So sorry for how long this update has taken but it was a necessary evil considering how heavy it is.
I just want to preface this by saying this chapter was amazingly difficult to write so please don't crucify me. Also, I've reread/ rewritten it so many times that I'm now completely desensitized to it and have no idea how it turned out. You'll have to tell me ;)
Pushing through the arcade's exit Dov held it open for Gail to follow.
She paused in the doorway to take a deep breath, making a show of buttoning up her jacket before joining him. "So I guess I'll just drop you at the Barbie dream house and you can go get your car tomorrow…"
Her tone told him it was the last thing she wanted to do. He wasn't too keen on the idea, either… "I'm fine to drive, Gail."
"That's what they all say," she dismissed with a wave of her hand. As much as she wanted to believe him she couldn't; not with Samuels still fresh in her mind. Brownie points for trying to let her off the hook, though.
"Gail…" He pulled her out of the way of some kids that were going in. "It's been hours and we ate."
That didn't mean anything – she had no idea how much he'd had to drink to begin with and not an hour before he'd said he was drunk. She wasn't going to chance him wrapping his car around something just because the thought of handing him off to his girlfriend made her want to tase someone. "Prove it; take the test."
He started to laugh before realizing she wasn't. "You're serious?"
Patting herself down Gail deadpanned, "I left the breathalyzer in my other jeans, so yeah. You can skip the HGN." She was more worried about his reflexes – his playing hadn't gotten any better.
Not even a crack of a smile; she'd switched into 'Officer Hard-Ass' mode and Dov knew there was no getting out of it. Shaking his head he held out his arms and lifted his foot up into an exaggerated Kung-Fu stance. "I'm not counting…"
Gail allowed his little attempt at physical rebellion (mostly because the only thing it accomplished was making him look like an idiot) but rewarded his lack of cooperation with a patronizingly sympathetic, "Thirty too high for you?"
Dov rotated his hand so he could waggle his finger in her direction.
"Charming…" When the thirty seconds were up she instructed, "Finger-to-nose."
People were beginning to stare but she didn't seem to mind. "Are you actually concerned or is this your sick form of revenge?"
"Yes." The two weren't mutually exclusive… "Touch your toes."
His hands were halfway to his feet before he caught on and shot her a dirty look. "Gail…"
"I didn't say 'Simon says,'" she defended with a laugh. At least he was sober enough to realize it wasn't part of the test… "Do I need to make you walk the line?"
"You've been watching me walk for the last two hours…" Concerned or not, she sure was enjoying herself at his expense. Not that that was anything new…
"I wasn't paying attention to your feet, Dov…" Before he could read anything into it she took her keys from her bag and handed them to him. "Here – if you don't get us killed on the way back…"
Dov caught her hand, trapping the keys between their palms. He needed to touch her, if only for a few seconds.
Gail trailed off to chew her bottom lip, her gaze shifting from his eyes to their joined hands and back again. "We should go." It was like that night; same hesitation, same temptation. Except this time she actually followed through.
Sighing, Dov let her hand slip away and trudged after her to the car. He opened her door in silence before getting into the driver's seat.
"This can't happen again," she told him as soon as he got in. For so many reasons, not the least of which she was even more torn than before. Compared with the hot mess that was her relationship with Chris, being with Dov was easy. And it was getting harder to convince herself it was just an illusion.
Part of Dov had expected it but that didn't mean he'd just accept it. "Nothing happened, Gail…"
"It was practically a date, Dov," she scoffed guiltily as he started the car and pulled into the street. "And not even a real date – a tween date complete with arcade games and junk food. The only thing missing was us getting drunk in the park first off a bottle of JD I stole from my mother…"
Dov could totally picture a teenaged Gail sitting on the back of a park bench with her feet on its seat, drinking straight from the bottle. "Your mom strikes me as more the Southern Comfort type…" The look on her face told him she wasn't impressed with his attempt at levity. "We were having fun, Gail; we didn't do anything wrong."
Gail thought (knew) the people they were actually dating would disagree, and that he was hiding behind the same logic she had. "Can you say you didn't want to kiss me?" She wouldn't have brought it up at all – avoidance was her best friend, after all – but she needed to make him see why that logic didn't work.
He could say the words but he'd be lying.
"No," she answered for him. "And I can't say I didn't want you to." She couldn't say she wouldn't have let him, either; she'd let him do everything else…
The satisfaction of her admitting it was tempered by the fact that she was using it as an excuse to push him away. "But I wouldn't," Dov argued with a shake of his head. "No matter what's going on I wouldn't do that to Chris. Or Sue." His poor girlfriend was always such an afterthought.
It wasn't his intentions that were in question. "I wouldn't either, Dov. But back there – when we were having 'fun' – I wasn't thinking about Chris. Much less whatshername." Turning to stare out the window she sighed, "I can't just hope one of us is going to remember them before we do something stupid." One mistake and plausible deniability went out the window. Also, she was fairly certain if it happened once it wouldn't only be the once.
He couldn't tell her she was wrong – now that he knew she felt the same he was finding it almost impossible not to. "So my options are being miserable while I'm with you or being miserable without you…"
She wished he wouldn't put it like that. Or sound so… miserable… while doing it. "We're with the right people, remember?" In hindsight that conversation should have sent her running in the other direction.
Dov hadn't believed it when he'd said and he didn't believe it now. "Chris…"
Gail rolled her eyes. "No, Dov – my other boyfriend; I'm starting a collection…"
"No…" They'd arrived at his car, the hood of which Chris was currently sitting on. Catching her attention Dov pointed him out. "Chris."
For as long as Gail lived she would never again follow a pointed finger. It could be, 'Hey! Hugh Jackman!' and she still wouldn't look…
Chris' hands balled into fists when he saw them. Bad enough they were together (like he'd had any doubt) but there was just something… overly familiar… about Dov driving her car that made him want to punch now, ask questions later.
Gail got out of the car, a neutral expression pasted on her face; just because she felt like she'd gotten caught with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar didn't mean she had to look it. "Hey, Babe. What are you doing here?"
If he was supposed to be reassured by her apparent innocence he wasn't; it just made him angrier. Especially when Dov stood beside her like it was them against him. "I've been trying to call you all night…" he informed her through gritted teeth. He'd planned on waiting until she got home to confront her but when Dov hadn't shown up…
Reading his annoyance Gail stepped forward so that she was between them. "I turned my phone off at the shooting range and just didn't turn it back on."
Likely story. "Somehow Dov managed to reach you, though, didn't he? Or did you 'reach' him?"
Despite his tone she managed to keep her voice light, hoping to diffuse the anger. "Neither, Chris – we ran into each other at the Penny…"
Chris couldn't believe how casual she made it out to be. "Just like you 'ran into' each other in the locker room this morning?" he scoffed. "Did you 'run into' each other last night, too?"
Mission not accomplished. Gail had expected the locker room to come back to bite her but the part about last night just didn't make sense. "I told you I saw him coming in when I left…" Specifically because she'd expected it to come back to bite her…
"Andy told me you weren't with the girls, Gail!" She hadn't denied the locker room but it still made him wonder how many other times she'd lied to him…
Okay, now Dov was confused, and he shot her a questioning look. "She wasn't with me."
"Chris, I wasn't." She didn't feel like explaining why she'd left the girls or that she'd spent the night in a diner alone like a loser; she'd rather he be suspicious than admit that.
"And I should just believe you?" Shaking his head Chris sputtered, "When you've been sneaking around behind my back?" How could she not see why he was upset?
Gail folded her arms over her chest defiantly. "This is the first time I've spent more than ten minutes with him in the last two weeks." A little petulantly she added, "And I don't sneak…" Righteous indignation was easier to come by when you actually had something to be righteous about.
"Chris, it's true." They were barely paying attention to him but Dov felt the need to back her up.
Chris didn't know what to believe anymore. And it killed him. "You know, I tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid – that there was no way my girlfriend had feelings for my best friend – but there was always this doubt…" He paused to run a hand across his forehead. "Last night I thought I was done worrying, Gail; for the first time in weeks I could breathe again…"
His voice cracked, and a knot of absolute self-loathing took up residence in Gail's stomach. Chris was just as likely to hide his feelings as she was, but while she did it on purpose (and for less than noble reasons) he did it because he was just so used to suffering in silence. And she'd been so mad at him, for pushing Dov away, for making everything not okay, that she hadn't bothered to look deeper.
"And then he doesn't show up and no one's answering their phones, and Liam tells me you left two hours ago and Dov's car is here and yours isn't…" Chris fed the anger because he was dangerously close to breaking down. "So what the hell am I supposed to think, Gail?"
She moved to touch him but remembered Dov's presence and stopped herself. "We went to the arcade, Chris. That's all." But it wasn't all, and she knew it was naive to think anyone there believed differently.
"That's all," Chris mimicked bitterly. Like her going to an arcade was No. Big. Thing. "I want the truth, Gail – I didn't ask before because I didn't really want to know – but I think it's about time I took my head out of the sand, don't you?" He was tired of her playing him for the fool. He was tired of letting her play him for the fool.
Dov hated himself for what he'd started; it was harder to ignore the damage he'd done when it was playing out right in front of him.
Gail wasn't any more ready to speak the truth than Chris was to hear it. Reaching out she put a hand on his arm. "Let's just go home, okay?" They could talk there, where she didn't feel quite so exposed. Or like any move she made would be seen as taking a side.
Her deflection told Chris everything she wouldn't. He shook her off of him, hissing, "I guess I got my answer…"
Dov stepped in without thinking. "Chris, calm down. This isn't the…"
"Don't talk to me!" Shoving him away Chris yelled, "I should have kicked your ass when I said I would!" He'd wanted to, except it would've driven Gail further away than she already was. Right now that didn't really seem possible so he figured he had nothing left to lose.
"Chris, look at me." Gail cupped his cheeks and waited for him to stop death glaring Dov to meet her eyes. "I'm with you. I picked you."
Chris barked a laugh. "Really, Gail? This is you picking me? Turning off your cell so I can't find you? Running around with my best friend behind my back?" Grabbing her wrists he pulled her hands away from his face and threw them back at her. "You barely let me touch you anymore but I'm supposed to believe this is you picking me?"
Gail wasn't used to being on the defensive; especially not with him. "I could have broken up with you, Chris," she reminded him quietly, "But I didn't. Just because I'm mad right now doesn't mean…"
"Don't, Gail!" he cut her off harshly. "Don't act like this started when you found out about Samuels! Not once did you tell me I had nothing to worry about; I explained it away as so crazy that you didn't think you needed to but I guess I'm the crazy one for trying to make excuses for you!" That's what hurt the most – she hadn't even cared enough to lie.
Telling him she was mad about way more than Samuels would only exacerbate the situation so she didn't. But she didn't know what else to say. He was so easy to hurt and she was so oblivious to how much pain she could cause without even meaning to.
Dov saw her flounder and had to jump in. "Chris, I swear nothing is going on…"
Rounding on him Chris growled, "Shut up! This is all your fault!"
"Chris…" Gail pleaded, grabbing his arm to hold him back.
Her restraining hand was the only thing keeping Chris' closed fist from meeting Dov's face. "We were fine until you decided pining after my girlfriend wasn't enough and you had to tell her!"
"I didn't mean for that to happen, Chris," Dov promised, hands outstretched. "I never would have said anything…"
Gail tuned them out – she couldn't bear to listen to Dov desperately try to defend something Chris would never find defensible – and noticed that people were staring as they passed. She realized they were arguing outside a bar, the guys about to fight, and there wasn't even any alcohol involved. Despite the seriousness of the situation it struck her as the funniest thing in the world.
"Like hell, Dov! You…" Chris trailed off when Gail let him go to hide her face in her hands. "Babe?" Concerned, he pulled her hands away to find her silently chuckling.
His confusion only made her laugh harder; so hard her body shook and she had to bend over to try to catch her breath. Twice in two days, and this time there wasn't any vodka involved… She really was losing it.
Chris rubbed her back while glaring at Dov. "You got her drunk?"
"What? No!" Dov chafed at the accusation – like drunk was the only way she'd be with him – and countered scornfully, "She was fine until you started stalking her…"
If he hadn't been worried about Gail Chris would have tackled him. "Stalking her? She's my girlfriend, you son of a…"
Gail straightened to bark, "ENOUGH!" Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore, and she realized it didn't really matter what she wanted at all. "Do you not see how fucking ridiculous this is?"
Chris blinked at her change in mood, not even a trace of laughter in her deadly serious tone. "Huh?"
"You two…" She waved a cutting hand between them. "…are best friends for Christ's sake! And you're about to pound the crap out of each other! For what? Me?" Turning her hand inward she reminded them, "Frosty, Bitchy Bear, Ice Princess, Genghis Gail, Queen of Mean, Hannibal's Whore…" Seeing the surprise on their faces she intoned, "Yeah – I know about that one." It was actually one of her favorites but that was neither here nor there.
If Chris had known he'd have done something about it. She may not care but he did. "Babe…"
Gail shook her head to cut him off. "Chris, our relationship isn't healthy; most of the time I treat you like a child and you let me. You're sweet, and cute, and kind. You're kinda clueless sometimes but you're a good person – something I'll never be – and you can do better. You deserve better…"
He opened his mouth to tell her she was wrong, closing it with a denied pout when she made a zip-it motion.
If Gail was going to get through this without self-destructing it needed to be done quickly and without interruption. Turning to Dov she hissed, "You…"
"Gail, don't." He could already see where this was going and he didn't want to hear it; not from her.
Gail had to fight to keep eye contact. And her resolve. "You have done better. Your awesome bomb squad 'Hurt Locker' girlfriend is waiting for you. No baggage, no issues, no scathing nicknames. Except for the ones I gave her…" She forced a smile while running a shaky hand through her hair. "She wants to be with you, Dov. She wants to live with you. God, she probably even wants to marry you. She's probably one of those girly girls who spent her childhood planning her wedding…"
Dov watched her eyes well with tears before she blinked and they were gone. It was so completely opposite the egotistical territorial Gail from earlier that it was freaking him the hell out.
Knowing she couldn't keep her voice even Gail dropped it to a whisper. "You know what I was doing? Manipulating whoever I had to so I never had to do my own work…" Fellow students, teachers; the Principal once, just to prove she could. Like she could do this, even if it felt like her heart was slowly being torn apart. Quietly (painfully), "You should be happy with her, Dov; you need to let her…" Hearing her voice crack she pursed her lips and took a second to compose herself before pointing at Chris. "And you… If you didn't have this pathological need to be dominated by every woman in your life you'd know enough to not be happy with me…"
Chris didn't know what to say. Even if he'd stopped to think about the consequences of getting in his truck and tracking her down this scenario never would have crossed his mind.
"Gail, that's not true…" The few times she'd let Dov see her vulnerable hadn't come anywhere close to this. He thought maybe it was an act to get herself out of trouble with Chris, wished it were, but for all her skill at repressing emotion she couldn't fake them if her life depended on it.
It was true, and she seemed to be the only one with the balls to say it. Waving a disinterested hand Gail forced a detached tone. "Your issues with Sue, your problems with each other; there's a common denominator there and it's me. Seeing as you two are apparently okay with being god-damned idiots I'm taking myself out of the equation…"
The use of Sue's name made it even worse – real somehow – and this time Dov couldn't find his voice around the breath caught in his throat.
"What are you saying, Gail?" Chris wouldn't ask at all if he wasn't pretty sure he knew, but if she wasn't breaking up with him he didn't want to give her the idea.
She saw the dread in his eyes, heard it in his voice, and as much as she wanted to take it away she couldn't. "I'm saying I'm done," she whispered hoarsely, "I can't do this anymore." She couldn't keep playing them against each other. And even if she were ready to choose she couldn't. Because if she picked Dov Chris would never forgive him, and if she stayed with Chris he would always be insecure about Dov. Either way, she wasn't prepared to take responsibility for the demise of their friendship. The only hope she had of salvaging it now was by getting the hell out of it.
Dov didn't know what was going through her head but this solution wasn't good for any of them. "You don't have to do this, okay? I'll keep my distance…"
Gail felt her vision blurring again and quickly willed it clear. "I'm not King Solomon, Dov, and this isn't a negotiation." She'd let it go on too long already. Before her determination could crumble she took his keys out and made to hand them to him.
She was either accusing him of trying to manipulate her or telling him she wasn't 'wise' enough to make a real decision. Dov really hoped she knew him well enough that it wasn't the first. Normally he couldn't see her even alluding to the latter but tonight nothing was normal.
When he didn't move she swallowed hard. "Keys, Dov…"
Blinking himself out of his thoughts Dov exchanged hers for his own. No touching, no lingering. Just a very cool, very impersonal transaction.
Gail concealed a sniffle behind a cough and slowly turned to Chris. "I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow before my shift." His face fell, reality setting in, and her heart clenched painfully. Voice tight she offered, "If you feel the need to destroy some of it start with that gaudy-ass dress my mom got me for the Policeman's Ball, okay?"
Chris could only nod.
"Okay." She left while they were still too stunned to try to stop her, falling into her car and heading off to God knew where. All she knew was that she was dangerously close to completely breaking down and she probably shouldn't be in control of a vehicle when she did. Parking, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel for a minute before getting out and shuffling up the walkway. She hesitated, contemplated walking away, then knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it.
"Hi!"
It took all the strength Gail had left to fake a smile. "Hey, Leo. Can you get your mom for me?" It belatedly crossed her mind that maybe Traci wasn't even home. She could have been out with Andy, or at Jerry's, or…
"Mom! That blonde lady from your work is here!"
Gail was surprised at how relieved she was to see her frenemy coming down the darkened hallway. "Your kid shouldn't be answering the door – especially in this neighbourhood."
The quaver in Gail's voice killed the retort on Traci's lips, the barely-contained anguish on the blonde's face more than enough indication that things had gone from bad to infinitely worse. "Oh, honey…"
The undeserved concern severed the last thread connecting Gail with her composure. Pitifully (shamefully) she whispered, "I didn't know where else to go…"