Chapter 10: Choices

Riley-

Today we leave for the Ski Lodge. I hope we get to spend time together on this trip. I miss talking to you. I miss spending time with you...just you and I hope you miss me too.

Lucas

Riley-

I can't believe you hurt your ankle. I wish I could have prevented you from falling. If things were normal, I would've been by your side but since I don't want to "even" things up anymore, I've been maintaining my distance even though it kills me to stay away from you.

In some ways, I'm glad the lodge has a bay window. At least you can see the foliage.

You are quite the romantic one Riles. It's just one more thing I love about you. How you always find the beauty in everything you see.

Lucas

Riley-

Tonight, you said that it was time for the triangle to die. Please, please don't give up on me just yet. I'm going to tell the other one tomorrow that it's you... it's always been you. I just hope that you aren't mad at me for hurting her. That has been my struggle all along... but it's come down to this... I won't lose you. I can't lose you. My life would never be the same. We've already proven that we aren't good at just being friends. I think part of the reason why, at least for me, is that it is so hard to keep my feelings out of it.

I know you think I'm a coward and maybe to some extent I am. It's just the thought of losing you makes me sick.

Did you notice that even in her "movie" you were still my sole focus? It's always been that way... no matter what universe we are in? You are it.

By this time tomorrow, this should all be over. Hopefully, neither one of you will be mad but I will deal with anything...except losing you. That is not an option.

I love you Riley Matthews and I hope by this time tomorrow... I'm able to tell you.

Lucas

Riley-

Too late... I'm too late.

Please tell me I haven't completely lost you

How did I not realize that I was completely losing you?

How? Why? What do I do now?

I can't catch my breath... everything hurts. You were up all night talking to a guy... a guy that wasn't me. For months, I've agonized over the loss of our conversations. I've hoped and prayed that we would get back to us. I never imagined it would be too late. Never imagined that I would lose you. I can't lose you...I just can't... I'm stunned. I think it would have hurt less if you hugged him. OMG...you didn't hug him, did you?

Talking is our thing. You said I'm your favorite person to talk to... just like you are mine. You can talk to whoever you want Riley...just wish you wanted to talk to me. I'm going stir crazy... I need to get out of here. I need to cool off. I can't believe this is happening...

Riley-

Conversation…. Conversation is the most important thing in a relationship. It is one of the main things I've missed about ours. I've talked to her, she knows that for me…it's you...it's always been you. She knows why I couldn't "decide". Knows that I didn't want to hurt either of you. She even knows how I feel about you though I won't say it until I'm ready…until I'm sure that you are ready to hear it. I am heading to look for you now. I can't wait to talk to you. To tell you that my favorite thing in the world is when you talk to me. I'm so ready to tell you I choose you (I always did) and I hope that you choose me too.

I love you Riley Matthews… Always

Lucas

Riley-

You are sleeping now, your head resting on my shoulder. We are about 2 hours outside of NYC and I don't want this bus trip to ever end. I'm still on cloud 9. I can't tell you how happy I am that you chose me too. I am looking forward to being "RileyandLucas" again. I have felt like a part of me has been missing since we went to Texas. I wasn't kidding when I said I think about us a lot. You are constantly on my mind. Safe to say, that's not going to change anytime soon but now there should only be happy thoughts.

This trip could've ended in disaster…instead? I got everything I have been hoping for… you. As dopey as it sounds, I can't wait to tell my mom & Pappy Joe that my best friend (and now girlfriend) is back.

Our friends and your family are blowing up my phone. I'm going to answer their texts while you nap. This way I can give you my full attention when you wake up.

I love you Riley Matthews…. Always

Lucas

GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW GMW

Tears silently streaming down her face, Riley pushes back from the computer, stands and turns towards the door. She stops in her tracks when she sees Lucas standing there.

"Hi" she mumbles as she tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Hey" he whispers back as he fights to run to her.

"Hi"

After her second broken Hi, she runs to him & jumps in his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, she buries her face in his chest and lets the tears flow.

Lucas sits down on the edge of Farkle's bed, and holds her tightly while she cries.

"Shhhh... calm down Bean." He whispers in her ear. When the tears slow, he tries to lift her face to his but she won't let him.

"Riley?" he asks trying to get her attention.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Farkle. Been here a bit. I got here around the time you read the New Year's letter."

She rapidly lifts her head and stares into his eyes... "I thought you may have been here. I swear I could feel you" she blushes as she drops her gaze.

"I was here. And trust me Princess, I can feel your presence as soon as you get anywhere close to me." He tells her as he raises his hands to her face and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears.

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"Farkle didn't want me to. He wanted you to read all of the letters. Wanted you to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were it for me. Always have been. There was no decision needed."

"I'm sorry..." Riley trails off.

"For what?"

"For putting you through all of that. I honestly never thought about things from your side. I'm just used to putting her first."

"I know you are... just like I put you first."

They are quiet for a moment, content to be in each other's arms...

"Hey Bear?"

"Yeah Bean?"

"How about we both put US first?" she asks with a shy smile.

"I like the sound of that." He replies with a crooked grin.

Riley sighs as she snuggles back into his chest and rests her head over his heart.

"Lucas! Your heart is racing!"

"Of course, it is! You're close so it's beating its Riley rhythm"

She giggles and his heart skips a beat. It really is his favorite sound.

"I wish I knew what trouble was in store for us from the beginning." She murmurs as she snuggles her cheek into his chest.

He lifts her chin and waits until her eyes meet his...

"I'm glad I didn't know. It would have been too easy to walk away when things got tough. Not knowing made it fighting for us even more important. All I know is that while it hasn't been easy for us? I know, without a doubt, this is where we are meant to be. I will say that there was a time or two, I just wanted to throw you over my shoulder and run. While I didn't want to hurt her? I would've if it came down to hurting her or losing you." Riley places her hands on his face and pulls him down to her for a gentle kiss much like she did on their first date. It makes his heart race just as much as it did the first time.

"Reading those letters, you wrote to me alternately destroyed me and put me back together. I thought the one from New Year's Day was the worst but the ones from the Ski Lodge?"

"You mean the ones before our bay window moment, right?"

"Yeah, they gutted me. I don't know how you didn't lose faith in us."

"I couldn't give up on us. I had to believe that the fates wouldn't take you from me."

"You know what meant the most to me? That you took the time to write out your feelings even though you thought I would never read them...you wrote them as if you were sending them to me. The one letter where you wrote about our "moments" and what they meant to you? Swoon worthy stuff right there."

"I wanted you to know that all of those moments meant something to me too. I wrote those letters to cope with not having my best friend. I sent them to Farkle so I wouldn't send them to you in a moment of weakness. I'm sure our classmates all had something negative to say about what happened. All have comments about how "torn" I was. My first and last concern was you. I was so afraid that you would be hurt, no matter what I did, that I was too scared to do anything."

They both sit quietly for a moment and reflect on what they have been through.

"Hey Riles?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you say to us going to your house, snuggling on the couch and watching TV?"

"I love that idea Bear. We can watch cuddle bunnies or the game..."

"Let's watch cuddle bunnies..."

"What? I thought for sure you'd pick the game."

"See the thing is... if we watch the game... you will be jumping around yelling at the TV. We watch cuddle bunnies... we stay snuggled together so there's a method to my madness Bean. I went way too long without you." He leans in to rest his forehead against hers.

"Devious Mr. Friar... I love it and I love you." She replies with her trademark grin.

Lucas is certain his heart stops for a moment before it starts racing again. He's not sure what he ever did in this life or any previous one, to warrant having her in his life but he's damn sure thankful she is.

"I love you Riley Matthews... ALWAYS."

"... dad! Earth to dad!"

Logan's teenaged voice finally penetrates Lucas's trip down memory lane.

"Sorry bud." Lucas replies with a shake of his head. Hard to believe how many years have passed since Texas.

"Did Uncle Farkle really tell everyone that mom loved you?"

"Yes, he did."

"He kept all of those letters you sent her too? Uncle Farkle rocks!"

"Yes, he did and yes he does. He is best friends with both your mom & I. It was Uncle Farkle that helped me through everything. He took care of your mom when I couldn't."

"He may have done that but you almost turned back into Texas Lucas when someone was bullying her. You broke Nana's counters! You're lucky she didn't sue you!"

Lucas smiles and agrees "Very lucky. But she knew it was because I was worried about your mom."

"You must have really loved her. You almost became someone you didn't like to protect her."

"I really did and I still do.Your mom & I didn't always have the fairytale. She could've chosen someone else but we chose each other. Guess she thought I was worth it."

"WE were worth it." Riley adds from where she is leaning in the doorway. She walks in and sits in Lucas's lap. Lucas can't help but marvel that after all these years, his heart still does its Riley rhythm when she is near. Every day he swears it's not possible to love her anymore and every day he is wrong.All it takes is a quick glance and he is right back to that fateful morning on the subway.

Logan can't help but smile to see that as soon as his mom sits, his dad wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in close. She immediately starts to trace the tattoo on his shoulder. When he was younger, Logan used to be embarrassed by how affectionate his parents were. His uncles Farkle & Zay would tell him stories of how cheesy his parents were when they were kids. He knows now that it's not them being cheesy. It's instinct. They are always touching each other or exchanging little kisses. Logan knew that his parents had and continue to have an epic love story. Flawed and selfless at times but flawless and selfish at others.

After Riley nestles into her husband's lap, she continues

"If your dad and I are successful parents? We will teach you that you have to be carefree yet responsible, happy yet humble. That life is about the long game. That the wrong pressure can turndiamonds into dust and we are diamonds. it's about how people change people, but how words never should. That the perception of a thing doesn't make it so. That you should Dream. Try. Do Good. That you shouldn't put someone else's happiness before your own. That there is a difference between friendly love and a love built on friendship. your feelings are just as important…just as worthy. That if you don't love yourself? How can you expect anyone else to? That when you find it? You chase love. You hold onto it with both hands and you don't let it throw you."

"We will make sure you know which wolf to feed and which to starve. And above all else? No matter what happens, no matter how many shoes her father takes from your feet, you mustn't ever give up hope."

"It's time for you to meet the world and make it your own." Riley tells her oldest child as she feels a little pang in her heart. She now knows first-hand how hard it was for her parents to let her meet the world. Times have changed and life is much different here in Texas.

"Will you be there?"

"We will be right here Bubba... ALWAYS"

As they turn the light off and start to leave his room... they could hear Logan on the phone "Uncle Farkle? Thank you for everything you have done for my mom & dad. We love you too. Now tell me all about how the Genius & Sherpa boy ended the triangle."

With a quiet chuckle, Lucas leans his forehead on Riley's" You have made every wish come true. You & our kids are my whole world. Thank you for choosing me." He murmurs quietly.

"You guys are my whole world too Bear. I couldn't be happier that I chose us. I love you Lucas Friar... ALWAYS."

Riley and Lucas walk down the hallway hand in hand stopping to peek in on the rest of their sleeping children.

With a quick glance to the heavens above Lucas sends a silent thank you to the man who raised the love of his life. Thanks him for stealing his shoes and for teaching him whatit means to be a good man, a great father and a great husband. For teaching him that when it is the right woman? Even walking the streets of NYC barefoot would be like walking on a cloud.

As they snuggle into the bed for the night, Lucas turns to Riley and tells her

"I love you Riley Friar...Always"