick draws his super Shotgun)
Otacon: (swings the wrench) Bring it on!
Fortune: Let's go, big man!
Snake: Damn right!
Fortune: Was that a come on?
Snake: You know it!
Fortune: This isn't worth it!
She leaves.
Snake: That was easy. Not as easy as her, I bet.
He jumps out of the way quickly, and a SOCOM round hits the dirt near where he stood before.
Shade: Not so quick.
Snake: I'll get you back for flipping me off!
Big Boss: (munching away at the muktuk)
Raven: (looking under the weather) Arg... too much muktuk.
Snake: Let's go! (Shoots at him)
Shade: (de and rematerialises in front of Snake and slices him) Those two idiots never used their Author Powers practically, but I will!
Snake: Then why aren't you getting laid right now?
Shade: Vengeance, then fun. (Waves at Brittany Spears)
Spears: (waves back)
Snake: You SOB, I'll kill you! (empties the entire clip)
Shade: Still standing. Aw well, time to kill a Snake. (kicks him INTO the wall)
Snake: Now I know how Fatman's coffee table must feel. Laugh and let one rip out your ass like a bat out of hell, he should say.
Shade: (aims his SOCOM at Snake, then straight to the roof of his house and fires)
A figure wearing a long coat leaps off the house, spinning like a top. He lands about a foot behind Shade.
Shade: Mike Meechan.
Gecko: Sup Simon?
Shade: I thought you were out of it?
Gecko: Nah, got bored.
All: Mike!
Shade: (rolls his eyes) Quick on the ball, aren't you?
FOXHOUND, having wiped the floor with his group, step forward.
Shade: Now to use my new toy! (Jumps all the way up into Metal Gear)
Snake: Damn, too late.
Raven: (crawls by) Too much muktuk...
Blizrun: Well, they upgraded it all right.
Liquid: Nice paint job.
Fox: Liquid, that's the house.
Liquid: I know. Man, I wish you guys bought that one instead of the old factory.
Snake: (lights a cig) Don't talk down to tobacco.
Tyrant: That was an easy fight.
Cobra: (rubbing the back of his head) You have no idea.
Gecko: Hey, MY RYU!!!
Big Boss: We have to take it out!
Fox: And fast.
Gecko: It's mine, let me handle this.
He steppes forward, the wind blowing. He throws his long coat into the wind, which changes directions suddenly. The coat hits him in the face, and he tosses it behind him. The wind goes back in it's original direction, getting the back of his head. He shoots it straight down and stomps on it. Then he reveals his new toy.
Fox: Hey, my arm!
That's right, I stole Fox's exoskeleton arm. Well, he's still got both so he shouldn't be too pissed off.
Gecko: Say hello to my wee friend, laddies!
He dashes forward and slams his new arm into RYU Mark II. No effect.
Gecko: Frak.
A missile blows him off his feet.
Gecko: Always me.
Tyrant: My ass! You killed me off twice!
Gecko: Often me.
Big Boss: Take him down!
Shade: Nice try, now DIE!! (brings the leg down at Gecko)
Gecko: (rolls away and get's sent into the air with the shockwave, spinning and firing off a clip of his 9mm. He lands) I love the trailers for Snake Eater.
Shade: Didn't even scratch me!
Gecko: (walks over and points at a scratch he made)
Shade: Fine, a scratch!
He proceeds to kick Gecko right into a tree and take to the air, firing off a payload of missiles. The team dodges and shoots down missiles.
Shade: Eat lead, dipshits!
The multiple vulcans go off. Fox starts to perform backflips, then flips forward once, dodging all of the 20mm rounds. He fires off his REX Buster.
Blizrun leaps up into a tree and starts firing his anti-aircraft like shotgun.
Big Boss rolls off to the side of the road and puts him MP5 to use.
Liquid strafes with his FAMAS firing.
Gecko rolls onto his back and moans.
Tyrant leaps into the air and sends his katana at RYU.
Cobra uses his powers to summon a Stinger and drinks it. Then he summons a Stinger Launcher and fires a rocket at him.
Snake pulls himself out of the wreckage of the house and sees a power box on its back. He shoots it. RYU loses power.
Shade: What the hell? Fly, FLY!!
It doesn't.
*KA-BOOM*
The shockwave of the crash knock the team over. Gecko gets up. He looks around, shrugs and drops. The team gets up. RYU explodes. The team falls over.
Gecko: This is starting to piss me off.
Snake: Same here.
Fox: Oh ya. Oh ya.
Blizrun: I'm a hacker, I can't deal with this.
Liquid: At least we offed that prick.
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[SOME RANDOM PLACE]
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Naomi: Yes sir. Decoy Octopus is dead again. Yes sir, my cover is still intact, no one knows you picked me up to join your evil plot after the group left me hitchhiking for six months. No sir, they think it as you. Your blood gave him your powers, but not your skills. Yes sir, I am coming on to you. No sir, I wouldn't enjoy a three way with you and Brittany Spears. Yes sir, I understand. Goodbye, Shade.
DUNDUNDUN.
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