She stepped in the shower and I instantly felt a sensation run through me. I knew that it was me just wanting her it was Spencer after all I never could keep my hands off of her.

She grabbed the shampoo and started washing my hair, it felt too good. Maybe what felt good was her bare body pressing up against mine her breast bouncing off my back as she washed my hair?

I needed to touch her but I knew that we weren't ready for this to fall back into our cycle. I had to be the strong one since I felt like the one with the problem I didn't want to hurt her again. But she kept touching me, she was driving me crazy I was starting to forget why we were even fighting.

"Ash?"

"Mmmm" she pulled me out of my daze

"Will you do me now?" She handed me the shampoo

"Oh yeah sorry" I grabbed the shampoo and started to wash her hair, she was moaning a little which was not helping me.

"Done" I said

"Hey Ash" she started to kiss my neck

"Spencer please you know I can't say no to you when your naked"

"I know you can't that's why I am naked" smiling she took a step closer to me

Her lips meet mine and it felt all too familiar I was caving I needed to run but I was trapped. I gave in to her for what seemed like an eternity. We kissed soft at first then it lead to heat and passion. I felt her hand brush my thigh and I instantly moaned, she took that as a hint to go further up my thigh letting her fingers explore.

I jumped back at this out of the shower

"I can't" I meet her eyes and saw the sadness in them; I got out of the shower wrapping myself in the towel. I wanted to get away from her but I knew I needed help back to the bed. The drugs still were messing with my head and my knees felt weak, jelly like.

I watched her from the mirror as she stepped out of the shower, her eyes were down and her lips were pressed together I knew she was angry with me.

She never said a word just got dressed and then guided me back to the bed. I was sitting up in the bed watching her flip through a magazine. I was about to say something when the nurse walks in

"How was the shower" she asked while she fidgeted with the blood pressure machine.

"Good" I answered

"Ok well you seem tip top so tomorrow you'll talk to the shrink then you should be released." She said smiling at me

"Great can't wait for that"

She laughed and walked out

Spencer never looked up at the nurse or me for that matter. I knew she was upset about the shower but there was something more.

"What is wrong Spencer I thought we agreed to take it slow for a while?"

She didn't answer just kept reading; I can play the silent game too. I turned the T.V on flipping through the channels I felt her eyes on me. She hated when I continued to flip, so I stop on M.T.V nothing on just Wild – N – Out which I loved but I knew she hated it so I flipped more VH1 nothing but old videos. I went to the news and just left it there. I saw her watching it getting interested so I changed it. I heard her sigh; she got up and went to the bathroom.

She must have been in there for twenty minutes. I was starting to get worried when she came out. She whipped the door open quickly coming right at me I seen her eyes she had been crying in there and she was extremely pissed.

"I'm your wife Ashley like it or lump it I stuck through all your shit let you have me when I didn't want you. Aiden was…was Aiden and it happened I'm sorry for that and so is he, it's time to grow up and deal with it. I hate that you do drugs and drink but I know that's just you. I made mistakes and I have dealt with all them, I never hide behind drugs or the I need time shit I was here right here next to you but you were never there. So I can't..."

She stopped talking for a second to catch her breath or maybe because she didn't want to say this I don't know but I felt lost like she was finally done with all my shit and maybe it was for the best. Maybe her mother was right I am not good enough for her, not strong enough I rely on her too much.

" I can't be here not know you need to do this yourself for once and maybe I'll be there when you get home but I'm broke you broke me. I can't watch this anymore!"

I was speechless lost in what she said I broke her, and maybe she'll be there.

"Spencer please don't do this I know I fucked up but I thought we were ok ready to move on"

"I can't"

"You're giving up on me on us we're married for better or worse!"

"It's not good for me to be in this stress"

She put her head down and started to cry I don't understand her right now she was happy last night begging for forgiveness and now she's leaving me.

"What does that mean" I asked trying to get up

"Don't get up you'll fall" she came toward me reaching out to grab my arm.

I grabbed her back not letting her go "Ashley stop it let me go I can't do this I know you'll never change." She wasn't lying I knew she was scared of me never changing always going from place to place and never stopping.

"Feel this Spencer" I put her hand on my heart and her other one on my face "I can't live without you I'll die." She tried to pull away but I wouldn't let her "Stop fighting me you won't win"

"Ashley stop! I can't, see you always have to do this I don't want this I want to go home"

I wasn't letting her go, that is until she started to puke. She ran to the bathroom and I slowly followed her, I pulled her hair back for her. When she was done she just sat on the floor her breathing was heavy. I tried to sit down next to her but I couldn't so I just knelt down rubbing her shoulders.

"Are you ok babe?" I asked

She shook her head "No!"

"What is going on with you?"

"Don't worry about it Ashley I'm fine" She got up and sort of knocked me over I grunted a little and she stopped "Shit sorry"

"No I'm fine, are you"

She helped me up and back to the bed "Spencer stop helping me and tell me what is going on, I am still your wife and if something is wrong with you I need to know" I said sitting down

She grabbed her coat and bag along with her keys, "I'll call you later ok" she said looking at me from the door.

"No kiss goodbye or even a smile" I said pouting a little

She groaned and came back by me "One kiss and don't try to grab my hands I'm not staying here tonight, I just want to go home"

"Ok damn"

She leaned down to kiss me she did smell of vomit but at this point I didn't care. The kiss was soft no lust or passion in it but it was filled with love and I could tell that she wanted more.

"I love you"

"I love you too Ash"

She started to the door but I stopped her "Hey if something is wrong you'd tell me right no matter what?"

She turned to face me her head was down. She came back to me sitting on the bed next to me. She looked down at my hands taking one in hers. "I will tell you but right now I can't you need to get better so we can talk and be able to scream and cry not worry about depression or hurt feelings."

"What does that mean Spencer is it that bad?"

I think my question got to her a little why I don't know, but she looked up at me and sort of smiled.

"It could be bad or it could be great I don't know yet!" she got up letting my hand fall leaning down she whispered "I love you forever" then she kissed my cheek.

"I'll call you to see when you need to be picked up tomorrow" and with that she was out the door leaving me to wonder what the hell was going on.