Chapter 10: Courage
"Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength."―Napoleon Bonaparte
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"I got it. I will be there at two to check on the building site. Yeah, I call you back later," Kanda said, ending the call as he opened the door and stepped into the office. People greeted him with a slight bow, and he nodded in silence, walking to his room as he opened the door and entered. He took off his sling bag, putting it on the couch as he took off his coat, hanging it by his chair. Kanda slowly stopped by the window, staring at the sky which looked exceptionally dull today. His eyes narrowed slightly, seeing the faintest sunlight disappearing behind a hovering cloud.
I'm sorry, Yuu.
His memory slowly rewinded, back to that moment when Lavi kissed him. Everything just happened so fast that he was stunned for a second. When the headlights of a car were flashing at the both of them, he then realised what they were doing and tried to push the other away. Lavi refused, and as he continued apologising again and again, his determination slowly died down, his hands gradually stopped at his shoulders as he just allowed him to kiss his lips.
I'm so sorry, Yuu.
Unlike the warm kisses that they shared in the past, this kiss was particularly cold, the burning chill coursing through his bruised lips only reminded him of how tragic their relationship had ended. It only showed how desperate Lavi was, and he could no longer receive the heated feelings that he was trying so hard to send to him. The warmth was lost four years ago, and was already gone. And it was when he realised that it couldn't continue like this.
He gripped on his shoulders once again, and this time, he pushed him away.
"I'm sorry, Lavi."
This morning, he bumped into Lavi again, and the redhead just grinned and greeted him as though nothing had happened. At that time, he was probably drunk and not at his current state of mind, but he knew that Lavi would never forget anything that was related to him. He knew that Lavi was pretending, and as much as he wanted to end it all, he couldn't. He was his client, and he knew it better not to mix his personal affairs with business.
Kanda sighed, turning back to his seat as he sat down, switching on his computer. He took his iPad, checking through the appointments that he had today. It was currently ten in the morning, and he did not want to waste any more time dwelling in umimportant matters. The raven-haired man took up the office phone as he dialled the secretary's number.
"Yes, Kanda-san?" Rou Fa answered at the other line.
"Is Timothy in?" He asked, flipping through the documents as he realised that a folder was missing.
"Aah, well, that is..."
"What is it?" Kanda asked again, frowning at her hesitant answer. The document that he handed him a week ago was supposed to be put at his desk this morning before he came to the office. He had the whole week to do, so there shouldn't be any excuse for him to hand up his work late.
"Uh... Timothy is currently not at his desk. No, he...he hasn't shown up for work yet."
"He has reported for sick leave then?" The raven-haired man questioned, supporting the phone by his neck as he began typing an email to one of his clients simultaneously.
"No. He hasn't contacted us for the entire morning," She replied. His frown deepened, wondering what had happened.
"Okay, I got it. Ask Allen to come in then."
"Uh, for that..."
"What is it again?" He snapped, getting irritated by her stuttering.
"Allen hasn't shown up for work as well. And he did not apply for sick leave either."
Sapphire eyes widened slightly. He did not know about Timothy, but he knew that there wasn't any reason for Allen not to report to work. After hunging up the call, he took out his mobile phone and was about to dial Allen's number when it suddenly vibrated, an unknown number flashing at the screen.
"Yes?" He answered.
"It's Timothy here. I'm sorry for this sudden call, but I would like to take leave today."
"Is there any valid reason for you not to turn up for work today―"
"Allen is hospitalised."
Kanda froze, his voice gradually trailed off as his eyes widened in shock.
"He fainted at the station this morning. I have to take care of him, so I have to apply leave today. I'm so sorry if this brings you inconvenience..." His voice continued on, yet the words could no longer be registered in his head. All he was thinking right now was Allen and whether he was alright. He opened his mouth, wanting to ask for the address of the hospital that he was in, but no matter how he tried, no words came out of his throat.
"Kanda?"
"Okay, I got it." His trembling hand holding onto his phone gradually fell to the side of his body. Kanda just stared ahead in silence, his mind in complete blank when he heard the sudden news. The tasks which he wanted to do in the morning was forgotten in an instant. He just continued to stand at the same position in a daze, and it was until Rou Fa shouted his name did he turn around, realising that she was calling for him for the past few minutes.
"Kanda-san? Are you alright?" She asked in concern. Realising that he was still working, Kanda snapped himself out of his thoughts as he took the documents from her hands, returning to his seat.
"Apply a day's leave for Timothy and sick leave for Allen."
Her eyes widened at his words.
"What happened?" She asked worriedly, but Kanda did not answer, staring at the computer's screen which showed the drafts of the traditional houses that were sent from Allen just two days ago. He let out a low hiss as he stared at his desk, pinching his nose in slight frustration.
At this moment, his phone vibrated. He stared at it, seeing the words appearing on the screen.
If you want to visit Allen, he is currently staying at Chiba Central Hospital.
Sapphire eyes widened, answering all of his current frustrations and uneasiness. The hospital was just a few stops away from the office, and he would also be seeing a client around the area as well. There wasn't any more excuse not to go, yet for some reasons, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Something within him was hesitating, and he was not sure what to do.
Rou Fa had already left the room. Kanda occupied himself with the paperwork to distract himself from unnecessary thoughts. He moved in and out of the office frequently, and before he knew it, it was already afternoon. The raven-haired man walked over to a nearby cafe, glancing at the side as he saw the hospital that Allen was staying just right across the road.
Allen is hospitalised.
Kanda slowly halted in his footsteps, peering at the white building which was a few metres away. Part of him wanted to go to the hospital right now, yet another part of him was hesitating, not wanting to proceed further. He forced himself to move a few steps upwards, but the fuzzy images of the car crash that happened four years ago flashed in front of his eyes, and he flinched slightly in response, the accident still vivid in his memory.
His hands clenched, and he shut that memory away for good. Kanda let out a hitched breath, pulling his gaze away forcefully. His phone vibrated, and seeing that he needed to move off to the next client meeting, he told himself that Allen would definitely be alright to ease his guilt, before he finally turned around, walking back to the parking lot to collect his car.
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He stared at the ceiling above blankly, breathing in the overwhelming stench of chlorine and other medicine in this white ward―a place which he did not want to step inside again. Allen slowly turned to the side, staring at his right arm which was pierced with a small tube for the intravenous drip that he needed. Although he still felt slightly hazy, the migraine he had since morning was already gone. He just continued to lie at the same position until he heard a soft creak at the door, before a figure came inside.
"You are awake."
Silver eyes opened a little wider, and he realised that it was Timothy. Slightly relieved that it was his friend who was contacted after he lost consciousness, Allen showed a faint smile in response and nodded his head. Timothy pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down, gripping his hand as he peered at him worriedly.
"The doctor says it was probably fatigue that causes it. How are you feeling now?" He asked, touching his forehead to check his body temperature.
"Better." He could barely utter a word, grimacing at the raw pain that he was experiencing from his dry throat. Timothy noticed and told him not to speak anymore. Allen smiled again, before his gaze drifted to the windows, remembering that moment when he saw Kanda and Lavi walking out of the train at the opposite platform. His hands slowly clenched beneath the sheets, a bitter smile forming at his lips as he realised how hateful he really was. Although it played a part, the main reason why he collapsed wasn't because of the migraine. The shock that he got when he saw the both of them together was too overwhelming that his body just gave way on its own.
"I see. Just rest for today." Timothy got up and was about to go when his hand reached out and pulled his coat, stopping him in place.
"It's okay. I...want to be discharged."
His friend turned around, staring at him in astonishment.
"No. You have to rest―"
"I rest at home. Is it okay?" He asked again. Timothy just stared at him in slight astonishment. Allen slowly turned to the side of the bed in silence. He could stay anywhere, but definitely not here. Not in this white room which brought him back memories of his past illness that had haunted him for years and the car crash which only reminded him of Kanda's sympathetic gaze whenever he looked at him.
"Alright. I'll talk to the doctor whether you can be discharged early." Seeing his pleading eyes, Timothy did not know how to refuse him.
"Thank you, Tim," Allen said with a smile as Timothy walked out of the ward. After the door slowly closed, that smile slowly faltered as he stared at the ceiling once again. He knew that Timothy would inform the office that the two of them would be taking leave today, and there was no doubt that Kanda would be the first person to hear about it. He then wondered how Kanda would react when he received the news that he was hospitalised. Would he be astonished? Would he be at least surprised?
Would he even notice at all?
The door opened and Timothy stepped into the room once again.
"The doctor says that you are fine and can be discharged early. Geez, I expect you to be resting at home instead of wandering out on the streets. Do I make myself clear?" Timothy told him sternly, his eyes staring at him hardly to make sure that he heard his words. Allen just chuckled softly and nodded his head.
"Yeah, I will."
After he finished the IV drip, they walked out of the hospital. The faint sunlight shone at his face as Allen closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh cooling air that somehow cleared out the revolting stench of medicine on his body. Timothy flagged for a taxi, and they sat in silence throughout the journey back to their home. The vehicle passed by their office building, and he couldn't help but steal a glance at the glass pane of his room above, wondering whether he would be there. It ended within a second, and Allen stared at the front seat where Timothy was currently sitting, gradually lost in his own thoughts.
The taxi stopped at the front of their traditional house within an hour. He slowly stepped out, stumbling slightly as he tried balancing his wobbly legs. After paying the driver, Timothy went to his side, supporting him as the both of them stepped into their home. Allen sat by his favourite spot by the door which showed the backyard, marvelling the beauty of the autumn trees as he sighed in content. Timothy came to him with a warm glass of water placed on the tatami floor beside him, before he sat on the floor, searching for the remote control.
"I wonder what there is to watch in the early afternoon..."
"Tim, I'm alright now, so you can return back to the office," Allen said with a smile.
"But you are not feeling well, Allen. It's right for me to take care of you when you are sick."
"It's okay," He murmured, staring at the crimson leaves that fell. "Just go. I wish to be alone now."
Timothy stared at him in slight doubt for a moment, before he nodded his head and took his belongings, heading to the main door. After reminding him to take a good rest for the day, the door closed with a soft thud, his footsteps getting softer and softer as he walked out of this place. Allen just continued to gaze at the scenery, and at this moment, the feeling was just right, and he wished that he could be swept away together with the wind, bringing him to a faraway place where there was no memories to begin with. Nothing to remember, and nothing to forget.
Allen shook his head, standing up as he decided to clean up to make himself as busy as possible. Now, doing things was the only way to distract himself from other thoughts. Work would be the best substitute, but he was sure he would be scolded by Timothy if he found out that he was not resting.
He washed the dishes, cleared the laundry, and around an hour later, he found himself standing in the middle of the backyard, surrounded by red trees which shaded him from the sunlight. Allen swept the ground, the dry leaves fluttering in the air as more fell from the rustling trees above. He then came across an empty bench and stopped momentarily, staring at it in silence. A faint figure of Kanda sitting on it slowly appeared, bringing him back to the days when they were still in college. The raven-haired man turned, and he did not move, letting their eyes meet each other like this.
He couldn't help but wonder, that if Kanda saw him four years ago, what would their ending be now? If Kanda had met him first, what would the outcome for the both of them be?
After he swept the yellow leaves into neat piles, Allen left the broom in the shed and went back to the house. There was already nothing for him to do, and he lazed around for a while, his mind filled with thoughts which he wasn't conscious of until now. The kiss between Kanda and Lavi appeared, and he wondered what happened after that. Did they got together again? Even if they came out of the same train this morning, it did not mean that they were offically together. It was a question with no definite answer, and it was just meaningless to find out when it totally did not concern him.
Getting bored at staying in a house with no one to talk to, he finally could not take it anymore and decided to go out of the house for a breather. Allen faced the opened windows of the bus, feeling the rush of the wind blowing against his face. The slightly long sleeves of his grey sweater which covered his hands entirely provided enough warmth to drive out the cold in the evening. His eyes lit up at the rows of market along the streets, and he reached out to press the bell, alighting at the next stop.
It was a bustling street filled with people of young and old, and he walked together with them, peering at the merchandise that were displayed with curiosity and intrigue. Due to his busy work schedule, he seldom had the time to look around, and such outing never ceased to fascinate him, sending shivers of excitement along his body. The light atmosphere, the hearty chatters and the bubbly laughter surrounding him was able to take his frustrations away for the moment.
"Allen?"
Allen turned, his eyes widening in surprise at seeing Neah in front of him. The said man was also slightly shocked to see him here as Neah approached him.
"Neah! Why are you here?"
"I should be the one asking you this. Why are you here when you are supposed to be working..." He stopped talking as his eyes peered at him closely, his brows curving into a deep frown.
"What happened? You look pale," He muttered worriedly, touching his forehead. Allen laughed nervously in response as he pushed his hand away lightly, covering his fatigue with a bright smile on his face. Because Neah had taken care of him when he was young, his intuition was mostly right, and the last thing that he wanted was for him to be worried over such a trival matter.
"You must have mistaken it for the sunlight. It's exceptionally bright today for the autumn season," He replied. "Furthermore, I want to rest, so I took leave today." He hoped that the reasons that he had given were satisfactory enough to take Neah's suspicions off his mind, and to his relief, the adult did not question him further. The two of them began to walk along the street.
"Why are you here?" Allen asked.
"I want to walk around the city, just like you," Neah said with a cheeky grin, his hand reaching out to ruffle his hair teasingly. Allen shot him a glare and frowned in displeasure, wondering why he was still treating him like a child even though he was already an adult like him, though he did not really mind his pampers which showed his affections towards his nephew.
"So I heard that your new book is coming out soon?" Allen asked. He had read the article regarding his new book from the Internet. Neah was a writer, and even though his writing were mostly on random things, his books had been receiving good reviews from the readers all over the world, and most of them were anticipating his next book.
"Yeah, in just a couple of months. Oh, I am surprised that you read the news about me," Neah drawled out, nudging his shoulders lightly. Allen flushed slightly in embarrassment and turned away, still not getting used to his teases yet.
"What is the title called?"
Neah slowed down his footsteps, glancing at the balloon flying in the sky as a faint smile gradually formed on his lips.
"Love."
Silver eyes widened slightly at his words. They stopped by a cafe, deciding to have a short coffee break. After Allen bought two mugs of warm latte, the two of them sat at one of the round tables outside, with an umbrella sheltering every one of them. Neah popped two sugar cubes into his beverage, while he just put one. After stirring the coffee, they resumed in their last conversation.
"What does it mean?" He asked in curiosity. Neah took the metal spoon, stirring the beverage before he slipped it into his mouth, licking the remaining sweet coffee taste away. His black eyes softened slightly, stopping the stirring as he just watched the swirling surface of the coffee in silence.
"There is a time when we think that love is something that we can conquer easily. After all, it is just a feeling. Simple and straightforward. And because of this, we also think that love can be forgotten easily. But when you finally fall in love, you realise it is different from what it should be. It is so sudden, and so overwhelming that you are completely thrown off, not knowing what to do."
Allen remained silent, his gaze on his mug of coffee which was left untouched.
"Sometimes we can never forget their feelings towards the person whom we love. Sometimes we have no choice but to leave those feelings behind and move on. Love is never perfect, but as long as we keep on trying, we will definitely find the love that we truly seek for."
Neah's voice gradually trailed off, and as he became aware of the surroundings that he was in once again, he forced out a smile, not knowing how he should react. It was true, yet it wasn't as if he wanted to give up on it in the first place. He tried, and he tried, and he tried, and every single time it would go all wrong till he started to question himself whether he was even doing right. And even so, he did not want to let it go.
"Allen, happiness does not always mean staying by that person's side."
He saw through his hesitance instantly, and silver eyes widened at his words, his hand stopping in mid-air as he was about to take the metal spoon in his mug. Allen felt the comforting warmth on his hand once again, and as he finally looked up, Neah's warm gaze from his eyes were onto him, a reassuring smile forming on his lips.
"Love is simply having the courage to grasp it, and having the courage to let it go."
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Sapphire eyes widened as he stared at Timothy who was standing at the door of his room, waiting for his return. Kanda frowned slightly as he sat at his seat, watching the other in silence as he walked up and put the documents that he needed to hand up this morning on his table.
"Why are you here?" He asked.
"Allen wants to be discharged early, and even though I want to take care of him, he insisted that I should go back to work while he stays at home to rest for the rest of the day. And I...have a feeling that he wants to be alone," Timothy replied. Kanda said nothing for the moment, somehow guessing the discomfort Allen would feel staying in the hospital after the car crash that suddenly happened four years ago.
He just nodded his head in silence. After Timothy made his leave, the entire room fell silent once again, his mind wandering dangerously back to the contemplations of whether Allen Walker was really alright. Well, if his friend came back to work, it also meant that he was definitely okay. Kanda let out a sigh, leaning back as he gazed at the dull sky outside.
After running around for four years, he knew that it shouldn't carry on like this. He had been avoiding Allen's feelings for him, and he knew that it was time to stop and face it. He knew it very well, because at that time when he suddenly left, he regreted instantly for pushing him away, when he was already affected by him long ago. He still did not know what it really was, but it was finally time to find it out for himself.
Now that he thought about it, Allen would not reveal his real feelings to anyone so easily, including Lenalee who was his closest friend, so there was no way he was going to believe what he had said at the corridor. Furthermore, his face was downcast when he said it, which only showed how much he wanted to hide himself at that time. That stupid fool was probably trying to pair him and Lavi up, and he hated him for doing that.
The faintest ray of sunlight shone through the glass pane as the clouds gradually cleared. Kanda resumed in his work, finishing up whatever he had to do to catch up with his busy schedule. His tired eyes blinked at the numerous drafts that he had done, and just as he was about to take a short break, someone was knocking on his door. He looked up, seeing Timothy opening it as he pointed to the clock.
"It is time to meet the client at Kyoto, Kanda."
Kanda peered at the time, realising how fast it had been. He cleared his desk, taking the necessary papers as he put them into his sling bag and walked out of the room. They proceeded out of the office building, walking down to the underground subway station. He slowly stopped in front of the platform, and as he let his eyes wander, his gaze stopped at a particular place, a frown forming at his forehead. Now that he recalled, there was a commotion going on in the train station this morning, but he was rushing to the office at that time, so he did not notice it.
"Allen collapsed around that area." Timothy answered it for him, as though he saw through his thoughts. Kanda froze for a moment, wondering whether he was hearing correctly. His wide eyes just stared ahead in shock for a moment, before he slowly turned to the other.
"What?"
The train approached the station swiftly, opening the doors a few seconds later. The both of them went in, standing by the opposite door at opposite ends. He stared at the ground, ignoring the surrounding around him as those words echoed in his head again and again. It just happened right in front of his eyes, and yet he did not notice it at all! Kanda let out a low hiss, grimacing at the unknown feeling surfacing at his chest once again.
"Kanda, what is your relationship with Allen?"
He looked up at Timothy who asked the question all of a sudden. The train entered an overhead bridge, crossing its way to the city of Kyoto just a few metres away.
"To be honest, I'm really curious. The both of you do not look like close friends since the both of you hardly talk to each other, yet at the mention of the other's name, you and Allen will respond weirdly." Timothy paused for a moment, as though he was hesitant to continue what he was about to say next. His eyes narrowed, before he gradually shut them, letting out a sigh.
"When Allen was half-conscious at that time, he continued to call out your name again and again."
Sapphire eyes widened.
I do not love him anymore.
They remained silent for the rest of the journey. The subway gradually stopped at Kyoto station, and the both of them stepped out, walking to the exit. A rush of the wind blew at his face, stopping him for a moment as he breathed in the fresh scent of autumn leaves surrounding them right now. Their client was already waiting for them at a bench, and he came over, bringing them to the place to have his designed house built.
Kanda took his time, pacing along the bricked pavement leisurely as he used his camera to take pictures of the traditional houses that had already been here for generations. He had always wanted to visit Kyoto which was one of the best preserved cities in Japan. Great histories which last for centuries laid in this city, and he wanted to witness them all, taking them down as pictures to be kept as a memory.
"Here is the place." The client showed them an old traditional house at a quiet corner of the street, and the two of them stepped inside, inspecting on the condition that it was currently in. Kanda peered at the teared walls closely, his hand moving across its brittle surface. The structure of the house was still sturdy for a long time, so they only needed to refurnish the insides according to the design that their client requested.
"It's good," Timothy murmured, opening the slide doors as he came to the living room. Kanda nodded his head as he went to the client to tell him that everything was alright and that they could carry on as planned. They discussed on the materials that they would need to use, and after an hour, they had concluded their decisions and made their way out of the house, exchanging handshakes with each other before they went separate ways for the day.
"Aah, good weather~" Timothy sang out, stretching his arms as he basked himself in the warm evening light. It was already five in the evening, and they needed to make another trip to get their stocks checked before they returned home for the day. They boarded a bus that just arrived at the bus stop, sitting at the far corner of the vehicle. Kanda gazed at the passing buildings and streets in boredom, his mind thinking back to Allen once again.
When Allen was half-conscious at that time, he continued to call out your name again and again.
He was slightly amazed at how Allen could lie so boldly when his feelings were totally different from his intentions. Maybe like Lavi, Allen was desperately trying to throw away the lingering feelings he had for him for the seven years that they had known each other, and the haste quickened when Lavi made his appearance.
Timothy tapped his shoulder, telling him inwardly that they were alighting. The both of them got out of the bus as they stared at the bustling street ahead for a moment, before Timothy slapped his fist on his other hand, remembering something all of a sudden.
"Oh, I forgot! There is a festival this evening, which explains why there are so many people today." Kanda frowned, staring at the crowds in disdain, having second thoughts of stepping onto the main street which was practically filled with hordes of people. The thought of being squeezed around with him irked him greatly, and he had even decided on the excuses he made to get out of here, but he wouldn't have the free time to check the stocks after today. The raven-haired man just stood there, contemplating for a few minutes.
"Are you coming, Kanda?" Timothy shouted, waving at him. Before he could think further, someone pushed him onto the streets. Knowing that there was no way back, he had to force himself to move forward, following Timothy behind closely. They passed by many different stores, and as the blue-haired man gasped out in excitement, Kanda just stared at the displayed things in slight curiosity, seeing the smiling faces of teenagers as they chatted and laughed with one another. His vision faded, bringing back an old memory of the four of them celebrating Christmas together.
The place was deafening with voices all over the place, and he was literally squeezed at both sides, yet he couldn't bring himself to dislike it, for some particular reason.
The crowds were getting thicker, and he wasn't surprised when he could not see Timothy who was supposed to be walking in front of him. Kanda sighed, grimacing at the discomfort around him as he tried to search for a quieter area for him to call Timothy to ask for his current location. To his relief, the narrow street was opening up ahead, splitting into two paths. The crowds were also dispersing into two groups, and the raven-haired man slowly halted in his footsteps, getting a breather for the moment.
As he was about to get his phone, his gaze stopped at a small cafe in front of him.
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"Neah..." Allen stared at him, shock registered in that pair of silver eyes as he began to wonder what exactly Neah was trying to imply through the words that he previously said to him. He thought that they were just the brief information to the chapters of the story, but it was when he realised that those words were actually meant for him to hear. His gaze slowly drifted to the table, not knowing how he should reply, what he should reply, and whether there was a need to reply when he was still not ready yet.
"Allen, you can never give up your love to someone else. It's yours and solely yours alone. You have the right to pursue the love that you want, but if this love only brings nothing but misery in the end, for the sake of the both of you, you have to let it go and move on," He said, putting his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. His hands slowly clenched in response as he realised that he was right. All the time, he had always wanted to forget everything and move on, yet he couldn't seem to do it.
"Do not hesitate anymore, Allen. You have hesitated for seven years. It's time."
Allen remained silent for a moment, before he let out a deep breath, shutting his eyes.
"You are right, Neah. It has been seven years, and it is time to put it down."
It might seem difficult to forget those memories, but he was working hard. His heart was still wavering till this day, yet he was determined not to dwell in the past anymore. After all those years of remembering, after all those years of hesitating, he knew that he could not continue like this any longer.
"You want to forget him completely?" Neah questioned.
"Yes," Allen answered, this time in a firmer tone. He bit his lip, fighting back the trembles regarding the strong decision that he was about to commit himself into. He had to do it. "I want to forget him, and start afresh. I realise that I have been hesitating for a long time. I was really foolish," Allen murmured, clasping the mug of coffee with both hands.
"After forgeting him, you are confident that you will not fall in love with him again?"
He looked up, noticing that Neah was staring at a particular direction. Allen turned, his eyes slowly widening in shock as his gaze fell onto Kanda who was standing in the middle of the crowds, a few metres away from them. His heart wrenched tightly as fear sank in, and he knew that he was starting to regret what he had just said. That feeling was terrifying, yet he could no longer stop. He swallowed nervously, gathering all his strength and every ounce of his courage he could master to answer.
"No. That's why..."
Black eyes slowly widened as Neah turned to peer at his trembling hand clasping tightly to his, before he stared at him in complete astonishment. Allen breathed out shakily as he forced out a smile, taking a last look at the man whom he loved.
Love is simply having the courage to grasp it, and having the courage to let it go.
"That's why...help me." He bit his lip harder, tears falling out of his eyes.
"Help me forget him, Neah."
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A/N: Hello guys. I took the last two nights and this morning to type out and edit the chapter, so don't be surprised if you see mistakes along the way.
And some of you may have misunderstood my previous comments regarding the Neah/Allen pairing, or that I might have phrased it wrongly. No worries, Yullen will still be the main pairing at the end (damn, am I revealing the spoilers). Adding the extra pairing is just to spice things up. And I'm so glad to ask you guys for opinions regarding this pairing. Thanks to the responses, I have decided to keep Neah/Allen pairing as brotherly romance, close to love romance. You can also consider it as slight slash if you all wish :)
I was really worried whether Neah is OOC in this story. Because his personality (concerned for his nephew and family) is completely different from his sadist side in the manga, I have a hard time figuring out how I should write him. Please tell me if you feel that his character is OOC.
As always, I am so happy to receive lots of encouraging reviews from all of you readers! Progressive Yullen for the next two chapters or so, so stay tuned to the next update which will probably come out around a week later. Or else it will be two weeks later as usual. Updates will always be on Thursdays/Fridays, but I may post on Saturdays if there are delays :(
And lastly, regarding the descriptions of love that I mention in this chapter, I referred to the lyrics of a particular song before I wrote them down, so if you think the concept that I'm conveying isn't correct, please tell me and I will change accordingly :)
So once again, please review and tell me your opinion about this chapter! I apologise for any spelling, grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is all deeply appreciated! :)
SingingBlues
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Reviews:
MercenaryCrime: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
alguien22792: Aah, yes, they will definitely realise it one day :) Thank you for the long review! I'm so glad that you love the story :) Hope you like this chapter! ^^
the midnight requiem: It's all explained in this chapter, mainly on how Kanda reacted to Lavi's kiss and his thoughts on it. Frankly, I have a hard time figuring out how Neah should progress in this story. His personality completely differs, so it's quite difficult to keep him in character. But I do hope that you readers are okay with it. Thank you for the review, and I hope you like this chapter! ^^
Nonumaru: Aah yes, but not now. From this chapter onwards haha. Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
Guest: Thank you for your comment! Deeply appreciated :) Hope you like this chapter!
BlueMoon333: Thank you for your review! Yeah it's basically to annoy Kanda. It would be a challenge to write Neah/Allen pairing since I am writing it for the first time, but I will try my best! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
ShimmeringCrimson: Ahaha, I'm so glad that you love the adding of the Noah family! I'm still thinking whether Neah might be OOC in chapter 9, but it's kinda hard to figure it out since his character completely differs from the him in the manga.
Oh is it? I know that Shiro is the reincarnation of the Silver King, so maybe the deceased status refers to the king instead of the current white-haired teenager now. I may be wrong as well. Oh yeah, I'm kinda confused with the information that wiki provides, but damn, Kuroh's rare power is so damn cool! Fell in love with him already... :X Do you know when the season 2 is coming out? :)
And I love you too for sending such a long and nice and fantastic review! It makes me so happy all day! So, your long reviews make me happy as well. Thank you once again, and hope you like the chapter! ^^
Guest: Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
Zoe Whiteraven: Thank you for the review and the comment! Deeply appreciated :) Hope you like this chapter! ^^
White Guardian: Hope you like this chapter! ^^
Vhyna sii semelekete: Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
Before the petals fall: Yullen is still the main pairing, so no worries :) Neah/Allen will still be added as a side pairing, mainly to fuel Kanda's jealousy haha. Yup, I will definitely watch K when I have the time, just that it's not now though. Do you know that there will be a season 2 for this? :) And yes, I understand what you mean. I think it applies to all dramas and tv shows as well. Aah stressed at school? I'm glad that my story helps you to relieve some of your stress after a busy day in school :) Hope everything's okay. And well, Kanda is kind of dense in this area, but from this chapter onwards, he's going to find out how he really feels towards Allen! Finally, progress for the two :'(
Thank you for your superb long review, and hope you like this chapter! :)
GuestXD: Thank you! I thought of this scene at the last day before I submitted the chapter, so I'm glad that it turns out okay :) Thank you for the review once again! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
xtwoheartsx: Hello! Thank you for your encouraging words! They really make my day :) No worries, Yullen will still be the main pairing at the end. Neah/Allen is the side pairing, mainly to fuel Kanda's jealously muahahaha. But I appreciate your long review regarding this issue. Thank you so much for reviewing, and I hope you like this chapter! :)
Narutopokefan: Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
Guest: You are right about this point. Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
WithoutWingsX: Ahehee. I simply love cliffhangers :) No worries, Yullen will still be the main pairing, while Neah/Allen is the side pairing :) Thank you so much for your lovely review, and I hope you like this chapter! ^^
lalxnello: Not yet for now... But I cannot reveal further :) Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^
TheVictoryAngelofStrife: Oh you got one of the points which I wanted to convey through the writing! :) The reaching out for the stars during that drunken night and the relationship between him and Kanda is kinda related. Aah yes yes. Love is never a bad thing, just that the both of them fell in love with the same guy. Kanda is just confused with his feelings towards Allen and Lavi. But he will figure that out soon. And Yullen will still be the main pairing, so no worries for that :) Thank you so much for this lovely review, and I hope you like this chapter! :)
SeikaDragon: Oh yes, it's one of the angsty chapter that I have written for this story. And regarding the chapter, yes, the meaning of the lyrics is almost similar to how Allen is currently feeling towards Kanda. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this long and lovely review! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)
Jia: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter too! :)
Guest: It's never too late :) I will always update on Thursdays/Fridays weekly or every two weeks, so you just need to keep a lookout when the date is near :) Thank you! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)
boxeshero: Hello! Thank you so much for this review! I'm glad that you intend to try out this pairing, and I'm happy that this story is your first DGM favourite story. Thank you so much for supporting once again! Hope you will like this chapter as well! :)