Hello, everyone. OXYCODONEFROG here, and I'm going to deposit another piece of shit on this website!

*gets booed*

Anyway, I'm hoping that my writing style will improve, as I have just ascended to a new level of writing.

Me: (Grabs Pencil) PLOT-KAI! (wind whips up a dust storm, passes, revealing me in a badass outfit with an epic black pen.) Pensa Zangetsu.

*Crickets*

… Ooooookay, I digress. Crona has been supervising Patty for one week, and what a week it's been. We're almost at 30k words, which means that we're about a third of the way through. We're finally finishing the first arc and getting into the second arc! And it only took about nine months!

*Shot*

Don't be sad! The second arc will take a while and the third arc has yet to be written!

Oh, and I do not own Soul Eater. Thankfully. I only own 'Krunchy-Wholes,' the unfortunately named cereal. Actually, considering the enormity of a forthcoming reference, I do not own Sam and Max: Same with Pokémon, Douglas Adams, and Olive Garden. You'll see what I mean.

WARNING: This chapter contains plot devices and massive amounts of crack. Reader beware.

Dedicated to AJ Soul Eater. Hope this helps! ;)

PLOT-KAI!

/ / /

Crona considered the vast majority of his life to be surreal. From having a person/dragon living in his bloodstream to being friends with a motley gang of superpowered people, almost nothing in his life could be considered 'normal'. Of course, all of his abnormalities were normal to him. This, of course, was a contradiction, but that is a matter for another time. From what Crona was able to recall, last night (or early morning, as he didn't know what time it was) was certainly not an exception to the teen's track record. He moaned, flushing at the memory and the various implications.

"Oh crap… It was an accident, but… we kissed…" he thought, placing his morning meds into a little paper cup. "This is just… weird… And unbearably awkward… What if other people find out? What are they going to say? All my friends… they'll hate me forever…" Crona then poured the contents of the cup into his mouth and swallowed, sighing as he felt the meds going down. "But even if it manages to remain a secret… Things between Patty and I are never going to be the same… Even if the whole world doesn't know, we will. And, without a doubt, she'll hate me. Even if Ragnarok DID start it, it's still my fault… I should've restrained him…"

"Ragnarok." He said, leaning against the sink. "P-please come out… We need to talk."

For a few seconds, nothing happened. Crona looked down, slowly drumming his fingers against the sink. Then, without warning, Ragnarok's disembodied voice called out to Crona. "Is it safe?"

Crona blinked, bemused by the odd question. "Um… I t-think so…"

It took about a minute, but the black demon eventually did emerge from his subterfuge. Crona was somewhat disconcerted by how fearful his partner looked. "Yeah, waddya' want now?" he irately asked.

"Er… Are you okay?" Crona queried.

"Are you fucking stupid?" hissed Ragnarok in reply. "I'm scared shitless! That cow… What that cow did last night…" He shivered, recalling the nameless atrocities that were inflicted upon him. "She's going to try to kill me… Almost did last night…" The demon then switched from mortal terror to a blazing fury. "And you were passed out, you twat!" He then started to punch Crona, screeching wildly.

"Ow! Ragnarok! Quit it!" Crona said, trying to ward off the demon's blows. This did not deter Ragnarok, as per usual. What did deter him was when Crona grabbed his fists, thus halting his assault.

Needless to say, this royally pissed off Ragnarok. "Let go!" he shrieked, trying to rip his arms free.

Crona responded by tightening his grip on Ragnarok's arms and glared up at him. "Didn't you hear what I said? We need to talk." Normally, Ragnarok wouldn't have heeded this, but Crona had perfected a technique universally dubbed as the "Rape Face."

"Yeah… sure…" said Ragnarok, extremely creeped-out by his meister.

Crona let his partner go, before proceeding with his speech. "Look… What happened last night… Things won't ever go back to normal… Without a doubt, we kissed."

"Pfft. So?" Ragnarok interjected, but was driven back to silence by the glare Crona directed at him.

"Anyway… As I said, nothing will ever be the same… Maybe between Patty and I; possibly with even more people…" He looked down at the floor, getting to the point. "Every interaction I have with her will be incredibly awkward… how can I deal with that?"

Ragnarok stared down at the teen, his expression unreadable (well, even more so than usual). He then face palmed and sighed. "You idiot… Who says that things will be worse?"

Crona blinked, looking up at his partner/weapon/blood. "Huh?" He intelligently said.

"Well shit, you really are a fucking moron." Ragnarok said, rolling his eyes. "Has it ever occurred to you that not everything will result in a bad ending?" Crona was silent, pondering what had just been said. "Look, I ain't apologizing for last night. Anything and everything that occurred last night was due to you and her screwing around. Hell, it's technically HER fault, seeing as how she instigated the whole damned thing with that fucking bath! You're a man, ain't 'cha? Well, go out there and BE A FUCKING MAN!" He then hit Crona over the head with a viscous right hook before being he dove back into his meister's veins.

Crona rubbed his head and winced. This pain, however, didn't hinder a very slight smile from flitting across his face. "… Alright… You're right, Ragnarok… I'm not blaming anyone for what happened last night… But I do need to stand up to this." He sighed, rising off of the sink counter.

"Well… Here goes nothing…" And he exited the bathroom.

/ / /

Patty sighed, rapping her cereal spoon against her milk glass in a way reminiscent of tree branches rapping against a window in a storm. And, coincidentally, the girl's mind was storming with activity at that very moment. Like a storm, her thoughts were very chaotic, but had a certain form and grace to it. Unless you're incredibly dense, its obvious what her thoughts were revolving around.

"Crona…" she mused, repeatedly tapping the spoon. "Last night… Okay, well maybe the bathing was a bit excessive… I probably could've used a wet washcloth, which would've been much less awkward… But still… I did what I did…"

She was surprised when she discovered that a fork had replaced her spoon, which was not there before. Patty blinked, wondering what the hell happened. "Okay… Either I'm really out of it, or my spoon gained enough experience points to evolve into a fork…"

A horrible thought entered her head as she turned the fork over and over in her hand. "Wait, a fork? This looks sort of like a pitchfork…. Is this a message or something? Am I a devil for what happened last night?" She grabbed her head in her hands, clenching it tightly. "UGH! I am such an idiot! I'm going nuts over a stupid fork! A fucking fork! How pathetic is that!"

Patty glared at the fork, before flicking it behind her with enough force to embed it into a wall. "Stupid forks," she muttered. "They're evil, I swear."

"Um… I think I'd agree with that…"

Patty blinked, before whipping around to see Crona, who was pinned to the wall by the evil fork. "Oh… Ah… Hi, Crona…" She said, awkwardly rubbing the back of her skull. "I didn't see you there… Ha ha…"

Crona glanced down at the bit of robe that was pinned to the wall and, with a small grunt of exertion (evil forks are strong!), thus freeing himself. "Okay… So…" He shifted his weight around, feeling the courage he had in the bathroom dwindling. "U-um… How are you?"

"Wow, really smooth Crona… Reeeeealy smooooth…" He bitterly thought.

"Oh! Me?" Patty said, pointing toward herself with her hand. "I-I'm fine! Perfectly okay! Nothing wrong here, ha-ha!" Crona stared at her, seeing through her tepid statement.

"Oooooooookay…" He slowly said, walking into the kitchen. Crona then started rummaging around in a cupboard, trying to find his favorite cereal. Alas, this move also was a diversion from confronting his charge. Well, that and the pain meds made him really hungry.

At this, Patty remembered her own cereal and sighed in disappointment when she discovered that it had gone soggy. "Damn…" She muttered. "Stupid soggy cereal…" Then she looked toward Crona and asked, "Hey, do you think Doctor Stein could make cereal that never goes soggy?"

Crona pulled his head out of the cupboard to stare at Patty. "Um… I don't know… W-why do you ask?"

"Because my cereal just went soggy!" she stated. "And it's only been in the milk for ten minutes!"

Crona paused, stared at Patty, and then went back to rummaging around for his favorite cereal. "Hey, Patty?" he asked. "Where'd my cereal go?"

Patty frowned, trying to think about what happened to Crona's cereal. "Hmm… I think it's in the microwave…"

"Um… W-why is it in the microwave?" Crona asked, walking over to the microwave and opening it. "Oh! H-here it is!" He pulled it out of the microwave, his question forgotten as he hugged the brightly colored box, subconsciously squeeing with delight.

"Hey, Crona…" Patty started, deciding to cut the crap. Crona, however, beat her to it.

"Y-yeah… About last n-night, right?"

She sighed. "Yeah…" They then both blushed furiously, looking away from each other. Patty was the first to speak. "Um… I'm sorry… For not only last night, but for the makeover as well…"

Crona paused for a few moments, gazing into the nebulous depths of the glass of milk he poured. "I'm s-sorry, too… I should've known Ragnarok would've tried to pull something like t-that…"

"Oh! You don't have to apologize for anything, Crona!" she said, waving her hands in the air. "It's okay! Nobody can control that cocksucking piece of shit!" Her eyes then glinted, reflecting pure malice. "Besides, I made sure to punish him. He's going to be quiet for a while, I expect."

Her guardian flinched, pulling away slightly. "I-Is he going to live?"

"Well, since you're still alive, I'd guess he's survived." Patty nonchalantly said.

Crona groaned slightly as he sat down at the kitchen table, depositing the cereal bowl and milk glass with a small clattering noise. The duo paused, still feeling extremely awkward.

"So, uh… How's the pain?" Patty eventually asked, hoping to stave off the ocean of awkwardness encompassing the tiny kitchen.

"Better… I've been able to switch to the weaker meds…" Crona responded, shoveling a heaping spoonful of Krunchy-Wholes obliviously down his throat. He then swallowed, throat and eyes bulging slightly before he exhaled, leaning back in his chair. "Now what?"

Patty blinked, befuddled by his question. "Now what, what?"

He peered at her over his nose, still leaning back carefree in his chair. "I d-don't know about you, but… I still get the feeling that we still have some… unresolved issues…"

"Haaaa… You're right…" Patty sighed, slouching onto the table and resting her chin on the peppershaker.

"How the hell is he able to do that?" She thought to herself, reeling in puzzlement. "Do the drugs grant him some sort of incredible insight? Damn, it's uncanny!"

"Well…" Patty started, twirling a lock of her hair in her right index finger. "I suppose that… I just feel bad, I guess… This might sound really stupid, but… I mean, didn't I steal your first kiss?"

Crona stared, not comprehending the question immediately. "Wait… After last night… You feel bad just because you were my first kiss, even if it was accidental?" She nodded, causing Crona to mentally facepalm. "Patty…"

Patty flushed, looking down at the floor. "Yeah… I know, I know, it sounds trivial platitude, but… That really doesn't change how I feel…"

"Patty," he started, twirling his spoon around on his fingers, "it's alright. I'm not mad, honest!" Crona paused, registering what he just said. "Sorry, I meant angry. We know that I'm insane, that's a fact. But I digress. After all…" He broke off.

"Crona?" Patty asked, wondering if he was still with them. She waited a bit, wondering what he was going to say next. Needless to say, she was shocked and disappointed when the sounds of snoring started to emanate from her guardian.

"Da' fuck?" She wondered, shuddering slightly. "He's… asleep? Wow… Wait, Crona's a narcoleptic now? Geeze, those pain pills really are strong shit… Are his eyes open? Eww! They are! They are! How can somebody sleep with their eyes open? I mean, ju-"

Patty was cut off when one of Crona's snores ended prematurely, and the other teen continued talking as if nothing had happened in the first place. "After all, it's just a kiss, right? No biggie. I mean, yeah, it was extremely awkward, but… Considering the circumstances, it wasn't THAT awkward. So… Let's just never speak of this again, okay?" He then blinked, looking at Patty. "What's with the stare?"

"Oh! Um…" Patty said, jerking out of her paralysis. "You were just asleep!"

Crona blinked. "What? I never fell asleep!"

She groaned, resisting the urge to slam her head against the table. "Yes, you did! You totally did!"

"Well, whatever. Let's just agree to disagree." Crona sighed. "Also, let's just pretend that last night was just some freaky shared dream, okay?"

Patty shrugged. "Okay, sure. A freaky-ass dream isn't all that unusual, right?" She then extended her right arm across the table. "So… Shake on it?"

Crona paused, blinked, and then mirrored Patty's gesture. "I guess we have a deal."

/ / /

The sound of the phone ringing jolted Patty back into reality. She frowned, placing the book she was reading down, and proceeded to make her way to the kitchen. Once she arrived, her frown lit up into a smile as she saw the name on the caller I.D. With a simple flick, the blonde tossed the phone up into the air and caught it in the other in one fluid motion. "Hi Maka!"

"Do I sound like Maka to you?" Came Soul's voice from the phone.

Patty blanched, stammering slightly. "N-no! Of course not!" She said rapidly.

Silence. Then… "Nah, I'm just bullshitting you! Of course I'm Maka!"

"Okay…" Patty said, taking this oddity in stride. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much." Maka replied, sounding rather cheerful. "I'm just wondering if you and Crona want to meet us for lunch."

Patty paused, wondering what she should say. "Well, Crona is supposed to be my caretaker, but I don't know if he can make rational decisions at the moment… Hmm…"

She looked out at the living room, observing Crona gazing at a book. He seemed to not be reading; he just seemed to exist. Patty frowned, making a quick decision. "Well… Okay, I guess! After all," she added, "Crona looks pretty bored, so going out would probably do him some good. Where should we meet you guys?"

"Hmm… Would Olive Garden work out?"

"Sure! That'd be great!"

"Alright!" Maka said with cheer. "Meet us there at, oh… Two 'o' clock?"

Patty smiled. "Two it is! See ya' there!" She then put the phone down, turning to look at Crona. "Hey, Crona!"

Crona looked up from his unread reading material. "Yes, Patty?"

"We're going to go meet Maka and Soul at Olive Garden in an hour or so. Do you feel up to it?"

He blinked. "… Yes, actually." Crona then frowned. "But how are we going to get there… I don't think I'd be able to ride on your bike's handlebars right now, and Soul's bike isn't a very smooth ride…"

Patty frowned. "Damn… Good point… Well, I suppose we could call a cab or something…" She sighed. "Well, it's a three mile round-trip, so I suppose walking's out of the question for you at the moment…"

A thought suddenly popped into Crona's head. "Wait a moment… Isn't there a spare car in your garage?" Patty stared at him. "Well," Crona said somewhat sheepishly, "I think Liz said something about how there was an old pickup underneath a tarp…"

"Tarp?" Patty asked. She then brought her fist down into the open palm of her other hand. "Oh! That tarp!" She laughed. "Well how about that. I always thought it a bunch of old books!"

Crona stared at his charge. "Why would Kid or Shinigami-Sama keep a bunch of books in the garage? Wait, scratch Kid off; he'd never do something like that."

Patty started off down the hallway leading to the garage. "I don't know. Shinigami-Sama's lived for a really long time, so I assumed that he stored his book collection under that tarp." She then turned around and called out into the living room. "Hey! Are you coming or what, Crona?"

"O-oh!" He exclaimed, quickly leaping to his feet. "Yes! I'm right behind you!"

She smiled, waiting for Crona to catch up before walking alongside him. Once he did, Patty stuck her left arm out with her fist touching her hip, forming something that looked like a sideways 'V'. He blinked at her. "W-what?"

"You're supposed to put your right arm through this and mirror what I'm doing." Patty said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world (which it wasn't, but it was still pretty close).

Crona blanched. "W-why?"

Patty sighed, grabbing Crona's right arm and interlocking it with her own. She looked up at him and gave him a wry grin. "No reason." This caused Crona's normally pale cheeks to turn a rosy pink. This was not unnoticed by Patty, who giggled and dragged Crona behind her.

/ / /

For the most part, The Gallows was without a doubt the cleanest, most well organized building in Death City. In fact, it was arguably the most tidy home in the entire world. Of course, the cleanliness also served to make any blemish that much more noticeable.

Crona sneezed for the sixth time as he assisted Patty in freeing the pickup from the tarp. She glanced over at him, a mild look of concern crossing her features. "Is something the matter, Crona?" He responded with yet another sneeze.

"N-no, I'm fine…" Crona said, sniffling slightly from his massive burst of sneezing. "It must be the dust or something…" He grunted. "Does this tarp even have an end? It feels like we've been doing this for far too long."

Patty paused, before giggling in a rather unhinged manner. Crona stared at her, anxiety already twisting up his gut. "P-Patty?"

She didn't answer him. Rather, she went over to a nearby toolbox and pulled out a lighter. Manic fire glinted in her eyes as she sparked the lighter into life, bringing a small blue flame into existence. She pulled her arm back, preparing to throw the lighter at the tarp.

"Patty! This isn't a good idea!" Crona squeaked frantically, trying to snatch the lighter away from the arsonist. "We could just go grab a pair of scissors or something and cut the tarp off of the car! We don't need to light it on fire!"

Patty stared at him before sighing and capping the lighter. "But your way isn't nearly as much fun as mine…"

"But it's much more safe." Crona pointed out, calling Ragnarok into existence as a sword.

"And swinging a sharp-ass blade around is?" Patty queried, watching as her guardian went to work. Crona ignored this comment, continuing to neatly cut the tarp. He could hear Ragnarok grumbling in his head about something along the lines of how he was supposed to kill stuff, not be used as some sort of domestic tool. He bit his tongue as he yanked the now-severed tarp off of the pickup truck.

Patty, along with Crona, gawked at the vehicle. It was an old Ford F150, if could still even be called that. The original coloring was indeterminable, as it had been corrupted by cancerous rust. The side and rear windows of the cab were either cracked or shattered (it reminded the duo of hillbilly teeth, for some odd reason). The windshield didn't suffer from the same issues as the other windows did; perhaps due to the fact that said windshield was constructed of saran wrap. This clear visor allowed one to see that rather badly stained lawn chairs had replaced the cab's seats. The wheels were almost bald, and the truck's rear suspension looked as if it had expired quite a long time ago. The hood had large chunks missing from it, exposing the clandestine machinery below.

Crona and Patty stared, not wanting to go anywhere near the decrepit machine. "… On second thought, let's take a cab." Crona said, slowly edging away from the metal monstrosity.

This sane idea was not to be. For, as Crona and Patty attempted to escape back into the mansion, the truck revved to life. Crona shrieked and rocketed into the air, landing in Patty's arms. Of course, Patty was in such a state of shock that she and Crona both tumbled down when the latter landed in her arms. "Ack! W-what the hell!?" He yelled, scrabbling frantically backward.

"No…" Patty breathed, her eyes as wide as saucers. "It can't be…"

Ragnarok decided to speak up at this point. Normally he wouldn't have said anything, but a demonic Ford truck (understandably) dwarfed his fear of Patty. "Holy fucking shit! What the hell is THAT!?" The truck responded by making a noise not unlike a snarl as it moved closer. Ragnarok screamed and promptly voided himself* (much to Crona's disgust. What? Wouldn't you be grossed-out if somebody took a shit in your bloodstream?). "Ack! Crona! Quick! Kill it! KILL IT!"

Despite his immense fear, Crona nodded and tightened his grip on the black blade. As he rose to a standing position, a steely glint of determination shone in the boy's eyes. Crona glared at the car, his blade at the ready. "You… Whatever you are, you'd better not hurt us…" As if it would help to drive his point home, Crona swung Ragnarok downward, creating a Razor Wind-like effect.

The Ford didn't seem to be intimidated by the swordsman's show of bravery. It made a loud screeching noise and lunged forward a few inches, which caused Crona and Ragnarok to flinch. However, Patty did not react to the demonic truck's aggressive display. "Crona, Ragnarok. Hold up."

Crona looked back at her over his shoulder. "W-what is it, Patty?"

"It'd better be pretty damn important…" Ragnarok growled.

Patty slowly rose to her feet and took a few trembling steps forward. "D-don't hurt it… Please…"

"Why not?" Ragnarok demanded.

"Because…" Patty said with her gaze fixed upon the F150. "That's my mother."

Time froze. Crona and Ragnarok gaped at Patty, shock etched onto every facial line (or blade, in Ragnarok's case). The Ford quieted down, it's loud engine slowing down into a gentle purring. For what seemed like forever, nobody spoke. Naturally, Ragnarok was the first to break it.

"What the fuck did you smoke today?"

Patty frowned. "No, really. My mother's soul is bound to that truck."

Crona turned around so that he could face his charge. "B-but… It's a truck…"

"Well, yes…" She admitted, looking at the truck. "But there is a soul bound in there… Specifically, my mother's soul."

"H-how can you tell?"

"Hey, it's my mother. I think I'd recognize her anywhere. Besides," Patty said, "due to my nature as a weapon, I'm very accurate when it comes to identifying souls." She grinned and walked toward the truck. "I've missed you, Mom…"

Crona shot his hand out, trying to catch Patty before she got herself killed. Alas, due to the codeine, he slumped down due to dizziness. "N-no…" He gasped, watching on in horror as his charge made her way closer to the demonic truck.

His horror soon changed into a sort of awkward fascination as Patty hugged the truck. The truck/soul/thing didn't run her over or eat her like Crona and Ragnarok expected; rather, it made a contented purring noise. He stared; jaw making an audible sound as it hit the floor. "Wut?"

Ragnarok groaned, his blade dissolving back into his meister's bloodstream. He reformed in his usual location between Crona's shoulder blades. "… My thoughts exactly." He then screeched. "WHY DOES THIS NOT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!?"

Patty leveled a death glare at Ragnarok. "Listen here, you little shit… I'm listening to my mom right now… So shut the hell up…" She then made a rather frightening face. "Or do I have to repeat what I did to you last night?"

Ragnarok paled (not sure how that'd be possible, but he did. So there. Ha!), and instantly barreled down into the sanctuary that was Crona's liver. Crona also paled, but couldn't hide as Ragnarok did. So, to try to distract himself from the sheer terror he was feeling, Crona asked his charge a question. "S-So… You can, ah, talk to it- I mean your mother!" He threw the last part in, remembering that the F150 was at least somewhat human and should be treated as such. Well, that and Crona absolutely hated to be called an 'it.'

"Of course I can!" Patty said indignantly. "Now hush, please! I'm trying to listen to my mom…"

Mollified, Crona huddled up against a wall and watched as Patty raptly listened to the Ford. Occasionally, she would nod her head or say something, but she was as still as a stone for the most part. After about five minutes, she got up and turned to face her temporary guardian. "Here," She said, offering her hand to the other teen. "Let me help you up."

Crona blushed a bit. "O-okay…" He grabbed Patty's hand and swiftly rose to his feet. "Thanks… So, ah… How'd your mom get stuck in a Ford?"

Patty laughed. The F150 made a revving noise that could have been laughter, or just a malfunction (hard to say with such a decrepit machine). "Well, it's kind of a funny story… See, when my mom died out on the streets, her soul somehow ended up in Hell. Not sure how that happened, but whatever. While she was down in Hell, she somehow bound herself to an old DeSoto that belonged to a talking dog and lagomorph. After quite a few misadventures, the trio managed to bust their way out of Hell. Now, Mom would've gone out to find us if it weren't for two things getting in her way." Here she held up two fingers. "The first was a sense of duty to her saviors. She felt that she should help them out for saving her from the depths of Hell. The second reason was due to an overwhelming desire to run over people." Patty shrugged her shoulders when she saw Crona's incredulous look. "What? Traumatic incidents tend to change people."

"Okay…" Crona started. "So how'd she get here? And where's the DeSoto?"

"Sad to say, her saviors were swallowed up by a black plot hole." The truck emitted some steam in sorrow. "And her DeSoto body was also sucked in. She managed to get away by the skin of her teeth! Well, she doesn't really have teeth, seeing that she's a soul, which bound itself to a truck, but you know what I mean. Anyway, she had to find a new form soon, as the black plot hole destabilized her soul, which is a really bad thing."

"Now, come on!" Patty called, getting into her mother's cab (There is a sentence I never thought I'd have to write). "We're going to be late if we dilly-dally any longer!"

Crona sweat dropped as he made his way toward the demon truck. "So that's where Patty got her oddness from…"

/

After a rather terrifying ride, the Ford deposited Patty and Crona at the front doors of the Olive Garden.

"Thanks Mom!" Patty called out. Her mom honked and sped off to do Death knows what. She swiveled her head around to look at Crona. "Well, that wasn't so bad, now was it?"

Crona would've told her otherwise, but didn't exactly feel like dealing with any more trouble. "S-should we go in?"

Patty glanced down at her watch. "Hmm… Well, we're early by about two minutes. Let's just wait for them."

And so the two sat, chatting about the weather, school, missions, and eventually Pokémon.

"Gen I was excellent, Gen II was amazing, Gen III was pretty good, Gen IV was okay, and Gen V sucks goat feces!" Patty exclaimed, pointing at Crona. "You know I'm right!"

Crona sighed. "Patty, I keep telling you that you've got the order mixed up. Gen III is the best, then Gen V, Gen IV, Gen II, Gen I."

Patty opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off as a feminine voice sounded. "I'd say Crona's mostly right."

"Maka! Soul!" Patty exclaimed, jumping out of the bench she was sitting on. "Jeez, don't sneak up on me like that! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Maka giggled and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "Sorry Patty. I just couldn't resist!"

"Oi, can we go in and eat now?" Soul called, tapping his foot impatiently against the concrete sidewalk. "I'm bloody starving!"

"And whose fault is that, hmm?" Maka said scathingly. "I told you to eat a small snack before we left if you were that hungry! But did you listen? Noooooooo!"

Soul opened his mouth to make a witty reply, but Crona, who didn't want Soul and Maka to brawl, cut him off. "I NEED TO GO POTTY!"

Everyone paused to stare at Crona, who had his hands covering his mouth. "Sorry…" He said, flushing furiously. "Don't know what came over me… Must've been the codeine…"

Patty was the first to respond. "Well…" She began. "Um… Thanks for the input…?" Soul snickered a bit, but stopped when Maka chopped him. "How about we go in now?"

"Sounds like a good idea!" Maka chimed. "Right, Soul?"

The Scythe blanched. "W-whatever you say, ma'am!"

And so, the quartet (quintet if you count Ragnarok) went inside the Olive Garden. (What, you think I'm a good writer? You think I'm going to add more before the break? Bitch please!)

/ / /

"Wow… This place is packed…"

Indeed, Soul's observation was right on the money. Almost every booth and table in the restaurant was occupied, and it was only due to an incredibly lucky break that the group managed to get placed in a booth.

"Y-yeah…" Crona stammered. Even though he was getting much better at dealing with people, large crowds still made him uncomfortable. Unfamiliar people also disconcerted the teen. He'd nearly had a panic attack when the waitress came for their orders. Or maybe he was just embarrassed that he had to repeat his order because the waitress didn't hear him the first time.

The two girls simultaneously rolled their eyes. "Douglas Adams was right…" Maka muttered. "We humans seem to have a tendency of stating the obvious." Patty nodded in agreement.

Soul seemed to have overhead this and took offense. "You're just bitter because you're still into Pokémon…"

Maka flashed a cheeky grin. "Oh really? The Silver cartridge I found in your jacket would beg to differ."

Everybody laughed, save for Soul. "W-what!?" He exclaimed. "What business of yours was it to snoop around in my jacket!?" Soul briefly paused. "And why are you lying about finding that in there, huh?" This diversion tactic didn't fool anyone; Soul's hand had unconsciously drifted into one of the many pockets of his jacket. Alas, the spotlight eventually drifted off of Soul and the group moved onto other topics.

"So, Patty…" Maka said, lazily twirling a fork with her fingers. "Did you take a cab here?"

Patty shook her head. "Nah, my mom gave us a lift."

"Wait a second, I thought your mom ran off on you and Liz." Soul interjected.

"Not really. She died." Soul and Maka gaped at the human gun, shocked by how apparently easy Patty was taking it. "But she eventually bound herself into a Ford F-150, so it's all good." Crona nodded, trying to back up her rather unbelievable claim.

"… Well… That's interesting…" Maka said, her brain reeling.

Soul continued to gape, but quickly broke out of his dazed mindset. "And speaking of interesting… It looks like there's some sort of commotion coming our way…" The rest of the group turned around to see what Soul was talking about and instantly tensed up when they saw it.

Coming directly toward them from down the aisle was an interesting man/woman duo. The man was incredibly handsome, with rugged, angular features. Huge muscles were barely contained in a navy blue muscle shirt. His legs were clad in a pair of white jeans, which appeared to be close to bursting from how tight they were. Flowing locks of orange hair were tied up in a ponytail. He appeared to be in his early twenties. The woman was about as beautiful as the man. She was wearing a green and white dress, which was accented by various precious gemstones littered around on it and somehow managed to show off her Z-cup bust. The woman had two-tone eyes, one purple and one blue. Her stomach-length ebony hair seemed to shimmer in the dim lighting.

The incomplete SE gang hated them almost instantly.

"What the fuck are those!" Patty hissed, her eyes narrowing into slits.

"I don't know…" Maka growled. "But their wavelengths are off the charts! I'd say that they might be on Shinigami-Sama's level! Maybe even higher then that…"

Crona shivered. "They're abominations… I'd recognize one instantly… From, ah… Personal experience…"

Everyone at the table felt a sudden surge of pity for Crona, but couldn't offer him any due to the perfect abominations arriving in front of them. Everyone glared at the duo. "Can I help you?" Soul asked curtly.

The she-creature spoke first. "I'm M r3n Raven Sus nn n3." Her voice was sickeningly melodious, and also seemed to be in some sort of Internet speak.

" nd I'm L rry Wu!" Shouted her companion. The gang couldn't quite place it, but something seemed off about the way L rry and M r3n spoke. "W3 N33d Tabl3! S0 M0v3!"

"Argh!" Maka cried, clapping her hands over her ears. "Stop it! You're butchering the English language!"

Crona shuddered. "Um… M-maybe we should do as they say…"

"Y3 h!" L rry bellowed, instantly giving everyone in the vicinity (excluding M r3n and himself) a smashing headache. "Y0u b3tt3rr g3t ot! List3n t0 ur f gg0t fri3nd!"

"0h, L rry…" M r3n said, wrapping herself around her boy toy. "U r s0 nic3 nd kind!"

Patty shot to her feet. Calling her guardian/friend names was a surefire way to make Patty revert into 'Scary Patty.' "LISTEN HERE, BITCH!" She howled, vaulting over the booth table to confront the atrocities. "DON'T TALK ABOUT MY FRIENDS LIKE THAT! IMMA CUT YOUR FACES OFF AND WEAR THEM AS MASKS WHENEVER I TAKE A SHIT!"

Soul and Maka exchanged a glance. "We should probably intervene before somebody dies…"

L rry laughed. "H ! U w nt 2 fight m3, lttl gurl? Bring it on!1!"

Crona sighed and got out of the booth to stand next to Patty. "I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to hurt her."

"H !" M r3n laughed. "U canot win!1! L ry iz ttly wsum!" The female abomination stretched her hand out at the SE gang. "L rry, pl3 z cl3 r dis boot out, plz!"

"Wit pl3azur, m h d rling qu33n!" A brilliant green aura burst into life around him as the he-creature began to scream. "H !1!1! T K3 TIS! SUP R US0M UR TTK THING!" His green aura expanded into the form of a dragon. It roared at the startled SE gang and charged at them.

"Dodge, quick!" Maka ordered, snapping into her battle mindset.

Crona squeaked. "I t-think it's t-too big to d-dodge, Maka! W-we n-need to b-block it!"

Soul frowned. "Wait, is it just me or should that attack have hit us by now?"

"T LKIN IZ FR33 CTUN!" L rry roared. "M33T UR D00M!1! L0L!1!"

They tried to dodge.

They didn't make it.

With a deafening explosion, the battered and bruised SE gang was rocketed through the roof of the Olive Garden.

"Damn it, what were those?" Maka hissed.

"I don't know… And I'm not sure if I want to find out…" Crona whimpered. "Why can't life ever be normal…?"

Patty giggled. "Because, silly! Abnormality is the new normal!" Abruptly, she switched back into her genocidal rage. "I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU, YOU NO GOOD GOAT FUCKERS! I'LL CRAWL DOWN YOUR NASTY-ASS THROATS AND EAT YOU FROM THE INSIDE-OUT! BIIIIIIIITCH!"

Maka, Patty, and Crona then called out as one. "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

"NOT COOL!" Soul shouted, before they became a mere twinkle in the sky.

(In a different dimension, a trio of thieves and a blue blob thing sneeze. However, they merely believe that they are coming down with colds, as being shot into the stratosphere on a near-daily basis is rather rough on the immune system).

/ / /

"Hmm…" Stein muttered, gazing into Shinigami-Sama's mirror. On the other end was a collection of his students, all of whom appeared to be worse for the wear. "You say that these people were so beautiful that they were ugly, had massive amounts of power, and spoke in an odd manner?" The group nodded.

Stein sighed. "I've got nothing." He glanced to his left. "You got anything, Shinigami-Sama?"

The Reaper blinked. "Well… It's incredibly unlikely… But I suppose, what with the Madness Wavelength and all…" He sighed. "Everyone, I believe we have a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu on our hands."

His statement was met with a confused silence. Stein eventually spoke up. "A… Mary Sue? Gary Stu?"

Shinigami-Sama nodded. "Yes…"

"What's that?" Maka asked. She wasn't sure why, but every time that those names were spoken, her stomach churned and bile rose in her mouth.

"Mary Sues and Gary Stus are, in essence, golems." Shinigami-Sama elaborated. "They are created when multiple unstable souls are conglomerated into one physical body. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. The golems would have souls, yes, but they wouldn't have any energy to operate."

"Well… What energy fuels them?" Stein asked.

Shinigami-Sama's tone became even more somber. "They harness angst as their sole energy source." His words were met with gasps of horror. "Nobody knows how they manage to tap into the energy, but tap in they do. And once they obtain the energy, they transform into something… else…"

Soul started drooling a bit. "Wait… Does this mean that they're Kishin Eggs?"

"No." Shinigami-Sama said. "The inhabited body undergoes multiple radical physical changes, resulting in, as you said, disgusting beauty. They also develop super strength, regardless of muscle mass. Alas, a by-product of this metamorphosis is damage to their brain's speech processing centers." He paused. "They also undergo various mental changes. Due to the high concentration of souls inhabiting the body, they tend to act abnormally, and almost always suffer from hyper-aggression and nymphomania." Everybody made a face of disgust.

"Ew…" Patty said.

"S-Seconded…" Crona added.

Maka raised her hand. "Shinigami-Sama… Is there any way to defeat these creatures?"

Here the Reaper clapped, reverting back into his usual cheerful persona. "Yep, yep~! I'm glad you asked, Maka!" He cleared his throat. "It's quite simple, actually. See, the golem's can be thwarted if you are able to get a large number of people to become extremely happy. The surge of positive emotions will interfere with the golem's energy supply, significantly weakening them. That's your chance to strike them down. Of course, this doesn't mean that they aren't dangerous anymore; in fact, they're about as powerful as witches when you're able to weaken them."

The students looked at one another. "Well…" Soul began. "We did manage to take down Asura, right? So shouldn't this be even easier?"

Maka shook her head. "No, not at all… From what it sounds like, we're going to have to make a lot of people happy for this to work… Plus, Kid and Liz are going to be absent, so we'll be significantly weaker…"

"But… How are we going to make everybody that happy?" Crona mused.

Patty quickly answered him. "… I've got it! We'll organize a band battle!" She received blank stares from everyone else (excluding Shinigami-Sama; you really can't tell what his stare is like). She pouted. "Oh, come on! It always works on the television!"

Soul groaned. "Patty, real life isn't like television!"

"I know that!" She snapped back. "Sorry, but… Doesn't anyone think my idea is good?"

There was a brief and rather uncomfortable pause. Shinigami-Sama eventually spoke up. "… Why, yes, that is a good idea, Patty…" He clapped his oversized hands together. "Okie dokie everyone~! Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine sharp. Also, bring Black*Star and Tsubaki along. We've got a lot of planning to do!"

Everybody else (except for the cheering Patty) sweatdropped. "Oh dear…" Stein muttered. "This cannot end well…"

"Agreed…" Soul said. Crona felt extremely worried, and Maka was just flat-out lost.

None of them knew that, at that very moment, they were being watched. A hooded figure was peering down at them from one of the many windows in the Death Room. "Interesting…" It muttered. "This may be just the thing I needed." A raven suddenly dive-bombed the figure, causing it to scream and plummet to its death. By an odd coincidence, Patty's mother was in the neighborhood at the time. As she was rather hungry, the truck proceeded to eat the corpse (Cars can't eat or feel hunger? Screw you!).

After all, nobody really wants an infuriatingly mysterious-yet-generic OC who stalks people and wears a creepy robe! That's just creepy (and redundant)! The hands! What are they doing in their robe with their hands!? Well now, I suppose the now-deceased OC is also a pedophile. Joy.

/ / /

… I am having a rather hard time believing that this chapter is twenty pages long…

This is great! Truth be told, I was starting to worry if I'd ever squeeze this out (and the regular readers probably felt the same)!

Yes, I added a Mary Sue and Gary Stu. They're a pretty important plot element for this arc, so I'm not going to dump them. Besides, it's so much fun writing them! And bashing them! At the same time! Hooray for overuse of exclamation points!

The next update should be in a month or two. Next week I'm going on vacation, and the week after that is the last week of summer vacation. And with school starting and whatnot, I'm going to have to spend a bit of time adjusting to the change. Sorry! I will try to get it up sooner than this chapter, though…

Anyway, have a great rest of the summer! Cherish and utilize every single second of it!

L rry: L0L! R3VW 0R IL CUM 2 UR HOUSE ND SIT ON U!1!1!1!

M r3n: nd I'm g0nn h v sxy-tim3 wit L rry! H3s s0 h wt!