McLean Oil
"...and the Kids of Total Drama are like a big family. Well, and for us, that theatre is like our home. Which is why, in conclusion, we humbly ask that you give us back our studio," Sam finished telling Chris McLean.
Chris glanced at Ennui and Ryan.
"It would certainly mean a lot to us."
Dakota, Owen, Izzy, Cody, Sierra and Devin nodded their heads.
"Hmmm, well, mr. Small, let me see," Chris tapped his chin in thought.
Suddenly, he pounded his fists on his desk, spooking the others, and started to rap.
Chris McLean: I'm Chris McLean
Mr. C Mc
People call me 'Rich' 'cos I got mo' money!
I got more cheddar than some super-size nachos
Got cash flow like Robert has dinero$
He jumped onto one of the table and kicked off a few pictures as he walked along it.
I use more greens than Vincent van Gogh
I make the baker bake my bread outta dough
He jumped off the table.
No no, don't eat it though, it'll make you ill
There ain't no flour in a hundred dollar bill
He opened the door and four girls in dancing outfits walked in.
Chorus: He's Chris McLean
"Oh yeah!"
Everybody listen
"Here we go now!"
Owen and Cody glanced at each other, wide-eyed.
Just how great it is to be him
"Oh, it's great to be me, yeah!"
"Correct!," Ennui commented as he and Ryan danced to the music.
He's the greatest
"I'm the greatest!"
You're the lamest
"Whoo-hoo-hoo!"
Total Drama's a waste of time, oh, can't you see?
"Uh-uh-uh-uh!"
Chris: Yeah, it's funny in a rich man's world
When I need a piece of string, I use a string of pearls
If something's for sail, consider it sold
I got so much gold, I gold-plate my gold!
I even gotta-gotta gold-plate my cat
I don't regret much, but I do regret that
If I could start all over, I'd do it all the same
Except I wouldn't gold-plate little Twinkles again
Chorus: He's Chris McLean
Everybody listen
"Yoo-hoo-hoo!"
Just how great it is to be him
"Oh, it's great to be me, yeah!"
He's the greatest
"Uh, come on!"
You're the lamest
Total Drama's a waste of time, oh, can't you see?
"Oh, it's great to be me!"
Chris: I recall a heartbreaking story about my own tenth birthday party
Should've been a glorious day for me
I'd have been happy as can be
But Total Drama was there to put on a show
They started to dance, they were telling their jokes
I didn't laugh, I didn't know how
Then my friends, they all turned around, and they laughed at me!
They laughed at me!
I hate you children so!
Chorus: He's Chris McLean
"Yeah-ha!"
Everybody listen
"Come on, y'all!"
Just how great it is to be him
"Ooh, it's easy having this much green, yeah!"
He's the greatest
"Hey! Sing it again!"
He's the greatest
"Ooh! It never gets old!
Total Drama's a waste of time, oh, can't you see?
The chorus girls left the room and went on a coffee break.
Chris: Little children, time to give up your dream
Chris sat back down.
"The answer is no."
Sam was silent for a moment, "Well, uh, you could've just said that."
Chris turned to his henchmen, "Contract."
Ennui took it out and gave it to him, "Contract."
"Contract," Ryan repeated.
Chris unrolled the contract and it rolled of the desk.
"Nicely done, sir."
Chris took out a magnifying glass and inspected the contract, "You see, Kids, according to this contract, it's not just this studio you lose the rights to tonight, it's the Total Drama name itself."
Sam's eyes widened, "What?"
"And all Kids under the Total Drama name."
"Wait a second, what possible use could you have for our names?"
Chris pressed the intercom, "Send in, the Teens."
Owen gasped.
The door opened, and Drastic Talent walked in.
Dakoota smirked, "Told ya I'd be back. Well, now I am...back! And I see you've met mr. McLean, our new business partner."
"The Teens of Drastic Talent are a hard, cynical act for a hard, cynical world," Chris smiled evilly.
"Hey, Owen!," Owen turned his head towards Dakoota, "I want you to meet a friend of mine."
She gestured to Owen's new DT counterpart, Owoon.
"Wocka Wocka," he said darkly.
Owen shivered.
Chris stood up, "Your relics, Kids! The world has moved on, and no one cares about your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie Andrews and Dom DeLuise hostin', singin' and dancin' act anymore! YOU'RE DEAD!"
They all gasped.
"And I just came to bury you. Now, get out of my office!"
They went outside and told the others what happened. And the Electric Mayhem couldn't stop talking.
"What?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You said you were gonna talk to the man!"
"Guys!," Owen silenced them, "Ok, so maybe Sam signed away the theatre and the Total Drama name, but as long as we have a celebrity host, we can still pull off a heart-warming, last-minute triumph, right Sam?"
Sam frowned, "Well, actually I don't see how we can, Owen."
"What?"
"Guys, the show's in six hours, and we're barely rehearsed, and, well, I couldn't get us a celebrity host."
"Oh no!"
"What?"
"I'm afraid Chris McLean's right. The world's moved on. I'm sorry I dragged you guys into this mess."
Sam walked away.
"Sam?," Beardo asked as they watched their leader walk away.
Dakota couldn't take this sitting down. She turned to the others and put her hands on her hips, "All right, listen up, you freaks! I didn't travel 5,000 miles to not be on TV. All we need is one stinkin' celebrity, and by any means necessary. Now, Sam's gone. We're doing things my way from now on. LET'S MOVE!"