So here it is ladies and gents, after a sinfully painful wait it's here!!! That's right folks, I last updated on 4-29-07 and now I'm finishing off this story with this final chapter! And you thought there was never gonna be an ending!!!
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS EXCEPT FOR AMI-CHAN AND HAKARU. KENPACHI, UNOHANA, YACHIRU, THE 11 DIVISION, KARAKURA TOWNS FOLK (such as Isshin and Ichigo, Urahara, ect.) AND KARAKURA ITSELF IS TITE KUBO'S. NOT MINE.
So any way, the final chapter…
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BOOM!!
'Why…'
BAM!!
'Oh, why, God…'
"HAHAHA!! Ami-chan, you've got Ken-chan's hair stuff all over you!! Pass it here!!"
'Did I say yes to baby-sitting?' Thought an exhausted Kenpachi who had finally given up on trying to calm down Amari and Yachiru and had begun to sulk and wonder why he had agreed to baby sit in the first place. He was left alone on this because, unsurprisingly, his division had broken all sorts of things in Unohana's division and now she was stuck filling out replacement forms, due to be in by tomorrow, in their room. Now you think it would be easy, baby-sitting two six-year-old girls in a medium sized house. Great! But Kenpachi had failed to grasp one major point: Yachiru is an adorable pink tornado ready to pounce on the unsuspecting trailer park that was his life (and many others, depending on the situation). Now that he was in this mess, he was certain that he would be talking to Hakaru about the eleventh divisions day care system that his division would be running on every spare moment they possibly had, he, of course, would not be the one baby-sitting but his division baby-sat Yachiru all the time! They had caused Unohana to leave him stranded and now there would be hell to pay.
KA-BLAM!!!
"HAHA!! EVERYTHING IS COVERED IN TOOTH PASTE!! CHIRU-CHAN, LET'S GO PUT SOME IN KENNY'S UDERWEAR!!"
Oh, HELL no.
" YACHIRU, AMARI!!! HERE!! NOW!!"
" Yes, Ken-chan?" asked the quick paced pink blob that was also a variety of different colors. She was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ocher and peach ruby and olive and, well, every other color on Joseph's Technicolor dream coat. Half of these colors Zaraki didn't even know existed, but who the hell knew fawn was a color? He didn't even want to know what got them to look like a rainbow threw up on them and then quickly began to wonder why the hell he didn't call them in the first place. When he finished mentally kicking himself, he noticed how they were gone the only thing that could be heard was the incessant giggling of the two girls who had rolls of toothpaste.
" THE TOOTHPASTE LOOKS FUNNY MIXED WITH KENNY'S SHAMPOO!!"
Uh oh.
"YA, AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER WE COULD STICK IN THE TOILET 'TILL NOW! ALL OF IT!!! HEY!! HOW COME IT WON'T GO DOWN? AHHH!!THERE'S WATER EVERYWHERE!!"
Uh oh.
"LET'S GO PLAY IN THE KITCHEN!! THERE'S SUGAR THERE!!"
Uh oh.
" LOOK AT HOW FAR THE FIRE CAN GO FROM THE STOVE!! LOOK AT ALL THE SMOKE!!"
'Uh oh' no longer covers the situation. Let's pause the scenario to list off the things the girls have done.
The fridge is now the proud home of Arctic penguin. Many of them.
The snakes swinging off of the ceiling fan are not amused.
The cupboards are now being torn apart by wombats.
The zoo's transportation truck driver was fending off about twelve chimps, six snapping turtles, and a polar bear in the dining room.
An angry David Suzuki, who had unsuccessfully tried to convince them to switch light bulbs to save the Earth, is smashing the light bulbs that they didn't switch.
There are three gaping holes in the living room walls.
They are dangerously low on sugar. BIG PROBLEM KNOWING YACHIRU.
The oven's a great place to store cold things seeing as they reversed its use some how.
The pillows are toast. Literally.
The stove is burning a hole through the kitchen ceiling.
The toilet is clogged and flooding the bathroom.
Kenpachi's out of Toilet paper.
Kenpachi's out of hair gel.
Kenpachi's out of toothpaste.
Kenpachi's out of shampoo.
Kenpachi's out of sanity.
"Huh…?" came a voice from above the stairs " What the hell happened here.
'That,' decided Kenpachi 'must be how angels sound.'
" RETSUUUUU!!!!"
"UNO-CHAAAAN!!!!"
"HANA-CHAAAAN!!!!"
Retsu looked at the two children and at her house and the sighed.
"Bath."
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"BATHS ARE FOR WITCHES!!!" screamed Yachiru trying to force her self from being put into the soapy water.
"BALDY-CHAN SAYS THAT I'LL WASH DOWN THE DRAIN IF I GO IN!!" yelled Amari.
" Ikkaku is so getting first baby sitting duty for these two." Muttered Kenpachi to his girl friend and she nodded in agreement while trying to force the two in the tub as Kenpachi put the finishing touches on the toilet situation.
"Here." He said tickling Yachiru until she fell into tub giggling. Unohana got the idea and followed suit. Soon both girls were in the tub and under a binding spell courtesy of Unohana. Soon they were clean and, still being under the spell, thrown in Yachiru's room.
"We've got a lot of stuff to do." Said Unohana.
" Ya, there's a list." Zaraki said, pulling out a checklist for 1-16.
" Wow." She said looking it over " Well, let's start with number 4. That poor man in the dining room is probably almost dead.
"GET BACK FIENDS!!" shouted a voice from the dinning room.
" Good, he's alive." Retsu said calmly.
After freeing the Zoo truck driver, they proceeded to take care of #1-3 on the list.
Unohana took care of the snakes; let's take a look.
"REPTILE SCUM!!" screamed Unohana wrestling with one of the snakes "You'll never take me alive!!"
" Uno-chan?"
"YACHIRU!! RUN!! THIS SNAKE IS DEADLY!!"
"Uno-chan, just let go of snake-chan."
"Huh?" She said letting him go and just slithered into his wire cage.
" Oh." Unohana said, realizing she had just been rolling around with a snake and it was causing her no harm nor was trying to the entire time.
She took care of the rest of the snakes and headed to the kitchen to find Kenpachi huddled in a corner being beaten by penguins with blocks of cheese.
"Ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow, thump, ow."
Unohana raised a finger as if about to say something until Kenpachi asked something completely unexpected.
" Why the hell don't we have penguin shinigami if they're so damn strong?"
The penguins were pulled off of a bruised Zaraki with ease except for one. This one shoved his block of cheese in Zaraki's mouth and left on his own account.
"amn you Arictic penguinsh. I wiw ot forgeh thish!!" He shouted, muffled by the cheese.
Yachiru never forgot the day Uno-chan finally agreed to play penguin soccer with her, but she will also never know why they used an icebox as the net.
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"I managed to fix the oven and was right in the middle of listening to dinner scream and burn when those satanic bird things ambushed me with their damn cheese! There was no time to react, the leader had hit me in the eye with his cheddar zanpaktou while the others tied my legs with those artificial cheese strings and about four or five began poking me with gouda and the rest were beating me with sticks of marble and mozzarella. It was horrible. I was grossly out numbered."
" Kenpachi, you were fighting penguins not Nazi soldiers." Unohana said cheerily.
"They might as well have been! And by the way, we're having wombat-kabobs for supper."
" Judging by the way things look, all we need to do is go shopping and we can fix everything! Let's see. We need Dry wall…Sugar…Light bulbs…Pillows…Toothpaste…Shampoo…Toilet paper… Anything else?" Unohana asked, holding her pen and paper.
"Ya, hair gel." Said Kenpachi.
"Ok! I'll go buy everything and you watch the kids!"
"Ya, ok, sure, and while you're at the store why don't you pick me up some sanity while you're at it, I'm out!" He shouted at the closed door Unohana had walked out of just moments earlier.
The captain turned around and sighed. Just as he thought, Amari and Yachiru were nowhere to be found.
"IF YOU SWITCH TO THESE LIGHT BULBS YOU CAN SAVE THE EARTH!!"
SMASH
"Stop breaking our light bulbs! I already save your pathetic Earth from things you didn't even know existed! Go away!"
Moments later Kenpachi heard the door slam and some one screech out of the driveway. Well, that takes care of number 5 on the list.
"Amaa-rii, Yachii-ruu. Olly-olly-oxen-free! Come out, Come out, where ever you are!"
"NO! You didn't even count to ten, Ken-chan!" He heard Yachiru shout.
"FINE! Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! COME ON DOWN, I GIVE UP!"
"YOU COUNTED TOO FAST!" Yelled Amari.
"YA!" Yachiru agreed.
"One…two…three…four…"
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"I'm back!" Yelled Unohana, as she dragged in four shopping bags.
"Kenpachi? What are you doing?" She inquired, curios to the fact the hulking man was hiding poorly as a lamp.
"Shhh. I'm hiding from Yachi-"
"FOUND YOU KEN-CHAN!! MAN, YOU'RE REALLY GOOD! I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF LOOKING UNDER THAT LAMP SHADE! YOU LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE A LAMP! WOW! IF ONLY UNO-CHAN HADN'T GIVEN IT AWAY FOR YOU! TOO BAAD." Shouted Yachiru, purposely elongating the 'bad'.
"Girls, there's a famous special Uno-chan lollipop in it for you if you help Ken-chan and I fix this place up." Bribed Retsu, switching the subject.
"YAY!" They shouted at once.
Knock knock.
"That must be your daddy, Amari! Let's go greet him!" Unohana said taking off her Pocahontas wig and putting down the second arrow that was about to join the first in Kenpachi's left shoulder.
"Hi, Hakaru! How are you?" Unohana asked after letting him in.
"Good! I hope she wasn't too much trouble, was she?" the man asked.
"Oh not at all!"
"That's great! By the way, if you don't mind me asking, why your face is painted and you're dressed in beaver pelt?"
"We're playing 'Pocahontas kills the English swine who stole the chiefs head-dress', would you like a cup of tea perhaps?"
"Oh, don't trouble yourself. I've also been told to deliver this letter from soul society."
"Oh! Thank you!" Unohana said, in the midst of opening the letter.
She scanned it over and sighed. She walked into the living room where Yachiru and Amari, both in cute little Native-American garb, were trying there hardest to remove the arrow in Kenpachi's shoulder.
"Kenpachi, we have to go back to the soul society! Apparently," Unohana sighed, "our divisions are threatening to go on strike or start a division war unless we come back."
"Oh, that's it?" He said, taking out the arrow with ease and sending the girls tumbling.
"Kenpachi-san, you say that like you hear stuff like that every day." Commented Hakaru
"Huh? And you don't?" He answered flabbergasted.
Amari tugged on her father's coat.
"Daddy, I miss home, can we go back?" She asked.
"Yes, sweetie. As a matter of fact, why don't we all go back together?" Hakaru inquired.
"Ya sure." Came Kenpachi's answer.
"All right-y then! Let's pack up and head out!" Exclaimed Unohana.
"Uno-chan, Let's visit Ichi before we leave! We can finish up our game with him!" Yachiru suggested.
"A splendid idea, Yachiru!" Retsu said enthusiastically.
"Ok then, we'll meet up back here in an hour. I'll go inform Yamamoto sou-taicho of our plans!" finished Hakaru and clapped his hands.
"Bye-bye!" Amari waved and out the door they went.
--------------------------------The Awkward Misadventures Of Ichigo And Friends-----------------------------------------------
PART SIX, THE END.
Ichigo had had enough misery that week. In fact he had sworn that it couldn't get any worse. Word around the street was that Toushiro and his vice-captain, Matsumoto, weren't having the best of times either. He had hit the bottom of the pit, he decided. The only thing that could possibly bring him deeper would be a physical injur-SPLUT!! And to add to the list, there was an arrow in his arm.
"SUN OF BI-." SPLUT!! SPLUT!! SPLUT!!
"I'M UNDER ATTACK!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH" He heard two children scream. He saw them coming at him with spears. One had pink hair, the other had brown. Both were in Native- American out fits.
The last thing Ichigo heard was some kind of a Pocahontas wannabe screaming at the top of her lungs. His ears must have been deceiving him. He could of sworn he heard her shout "Give back the head-dress you English swine!!"
And in the distance he heard the sound of two men snickering behind a bush. His mind went blank as he ran from two children and a woman. Ichigo has yet to recover his pride.
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So ya, I'm kinda thinking that I could do some more of those Awkward misadventures. They're really fun to write. Tell me you thoughts on this matter and your thoughts of the story/chapter. If I get enough reviews saying I should totally do a story of misadventures (there will not be any plot whatsoever, it will just be a collection of misadventures) I will! In other matters… I'm gonna say this once, so listen up.
Ahem,
THERE WILL NOT BE A SEQUEL TO THIS STORY!! AT LEAST NOT ONE MADE BY ME.
Love
-Tobi