A/N: So I'm actually continuing this fic with a new arc, with more OCs and new techniques. Even though only one person has really reviewed this fic, I still want to write it because I enjoy working on it. I like Bobobo. I'll still write for other series, obviously, just I'm focusing on multiple things at different times and all...
Also, besides references to various anime and manga, other things like movies and books and music and such will be parodied/referenced at some points.
On a random note, 'Shinsetsu Bobobobobobobo' kind of freaks me out actually, despite it's awesomeness...it's mainly because of Namero.
Last time we left off, Shinai was easily defeated and killed by a distressed Wadokei, who was heartbroken by his allies' betrayal! Now, the search for the mysterious boss of the Sabaku Guardian Corps. begins!
After Gasser and Beauty were pulled off each other, Shinai's Super Fist Of Lovely Love attack wore off, and the two teens were left embarrassed and confused to what had happened.
Now running through the crowded panicked streets of Sabaku, the Bobobo Gang and Wadokei were busy discussing their next plan of attack.
"Alright! Listen up, you floogies!" Don Patch exclaimed, wearing a moustache and smoking a cigar, "We set up two bombs here, another one there, and three of them under my mother's bed! Then, we steal all the candy! Got it?"
Bobobo and Jelly Jiggler, who were wearing Santa Claus outfits, nodded their heads. Hatenko and Rice were there too, but they were both dressed as the Easter Bunny.
"HEY, THE SABAKU GUARDIAN CORPS. ARE THE TERRORISTS HERE, NOT YOU GUYS!" Gasser exclaimed.
"Shut up! The Don says what the Don wants! He knows everything!" Hatenko snapped at him.
"YOUR 'DON' DOESN'T KNOW SHIT!"
"WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, TAKE IT BACK!"
"Yes," exclaimed Don Patch in drag, "Take it back!"
"Yes," exclaimed the teacher, "Take it back!"
While Hatenko and Gasser started strangling each other, Beauty was busy trying to console Wadokei, who hadn't spoke a word since requesting Bobobo's help in defeating his former comrades.
"Wadokei...are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you just killed-"
"I know." Wadokei replied, "But...it's my duty to protect this city. I don't know what could have caused Shinai and the others to betray everything we've worked for, but I intend to find out! I don't want to lose any more people that I care about...especially not you, Beauty."
Blushing slightly at Wadokei's comment, Beauty turned her eyes away from him.
Suddenly, while Bobobo and Jelly Jiggler were busy watching poor Lambada get carried away by a giant Pelican, an egg fell from the humongous bird's bottom and cracked open right in front of the Bobobo group, revealing a young man to be inside.
"WAAAAAAH?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Beauty cried.
The man that had been inside the egg had short light-blond hair, emerald-green eyes, a red marking on both cheeks, and he wore armor similar to Kitty-Poo's. Covering his arms were sets of circular objects that appeared to be rings. He was smirking confidently.
"Ah! Y...Yasuke?!" Wadokei exclaimed.
The man named Yasuke nodded and replied, "Yes, that is me; I have been sent to destroy you...all of you!"
"Yasuke, why are you doing this? I'm...I'm your teacher, and you must do what I say! Stop this foolishness! We shouldn't have to fight each other!"
"SHUT UP. I FOLLOW ONLY THE BOSS NOW." Yasuke snarled.
Wadokei was left speechless; first, his adopted brother...and now his apprentice?!
Popping up next to Yasuke out of nowhere, Jelly Jiggler (in a coach's uniform) was massaging the blond man's muscles as he said, "Okay, champ, this is it! The final match! Just remember...left hook, right hook, dodge, and then uppercut! Okay? Got it? Go out there and win one for your dear sick mother!"
"Yeah! Yeah! You go out there and win, win, win!" Don Patch prodded, dressed in a sweatshirt and wearing a moustache again.
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING STRANGLE!" Yasuke shouted, and two of the rings on his arms flew off and clasped around Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch, wrapping tightly around their bodies. Soon, they were both writhing on the ground, struggling for air.
"Bobobo!" Softon commanded, "Hurry, we need to save them-"
Bobobo stuck his finger up his nose and nonchalantly replied, "Nah. Don't wanna."
Rushing towards his beloved Don Patch, Hatenko said, "DON'T WORRY, MY DON! I'LL SAVE YOU!"
Reaching into his chest pocket, Hatenko pulled out his little golden key and thrust it into both of the strangling rings, destroying them and freeing Don Patch...but Jelly Jiggler was already dead. Luckily, Hatenko was able to stuff the gelatin man's spirit back in before it floated away.
"Are...are you alright, my Don?" Hatenko whispered, fearing the worst.
Wheezing as if in pain, Don Patch replied, "...Y...Y...You stupid idiot! I was just playin' Senior Bingo! You dumbass! Now I lost to Granny Salama!"
"I'M...I'M SO SORRY, MY DON! FORGIVE ME!" Hatenko cried and he weeped into Don Patch's chest.
"HEY, YOU DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE! HE WASN'T PLAYING SENIOR BINGO!" Beauty snapped.
Suddenly, Don Patch's face turned human-like and he thought, 'Yes, of course I wasn't playing Senior Bingo...'
"THEN WHY DID YOU SAY YOU WERE? IDIOT!"
Yasuke chuckled at Hatenko's performace and exclaimed, "Impressive skills you have there, key boy! Why don't you show me how strong you really are!"
Glancing over at Wadokei, Softon asked, "Hey, shouldn't you offer to fight him or something? That Yasuke guy's your apprentice, right? You should know how to beat him easy..."
"I would, but...I'm just not in the mood." Wadokei replied, and then Softon noticed Bobobo was standing next to him with the body of a dog.
"GIVE ME A TREAT." he begged, but Softon just grunted and kicked the freakish afro-wearing dog aside. It let out a sharp whine in response and ran off to call for help.
A moment later, walking up to Softon in police uniforms, Dengakuman and Rice snapped a pair of handcuffs on the poop-headed guy's wrists and proclaimed, "SIR, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ANIMAL ABUSE...AND FOR TAKING UP OUR SCREEN TIME!"
'Screen time?' Softon thought in shock as he was taken away, 'We have screen time? No one told me about that!'
"So...you think you can beat me, huh? My cliché and overused dialogue knows no bounds!" Hatenko boasted; Yasuke wasn't about to let that slide.
"Hmph! Is that all you got?" Yasuke snapped, and the Random Cliché Dialogue Battle was underway.
"I'm just getting warmed up!"
"I was born ready!"
"She's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
"DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"
"Now...where were we?"
"You'll never get away with this!"
"Did I just say that out loud?"
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Oh, now you're really starting to piss me off!"
"I have a bad feeling about this."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"BECAUSE IT IS!"
"...You just ruined the cliché battle, you idiot!"
"WILL YOU TWO JUST FIGHT ALREADY?!" Beauty screamed at them from the sidelines.
Hatenko and Yasuke both looked at her and exclaimed, "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT!" Beauty let out a groan of annoyance and walked off before she got another migraine.
"This is truly amazing," Jelly Jiggler commented, "I've never seen a real 'Random Cliché Dialogue Battle' in action before! I...I think I might wet myself..."
Eventually, the fight between Hatenko and Yasuke started for real, after Hatenko came out victor of the cliché battle using the line "I see dead people".
Yasuke held out both his arms and exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING BARRAGE!"
Suddenly, all of the rings burst off of Yasuke's arms and flew at Hatenko, who just barely dodged them. However, one ring that came out of nowhere clipped him in the shoulder, almost slicing his skin. Hatenko wasn't about to let a small scratch like that slow him down, though. As he dashed towards Yasuke with his key drawn, Hatenko was suprised to see two whole new sets of rings reform on the other man's arms.
"FIST OF THE KEY-"
"SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING CYCLONE!"
Just as Hatenko was only a few inches from reacing Yasuke, a stream of rings burst out from underneath his feet and spun around his body at high speeds, their edges tearing against his arms and face.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
When the attack ended, Hatenko fell to his knees, his body seeped in blood from the many cuts covering his skin. Breathing heavily, Hatenko looked over his shoulder and pleaded, "PLEASE, MY DON! PLEASE HELP ME! I DON'T THINK I CAN WIN WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE!"
"YOU CAN DO IT!" Don Patch exclaimed, dressed like the Townie from The Waterboy.
'He's right...I can do it...I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!' Hatenko thought, moved to tears by Don Patch's motivational words.
"Get up and fight me! I don't have all day!" Yasuke snapped, "I need to pick the kids up from daycare, and I have a pie baking in the oven! Don't waste my time with useless conjecture!"
Pushing himself up to a stand, Hatenko lunged forward and jabbed the key into Yasuke's chest while he was busy yelling. "FIST OF THE KEY: LOCK!"
Meanwhile, back at the sidelines, Jelly Jiggler asked aloud, "Why is it that Hatenko does use 'Super' in the front of his Fist style name like everyone else?"
"Because..." Bobobo replied, "You're a faggot."
Yasuke cursed loudly as Hatenko twisted the key, and his body turned to stone. Pulling the key back out, Hatenko let out a sigh of relief.
"Alright! Way to go, Hatenko!" complimented Gasser.
"YOU'RE MY HERO!" Don Patch exclaimed while wearing lipstick.
"MINE TOO!" replied the Arabian man.
Just as Hatenko began to walk away, he froze in his tracks as the sound of high-pitched whistling reached his ears. He spun around...and saw Yasuke standing before him, completely unharmed and smirking like the bigot he is.
"SUPER FIST OF THE RING: RING ARMOR!"
All of the rings on Yasuke's arms began sliding upwards, past his shoulders. More and more rings formed, until Yasuke's entire body, except his face, was covered in a plethora of rings. Even worse, all of the rings were covered in razor blades, making it basically impossible for Hatenko to get close.
"How...how did you break out of my key's locking power?" Hatenko asked.
Yasuke didn't bother answering; instead, he warped right in front of the bewildered Hatenko and kneed him in the stomach. Hatenko spat up blood and clutched his stomach as he staggered to keep balance.
"It's simple how I escaped," Yasuke finally said, "I USED 'CAPSLOCK METAL GEAR SOLID'! Your key powers have no use on my heart now!"
'From now on, I'm staying the fuck away from 'CAPSLOCK METAL GEAR SOLID'!' Don Patch thought, typing wildly on his laptop.
"YOU BASTARD!" Hatenko swung his key again, but it only tapped uselessly against Yasuke's impregnable ring armor.
Laughing, Yasuke smashed his fist against the side of Hatenko's face, almost knocking him unconscious. Without a moment of pause, Yasuke then slammed his other fist into Hatenko's jaw.
"Ha ha ha! Die, you worm, die!" Yasuke taunted, and he continued his onslaught.
After about his fifth punch to the face, Hatenko used the momentum to push himself back a few inches, and then ran backwards to put a bit more distance between them.
"WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO, HATENKO? BLOW SHIT UP?" Bobobo asked.
Trying to stay focused, Hatenko shook his head. "No...I'll have to unleash one of my newest techniques!"
Bobobo gasped, followed by Jelly Jiggler gasping, followed by Gasser gasping, followed by Don Patch with his doggy apparel glancing up from his food bowl.
Raising his key high into the air, Hatenko shouted, "FIST OF THE KEY: X-LL7 KEY CANNON!"
The key began to glow a bright shade of yellow that soon engulfed all of Hatenko's arm. When the light faded away, Hatenko's whole right arm was replaced with a large golden sniper rifle. 'どうしてそんなに深刻ですか？' was printed on both sides of the gun in green ink.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? IT'S AWESOME!" Gasser exclaimed.
"It's my ultimate key-based weapon; the X-LL7 Key Cannon!" Hatenko explained the obvious, and he brought the scope of the rifle up to his eyes. Peering in, he aimed it exactly at Yasuke's forehead.
"You think I'll just let you hit me? Think again!" Yasuke snapped, and as he was about to move...Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler suddenly leaped into the fray and started biting on his legs.
"WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF! GET OFF! GET THE FUCK OFF!" Yasuke ordered, but Don Patch just crawled up his leg and started nibbling the poor man's neck.
"Mmm...you taste so good..." Don Patch purred, his lipstick smeared.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IT!!...You really think so?"
Without a word, Hatenko pulled the gun's trigger, which fired off a single key that pierced right into Yasuke's forehead, locking his brain and defeating him completely. Muttering something unintelligible, Yasuke's body froze and he collapsed.
Closing his eyes, Hatenko's rifle vanished into particles of light, leaving only the key in his hands.
"I did it, Don...I did it..." Hatenko whispered, tears forming in his eyes. He didn't seem to notice Don Patch sitting on top of Yasuke's frozen body, alive and well while he smoked a cigar and played Uno with Jelly Jiggler. As usual, they were wearing make-up and drag.
Spitting to the side, Bobobo snapped, "Alright, enough of this moany-weepy bullshit! Let's just get going already! We got better-looking bastards to fight!"
As the remaining members of the Bobobo Group departed (Beauty, Softon, Rice and Dengakuman were still gone), Wadokei stood over his fallen apprentice for a moment and sighed.
"I'm going to find the boss...and kill him for what he did to you and Shinai..." Wadokei said quietly before turning around and following the others.
Little did he, or anyone else for that matter, know of the shocking developments soon to come...